Rewards/consequences for children

[kpgclark]

I'm trying to think up a system in our house as part of a behaviour modification program (my 4th grade son is not finishing all of his school work while at school and I want to provide some motivation). Anyhow, what sort of positive and negative consequences do you use to motivate your children? I was thinking of letting my son choose (weekly) what reward he wants and then if he doesn't meet his goal, I get to choose the consequence. Here are the rewards/consequences I'v thought of. Can anyone add to this list or make comments/suggestions?

Positive
Rent a movie of his choice
Go to the movies
Special daddy/mommy time (2 or 3 hours of dedicated time)
Go out to dinner to his choice of place or pick what's for dinner at home
Get out of trouble coupon
Friend over
Roller blading
Buy a new book

Negative
No play dates over the weekend
Clean the basement
Go to bed on his own
No TV for ???

 

[tlgoblue]

I hate to do a Dr. Phil plug, but really, find your child's currency. DS13 is computer anything. Positves=more computer time, a new game, upgrades. Negative=less time, removal of privledge except for homework, and really ynasty is total loss of privledges. He will stay after school or go to the library if need be.
DD10 is tough nut to crack. Still trying to find hers, (I think it's food Don't know where to go with that, since she is in the beginning stages of adolescence and a slight weight problem. ) but DS is shaping up nicely. Went from A's and E's to mostly A's and a few B's! Worked like a charm.

Good luck!
Tracy

 

[faithinkarma]

Personally I would not let the child choose the reward.

In fact I don't think I would even agree with offering a reward for something he should be doing.

Maybe I am being too tough, but my attitude would be, this is what you are supposed to do, not doing it will have consequences.

 

[Lewski709]

Rewards are for good behavior. Consequences are for bad behavior.

I agree that you should not reward a correction from bad behavior to good, but this is a tuff thing. You have to do something to make him want to do it or else he just won't.

How about sending him to a learning center, which he probably won't like until he can bring the grades up. When he can improve them, you could stop sending him. If not a learning center, the library? But I think he needs discipline and a tutorial center would provide that push.

 

[CajunDixie]

Get out of trouble coupon

No way would I ever do that one!!! Last year our middle school used a "currency" award system. One child decided he didnt care for the items that could be purchased with the money so on a daily basis he'd smack or torment other kids then just hand over that day's $5.

Like tlgoblue I'd figured out what your DS enjoys the most....computer time, video games, television, playing outside. Then tell him he has to complete all homework before doing this activity. We dont reward the boys for doing what is expected of them. Part of doing homework is learning to take responsibility for themselves.

 

[MICKEY88]

do you know why he isn't getting it finished in school , and is he allowed to bring it home.

I agree with a previous poster, I would not reward for work that is supposed to be done anyway...yes that was a big trend in schools in the recent past,,but recent studies show that this may be more harmful than it is helpful..the students want rewarded for evcerything and if there is no reward they may choose to not do the work..

consequences are helpful, but I'd stay clear of the reward for doing normal school work..

 

[mudnuri]

students want rewarded for evcerything and if there is no reward they may choose to not do the work..

This is beginning to happen in my DD6's 1st grade classroom. The school implimented PRO (People Respecting Other) Tickets a few years back. When your caught doing something good you get a ticket, which you can spend in the school store (pencils, crayons etc.) 2x per year. DD's class has now started "I just tied Jimmy's shoes, and you didnt give me a pro ticket"...." I'm not tying them Mrs. Teacher wont give me a pro ticket for it"...

I agree with previous posters, in our house, homework is NOT a choice, you either do it, or you lose something. Luckily for me, I dont have to argue too much,but I'm sure DD6 as she gets older will push the buttons.

Maybe a talk with the teacher, regarding ways to help your child do her homework....maybe if the teacher explained to the class as a whole WHY we have homework etc...sometimes something simple like that may work.

Good luck
Brandy

 

[kpgclark]

He is absolutely capable of doing the work. There is no question about that from me or any of his past teachers. In fact, he can read and if he would just try harder (or whatever) he'd be above grade level in his classes. He just gets distracted and loses focus and doesn't complete his work. For example, the teacher wanted to put him with the highest reading level group but she was concerned that he couldn't keep up with the additional writing. We don't know if he just doesn't want to do the work or what the problem is. He also dislikes writing. I was thinking about including rewards just in the beginning and then backing them out. I just know that he is motivated by rewards and I want him to get on track.

 

[JESW]

Not sure what would work with your son since all kids are different. My DS9 (3rd grade) also doesn't finish all his work in school - there are other issues here and we are currently working with the school to figure them out. If DS does not do his work he stays in for recess and lunch. Unfortunately that doesn't matter to him as he doesn't like to go out. He has also spent time in the Dean's office doing his work and he LIKES that.

We don't reward him for doing work he should be doing. Instead, he gets things taken away (tv, gameboy, pokemon stuff) until the work (homework) gets completed. He is also hard to get motivated, but for him (and us) I don't like the idea of rewarding him for things he SHOULD be doing. I have a DD4 who does just about everything she is supposed to without too much trouble - we would be rewarding her every time we turned around and that wouldn't be good.

I know, not much help at all...we are going through the same thing and it's real hard to motivate kids who chose not to be....

Jill

 

[kpgclark]

By the way, homework is not a problem. It is work done in the classroom. He is also not the most organized person in the world, although I'm not sure that he's any less organized than the typical boy.

 

[JESW]

Just saw your other reply about the writing. That's the SAME problem my son has!!!! All the papers that get sent home are the ones that involve answering questions about stories they've read. He can't pick a favorite scene because he says he doesn't like any of it, etc., etc., etc. His teacher (who is great by the way) has tried everything with him but she can't get him to write most times. We are currently having him tested through the school for add, odd and learning disabilities and whatever else. Do you have other issues with him at home?? Our son is very defiant and it seems that EVERYTHING bothers him. DH & I had thought something was "off" with him but others would tell us he was just acting his age. We noticed it more as our DD (almost 5) got older as she is SO different than him.

Good luck...this parenting thing is never easy!

Jill

 

[kpgclark]

Jill, I think that is the problem too. He just doesn't seem to have that internal drive/motivation. My DD7 has that. She is absolutely driven and even though just in first grade, she is really excelling in school and is in all the highest level classes. Honestly though, I don't think she is smarter than my son. She just has that genetic make-up; that drive to please and succeed. My son's problems would disappear if he had that drive. I wish I knew how to "give" it to him. We praise him. We ask him how he feels when he does well and he likes that feeling. Ugh, tough to be a parent.