Problem with girl and my 15yo son (Long)

[Royalbear]

As I was washing my 15yo DS's pants last night, I found several notes, unsigned, from a girl with very vulgar and suggestive ideas. She mentioned all these fantasies she would like to carry out with him (69, handcuffs, showers). She did write her phone number on the note.

I asked my son about the notes, and he was very nonchalant and said it was from a Junior girl in his study hall--she was always giving him these notes. He said he didn't know her name and was not the least bit interested in her, nor was he bothered by the notes. Still, he is a 15 year old with hormones and curiosity. My dh was mortified that a girl would write these kinds of things, but was otherwise nonplussed about the whole thing.

I figure I have a few options:

1. Let it go--it's OK that girls write these things--it gives my son some 'street cred' that a junior girl is interested in him that way.

2. Call the girl (remember she put her number on the note) and tell her how much I enjoyed the notes she wrote my son. Tell her to cease and desist or I will report her to school authorities for sexual harassment and let her parents see the sweet notes.

3. Notify school authorities about the sexual harassment. (The study hall teacher is my son's football coach, so if he is testosterone driven, he may not see this as a big deal--what guy wouldn't want to be propositioned--also my son would be embarassed in front of his coach)

4. Have my son handle it--have him tell the girl the notes must stop or he would report it. (I would save the note with the phone number, and threaten to call the girl myself if he didn't talk to her and I found any more notes--I know this would mean he may hide the notes--but if you know my son, he is terrible about covering his tracks, so I know I would eventually find the notes again)

What would you do?

 

[Passions71203]

I don't know what i would do (Other than be really mad... )

 

[golfgal]

I vote for #1 unless it gets worse.

 

[Robinrs]

Let it go. Your son's doing the right thing by ignoring her.

My son is 15 also, he's amazed and disgusted by the suggestions he's received from girls as young as 12... ... and as old as 25...

 

[mickeyboat]

I would vote for #1, and not be so sure my son is as innocent as he portrays himself to be to you. I think if you choose any other option, you might be surprised by what you subsequently hear.

 

[MAKmom]

Just drop it. It will get all around the school that your sons Mommy had to save him from the bad girl. You really do not want to do this to a teenage boy.

Let your son have fun & tell the girl my mom found your notes.

 

[mamacatnv]

Just drop it. It will get all around the school that your sons Mommy had to save him from the bad girl. You really do not want to do this to a teenage boy.
Let your son have fun & tell the girl my mom found your notes.

Yep, I agree 100%

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Just a question for those that say to drop it- What if a boy was writing those same things to your daughter? Would you drop it then? I would mail them to her parents anonymously. Maybe save the kid from some heartache.

 

[lilyv]

Well, you don't want to sort of punish your son by embarrassing him with phone calls,and you also don't want to encourage him to become secretive because you might overreact when you see a note.
Personally, I'd talk to him, just as you did. I wouldn't like the situation, but I wouldn't want to make it worse, either. I'd drop it, after that.

 

[KyraS]

I would let it go. Believe it or not kids now days joke about things like this. I know it's horrible but just listening to my son and his friends talk about things girls say has me at times but they take it with a grain of salt and honestly don't take any of it seriously at all. From what I understand the girls would never follow through on any of it anyway. It's a way of flirting and joking

 

[golfgal]

Just a question for those that say to drop it- What if a boy was writing those same things to your daughter? Would you drop it then? I would mail them to her parents anonymously. Maybe save the kid from some heartache.

I would vote the same way if tables were turned too. I would NOT mail them to her family not knowing what THEY are like.

 

[RadioNate]

I think I'd feel like calling her and her parents and calling her a disgusting tramp but I think in reality I'd go with #1. Your DS isn't involved with the girl (or is he???) so right now it really isn't any of your business.

You involve the school or call the girl and your DS will have a bigger problem overcoming his mama's boy reputation.

