Relationship trends you dislike

[OrangeBirdGirl]

I also don't understand not doing the shared money thing. We got married young when we had nothing. So maybe if you get married older in life and have lots of assets that's why people keep separate?

But yes, I find it weird when people each pay their own way when married. We've been out with couples and they will actually split the check and each pay on their own card.

 

[bjscheel]

Took the boss and his wife out to lunch for her birthday. He gave her a card and there was a check in it. Felt weird to see that! I know she spends his earnings pretty freely so idk why the check.

Off the money subject, watching my DDs 20 and 23 over the last few years I think the Snapchat/texting your SO frequently throughout the day would be exhausting.

 

[tvguy]

I also don't understand not doing the shared money thing. We got married young when we had nothing. So maybe if you get married older in life and have lots of assets that's why people keep separate?

Well, I think in the case of second marriages after the death of a spouse and there are assets and children from the previous marriage some estate planning or a pre-nuptial agreement might be worthy of consideration before a marriage.

 

[fly girl]

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[fly girl]

I don't know if it is a trend, but I personally don't understand when spouses can't or won't allow one another to go have fun without them. (i.e. boys trip, girls trip)

I don't want to go on a golf trip. And he doesn't want to go NYC to see Broadway shows. We allow each other to have fun with their friends.

 

[tcufrog]

I don't know if it is a trend, but I personally don't understand when spouses can't or won't allow one another to go have fun without them. (i.e. boys trip, girls trip)

I don't want to go on a golf trip. And he doesn't want to go NYC to see Broadway shows. We allow each other to have fun with their friends.

Totally agree. My DH is planning a weekend Vegas trip with friends this spring that's going to consist of cigar lounges, evening shows, fancy restaurants, and possibly renting sports cars to drive through the desert. He had to cancel once because of Covid so I'm encouraging him to reschedule. My best friend and I are going later this school year to New Orleans to eat at delicious restaurants, get pampered, and shop. I can't wait. When I turned 40 my DH offered to plan a party for me but I decided instead to go to Santa Fe for the weekend with some friends.

I don't expect my DH to be all things to me.

 

[prairie_girl]

Took the boss and his wife out to lunch for her birthday. He gave her a card and there was a check in it. Felt weird to see that! I know she spends his earnings pretty freely so idk why the check.

Off the money subject, watching my DDs 20 and 23 over the last few years I think the Snapchat/texting your SO frequently throughout the day would be exhausting.

My husband just texted me from his room ( one room over from mine) that he was going to bed lol

 

[tvguy]

I don't know if it is a trend, but I personally don't understand when spouses can't or won't allow one another to go have fun without them. (i.e. boys trip, girls trip)

I don't want to go on a golf trip. And he doesn't want to go NYC to see Broadway shows. We allow each other to have fun with their friends.

No right or wrong, just what is right for the couple. We tend to do trips with other couples who are friends . Longest we have been apart in 40 years of marriage is 8 days. She was chaperoning our daughter's Easter break 7th grade school trip to Washington D.C., I was chaperoning our son's Easter Break High School Baseball Tournament in Las Vegas.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

Married people NOT having a joint checking account. Its super weird to me that some couples split up the monthly expenses like roommates.

ETA: I'm fine with each person keeping a personal savings account, if they both work.

We do this one... as far as why, I guess it was a habit thing. We were in our 40s when we got married and we were used to taking care of our own stuff. The idea of getting a joint account came up a long time ago, but we just never ended up doing it.

My ex husband and I also kept separate accounts. The main reason was he (well I was somewhat guilty of it too) would not log transactions very well. THAT is just a recipe for disaster. So the solution was separate accounts.

Joint facebook accounts. Which one of you cheated???

My cousin and her husband do this... It irritates me.

I guess a relationship trend that bothers me is people who overly advertise their relationship on social media. "Standing in line @mcdonald's waiting for french fries with my love"

Yes I know I used to be soooo guilty of it myself. Now I rarely even look at Facebook let alone post anything.

 

[mrodgers]

Before I caught the gist of what you're saying, and I whole-heartedly agree, I thought this was going to be a couples issue regarding leftovers in the fridge. Like "Why do you NOT label which is the salsa and which is the chili?".

If you like it then you shoulda put a label on it. Wuh-uh-oh!

Labels in the fridge is important. Our daughter came home from 1st grade and said she didn't eat her pudding because it smelled and tasted bad. Instead of grabbing the vanilla pudding (homemade in a container) she grabbed and packed the turkey gravy, LOL.

 

[mrodgers]

My husband earns it all but I say it’s my money because technically I pay the bills.

I got a divorce because of the stereotypic what's yours is yours and what's mine is yours issue.

I spent $600 of my 17 years of salary on a bicycle and that sparked outrage. Gee, your spending has us 2 months behind on bills and you're freakin about me spending $600 for something I am going to use to stay alive?

 

[mrodgers]

Well, I think in the case of second marriages after the death of a spouse and there are assets and children from the previous marriage some estate planning or a pre-nuptial agreement might be worthy of consideration before a marriage.

And second marriage after divorce. I can say that no woman will every rule me and tell me what I can and can not do with the labor I do leaving my home for 10 hours a day again.

Everyone I know who has separate bank accounts are in their 2nd marriage. Some have a joint for bills that they both deposit into and some split bills up.

