Racist? or just not thinking?

[Otimon]

My own personal feeling is that it is a sign of the times we are in. Back in "my day" you may have wondered but would never have asked! It just wasn't polite to do so and you didn't wish to offend other people. I brought up my daughter that way, also.

Today - many don't seem to have that same sense of propriety. It often seems "out of fashion" in today's world. Sad!

 

[catherine]

"The best comeback answer for any of the "Why, what ever would make you ask as question or statement like that?" That will usually shut them up. And you are still being polite, while they should realize how rude they were."

Good one mickeyfan1

__________________

 

[Mskanga]

That's just plain stupidity.
Snoopy , let's just not go there....for those who don't know what my kids look like, my oldest one is a brunette, looks like me, that one nobody questions. The youngest one looks like me physically but has big time blonde hair. Do you know how many times I get the...where does the blonde hair come from? Do they have different fathers? I tell them no, one is the milkman's, that shuts them right up.
Yes they do have the same father, only if they knew that dh's family are all blonde!
Some people are very stupid!

 

[Curly Q]

How incredibly rude and insensitive. My DBF was BLONDE as a child and his Mom is 1/2 Japanese. She tells me all the time how many problems she had going out in public. People would try and take him away from her and ask where his Mother was. Some people's behavior is absolutely appalling.

 

[TiggerPiglet]

MsKanga, I get the same comments. My one DD has strawberry blonde hair, green eyes and is as white as you can get (she takes after my DH's family). My other DD has brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin (takes after my family). They are also four years apart, so there have been many times I have been asked (especially when DH is not with me) do they have different fathers. I usually just say I have no idea who their fathers are and they shut right up. There really are people who have no clue

 

[RickinNYC]

Originally posted by Mad4Mickey
I am glad to see that Iam not being over sensitive. I was offended and to be honest shocked .Thanks guys !

Hi Mad4Mickey!

I know this is an old thread but I wanted to put my two cents in. I'm the product of an interracial family myself. My mom is Japanese (only one in her family to have moved to the US) and my dad is of Scottish and Irish descent. I came out as 6'4", with dark brown/black hair, and green eyes, broad shouldered, not petite in the slightest, and very fair skinned (but I tan really well!) and not particularly asian looking.

I cannot even tell you how many times I've been out having a drink, and talking to new people when they stop, stare a little and ask "So what are you anyway?" I never thought it was rude by any means. I'm always happy to babble on and this is yet another topic I've grown used to. I've even placed bar bets with folks and won free drinks! LOL!

I can tell you, however, that this was not always the case. We were stationed on a Naval base in Boston (since closed) in the early 70's, at the peak of the Vietnam War. During parent/teacher day, my folks went to my elementary school and ta-da! People were shocked to learn that my mom was asian. Parents would tell my friends, right in front of me, "Don't play with Ricky Akin, he's a gook." Parents didn't care that my feelings were crushed. Happened exactly the same way to my older brother. We lost a few friends when that happened.

We were next stationed in Japan and on more than one occasion, when off base with my mom, she would get accosted, usually by older folks, for bearing "ay-noko". Translated, the word means "*******" or "person without a country". When we took the shin-kan-sen (bullet train) to visit relatives, we always went through Hiroshima. I can't even begin to tell you the scathing words and hatred we felt from the older generation.

So stupidity and racism is world wide. It made me hate being half Japanese when I was a kid, to the point of denying it at times. But now, I'm proud as can be and have learned a great deal about that heritage. Now I'm investigating my father's side and hope to visit Ireland/Scottland next year.

 

[fklhou]

The comment was just plain wrong. Unfortunatley, there are people like that here in Texas and elsewhere. I make it a point never to stop or fill my car up in Vidor Texas (east of Beaumont) because of the KKK activity there.

 

[4disneyfans]

I totally agree with "Catherine"

 

[Planogirl]

It sounds like the first lady meant no harm but just has a serious case of foot in mouth disease. I can't think of any good excuses for the other comments though.

What ever happened to the wonderful philosophy of minding your own business? I see more and more of this nowadays with too many people worrying about what someone else is doing.

 

[FOJMO]

In defense, some people are just curious and I'd rather have them ask rather than just stare or stare and whisper.

Our DD (17) is Korean and adopted. I even asked a "stupid" question when she was little when I went out with her while she was a baby. We were walking in our neighborhood and I came upon two little Asian children, playing in front of their house. Their mother came out at that point and she was clearly Caucasian. Being in that "newly adopted" mode, I greeted her and during the conversation, asked her what adoption agency she dealt with for her children.

She said "The best one of all -- my husband's Asian". Well, I couldn't have felt more foolish for assuming that she adopted! I apologized and she was very good natured about it.

I have to admit, though, that people's questions can be worded offensively and they don't even know they're doing it.

 

[MosMom]

I am white (very white with freckles), my husband is native american. I have been out with my daughter (who has her daddy's skin tone) and I have been asked "WHAT" my husband is. I asked her "What do you mean?" and she never really explained herself, just shrugged it off. I assume she guessed that since I am so so white that my husband must be a darker skin color and she was asking what race he was? That still kills me when I talk about it.

NEVER did I ever consider our race differences when I married Chris, it never even crossed my mind. I had never experienced racism before and it was my first taste of it. Threw me for a loop!

 

[Melora]

I have to admit that I am always curious of intersting (usually very attractive) blends that I see.. I am interested in adoption and wonder if the people have a great story.... but I NEVER say anything, perhaps if I were to strike up a conversation with a person and felt at ease I could ask, but still I wouldn't know what to say without sounding nosey or rude.

