S a b o t a g e de la D i e t: French Quarter June 2010
The Lost Footage
Welcome to the first installment of the bonus feature series of my Sabotage de la Diet TR! Starting here, you will venture back with me to discover all the missing details from the trip prior to June 22; for that's the day in the report where I began writing more than an expanded assortment of dining reviews. From now on, I will be writing chronologically from the beginning, and when I reach any points already covered in the first posts, I'll let you know. I've already devised a nifty plan that hopefully won't be
too confusing.
To review, Hi! I'm Billy.

I'm a New England boy, raised in CT, now living in NYC. This particular trip was especially wonderful since it was my first birthday trip to WDW (I did go as a small child when my family lived an hour or so away, but I can't remember a thing), and the first ever trip for my SO! As an added sprinkling of pixie dust, we also planned the trip to celebrate his recent college graduation. There's one little detail I should mention. He thought we were staying at the Pop Century.
So after much procrastination...here we go!
June 17 - Part 1: The Beginning (Again, for the first time)
Okay, so youre falling with me through an Alfred Hitchcock-esque transition sequence thats all radiating oranges, reds, blues and assorted kaleidoscopic swirly stripes. Back, back over da falls. Whooosh! And so it is that weve landed on June 17, 1912. Youre in the Grand Hotel, and Jane Seymour is waiting for you outside by the lake. It is June 17, 1912. Oh wait. My bad. Too far. Can someone crank up the time-travel music? Everyone back in the trippy Buzz Lightyear/If You Had Wings tunnel.
And were falling, were falling
almost there. Wait a second. Who turned out the lights?
Looks like Brer Fox and Brer Bear are making a ruckus downstream. Well be resumin' momentarily.
Oh great. Everyone hold tight now. Were just unloading a disgruntled Le Cellier patron and sending them to some kind of purgatory where the only animal that appears on Kilimanjaro Safaris is served with a side of creamed spinach. One second.
And were resuming. Aaaahhh! Oh my stars, its light speed from Endora! Everyone hold on tight because were coming in for a landing in Manhattan on the morning of June 17, 2010. Even
that date sounds like science fiction. Were all living in an Arthur C. Clarke novel now, people! Okay,brace yourself, no bad dancing, and dont forget to leave your children and personal belongings behind, because theres just no room in my trip report for them hats 'n glasses. Got it? Okay....
It was 6 am, and Id barely slept more than two and a half hours the morning/night before. True to form, I waited to the last minute to get my suitcase outta the crazy narrow closet in my apartment, and
that took about two and a half hours! And of course I had to air it out, and get it all Febrezed and linen fresh. What would we do without Febreze? I know, maybe wed all breathe a little easier. It cant be good for us, it just cant. But really, to pull that suitcase out, I had to first remove about 6 giant, clear, plastic bins each weighing about 1,000 lbs. And each box took about three articles of clothing off their hangers with it, until I was left with a muddled mess of dress shirts and pants all over the floor. And, I inevitably get everything caught on the upright handle of my vacuum, which is somehow crowded in with everything else. Is this not the most boring TR paragraph ever? But you see, I do love my apartment. Its my first

. No roommates, SO or otherwise. Just me. But I have to figure out a better solution to the whole storage situation.
Anyhoo, I started folding clothes and gathering toiletries around 1 am, so the fates were laughing by that point at my sense of initiative. But I fought back by putting on some Walt Disney World mood music like the Innoventions loop, and a few tracks played at the Animal Kingdom Lodge (from a CD I bought there in 2003). But the Jambo Mambo was starting to lull my senses to a stopping point, there wasnt enough oomph. So I decided to slap together a more encouraging iTunes playlist -- Im bringing it up on my phone now, because its still synced -- oh can I type the songs out? Of course, sitting down to make a playlist took even more time, but it was worth it. Wanna see what's on the list? If not you can scroll down. But maybe some of you give a darn:
Dolly Parton Jesus and Gravity
Dolly Parton Jolene
Cecilia Bartoli Dellaura al sussurrar
Cecilia Bartoli Dopo un orrida procella
Sarah Vaughan How High Is The Moon?
