Question: Does the date matter more than the celebration?

[drcbpearce]

I have a question. My SIL and I have been having a discussion about Mother's Day. And well, it applies to basically any holiday/special day. Does it matter if you celebrate a birthday/holiday on a different date? For example, we celebrate Christmas with my in-laws several days after Christmas every year, part of it is b/c there are 5 siblings in DH's fam, and my in-laws feel it's Christmas any time we're all together to celebrate, the date on the calendar doesn't really make that much of a difference to them. So, to that end, would it matter to you if you celebrated Mother's day with the "FAM" on one day, and then spent the actual Mother's day with your immediate fam and children?

 

[imthatgirl]

I would say if you are celebrating something because of a date then you've lost the point of the occasion.

 

[drcbpearce]

Brilliant! Thank you!

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

Agreed! When DS was little, the actual Mother's Day was very important to him so we stayed home & spent the following weekend with my Mom. That has stuck. Whenever family is together, it is a celebration. The date definitely doesn't matter to us!

 

[thebeesknees]

Definitely the celebration is more important. Frequently, DH and I will fly on Thanksgiving Day up to my family's house because the tickets are cheaper. Mom will have her big dinner the next day because we always get in so late. This actually works out better for us because my sister and her husband can spend Thanksgiving Day with his family, then our family has the dinner the next day, so no one misses anything. We've done this for Christmas, as well, some years.

 

[Mom2apirate&princess]

Years ago my dad and I both worked jobs at a hospital. We would always sign up to work Thanksgiving and the day after for the overtime. My mom would make our Thanksgiving dinner on the following Saturday. The date didn't matter it was just being together.

 

[lovetoscrap]

I would say if you are celebrating something because of a date then you've lost the point of the occasion.

That is wonderful!

I agree and we have celebrated many thing on "non-traditional"dates. But I do have a limit. My MIL suggested several times renting a condo at the beach or going to Disney or something like that during the summer when everyone was out of school and things weren't so crazy, and celebrating Christmas then! I don't mind celebrating something within say a month or so of the actual date, but Christmas in July is not an option for me!

 

[disykat]

I agree that the date doesn't really matter and have no problem celebrating at a different time. The only exception to that for me is the kid's birthdays. Even if we celebrate at a different time, we always make sure they have something special at home on the EXACT date.

 

[PHXscuba]

With a crazy schedule, it seems like a lot of our special occasions get celebrated ahead, behind, or even twice! Our anniversary falls in the last month of school and we rarely can pick up and leave town, so whenever we travel that year is our "anniversary" trip.

My family and my in-laws have always been amazingly good about sharing holidays. We often do Christmas with one side the Sunday before Christmas. Last year we had it on Jan. 2 because my brother and his wife were flying in from China then!

I think it's taught my kids to be flexible and not so hung up on "their" day. They often celebrate with the family the weekend nearest their birthday or when we can get the most people together, and have friends over another day near their birthday. I joke that my kids don't have birthDAYS, they think they have birthWEEKS!

I actually don't have any moms to take out for Mother's Day this year -- my mom is out of the country and MIL is traveling back east. So somehow my sister and I (who have 7 kids between us) are ending up cooking dinner for our families and my father! How'd that happen?

PHXscuba

 

[Zeebs]

It would appear it only matters if you want to celebrate it at Disney and not celebrate it on the "right" date. Ever seen "those" threads.

Celebrating something when you can all get together is more important than just because it happens to fall on a date that suits.

Kirsten

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I am flexible with birthdays and anniversaries--I don't get bothered if something we are doing isn't on the actual day so long as I am not "ignored" on the actual date.

We celebrated my son and DH's birthday on DH's birthday at Disney. Dad doesn't live in the same state as us anymore and he was home on a weekend for his birthday. DS's birthday was several days later and he was turning 3 and we had no plans to buy him a pass as our passes were finishing up. They celebrated together which to me was more important. We didn't even celebrate DS's birthday on teh actual day as we had plans with another family, but they were sick. So DS didn't get his birthday cake until 4 days after. But at 3, I am not worried that he'll be scarred for life. I'm pregant and alone and it's all good!

 

[squirrel]

Count my family in as not always celebrating on the actual date.

My youngest sister and I have birthdays 4 days apart. BIL is on April 17, his son (just born this year) is on the 12th, sister's is on 20th and mine is on the 24th. We celebrated all of ours (except the baby) on Easter weekend (Sunday). Normally, we don't add Easter into the birthdays but with the new baby and all this year we did.

My mom, niece and my dad all have birthdays this month. No date has been set yet as to when we will celebrate. My sister has a wedding this weekend and a baby shower next weekend. So it looks like we will celebrate everything late. We will have to add in Mother's Day also.

We do however make sure to call on everyone's actual birthday to wish them a Happy Birthday.

I missed Thanksgiving last year and will again as I seem to like to travel to WDW during our Thanksgiving.

Christmas is celebrated on Christmas Eve. We always do appetizers and open gifts on Christmas Eve. In the morning we go to our parents house for brunch and stockings. One sister alternates years with the in-laws. The other doesn't. The grandparents only see the kids when their dad takes them over to see them (they aren't divorced-just In-laws aren't nice to my sister so she will have nothing to do with them).