Last time we were at WDW we were riding the bus early one morning and a family got on the bus and sat behind us. It was a grandma, grown daughter, 2 very white kids (apparently the daughters)and a toddler boy who was (probably) full african american. The mom and grandma were talking a lot about how he slept and how he was reacting to the trip. They were just doting over him and I just felt like he must have been just adopted or joined the family very recently. The way they were treating him was with the enthusiasm most parents don't have for a cranky, sleepless toddler. I wanted SO much to ask about him and their experience (if indeed there was one) but I never said a word, only smiled a bunch at them (they smiled back). For all I know he was biracial and belonged to the mom or some else in the family. It was just my current interest in adoption that made we wonder but courtesy and my complete lack of any real knowledge of their situation kept me from saying something.

 

[sharbear]

Rick, thanks for your very revealing post and it gave me a new perpective into being multi-racial.

My SIL is dark-skinned with curly brown hair and green eyes. Her sister is light-skinned with straight light brown hair and they are as different looking as night and day. My SIL says that she and her sister had very different experiences growing up. Now that my SIL has three kids two of them look like her and one looks like her DH (light skin, light brown hair) I wonder if in this day and age her kids with have different experiences with racism. Sadly it doesn't sound as if things have changed much.

I've never thought about my SIL and that she felt differently from the rest of the family. But she said that she never checks off the box where it wants you to declare your race, because she doesn't feel that she fits into any one box. Her kids have aslo wondered about this, something I know my kids have never wondered about.

 

[peg2001]

Some people are just curious and have trouble biting their tongues, others are just rude.

We dyed both DD's dark blonde hair red this summer and you should have heard the comments when we went out. Most common was "Where did they get that red hair?" It doesn't have to be obviously racial, people are just curious about why people look the way they do.

I was at a restaurant with my 2 "red headed" DD's, my DH, my SIL (Japenese descent) and her 2 DD's (half of Japanese descent and half white). Upon leaving, a woman said to my DH, "You have four beautiful children." My SIL and I looked at each other and just busted out laughing, as that must have made us his TWO wives.

Peggy

 

[binny]

peg, in her defense maybe she meaqnt that just one of you wwas the wife and the other was a friend? anyway, thats an honest mistake I guess.

As for the racist comments it really fires me but some of my family can be like that too not to be malicious, just not thinking..

I, like Melora, am curious about adoption stories and think its wonderful so I while I dont ever ask Ill admit to being curious too

I will often make comments like "what a beautiful child!" but I do that about anybody LOL

 

[Mad4Mickey]

Hi RICKINNYC!!

My main "Tagged" sqeeze ! Don't tell Rikku ( I am still after that ring LOL)

You know what I kinda forgot about this thread I started. But it has happen to me so many times now that I dont even care anymore. I think it is becuase as he is geting older he is looking more and more like his Dad. We will be at the DIS meet on Oct. 19th in the MK, so if any of you want to look at my beautiful nephew you can


Wishing everyone a Tagged night
Mishell

 

[RickinNYC]

Originally posted by Mad4Mickey
Hi RICKINNYC!!

My main "Tagged" sqeeze ! Don't tell Rikku ( I am still after that ring LOL)

You know what I kinda forgot about this thread I started. But it has happen to me so many times now that I dont even care anymore. I think it is becuase as he is geting older he is looking more and more like his Dad. We will be at the DIS meet on Oct. 19th in the MK, so if any of you want to look at my beautiful nephew you can


Wishing everyone a Tagged night
Mishell

Mishell, I've absolutely no doubt that Brennan is cute as a button!

And no worries, I won't tell Rikku a thing. I'll just knock him down, you grab his ring and run like the wind...

 

[JulesMom]

My kids are biracial--caucasian and black

I was asked if they were mine when they were younger.

DS has straight hair and looks more Hispanic than black. He often gets asked if he's Cuban, Puerto Rican, Mexican etc.

Luckily, we have had very few rude comments, usually just curiosity.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I was made fun of when I was growing up. I am of Mexican and Lebanese descent (along with some European heritage, but it is definetly the Mexican and Lebanese that dominate). I grew up in a mostly white area and was often the most dark skinned person around. And I'm not even that dark, I have a nice olive tone, that now people compliment me on. Anyway, I was the different one. I grew up not exactly happy with how I looked and that took its toll later on in my life (which is still a life long struggle, but I have learned to deal with it). I know to some people these comments may seem insignificant, but when you just want to fit in, it really hurts.

 

[momof3disneyholics]

Getting strange looks and comments are a part of my family's daily life. My husband is bi-racial. He has caramel colored skin, brown eyes and curly black hair. His father is black and his mother is german (blonde hair and blue eyes). I am plain old white with green eyes and light brown hair. We have 3 children. Our oldest son is 6, is maybe a couple of shades lighter than my husband, has brown eyes, med. brown hair which is completely straight. He looks like he could be ours. Our first twin that is 3 is a boy that has skin as white as they come, curly brown hair and hazel eyes. My second twin is a girl and she is very pale also, has blonde curly hair and bright blue eyes. Both of them look like completely white children.
Now, when we go anywhere, we get looks. EVERYWHERE! My husband took the twins to get shots on Monday and he said the nurse asked if he was their step-father! We get comments all the time. Even when they were born, it got back to us that some "friends" were saying that our daughter couldn't be his because she had blue eyes! Doesn't anyone remember biology class and the big B, little b thing? Yes, they are recessive, but kids can look like that and come from him! If you want to get techinal, my kids are only 1/4 black.
It gets hard sometimes, but you get use to it and just move on. I get so tired of explaining genetics to people though.