Sarah Vaughan Witchcraft
Nirvana You Know Youre Right
Alanis Morrissette King of Pain
Joni Mitchell - Conversation
Lady Gaga - Teeth
Bette Midler Do You Want To Dance?
Company (from the German Cast Recording of the musical Company)
Getting Married Today (from the German Cast Recording of the musical Company)
Barbara Cook Nobodys Heart Belongs To Me
The Bangles - Eternal Flame
Eurhythmics There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart)
The Police - King of Pain
Phil Collins In The Air Tonight
Maureen McGovern Accentuate the Positive
Madonna Papa Dont Preach
Macy Gray Finally Made Me Happy
Audra McDonald God Give Me Strength
Cher The Musics No Good Without You
That list is so... well, it's not even funny. But it is funny how I kinda added songs based on association. Okay, so Cecilia has nothing to do with Dolly. But, there
is a 90s thing kinda happening, and then an 80s thing kinda happening. And maybe not.. Anyway, I dont think I made it through the list, because I switched over to an episode of the DIS Unplugged at one point and an episode of Stuff You Missed in History Class (love those girls) about the worlds first documented female serial killer. Yep. Fabulous stuff. Apparently her whole family knew what she was doing and protected her. Oh those Victorians, or whatever. Whilst listening to all of that, I checked in for my flight to get my boarding pass, and surfed over to Disney.com to re-confirmed my resort check-in. This was the first time Id tried this and I was wary. Not that Im a negative nancy when it comes to online check-ins (I think I checked in right at the 10 day marker!), but Im sure more than a few of you know how wonky Disneys travel site can be.
Oh! I have to tell you the other insanity that was keeping me up nights. You know that creepy thread all about bedbugs here on the DIS? I dont know what forum its in, but I always see it as a new post when I first log onto the main page. That thread convinced me that I had bedbugs, much to the detriment of my family and close friends who assured me that I didn't. What did they know? I wrapped double-sided tape around my bed and slept in a tightly wrapped cocoon for two weeks. I scoured my apartment for openings in the walls, loose floorboards, and buggy hiding places. Well, it turned out that the bites on my arm were from mosquitoes. But Im the kind of person who will read a diagnosis online and prognosis negative myself into believing I have it. I would be a terrible doctor. Im not disputing the seriousness of bedbugs; I wouldnt wish them on my worst enemy. But Ill admit, that thread had me going crazy. Well,
crazier than usual. So even while I was packing for the trip, I kept thinking that I couldnt let my clothes touch the bed. This didnt speed anything along. Damn you creepy bug thread!
Anyway, like dress rehearsal before opening night, I got through it and before I knew it, morning had broken ("like the first morning"). But I wasnt heading to work that day. Oh no. It was off to Terminal 5 at JFK! I had laid my clothes out somewhere between Cher and Innoventions Plaza, and it hadn't yet sunk in that I was going on VACATION. Because I was stressed! There were surprises in store and I wanted everything to go perfectly. You know, I
am an OCDIS'er. So after I managed to collect everything and walk three blocks to the train, I decided to change things up. Originally, I was going to take the A and transfer to the Air Train, but something about dragging my luggage down the stairs in 100 degree weather (did I mention it was hotter at home than it was in Lake Buena Vista that week?) to the even more broiling oven below became very unattractive to me. And so, I decided to cab it. Of course, now I could have slept a bit longer, but.... might as well beat the morning traffic. Riiiight, because everyones driving to Queens at 7 am.
The cabbie got out to help me with my luggage an increasingly regular occurrence lately, woohoo! I'm getting older! and then quoted me a ridiculous fare which I whittled down to believability. I always have to pretend Im my father in those situations. My dad once told... okay, derailment time.
