Problems with not taking his name.

[stitchlet]

deleted

 

[twojo21]

i debated what to with my last name when i got married also, i felt my maiden name was part of my identity, i didnt like the idea of being my husbands property (old country thinking), etc. i debated the hyphen but both names were long, we debated blending our last names, etc. in the end i took my husbands last name because it meant alot to him & having his name go on when we have children. im happy as mrs.w & its part of who i am now just like my maiden name was as a young girl.

best wishes with your choice.

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

I am hyphenating my name, I never had any intentions of taking his surname. It is mainly beacuse I don't like being perceived as Mrs (his mother) I am my own person and I really like the way the hyphenated surname sounds with my first. I also don't particularly like his surname either and he isn't particularly bothered about me taking it. I'm hyphenating the childrens surnames too.
It's interesting to see everyones opinions on this.

 

[ryantab02]

It was never a question to me about my married name. My mother died of cancer when I was 18. She had her maiden name as her middle name and then took my dad's last name.

So, I always wanted to be like her in that way. I hope you come to a decision you both like! Many blessings

 

[luna99]

here is a GREAT interview with ariel stallings .. the author of "offbeat bride" .. talking about this very issue:

http://offbeatbride.com/

scroll close to the end of the page.. it's the post titled:

"In the media, Offbeat grooms: When Men Aren’t Wedded to their Own Name "

really interesting listen!

 

[vampirebunniegoddess]

I stilll havent decided what to do with my name but as for problems with not taking him name and kids later on I have heard of women who didnt change their names and gave their kids their husbands last name having problems proving that they were the birth mother in emergency situations such as at a hospital etc.
As a solution thoes with kids that had a different last name are told to carry a birthcertificate or notorized letter stating that they are in fact mother and gaurdian.
Hyphenating should not have this problem though.

 

[crisi]

I just noticed this thread - I'm not a bride - so I don't bop in here. I've been married twelve years and kept my name. My girlfriends are about 30/30/30 (keep/hypenate/change).

I had an early starter marriage. For that one I moved my maiden to my middle - that caused problems. I wouldn't recommend that from a problem standpoint. It can be confusing to people - particularly if you do what I did - I tried having two middle names - which was horrible. People really wanted to hypenate maiden-middle, and when I go looking for records from that period in my life, I have no idea how I'm filed in their records. Hypenating is apparently not as bad, but the confusion with moving it to middle - not good (and not good on the "confused the IRS" level - you don't want to confuse the IRS).

The second time I kept my name. In twelve years of marriage and with two kids in elementary school I've never had a single "problem." There are some minor issues - like I have to accept getting wedding invitation addressed to me with his last name (not a big deal to me), or that people can't find me in the phone book because I'm not listed - only he is and some people I know don't know him or his last name. Our kids have his last name, and its an amazing non-issue - with so many blended families, women keeping their maiden name, etc., it isn't like you'll be the only Mom in the classroom who has a different name than her kids.

Its up to you, but I wouldn't not change it because of "problems" - unless you are the type to get upset when the Christmas cards arrive with the wrong name on them.

 

[lurkyloo]

But nobody better ever call me Mrs. hisfirstname hislastname. I can't stand that, as if you are defined by who you are married to.

I hate hate hate hate that too but, grammatically, Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname is correct. One can be Jane Smith or Mrs. John Doe, but not Mrs. Jane Doe.

However, nobody does it that way anymore, probably for the same reasons you and I have - it sounds like you gave up your identity just cuz you got married!

 

[theantibride]

I am not changing my name -- I have never wanted to. I am literally the last one in my family's genealogical line. My fiance has never had a problem and actually we have decided that if we have a son he will carry on my family name and any other children will have fiancee's name. My mother used her maiden name as her middle name but she never had a middle name -- her family only has ever had first and last name. I know some folks that added their maiden to their middle but remember on a lot of forms you have to put your middle initial so you'll have to pick one. As for problems with kids having different last names than their parents I have never heard of a single person having problems. Especially with so many blended families in this day in age. You can always legally take his last name and then just continue to use your maiden name for business purposes or something. Whatever you decide, good luck and do what is right for you -- not for other people.

 

[Janet2k]

I've gone back and forth on this issue... at first I wanted to keep my last name or hyphenate it I think mainly because I"m half mexican and my last name is a mexican last name and I'm very proud of that fact ...but about a month ago I was with my DF and I suddenly had this moment of such love for him that I told him I'd take his last name. He got so happy about it... and it's kinda an issue for him that I take his last name because he says there can be complications later if I don't.. especially once we have kids... so what kind of complications I'm wondering? I can't even imagine what those problems could be. anyone want to shed some light on it for me?

Luna99, I’ve been married for 22 years. My husband is Hispanic and I am Caucasian (just thought I’d mention that since you brought up your race in your post). When we got married, I allowed him to keep his last name. I told him that I was a woman of the 80’s and it was okay with me if he kept his last name. He did.

Fast-foward through the years...

When we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary with a FTW custom vow renewal, I contemplated asking him to change his last name to mine in honor of our wedding anniversary. But since I had kinda grown used to his name over the years, I decided to let him keep it.

As to children, I promised him when we got married that our first child would have his last name, while all the rest of our children would have my last name. He thought that was a good compromise, and so did I since I was going to be bearing those children.

When our first child was born, he took his father’s last name. When our second child was born, she took my last name. We never got around to having more children, but if we had, they would have had my last name.

Growing up, our children thought it was odd that some of their friends had the same last names as their parents and siblings. We explained that some folks change their names when they get married, while other folks don’t. That simple explanation was good enough for our children. I need to note that our children also have friends who have different last names than their parents and siblings. Not all of our friends have followed the old convention of changing their names upon marriage. Plus, with a lot of second and third marriages amongst our friends, blended families always have multiple last names. It’s become the norm.

I have been around the block quite a few times. I have experienced many difficulties in life. However, none of my difficulties have ever resulted from the fact that my husband and I have different last names, as do our children. I think that’s an important point to note.

Before I end my post, here is a photo of my crazy little family so that you can put a name with a face: Janet & Rick’s family. What I shared here is simply my story. It works for me and my family. It might not work for other folks. And that is what makes life grand. Life is exactly what you make of it, no matter what your first, middle, and last name might be.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

 

[TiggerStac]

no worries! a lot of us here have done that...I just added my maiden name to my middle name, so now I legally have 2 middle names. My SS card and DL are very long! LOL
QUOTE]


This is what I did.