Relationship Vent!

[ThanksForNoticingMe]

I don't normally post personal info on here...but I am really frustrated and could use some support.

It sucks when you realize that you love the person you are in a relationship with...but that they are not really the right person for you. As much as I care about my significant other... if I knew what I know now when we first started dating...I prob. would have never got involved with him.

We never normally fight but that is because I just "keep sweet". Now that I am standing my ground (because I know i am right) we are giving each other the silent treatment...which really sucks! Almost 24 hours of complete silence...I refuse to give in until I get an apology.

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

 

[wickedstepmother]

 

[tomthebarncat]

uncomfortable silence can be so loud! Are you better off with this person or without? is the real question. I am also in the same boat but I did give it my best and after 9 miserable years I am letting go. I have never been so afraid and paralyzed with fear about my future than I am now. I am sending you a big hug and a I wish you all the best!

 

[ThanksForNoticingMe]

uncomfortable silence can be so loud! Are you better off with this person or without? is the real question. I am also in the same boat but I did give it my best and after 9 miserable years I am letting go. I have never been so afraid and paralyzed with fear about my future than I am now. I am sending you a big hug and a I wish you all the best!

Long term I would be better off not being in a relationship with him. We are at different phases of life and just want different things. I hate to say it...but I should have listened to my parents, six years ago.

That doesn't really make it any easier though... even though we are not right for each other I can't imagine not having him in my life.

Plus I agree with you about fear of change! That is terrifying
Glad you understand....it means a lot.

 

[almburr]

I know the feeling.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

If you really love him (and he isn't a jerk), work it out. Two people couldn't be any more different than my wife and I, but we do not let that become an issue in our lives. Also, we have a rule - never hold a grudge or expect anything from the other person. This includes an apology.

Being "right" isn't as important as being happy.

 

[ThanksForNoticingMe]

If you really love him (and he isn't a jerk), work it out. Two people couldn't be any more different than my wife and I, but we do not let that become an issue in our lives. Also, we have a rule - never hold a grudge or expect anything from the other person. This includes an apology.

Being "right" isn't as important as being happy.

Yeah I hear you and normally agree with the whole not holding grudges thing.

I am the one who hates going to bed angry, and every other time we have gotten in disagreements I still said "I love you" before he left (because you never know what will happen to someone once they walk out the door).

But this is where I draw the line...you should have heard the foul language on his part...completely ridiculous.

I don't want to be a doormat.

 

[krcit]

If you really love him (and he isn't a jerk), work it out. Two people couldn't be any more different than my wife and I, but we do not let that become an issue in our lives. Also, we have a rule - never hold a grudge or expect anything from the other person. This includes an apology.

Being "right" isn't as important as being happy.

I disagree since OP said she knows he is not the right person for her so I say she should try to start to cut the ties. Of course, I'm assuming that they aren't married with kids b/c then that changes things a bit but even then noone should be a doormat.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...you should have heard the foul language on his part...completely ridiculous.

I don't want to be a doormat.

Well, we also have a rule about name calling. You can't take hurtful words back once you say them - so if I call my wife a name, there is no apologizing for it. An apology doesn't mean that the words were not meant, and the pain of discovering that the person that you loves thinks poorly of you can be overwhelming.

I would sit down with him and ask him if he means what he said. Forget what started the argument, focus on his words (and yours, if you acted similarly). Remind him of the words that he used and ask him what he was thinking when he said them. If he can't see the mistake, it is probably time to pack.

If he sees the pain that he caused and is willing to promise to be more careful in the future, you have something to consider.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I disagree since OP said she knows he is not the right person for her so I say she should try to start to cut the ties. Of course, I'm assuming that they aren't married with kids b/c then that changes things a bit but even then noone should be a doormat.

She is angry. Never make decisions like this when you are angry.

 

[krcit]

She is angry. Never make decisions like this when you are angry.

Very true!!

 

[Duckyiam71]

I would love for you to work it out but that is obviously going to be your call. How much do really want to invest in the relationship now? Do you think the behavior could escalate to abuse? I will tell you my DH and I had been married for 5yrs and we had an argument that went all the way to filing for divorce. Then I went to him and just started talking like we never had before. Told him the things I disliked and loved about him and vice versa. We went to therapy for a few months. And now 3 years later, we are getting ready to celebrate our 8th anniversary and we are stronger. You really need to start talking to him and see if your marriage is salvageable.