Like any Disney-lovin' kid, I always pre-ordered new videos at The
Disney Store. Not only did it give me an excuse to drag my parents to the mall, but the pre-ordered titles were always coupled with gorgeous lithographs sleeved in decorated envelopes (I had a collection of just the envelopes hanging on my wall!), and limited-edition plastic wristwatches. I'm sure some of you reading did the same. Anyway, my father would take me over to the mall after school on the big release days, which were always on Tuesday I believe. And we were often fairly late because he was coming from work. Because of this, the store was almost always deserted. Oftentimes, he would let me run into the mall while he waited in the parking lot listening to Charlie Parker.
So, in regards to this particular story (I think it was for
Beauty and the Beast but I can't remember), the store was completely empty save for two CMs. The one who gave me the video said she had run out of lithographs and watches. In one day?", I asked. She told me that despite the shipment they had in the back, she was unable to get them and made no suggestion of my returning to retrieve them later in the week. Bluntly, she seemed to have checked out early for the night. When I asked again, she got very stern and I sheepishly inched back out of the store. Back in the car, though my dad never asked to see anything, he suddenly wanted to see the little poster. I didnt want to tell him about my little setback at the store but, there it was. Suffice it to say, he parked the car against my protests. I didnt want to go back in, but he told me to come along. Now, at this point in time my dad was a pretty imposing figure: smartly dressed with an executive look, a more recent military background (well more recent than now, anyway) and a knack for that kind of under-the-breath authority which is so much more effective than yelling and screaming. And I kid you not, this was the exchange:
Hello, how can I help you?
Well how in the heck are you?
Im doing well, are you look -
I understand there are a few components missing from my sons order.
Im sorry but I cant get them just now. I let your son -
Isnt that something?"
If you give me your phone number, I can contact you when the next shipment is available.
Now lemme ask you a question. I know youre just doing your job, and that you must deal with a lot of irate people.
The CM laughed and smiled.
But if I let my good friend Michael, Michael
Eisner know about this, Im sure hed be more than a little interested.
What-
I could always speak with the manager
I am the manager, sir.
I know you want to close up shop and go home. But I want to go home too. And if you dont mind walking 5 feet for a lousy watch and a piece of cardboard, it would be much appreciated.
After we got back in the car, I was still mouth agape at what he said.
I cant BELIEVE what you said!
We got what I paid for right?
But
Lifes too short. You may as well learn it now.
Of course, it took me years to put this kind of thinking into action. And while Ive never posed as a friend of Bob Iger, I do like to reflect on my dad's attitude. It's never one of entitlement, just one of, well, getting your money's worth. Now, if you want to talk about entitlement, I learned that all on my own! Its like I always say, I cant stand entitlement unless its me getting to the front of the line. Kidding. Not really.
So with a good cab fare, thanks to my dad, I was on my way to Jetblue Terminal 5, which is, plainly, my favorite airport terminal evah. The dining options alone rival most of what I find even at Disney! They have the country's first ever airline terminal tapas bar. It's called Piquillo, here's a photo:
Then there's the steakhouse, 5ive Steak:
And Deep Blue Sushi (run by the chef behind Buddakan!)
But the uber coolest of coolest things ever? Amidst the waiting areas at the gates themselves, there are little elevated tables with touch screen monitors for ordering food! Its brought right to you at the gate and you feel all fancy and futuristic and stuff. And with outlets to charge your phone/laptop, who cares if there's a layover? its all in one place, ready to go. Overall, I'd describe the terminal as a cross between the restaurant area at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas and an Apple store. Sleek, hip, sexy.
But the sweetest bonus is that Jetblue has acquired the terminal just opposite, the classic Eero Saarinen designed TWA Flight Center, which they are currently restoring and hope to open soon as a new entrypoint into their main terminal. It just so happens that its one of my favorite buildings in the whole world, and I swear I'll probably head on over to check it out even if I'm not going anywhere. Ever since I got into architecture, I've wanted to see this space.
So, even though I choose to fly out of Newark when I travel, if Im going to Disney, its JFK all the way. My vacation kinda starts the second I get to the airport, but then, Ive always considered Walt Disney World to be the sixth borough.
To be continued!