 

[mrodgers]

Joint facebook accounts. Which one of you cheated???

A coworker doesn't have their names combined on Facebook, she just browsed Facebook under his log-in. Problem was when I got to work and asked him about his posting on a discussion about Harry Styles and he said "Can you imagine touching that hair?" with hearts emojis,

 

[ak517]

I also don't understand not doing the shared money thing. We got married young when we had nothing. So maybe if you get married older in life and have lots of assets that's why people keep separate?

But yes, I find it weird when people each pay their own way when married. We've been out with couples and they will actually split the check and each pay on their own card.

My husband and I are in are early 30s and started living together a few years before getting married six months ago. We have one joint savings account and we only got it so we could mobile deposit gift checks we received for our wedding! We are fully in-tune with each other's finances though, and I "manage" most of the budgeting amongst our accounts. Most things are set up on auto-pay and it about evens out every month. And we will split our check at restaurants occasionally, particularly if we're out with friends and it's just easier for everyone to throw a card in versus pairing/soloing.

I don't know if it is a trend, but I personally don't understand when spouses can't or won't allow one another to go have fun without them. (i.e. boys trip, girls trip)

I don't want to go on a golf trip. And he doesn't want to go NYC to see Broadway shows. We allow each other to have fun with their friends.

I also don't understand this. My parents always made a huge deal over if one was traveling without the other, I think because they did it so infrequently. Prior to the pandemic, I traveled regularly for work (and would extend my trip for playing tourist), to go home to visit my family, and to visit childhood friends in their new locations. My DH travels less frequently than I do, but I am always excited for him to get away and visit with people he rarely sees. For more context, our closest friends and family are scattered between Chicago, NYC, and North Carolina, and we live in south FL, so maybe this has something to do with it.

 

[tzolkin]

We do this one... as far as why, I guess it was a habit thing. We were in our 40s when we got married and we were used to taking care of our own stuff. The idea of getting a joint account came up a long time ago, but we just never ended up doing it.

I can see reasons for having some things separate especially things that are your "own" spending. I think it's the things that (at least in my mind) should be shared (like house or childcare), but having completely separate finances make it seem way more complicated and I sometimes wonder if the thought that goes into dividing things up causes some resentment.

I got a divorce because of the stereotypic what's yours is yours and what's mine is yours issue.

I spent $600 of my 17 years of salary on a bicycle and that sparked outrage. Gee, your spending has us 2 months behind on bills and you're freakin about me spending $600 for something I am going to use to stay alive?

no woman will every rule me and tell me what I can and can not do with the labor I do leaving my home for 10 hours a day again.

This sounds like a much deeper issue than sharing a bank account.

I do think it would be beneficial for couples to discuss finances in depth and make sure they are compatible. It seems to be something that is never really talked about, but can cause a great deal of tension. I think it's especially important now that many couples are older (have years of their own spending habits) and carry large amounts of debt into a marriage.

 

[dez1978]

No right or wrong, just what is right for the couple. We tend to do trips with other couples who are friends . Longest we have been apart in 40 years of marriage is 8 days. She was chaperoning our daughter's Easter break 7th grade school trip to Washington D.C., I was chaperoning our son's Easter Break High School Baseball Tournament in Las Vegas.

It sounds like you didn't want to spend time apart and thats cool. I think what op was refering to tho was couples who one partner won't let the other go somewhere on their own. Thats controlling and weird. If neither person has the desire to do something on their own thats fine.
I love my kids and I love DH, but I also love getting a day or 2 here and there to recharge and just be me. When the kids were babies/toddlers that was different.

 

[mom2rb]

Same! Mine jokes "I don't even know how much money I make." And I tell him, "when it's not enough, I'll let you know."

I do sit him down like twice a year and do an overview of where all our money is hiding, just in case I die. Its hard to keep his attention, though, because our office is also his toy collection room and adjusting the stuff on the shelves is WAY more interesting to him.

Change out toys for comic books and we are married to the same man.

 

[prairie_girl]

Change out toys for comic books and we are married to the same man.

switch comic books for Lego and we’ve morphed into a new hybrid lol

 

[DLgal]

switch comic books for Lego and we’ve morphed into a new hybrid lol

Over 50% of the toys in the office are actually Lego. It's like 30% Action Figures/70% Lego. My house seriously might as well be a Lego museum at this point. He has recruited my younger son into his ways. The Lego is in every room of the house except the Master bedroom. I am not even joking when I say that the ONLY reason we need a larger house is so that we can have more space to display the Lego collection. My son has quite an impressive Lego vehicle collection, highlighted by the Lamborghini Sian. His car collection has its own 7ft tall glass display case in the upstairs hallway because he has run out of space in his room.

 

[Wiltony]

I've noticed a trend of couples not being willing to work out problems, and instead they take any conflict whatsoever as a sign that they're not meant to be together. One disagreement and they call the whole thing off, block each other, etc.

We try to teach our kids that having and working through arguments and disagreements are actually a sign of a very healthy relationship, as long as it's done in good faith, and with good communication. We try to discourage the concept of "winning" an argument, and frequently use the saying, "it's not you vs. them, it's the two of you vs. the problem." As long as there's not some underlying issue that's not being dealt with, then validation of feelings, not generalizing, and ensuring you presume positive intentions will result in an absolutely rock-solid, secure relationship.