Question. Update post 27.

[hereyago]

I believe the OP has also been on the cruise topic board about a upcoming cruise they are going to get married on, so this is certainly not a casual thing.

As for the trip, the kids, at least the boys will have to share some sort of bed arrangements. The mom honestly needs to get a life.

Yes, I have been there, I can understand wanting to know the kid is safe, but really, sayig you might not allow your kid to stay because you didt see the ex's bedroom, or the kid won't have his own room or would have to be in a trundle bed? The judge will laugh her out of court. What if the OP had no kids and there was only 1 bedroom or both boys had to sleep on a sofa bed and the OP's daughter had her own room when there were only 2 bedrooms?

As other pp's said, it would be a good idea if your DF had things of his son's there in the way of clothes, etc as it would be welcoming, as well as not having to shuffle clothes back and forth.

 

[tasha99]

Sounds like the mom in this case needs to settle down, but you probably have to have your bf deal with all of that. As for the suggestion that maybe it's about you not being married, that's possible; however, I would be very surprised if she has any say about your marital status. I could see someone getting "no overnight adults" in a custody agreement, but not if one party fought it. There is no law saying marriage is the only acceptable lifestyle.

 

[Tikitoi]

WOW, there is no way in hell I would ever allow my ex/an ex to walk through and inspect the house of my child, when I am the natural parent.

 

[HoneyPooh]

WOW, there is no way in hell I would ever allow my ex/an ex to walk through and inspect the house of my child, when I am the natural parent.

That's what I wasn't getting about some of these posts. They were talking like they were sending their kids off to strangers. One natural parent was still there correct? One post spoke of not being "over it" "bitter" etc. I'm thinking they are right.................but not the way they ment.

Unless the court said someone needed to inspect the living conditions for an obvious reason there would be no way in you know what I would allow someone to do that to me nor would I do that to them.

 

[Sleepy]

I also think it is sad that the child is not given his own bed. Nobody should be made to feel a guest. He is no more a guest than your own natural children. Whether he is there one day a year or 1 day a week, he should feel an equal, not a freind who has been invited for a sleepover.

If the other fullsize bed is not an option, then consider having your natural son sleep on the trudle and his son sleep in the bed or both on the floor in sleeping bags. Looking at it that way makes the situation not seem as ok huh?

 

[kellyg403]

I agree that I would not allow my ex's gf/wife come strolling through my house and inspect things. Really, not her right or his actually unless there is an issue that he feels compromises the safety of the child. Otherwise, unless I invite you to see my new bedspread or paint job, my bedroom is my business.

OTH, I also understand where mom is coming from. Definitely should have bunk beds or something and not a trundle. I wouldn't care of if one of the kids had to share a room with a new sibling but not on a trundle bed. Like another said, this home should be their home just like it is with the biological parent. Their own space/bed they can call their own. A trundle kinda says we gave you a space while you are here, but when you aren't you don't exist. Just a feeling on my part. I would do what I need to do to make the shared space an actual 'shared' space with bunks, posters that say something about each personality, let both decide paint color etc. So mom and child get the feeling this is going to be his 'home'.

Sometimes the 'feeling' in these situations get crazy. You are on the defensive and mom is on the defensive. You are both right and you are both not so right. Logically, emotion aside, there is a solution that meets both of your emotional needs that is 100% about the child and his comfort.


Kelly

 

[pls5286]

Let me add a little more about this child. My bf's son has PDD, which is on the Autism spectrum. BF has said NO bunk beds, he has fallen off of them. The size of the bedroom will not allow for two beds, which is why when I bought both of my kids beds years ago, they both got trundles with them.

I will go ahead and say my BF and his ex talked and we do have his son. They have had a good time fishing this weekend so far and we have all watched a few movies. The boys are outside playing as we speak and BF is at work until midnite. We are planning a wonderful holiday tomorrow!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I would consider giving the master bedroom to the two boys so they can each have their own bed/dresser/desk/toy space. Trundle is great for an occasional overnight friend, not as the regular space of bf's son.

 

[Boxley]

Who gets the trundle part of the bed?

 

[Magic Mom]

Let me add a little more about this child. My bf's son has PDD, which is on the Autism spectrum. BF has said NO bunk beds, he has fallen off of them. The size of the bedroom will not allow for two beds, which is why when I bought both of my kids beds years ago, they both got trundles with them.

I will go ahead and say my BF and his ex talked and we do have his son. They have had a good time fishing this weekend so far and we have all watched a few movies. The boys are outside playing as we speak and BF is at work until midnite. We are planning a wonderful holiday tomorrow!

Could your son sleep on a top bunk and BF's son sleep on the bottom bunk?

 

[pls5286]

Who gets the trundle part of the bed?

They are taking turns. Last night BF's son wanted to sleep down there. We are letting him choose where he wants to sleep until he gets used to being here.

 

[pls5286]

Could your son sleep on a top bunk and BF's son sleep on the bottom bunk?

They tried this when he and his ex were together and he shared a room with his much older cousin, and he kept climbing up on the top and fell off several times. Both parents are adament about no bunk beds.

 

[Cornhusk]

Let me add a little more about this child. My bf's son has PDD, which is on the Autism spectrum. BF has said NO bunk beds, he has fallen off of them. The size of the bedroom will not allow for two beds, which is why when I bought both of my kids beds years ago, they both got trundles with them.

I will go ahead and say my BF and his ex talked and we do have his son. They have had a good time fishing this weekend so far and we have all watched a few movies. The boys are outside playing as we speak and BF is at work until midnite. We are planning a wonderful holiday tomorrow!

I don't really understand then, if the trundle bed is used to cushion your son if he falls off the bed, wouldn't he be falling on the other child?

