Problematic behavior in a lounge

[pindecisive]

DH and I stay at hotels a lot, but today something happened that I've never dealt with before.

Two men were having a conversation in the lounge. I'm not sure if they thought they were alone since I was sitting in a corner, but they were having a conversation with a lot of swearing. When their talk then turned problematic (edited to add: suggestively and sexually about genitalia, animals, and looking at genitalia)

I figured they didn't know I was there and politely told them they were making me uncomfortable. One forcefully yelled at me to leave, then yelled it again multiple times very aggressively. He scared me to the point that I went down to report them to management.

Has anyone dealt with bad behavior in a lounge? California is a two party state for taping someone, but I got the sense management needed proof to take any further steps.

 

[disykat]

My feeling is that, in general, people who do a lot of loud public swearing etc. don't care if other people hear it and feel that they are within their rights doing so. Telling them you were offended was fruitless and just asking for trouble. Leaving (and reporting them to staff if you wish) is a better option.

 

[Travel60]

While leaving may make you feel better in the moment, it is also surrendering to bad behavior. It is probably dangerous to confront them but IMO you were right to let them know it bothered you. Some people have never been taught civility and unless we call them out it is a lost cause. Perhaps a phone call to the hotel from your seat that something bad was happening in the lounge would have gotten management's attention.

 

[sam_gordon]

DH and I stay at hotels a lot, but today something happened that I've never dealt with before.

Two men were having a conversation in the lounge. I'm not sure if they thought they were alone since I was sitting in a corner, but they were having a conversation with a lot of swearing. When their talk then turned problematic I figured they didn't know I was there and politely told them they were making me uncomfortable. One forcefully yelled at me to leave, then yelled it again multiple times very aggressively. He scared me to the point that I went down to report them to management.

Has anyone dealt with bad behavior in a lounge? California is a two party state for taping someone, but I got the sense management needed proof to take any further steps.

How does talk "turn problematic"? Whether one likes it or not, swearing is not illegal. You did about everything you could do. Tell them their conversation is bothering you, and if it continues, report them to an employee, and leave.

I'm not often in hotels with lounges, but those that I have been in haven't been so big that there's not employees nearby. Surely one was around to report whatever he said to scare you.

 

[Suger Mag]

Two men were having a conversation in the lounge.

so you were eavesdropping on a private conversation and decided that their conversation was not to your liking and interrupted to tell them so?

 

[slo]

Yes….I’ve seen lots of bad behavior in lounges over the years. IMO, when people are in a lounge, especially an adult only area, they are free to speak how they wish. I may not like it, but that’s on me, and then I can decide to leave or stay.

The only time I get very annoyed about foul language is when people are speaking that way around children - that bothers me, even if the kids aren’t mine. But, I still wouldn’t say anything to strangers about it. They have their own free will to swear, just like I have my own free will to leave.

 

[ronandannette]

That would have bugged me too but I would have just chalked it up to living in a world with other people in it, which is sometimes irritating, rolled my eyes and left when I was ready. There may be those here that come in to defend profanity in speech (they’re more intelligent, more creative, blah, blah, blah...) but sorry - if every adjective or adverb out of your mouth is a swear word, I’m judging you.

 

[Allison]

Is it crass? In my opinion, yes. But, unless you hear them talking about illegal acts or something, they can speak how they want.

Would I have been rolling my eyes and thinking they were idiots? Sure.

 

[soccerdad72]

so you were eavesdropping on a private conversation and decided that their conversation was not to your liking and interrupted to tell them so?

Is it that private of a conversation if you're in a public seating area and not talking quietly?

 

[focusondisney]

They have their own free will to swear, just like I have my own free will to leave.

My thoughts exactly. I’m not exactly sure what the OP means by lounge. If it’s a club lounge, I probably would have taken my food/ beverage back to my room, stopping along the way to let the staff know. Probably tell them the men were talking aggressively & ask them to monitor the lounge because it was feeling uncomfortable/ unsafe to be there. That is an area everyone was paying to use, so everyone should feel comfortable/ safe there. If it was a bar lounge, I would have just left. It is a public area, there is no law against swearing. It is no longer safe or wise to confront strangers to correct their behavior. Many years ago my father might have said something like “hey guys..ladies & kids present, watch your language”. Years ago I had no qualms about honking at drivers who cut me off or made other unsafe, rude moves. I won’t do anything like that now. It’s just the world we live in now, people are entitled, aggressive & looking for a reason to be offended. You have no idea who is carrying a weapon or how quickly they will use it. Being smart about my safety is more important than making a point to strangers.

Swearing isn’t illegal in any way. If I don’t want to be around it, I would remove myself from the situation or otherwise use headphones or distraction to keep from listening. Now if they were doing something illegal, dealing drugs, planning an assault, that I’d probably report to someone.

 

[tvguy]

Lounge as in a bar at the hotel? If so, kind of comes with the territory and alcohol use. I would just leave without comment. Too many wacky people out there.

 

[Suger Mag]

Is it that private of a conversation if you're in a public seating area and not talking quietly?

it is a lounge or basically a bar, they were having a conversation. No they were not private in the sense it was their hotel room, but yes two people seated together talking is a "private" conversation as it is between them. The poster made the distinction already between two men having a conversation (implies normal speaking loudness) as later they remarked that they yelled at her after she interrupted them. You don't like a situation or are uncomfortable... then leave. Control yourself, not others.

Do you walk up to people you don't know in a bar who are seated together talking and interrupt them to tell them you don't like their conversation?

 

[soccerdad72]

it is a lounge or basically a bar, they were having a conversation. No they were not private in the sense it was their hotel room, but yes two people seated together talking is a "private" conversation as it is between them. The poster made the distinction already between two men having a conversation (implies normal speaking loudness) as later they remarked that they yelled at her after she interrupted them. You don't like a situation or are uncomfortable... then leave. Control yourself, not others.

Do you walk up to people you don't know in a bar who are seated together talking and interrupt them to tell them you don't like their conversation?

It wouldn't bother me, and I agree with most posters on the thread that say there's nothing wrong with what the men are doing. I just question how much expectation of privacy is expected in a public space.

 

[Kennywood]

The manager should have walked up to them and said,

 

[BrianL]

If people are being disturbing, it is up to the management of the establishment to address that. I would have told a staff member about it if it were egregious, but otherwise ignored it.

 

[Ursula J]

I'm curious if the "problematic" part was swearing, or if the content of what they were saying was somehow otherwise disturbing, like racism or violence.

 

[TippyThomas]

What was the general context of the conversation? Is that what you found problematic? Seems to be more to this in my opinion.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

Yes….I’ve seen lots of bad behavior in lounges over the years. IMO, when people are in a lounge, especially an adult only area, they are free to speak how they wish. I may not like it, but that’s on me, and then I can decide to leave or stay.

The only time I get very annoyed about foul language is when people are speaking that way around children - that bothers me, even if the kids aren’t mine. But, I still wouldn’t say anything to strangers about it. They have their own free will to swear, just like I have my own free will to leave.

Because this is how mature adults are supposed to act.

 

[Suger Mag]

It wouldn't bother me, and I agree with most posters on the thread that say there's nothing wrong with what the men are doing. I just question how much expectation of privacy is expected in a public space.

I would not talk about my bank account numbers in a lounge.... but I have been guilty of telling a naughty story or two with some choice words... that I could care less if someone overheard, if they are offended.... then don't listen in on my story about that time my best friend and I visited a... oh nevermind.

 

[Jennasis]

What was problematic about the conversation?