 

[drcbpearce]

Thanks everyone for making me feel that I am not alone! I totally forgot that it's not uncommon for DH and I to celebrate our anniversary late. December is crazy for retail people, which he is, so often it's January, or even Feb before we can get something together! For our 10th, we actually celebrated early and went to Denver in October, rather than Denver. I totally agree, it's the gathering of family that' most important.

That being said, my DM is totally fine with us getting together for Mother's Day on Saturday rather than Sunday. I am actually kind of surprised, but happy about that. God knows getting reservations anywhere on Sunday will be like pulling teeth, so Saturday will be good and my DH and our kids can spend some good time together, since these past wks have been crazy. I'm happy. She's happy. SIL is happy. We are all happy. And the funny thing, my DH is working and can't go, and he's happy about that. He's not crazy about my side of the family. he tolerates them, he's a very laid back person, but this way, everyone is happy.

YAY! So, I say, Thank you to everyone who chimed in and Happy Mother's Day to all of the Super Moms out there who work so hard to take care of their families!

 

[Becky2005]

Our family is weird like that. We have celebrations at all types of different times for different reasons.

We have an extended family Christmas and it is NEVER actually on Christmas. This year it was Jan. 2 I think and I think the next one is sometime in Jan. 2011 also. My mom & her 3 sisters take turns hosting.

We held my mom's 70th birthday which is in August in July because that is when my sister had her vacation time (she lives in another state) and could get home to visit.

We are constantly switching things up like that.

 

[deerhart]

LOL in my family we celebrate a bunch of things all lumped together on one date (this is because we all share a bday right next to another family member). We rarely celebrate something on that date unless it falls on a weekend.

For example. my oldest son's bday was a week ago. He got his present for us on his b-day and we took him out to dinner, but the real celebration was a trip to the baseball game on Sunday with us and the grandparents. Of course, since they live 3 hours away, they couldn't be here for his weekday b-day.

 

[angelisagemini]

Well...my husband is a Marine, so if we only celebrated on real dates then we would never have any holidays!

Celebrate when you want to!

 

[drcbpearce]

Yeah, I totally get that! My husband is in retail and has to work many holidays, so we don't get to celebrate on the day sometimes.

For Mother's Day, we took my DM & stepdad to lunch on SATURDAY *GASP* and it was lovely. Everyone enjoyed themselves and had a nice time. My DB was the one who was worried the most. He's kind of a dork these days. But his b-day is coming up and things are going to be wild and crazy then, so SIL brought a cake and we celebrated his b-day as well! It was nice and laid back, and it allowed us all to have a relaxing day yesterday, which is nice for a change! No one had to cook or clean, well, my DH did, but that's different!

I hope everyone had a nice Mother's day, whenever it's celebrated! i agree, it's when you're together that matters!

 

[scrapquitler]

changing the date of the celebration wouldn't matter TO ME, but there sure are a lot of poeple out there to whom it does.

I will give you a scenario that happened to us last year. Normally we spend Thanksgiving with my in laws. My parents were always cool about celebrating the holiday on a different date if need be, and of letting us (grown kids) celebrate with our spouses family or at home if we would rather do that. Well last summer, my Dad passsed away after a short but intense illness. My Dad's birthday would have been two days before Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving was the first holiday that Dad wasn't here for. Things were very difficult for my Mom as you might expect. My nephew was also the starting quarterback for the high school football game, and the 'big game' is on Thanksgiving morning. My brothers and I, along with our spouses, decided that instead of going our separate ways as we usually do on Thanksgiving, that we we would all go the Thanksgiving game as a family to watch my nephew play (my Dad was Thrilled that nephew is on the team and SOOO proud of him!) and then we would go to my Moms (which is right around the corner from the football field) for Thanksgiving dinner and to be with Mom. Sounds great. Oh wait, the in Laws, who are rather self centered. So we tell the in-laws what we are doing, and say, "So we will be hosting Thanksgiving at our house for you (and brother in law) on Saturday instead of Thursday"....Well you would have thought that it was the END of the World. We were told in no uncertain terms that "We ALWAYS spend Thanksgiving at your house, and Thanksgiving is THURSDAY not Saturday. We won't be coming, you can't just change the day of a holiday,it's not right". So we told them that we were sorry we were going to miss them. LOL. Eventually they did come around and come to our house on Sunday, but not without giving us grief about it. Seriously, I should let my MOTHER, the widow spend the first holiday (two days after Dad's birthday) alone? When I asked the MIL that she said "Well your brothers can be there". And she wonders why I"m not a big fan of hers?

So yeah, most reasonable people don't have an issue with rearranging things by a few days to accomodate schedules and people's need to be several places for a holiday, but SOME people are not able to be that reasonable.

 

[drcbpearce]

So sorry to hear about your dad. It is difficult, for sure. I'm glad you stood your ground w/the in-laws. It always amazes me when things like that happen b/c you know if the shoe was on the other foot, they'd want you to be with them instead. I'm glad they finally came around. My in-laws are kind of like your parents, they let all of us be with our families on the holiday, then we'll get together a few days after. Hopefully, now they'll be a little more accomodating for you guys.