 

[Magic Mom]

They tried this when he and his ex were together and he shared a room with his much older cousin, and he kept climbing up on the top and fell off several times. Both parents are adament about no bunk beds.

I hope you can find a good solution. Are you tied to living in your current house, or is moving to a larger place an option?

 

[pls5286]

I don't really understand then, if the trundle bed is used to cushion your son if he falls off the bed, wouldn't he be falling on the other child?

My son got the trundle with his current twin bed when I did away with his toddler bed. He is 13. He doesn't fall out of bed. The trundle came with the bed and has been used for sleepovers and stuff. Both of my kids beds have them, but they don't usually stay pulled out for a cushion, or they would have no floor space.

 

[cheermom1]

What is wrong with some of you people?? It is NOT going to kill the kid to sleep on a trundle bed!! shesh the op has explained several times WHY he is on the trundle. I will tell you right now there is no way in he!! I would give my room just to appease the ex that is the stupidest thing I ever heard. Like I said we have done the same thing here at our house for several reasons and the boys are just fine with this, they have never felt they are just a visitor! I think the mom is just picking and trying to find some reason to find something wrong to keep the kid from his dad.

op your bf needs to get a lawyer and write everything down. if you guys are going to be a family you need to do what is right for YOUR family and if it works for YOUR family than it is the right thing to do. I've been there done that and I have to tell you, you HAVE to do what works for your family b/c what works for one may not work for yours. good luck and

 

[pls5286]

What is wrong with some of you people?? It is NOT going to kill the kid to sleep on a trundle bed!! shesh the op has explained several times WHY he is on the trundle. I will tell you right now there is no way in he!! I would give my room just to appease the ex that is the stupidest thing I ever heard. Like I said we have done the same thing here at our house for several reasons and the boys are just fine with this, they have never felt they are just a visitor! I think the mom is just picking and trying to find some reason to find something wrong to keep the kid from his dad.

op your bf needs to get a lawyer and write everything down. if you guys are going to be a family you need to do what is right for YOUR family and if it works for YOUR family than it is the right thing to do. I've been there done that and I have to tell you, you HAVE to do what works for your family b/c what works for one may not work for yours. good luck and

We are going to be a family on the Oct 2 2011 Dream Cruise. We are so excited!!!! We are trying to work with mom and work together. To be honest, we hope she gets a boyfriend soon!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

What is wrong with some of you people?? It is NOT going to kill the kid to sleep on a trundle bed!! shesh the op has explained several times WHY he is on the trundle. I will tell you right now there is no way in he!! I would give my room just to appease the ex that is the stupidest thing I ever heard. Like I said we have done the same thing here at our house for several reasons and the boys are just fine with this, they have never felt they are just a visitor! I think the mom is just picking and trying to find some reason to find something wrong to keep the kid from his dad.

op your bf needs to get a lawyer and write everything down. if you guys are going to be a family you need to do what is right for YOUR family and if it works for YOUR family than it is the right thing to do. I've been there done that and I have to tell you, you HAVE to do what works for your family b/c what works for one may not work for yours. good luck and

I would never change rooms to appease the ex, I would change rooms so my child had space that made it home for him as well and wasn't squeezed in as an afterthought. The bf's son is as important as her son or he is not, and a child who doesn't have any space can easily see he is not. I'm not saying to sleep on the sofa, just in a different bedroom.

Of course I grew up in a house with my mom where the kids shared the master so we could all fit with our own bed, etc.., so I don't see anything wrong with it. It was actually common in my neighborhood as there weren't a lot of bedrooms and you had to make the most of the space available. For the number of people in the household, and if the room needs two twin beds, or sometimes three, that space may just be a better choice.

I also spent the weekends at my dad's and never had my own space, nor did my siblings, because stepsister and brother were stepmom's priority and living space makes it clear where everyone falls in the pecking order of things. We never said a word or complained but if you think a child doesn't notice you are incorrect. Every child should have space of their own, their own dresser, etc., if you want it to feel like home to them, otherwise their just visitors at their dad's. I wouldn't want my child to feel like a visitor in my home.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I don't feel that is wrong to have the child sleep on the trundle. It sounds as though both boys get along well and I would leave things just as they are in the house.

One thing I do suggest is set boundaries with the ex. You have alot of years to deal with her.

 

[cheermom1]

I would never change rooms to appease the ex, I would change rooms so my child had space that made it home for him as well and wasn't squeezed in as an afterthought. The bf's son is as important as her son or he is not, and a child who doesn't have any space can easily see he is not. I'm not saying to sleep on the sofa, just in a different bedroom.

Of course I grew up in a house with my mom where the kids shared the master so we could all fit with our own bed, etc.., so I don't see anything wrong with it. It was actually common in my neighborhood as there weren't a lot of bedrooms and you had to make the most of the space available. For the number of people in the household, and if the room needs two twin beds, or sometimes three, that space may just be a better choice.

I also spent the weekends at my dad's and never had my own space, nor did my siblings, because stepsister and brother were stepmom's priority and living space makes it clear where everyone falls in the pecking order of things. We never said a word or complained but if you think a child doesn't notice you are incorrect. Every child should have space of their own, their own dresser, etc., if you want it to feel like home to them, otherwise their just visitors at their dad's. I wouldn't want my child to feel like a visitor in my home.

I NEVER said they shouldn't have their own space that is where you are wrong! they have their space just not as much as you may want. If the op and her bf is fine with this then this is the way they should do it. There is not a judge in the world that would make them change the arrangements they have made and they ARE trying to make the kid feel as welcome as they can and that they know how! Just b/c it is something you wouldn't do doesn't mean it is wrong. this is where a lot of people make a mistake in is that just b/c you wouldn't do it or b/c you think it is wrong doesn't necessarily mean that is wrong, it just means it is a different way that they have chosen to do things.