Relative search for placement of children

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This is common for them to do before putting kids in foster care. I doubt it's a scam. Foster care is and should be a last choice. Good luck with your decision, OP. I don't think I could say no if I received a letter like that, but I know it is a personal decision.

Mmhmm. One of my husband's extended family members had 2 kids removed from her care and we're adopted out. We were never contacted but I felt so guilty for quite some time that we didn't take them. We had a toddler of our own and 2 older girls and 2 more toddlers would have been too much but..........

 

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This just makes me angry. If the family was that great, wouldn't they have known the kids were in danger and done something before social services had to step in? Why are distant relatives, who have no clue the kids even exist, better than a foster family (especially one designated foster to adopt) that actually has stepped forward to want to help the kids in the first place? It's not like the kids know the "relatives" any more than they know the foster families. Where do they put the kids while they check out/background check the "relatives"? In a foster family, of course, so they get settled there and then get moved yet again to another place, sometimes almost year later. None of that is good for the kids, IMO.

I wondered about this too. Above I mentioned DH's extended family that lost 2 boys. Her parents wouldn't take them. I can't imagine that were I in that position but then I thought they raised a screw up once, why give them a second chance?

 

[KMarston]

I took in a child with fetal alcohol syndrome who was my husband’s sister’s child. The sister was a train wreck and everyone avoided her at all costs. My husband was out of town and they’d ended up at MIL’s and I walked in one morning to find MIL and niece being physically abused by SIL! I got them both out of there and ended up with the niece for five years. I really thought I could make a big difference. It was the hardest five years of my life but considering the abuse the child had endured in the end she learned a lot and grew but there are damages you can’t fix. It absolutely took its toll on me. I don’t think I’d change my decision, but we spent a ton of money and psychologically it took a big toll on me and my youngest child.

 

[KMarston]

Sorry double post

 

[lifesavacation]

As a follow-up, I spoke with the case worker today. The children have already been placed with a relative. Hopefully, the caseworker did her due diligence and made sure they went to a good home. I don't have anything to do with that side of the family because they are so very dysfunctional. She said they send the letters out asking if you are willing to help (placement, respite, etc) and put them in the file in case the placement doesn't work out. I believe she said they send the letters up to 3rd cousins. That is a lot of letters for these children since there is more than one dad involved.

 

[punkin]

I took in a child with fetal alcohol syndrome who was my husband’s sister’s child. The sister was a train wreck and everyone avoided her at all costs. My husband was out of town and they’d ended up at MIL’s and I walked in one morning to find MIL and niece being physically abused by SIL! I got them both out of there and ended up with the niece for five years. I really thought I could make a big difference. It was the hardest five years of my life but considering the abuse the child had endured in the end she learned a lot and grew but there are damages you can’t fix. It absolutely took its toll on me. I don’t think I’d change my decision, but we spent a ton of money and psychologically it took a big toll on me and my youngest child.

FAS is really difficult to deal with. I'm very sorry your niece continues to have difficulties, but I'm sure that your care those 5 years did make a difference. You can only do so much. You didn't cause the problems and sometimes you really cannot fix them. It's not your fault.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

If you realize you'll be a good parent, you must consider adopting this kid.

I rather imagine, since this thread was started over a year and a half ago, that things have been figured out by now.

 

[Dan Murphy]

If you realize you'll be a good parent, you must consider adopting this kid.

Welcome to the dis, steff.

 

[lifesavacation]

I rather imagine, since this thread was started over a year and a half ago, that things have been figured out by now.

OP here. I think about those kids often. I hope they landed in a safe and healthy environment. I haven’t gone back and read my updates so I’m not sure if I posted anything. I received a second letter a few months after the first letter for another child. It was an infant. The mother must have been pregnant when the first letter went out.

 

[punkin]

OP here. I think about those kids often. I hope they landed in a safe and healthy environment. I haven’t gone back and read my updates so I’m not sure if I posted anything. I received a second letter a few months after the first letter for another child. It was an infant. The mother must have been pregnant when the first letter went out.

Nice to get an update. I also hope they landed in a safe place.