Question

[ckret01]

A friend of mine was about 6-10 weeks pregnant and just found out the baby had no heartbeat and she is having a DNC tonight. I feel so bad for her. Would sending flowers be ok to do? I want to give her space but also want them to know we are here for them.

 

[GEM]

I went through the exact same thing, and yes, sending flowers would be wonderful. Or a little card and small gift. Anything! What hurt the most for me was that so many people acted like it was nothing, like I'd just had a cold or something. I, on the other hand, was totally devastated and I felt like nobody cared. I don't think that was true, really, I just think they weren't sure what to do or say.

 

[horseshowmom]

We lost our first baby, and it was really hard (harder than I would have thought before I went through it). I think the flowers would be a nice idea (or a casserole or anything that shows you're thinking of her and care about her sorrow).

 

[SC Minnie]

I went through the same thing too. To her this is a death. Any form of your acknowledgement of that would be so appreciated.

 

[puffkin]

Same thing happened to our friends. We sent them a snack basket. We probably would have also visited and called more, but I was 3 weeks ahead of her in pregnancy and it was slightly uncomfortable for both of us to be around each other. We decided to kind of give them their space.

 

[MNmom2]

A friend went thru the same thing. We had supper delivered to their house, but I think flowers would be wonderful too!!

 

[andromedaslove]

I think the flowers are a wonderful idea. The only other suggestion I can make is that whenever she wants to talk about what happened make sure you listen. When my son was born still people assumed that if they didn't talk about it that it would keep me from getting upset, and when I did try to talk about it they would change the subject. It made me feel as though they didn't care, even though that wasn't the case. By the way, I think it is wonderful that you are making the effort to let her know you care.

Dana

 

[NMAmy]

Absolutely, do it. I had a friend who had a similar experience and her mom came to visit to help her through it. I made her a big pot of homemade spaghetti, included some pasta, and took that along with flowers to her house and dropped them off--I knew she didn't want to talk so I just knocked and shoved everything into her arms when she answered, and left without chatting. She was so touched that I showed I cared by doing it and she had something to feed her mom for the week she was there--she certainly didn't feel like cooking and her mom isn't that great a cook.

I've never had it happen to me but I imagine it would just be devastating. It's kind of you to want to show her that you care.