Punishing my DD as we speak, am I being too harsh?

[Disney1fan2002]

OK, she is 6 years old, and I have a hard time getting any of my 3 kids to pick up after themselves, but she is the worst. Today, all we asked of the kids was to pull all their bikes and toys out of the garage. We are packing to move by Tuesday. The all were gun-ho at first, but after about 25 minutes, DD needed a "break", then we would hear the big wheels on the cement. They were riding their toys! LOL. Finally, after she just stopped. She didn't want to do anymore. This is not up for negotiations. We are under the wire here, and they need to pitch in. I told her to go up to her room, no tv, she can come down for lunch, but then she is going right back up after lunch until dinner, then after dinner, she is going up to go to bed for the night, UNLESS she chooses to finish the garage. The boys left her a few things. She came down for lunch and ate, I asked if she was ready to go out to the garage, she went upstairs. FINE. Well, it has been 90 minutes since lunch, and she called down to ask if she could help me in the house. At this point, I have nothing for to help me with, Everything left to be down, she is too little. Besides, she is going to learn that she does not have a CHOICE in what she wants to do. I said no, it is the garage, or she stays in her room. Now she is sobbing away. I went up and talked to her and said she does not need to be crying, it is her choice to be in her room, she just has to finish her chore. More sobbing. No, she is not going out to the garage. So, she stays upstairs.

I am standing firm on this, because I usually would of given in by now and allowed her to come downstairs and NOT finish the garage. I realized what a monster I have created. So, after she spends the day in her room with no tv or toys, the next time I threaten to send her to her room for not doing what I ask, maybe she will remember the "torture"

Am I being too harsh? If I allow her to come down, the garage will not get done, so she is off the hook. I could FORCE her out to the garage, but should I?

 

[CEDmom]

I don't think you're being too harsh. You told her what the consequences would be and at 6 she should understand this. I get this with DD a lot and she'll be 5 in a few weeks. Just try to remember that it really is tougher on us than on them.

Good luck with the move.

 

[shortbun]

You asked for my opinion so here it is. Packing to move is not
the job of a 6 yo. I'd find somewhere else for her to be out
of the way-a friend's house, a relative or a babysitter. She is too
young to shoulder this much responsibility. Your lack of planning
for her should not be her problem. Obviously, you have misjudged her abilities and it is you who should change the plan.
IMHO. Also-keeping a 6yo in a room by herself for a whole day
because grownups can't be bothered is close to abandonment.
I may sound harsh here but you ARE being harsh with a 6yo
child. thanks for listening. As far as the "this is tougher on us
than them" opinion, I totally disagree. When it comes to preteens, the harder on us thing is sooo true. You are talking
about a small child here. Revamp your plans for her now and
admit that parents are not always right. She's had enough
punishment. She's too young to take on your adult responsiblities, way too young.

 

[Kirby]

No, you gave her a choice. You just have to have the strength to stick to your guns. If you give in, then she'll expect you to give in the next time.

Learning that there are consequences for actions/decisions are hard on both the child and the parent.

Good luck!

 

[eeyore kelly]

I do not think you are being too harsh. I know its hard, but stick to your decision. She'll think twice next time.

 

[elemusing]

As a teacher and a mother- I have to say you must follow through with your punishment IMHO. But, think about this: are the things in the garage still going to be there tomorrow or the next day. . . how long will you let them sit there before you or someone else packs them up? I would go up and tell her that she needs to come down now and I would help her clean them up. I have a 6YO and he gets very frustrated with cleaning his room as well. I tell him he has to do it, but I help by saying, "Now pick up your books and we will put them on your bookshelf. Now that you have your books put away, what do you think you should pick up next?" He chooses something and I help him put that away, etc.

You will be following through and teaching your 6YO how to clean up one thing at a time until the job is finished.

Good luck with your move and try to stay focused.

Angie

 

[mt2]

Stick to your guns!!!! It seems that all you asked was her to pull out her toys of the garage. I don't think that is too much to ask since she probably has done something like this in the past but to play with everything.

I know that my girls have pulled out their bikes, scooters, in line skates, and play dough all in one day. They would play with these things and go on to the next. Now putting them away was another VVVVEEERRRRYYYY long issue.

6 years is young to pack her entire bedroom but some toys. I don't think so.

Good luck with your move.

mt2

 

[sweet angel]

There's no reason she can't help pack HER toys. It's not like you're asking her to move boxes or furniture. Although, by letting her stay in her room, she still wins because she doesn't have to help. Can you make her sit in the garage where everyone is working. That way she's not totally isolated, yet she still isn't getting any privileges.

I don't know...tough call. If it was my son, I know he'd be doing everything in his power to get under my skin...

 

[Blueeyes101817]

nope, dont think you are being too harsh

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

This isn't a matter of whether she can do something or not, it is a total "Power Play". She is testing to see what SHE can control, verses what you have told her to do. If she had pitched in and really tried to do what you asked, and then couldn't physically do it, I would agree with Shortbuns. But since she never gave it a try, I am guessing that she is like MY DS6, who pulls the same stuff. I don't think you are being too hard on her, putting her in her room for flat out disobeying you isn't harsh at all. And I am -oh-so-familiar with the "bargaining" stuff, too--"Can I do this instead?" Another search for control. And since I have the same kind of "monster", I'll admit, that I created mine, too. Sometimes it is easier to do things yourself than to have a 6 year old do it. But they have to start sometime.. And you and I have to gain some control back from these "monsters" we have created!

And I disagree that a 6 year old packing to move is inappropriate. It is a family thing that needs to be done, and it is part of accepting the fact that you are moving to another house. I really don't see what is wrong with it!!

JMO...

