recent breakup

[JennK20]

My significant other and I were together for 13 years before he called it quits. We got engaged nearly 2 years ago, and were supposed to be married on April 6th. Two weeks before that, he said he couldn't handle getting married but wanted me in his life. I thought it was a case of really REALLY cold feet. His parents went through a really terrible divorce after a disfunctional marriage, and I thought this was part of the issue. We stayed together for another 2 1/2 months before he moved out... mututal decision. We still talk a lot and see eachother when we can. He is my best friend in the world and we love eachother a lot, but we were so young when we got together. We have grown up but our relationship never really did. It's very confusing for both of us because we DO love eachother, but right now it's best that we give eachother room to grow and hope we come back to each other in the future. It's also very difficult to let go of the life we made.

My Disney issue is that we had already booked a trip for January. We both hope that we can still go together... there is no animosity between us at all. Am I nuts for hoping we can still do this? I have already paid for the stay, and I plan on going either way. If he doesn't go, then my mom or brothers will join me... I just can't see myself going without my (ex)SO, the very idea makes me feel completely overwhelmed.

I'm so conflicted about all of this!

 

[kbonner]

That is a long time and I can understand the difficulty you are having. Personally, I think you should go ahead and plan on one of your family going with you on the trip. If the two of you are finished as a couple, then it would be healthy for the two of you to start doing more things apart.

 

[JennK20]

I think I'm having such a hard time because I know what I NEED to do, but what my heart wants is so opposite. I wasn't ready to give up on us and honestly I'm still not. I can't say that this is a shock, especially considering how he called off the wedding. But I keep hoping that we'll work things out.

How do you let go of the love of your life?

 

[mommasita]

Jenn, I am so sorry..

There is no easy way to let go.. I was engaged (young, TOO young).. I basically did what your SO did.. I had no choice, looking back, it was the best thing I ever did, for the two of us.. And yes, we are friends today, not best friends, but friends.

Since you are asking opinions, I wouldn't plan on going with him. I agree with kbonner.. If you are finished, then the best is a clean break, how hard would it be to play pretend couple? I couldn't imagine the pain when you returned home And in the end, if you are meant to be, and you are are together, what is a week without him? Healthy to me, going with a friend, a family member perhaps?

Obviously this is a call only the two of you can make, but for me the idea of it couldn't work... It would make me think too much, are we back together, we are basically living together on this vacation, and it is all good, why can't we work, we love each other, etc. etc.. Again, this is just me...

 

[lisaviolet]

Jenn, I am so sorry..

There is no easy way to let go.. I was engaged (young, TOO young).. I basically did what your SO did.. I had no choice, looking back, it was the best thing I ever did, for the two of us.. And yes, we are friends today, not best friends, but friends.

Since you are asking opinions, I wouldn't plan on going with him. I agree with kbonner.. If you are finished, then the best is a clean break, how hard would it be to play pretend couple? I couldn't imagine the pain when you returned home And in the end, if you are meant to be, and you are are together, what is a week without him? Healthy to me, going with a friend, a family member perhaps?

Obviously this is a call only the two of you can make, but for me the idea of it couldn't work... It would make me think too much, are we back together, we are basically living together on this vacation, and it is all good, why can't we work, we love each other, etc. etc.. Again, this is just me...

This. Well said, Mommasita.

I'm so very very sorry, Jenn.

As painful as this is if you stay separated one day you'll look back and say "wow". It's almost unbearable to look beyond it all when you both love each other but one day it will all be clear.

All the best to you.

 

[JennK20]

Well it's been over a month, and I can say that we are still trying to find our way to friendship. I'm thankful that this wasn't an ugly breakup. I decided that a clean break WAS the way to go... though we are trying to be friends we made boundries and are sticking to them.

As for the Disney Trip, my wonderful family is (trying) to come with me! But if for some reason they are unable to go, I still am.

Thank you for your words of encouragement! This is a really great group of people on the DISboards!

 

[mommasita]

It can't be easy to find your way from one relationship to another.. The road is tricky... Giant hugs to you. We are all here for you any time.