Question....Rant about SIL (sorry if too long)

[joats]

I have one brother (who is married to said SIL)
My SIL has one sister.

My niece was born 3 1/2 years ago and when she had her Christening my SIL's sister was her God-Mother. Completely understood.

My nephew was born this past year and his Christening is coming up. I am not being asked to be the God-Mother. I just found out (through my mother) SIL asked her cousin.

I am heartbroken. I have no children of my own yet, and treat my brother's kids as if they were my own. I am totally kid geared and my profession is as such. I have gone above and beyond for my brother, his wife and their kids.

I think that my brother is totally "whipped" by his wife and doesn't get much say in just about anything (which is his own fault).

I've spent the day crying. I feel so sad that my brother and his wife bypassed myself and my husband. I feel so rejected and sad.

Am I just being silly? Anyone go through this on either side of the situation? I'd love some feedback.

Would you say something to them? I think that if I did, the type of person my SIL is, she'd make it more difficult to see the kids.

Thanks.
Joats

 

[doxdogy]

I am so sorry that this has happened. I felt the same way when my niece and nephew were born. SIL's thinking was that I was the Aunt, so I didn't need to be a Godmother to them.

 

[Randi]

Perhaps your brother and his wife really didn't know that you semi-expected to be asked to serve as Godmother. I know you have had your feelings hurt over this, but nothing will change the fact that you are the aunt. And that is a pretty important person in the lives of children, too. Enjoy your time with them!

 

[Otto's Doll]

My DH has 19 neices & nephews, 4 of whom have been born since DH & I have been together. I wasn't asked to be a godparent to any of them (Dh is to one). I know it is because I am a different religion, as well as being a born again Christian... they all think I am a nut! However, they all know my beliefs, and I am the one they call when they need prayer. Also, all the kids know how we feel and my DH and I just figure that we are planting seeds.
Is your feeling of hurt because you are being left out, or because you don't feel that someone else can give these kids the religious support that the term implies, and that you can give?
BTW, I totally understand that for many people these are just titles (they were for us when our own 2 were born, although we feel differently now).
Oh, yeah.. nothing can take away from you being their Aunt and like the previous poster said, perhaps she figures you are already the baby's aunt, and don't need a different title. I am sorry you feel left out (I would too), and am sending you a :

 

[luv2nascar]

Is it a religious thing - like they are Catholic and you are not?
Just fishing trying to make you feel better about it.
I have three nephews all by same BIL & SIL we godparents to the middle nephew only
It really wouldn't have bothered me if we weren't chosen at all

 

[TigerBear]

(((hugs))) - I'm sorry for your pain. I bet you will be his favorite aunt.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm really sorry your feeling are hurt but I wouldn't say anything to them directly. However, perhaps someone else could just to get their reasons for choosing who they did. Would it be possible for your parents to say something to them like "gee I'm surprised you didn't choose X and Y to be the godparents".

I did want to share our situation with you because it might help to see it from another angle. I have 3 brothers( 2 married w/kids) and DH has 1 (not married). I'm very close with my immediate family and we do a lot of things together. DH is not close with his family. We decided to raise DD Catholic (DH's religion). We could have chosen at least one of my SIL's to be godmother since they're both Catholic and 1 of my brothers to be a Christian witness (DH didn't want his DB as godfather). However, I wanted DH to feel that his family mattered to me so we asked 2 of his cousins to be the godparents (his closer with them than his immediate family). We did name 1 of my DBs and his wife as DD's guardians.

 

[Lisa L from MI]

My own sister who has 2 kids didn't ask any me or my 2 other sisters!!! For her first, she had a friend of hers (who she doesn't even speak to anymore!!!) and her second she had BIL's niece!!

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Of course you'll be the favorite Aunt! Don't worry!!

 

[bfeller]

don't have any words of comfort to give you but wanted you to know that I fully understand how you feel. I have 4 brothers and I am the only girl....at the weddings of 2 of my brothers I was not asked to participate at all.....I realize that I lived out of town when both of them got married and in one case both of my children were in the wedding party but it did leave me a little hurt when no one on our side of the family was involved in my brothers' weddings. I guess some new sisters' in law just do not think.

 

[Princess Dot]

Boy can I relate. I am an only child, DH has 2 sisters. We have 3 kids. My first, we asked dh 's older sister and her husband to be Godparents. My second, I asked his younger sister and her husband.

His older sister asked us be Godparents to her 1st and boy I was sooo thrilled! When his younger sister had her first, she asked her sister and husband as well. So when she had her 2nd baby I thought, well she'll ask her brother(my dh) and me to be Godparents. Noooo, she asked a good friend of hers and the friends husband. Well I was really hurt, while my dh did not really comment.

Now I know that just because you ask someone to be Godparents it does not mean that they have to reciprocate, but I really was hurt. I would have understood even if she asked her friend to be Godmother and my dh as Godfather. I think I was even more hurt for him than me.

I don't think she intended to hurt anyone's feelings. It just seemed strange since she and my DH have always been pretty close.

BTW, when his older sister had her second child, she asked us to be Godparents again! I was surprised that she did not ask her sister, but I know she felt that it was strange that her sister never asked us to be Godparents.

In the end, its not a big deal. We will always be his aunt and uncle and we love him dearly. Sometimes people just do things that hurt and I wanted you to know that your feelings are okay.

 

[joats]

Thanks for your words and support everybody. I'm still sad, but what can I really do about it? I know my brother knows that I am upset (another family member told him). He's tried to call me, but I'm really too upset to talk to him calmly right now. I'd rather let some of my sadness blow over and then talk with him about it.
It just stinks.

Again, thanks everybody for your stories and support. It means a lot to have a place to run things by.

joats

 

[Antonia]

This may sound stupid - but what is the role of a godparent? In our area of the country, I don't know of anyone who has a godparent. Is this relegated to a particular religion? Just hoping I'll learn something here.

 

[Princess Dot]

I can only speak for the Roman Catholic Church where Godparents are supposed to be spiritual guides of sort for their godchildren and help them to be brought up in the Catholic faith. You are required to show that you are a practicing Catholic. Then you attend the child's baptism and stand with the parents and promise to help the child lead a good and Christian life in the traditon of the Catholic faith.

Thats really the best way I can describe it. It just is considered to be an honor to be asked by the parents to be a Godparent.

 

[CarolA]

I have no idea if my brother's kids even have Godparents. (Do Baptist have Godparents?) However, I would not have expected to be asked anyway. In our family it is always friends... don't know why, but all of the 8 cousins have friends as godparents.

 

[Lynn CC]

It's a tough choice to make when your appointing godparents but just remember that when the child is a teenager usually around 9th or 10th grade they will choose a sponsor for their Confirmation and they always choose somone dear to them over the years who has had talks about their faith among other things. So you have something to look forward to! Try to look at the bright side for now. I think it's wonderful that you have such a great relationship with those children they are lucky to have you as their Auntie!

My DS just chose his sponsor last year in 10th grade when he made his Confirmation and he did not choose my brother who is his Godfather (he was very hurt, but didn't say anything and yes, he did attend)...he chose my youngest brother's wife...who over the years has been very involved in his life. It is their choice at that age...a very important decision to them!
I hope this makes you feel better, {HUGS} to you

 

[FreshTressa]

Awww, I'm sorry! *HUGS*

I wouldn't get too upset about it, you don't really know what her motives are. Maybe she felt that since you were childless you wouldn't want to be 'saddled' with children. Maybe the cousin asked and she felt she couldn't say no.

You don't really know why she made the decision she did, but I bet it still hurts. They are very lucky children to have an auntie who cares so much about them.