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by shortbun
You asked for my opinion so here it is. Packing to move is not
the job of a 6 yo. I'd find somewhere else for her to be out
of the way-a friend's house, a relative or a babysitter. She is too
young to shoulder this much responsibility. Your lack of planning
for her should not be her problem. Obviously, you have misjudged her abilities and it is you who should change the plan.
IMHO. Also-keeping a 6yo in a room by herself for a whole day
because grownups can't be bothered is close to abandonment.
I may sound harsh here but you ARE being harsh with a 6yo
child. thanks for listening. As far as the "this is tougher on us
than them" opinion, I totally disagree. When it comes to preteens, the harder on us thing is sooo true. You are talking
about a small child here. Revamp your plans for her now and
admit that parents are not always right. She's had enough
punishment. She's too young to take on your adult responsiblities, way too young.

I'd agree with this if they expected the kids to pack up the whole garage but according to the OP all they asked was for the kids to take all their toys out of the garage. I don't think this is too much to ask of a 6 yo. I bet they do it all the time when they want to play.

Perhaps the punishment was a little severe but it doesn't amount to abandonment. I think giving in will be worse in the long run than the OP sticking to her guns.

Also, the tougher on you than her comment is very relevant to a small child. I don't like having to do things (like a time out) that make my DD cry but sometimes it is necessary.

 

[sweet angel]

More importantly, why are YOU posting here when you should be packing? Get out there and get back to work!! Chop chop!

 

[phyllis1966]

Originally posted by elemusing
As a teacher and a mother- I have to say you must follow through with your punishment IMHO. But, think about this: are the things in the garage still going to be there tomorrow or the next day. . . how long will you let them sit there before you or someone else packs them up? I would go up and tell her that she needs to come down now and I would help her clean them up. I have a 6YO and he gets very frustrated with cleaning his room as well. I tell him he has to do it, but I help by saying, "Now pick up your books and we will put them on your bookshelf. Now that you have your books put away, what do you think you should pick up next?" He chooses something and I help him put that away, etc.

You will be following through and teaching your 6YO how to clean up one thing at a time until the job is finished.

I agree with this opinion wholeheartedly. I definitely do not think you are being too harsh, but I feel that your DD should be helping the family. If she comes down and you help her a bit, she'll see that you didn't let her get her way, but maybe it won't seem so overwhelming, if that's what's bothering her. I know that when my 5yo DD has to clean what looks like a minor mess to me, she sometimes feels overwhelmed, and if I tell her I'll help, she feels better and usually does most of it without complaint! It's often amazing how their little minds work!

Good luck with your DD and with your move!

 

[bumcat]

sweet angel:
More importantly, why are YOU posting here when you should be packing? Get out there and get back to work!! Chop chop!
__________________________________________________



LOL, I was thinking the same thing. If you're down to the wire why are you on the computer? JK of course.

All I ever have to say to my kids is, "It's going in the trash if you don't put it up now". Works every time.

 

[crz4mm2]

Marie,
I am standing up applauding you!!! NO. you are not being too harsh. You gave her the punishment that you told her she would get. She still has the opportunity to change her mind and she CHOSE to take the punishment instead. Don't back down. You are doing fine.
I say 'bravo'.

Cathy- good luck with the move!

 

[Serena]

Not too harsh at all.

 

[lightningcoach]

I also have a strong-willed 6 year old. Her room looks like a tornando went through it every week and she would rather wash the windows then clean her room. It boils down to being a responsible member of the family. She knows that if her room doesn't get cleaned she doesn't get to have her friends over.

To the poster who said it was child abandonment leaving her in her room -GET A GRIP! We have enough self-centered kids running around expecting adults to heed their every beckon call. It is not abuse having rules that your child must follow. It is about boundaries and responsibility. It is not my job as a mom to amuse my child 24 hours a day and cater to their every whim. As a member of a family it is good to teach children responsibility and will also help her be involved with the move.
Besides some time alone helps a child develop their creativity. You're not leaving her locked in a room with your husband's tool kit and electrical saw so don't feel guilty.

 

[disneygals]

I'm all over the map on this one, so here are my jumbled thoughts....

The original request wasn't too much and you said she did help for 25 mins before she quit.

Yes, you should stick with your punishments, but is moving time really the time to "crack-down" on the kids? Would you have done this if you weren't stressed by the move? Maybe she's stressed out, too.

I don't think you did anything "wrong", but if you were 100 % sure, you wouldn't have asked. I'd talk to her, let her know that she needs to do better in the future, have her help you in some way and then let it end.

Good Luck with the move!

 

[decker96]

I don't think you're being to harsh at all. My oldest DD will be 7 in 2 weeks. I picked up after her for the first 3 years of her life and we too created a monster. Then her brother came along and I didn't have as much time so I tried to get her to start picking up after herself. Yeah right! She still cries, whines, throws a tantrum, begs for help when I tell her to clean up her toys. We started DS much earlier and he has no problem cleaning up when we tell him too. We will do this with youngest DD as well (she is only 11 months now).
You gave her a job which was not too difficult for her, told her what the consequences would be if she didn't follow through and she chose not to. That was her choice and now she faces the consequences. I would give her a time limit though. If she doesn't have the job done in by dinner, for example, you will do it, but she loses some other privelege. Especially since you're moving and the job does need to get done.
Good luck with your move!

 

[decker96]

Originally posted by lightningcoach
To the poster who said it was child abandonment leaving her in her room -GET A GRIP! We have enough self-centered kids running around expecting adults to heed their every beckon call. It is not abuse having rules that your child must follow. It is about boundaries and responsibility. It is not my job as a mom to amuse my child 24 hours a day and cater to their every whim. As a member of a family it is good to teach children responsibility and will also help her be involved with the move.

I totally agree!