If your DS tells the girl to quit and she doesn't HE needs to bring it up to the school. Personally since the study hall monitor is his coach, I would think he'd be comfortable talking to him.

 

[MAKmom]

Just a question for those that say to drop it- What if a boy was writing those same things to your daughter? Would you drop it then? I would mail them to her parents anonymously. Maybe save the kid from some heartache.

Yes I would drop it unless my daughter was upset about it.

BTW: If he/she were carring the notes around I have to wonder

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Another vote to do nothing. As the mom of a 17 year old - he would be mortified if I found something like that but even more so if I got involved in his business. Now if he was dating the girl - then we would have a discussion on how I DO NOT want to be a grandma until I'm at least 50! (another 8 years).

 

[RadioNate]

Just a question for those that say to drop it- What if a boy was writing those same things to your daughter? Would you drop it then? I would mail them to her parents anonymously. Maybe save the kid from some heartache.

I would hope my DD would be strong enough to tell the guy to knock it off or talk to a trusted teacher herself. If not she's got a brother who is 6 years older who would probably take care of it (kidding...kinda.)

Even in my DD's case I don't think I'd be running up to the school (can't speak for DH) and I definitely wouldn't be calling the kid.

 

[Jpgirl]

After raising 2 teens-1 girl 1-boy, I say #1 or #4. Calling her would be immature on you part and then you son would get teased for having a "lame parent". Not that I think you're lame-but the kids will. If your son isn't getting involved then there's nada to worry about. BUT this might be a good time to talk to your son about being intimate and what you expect from him-including your beliefs about pre marital sex and protection from disease or pregnancy if that is applicable. Being a parent to teens is tough but while they may roll their eyes-they really do want guidance on such matters.

 

[lovepurple]

Are you sure your son wasn't writing notes back? Why did he keep the notes in his pocket instead of just throwing them in the trash?
I think I would let my son know that I thought they were very inappropriate but would let it go at that. If you take any further action on his behalf it could make things worse for him.

 

[lilyv]

Just a question for those that say to drop it- What if a boy was writing those same things to your daughter? Would you drop it then? I would mail them to her parents anonymously. Maybe save the kid from some heartache.

Anonymous letters? This could cause a ton of trouble, and in addition it will just about guarantee the son will be ever so careful to close his parents completely out of his life, period.

 

[DMickey28]

I would use it as an oppurtunity for you and your DH to have an open talk with DS (possibly AGAIN) about Sex. I'd tell him, in general, what TYPE of girl would write these things. I think at 15 you have probably already taught him the majority of the skills, morals and values to deal with this sort of thing. You have an oppurtunity to drive it home one more time.

I would ask him to handle it. Even though he is not interested he might enjoy the attention (who wouldn't) but he will get tired of it quickly.

I WOULD NOT call the girl myself and I WOULD NOT contact the school unless it becomes obsessive. I WOULD NOT threaten my son saying that if he didn't stop it I WOULD call the girl.

I would allow him to show me that the skills I have taught him and the trust I have in him have an oppurtunity to shine through. I would keep an ear close to the ground though and probably be a little more 'curious' when cleaning his room or doing the laundry.

Now .... keep in mind I have a one year old son. But it wasn't THAT long ago that I was in high school!

 

[lilyv]

I would use it as an oppurtunity for you and your DH to have an open talk with DS (possibly AGAIN) about Sex. I'd tell him, in general, what TYPE of girl would write these things. I think at 15 you have probably already taught him the majority of the skills, morals and values to deal with this sort of thing. You have an oppurtunity to drive it home one more time.

I would ask him to handle it. Even though he is not interested he might enjoy the attention (who wouldn't) but he will get tired of it quickly.

I WOULD NOT call the girl myself and I WOULD NOT contact the school unless it becomes obsessive. I WOULD NOT threaten my son saying that if he didn't stop it I WOULD call the girl.

I would allow him to show me that the skills I have taught him and the trust I have in him have an oppurtunity to shine through. I would keep an ear close to the ground though and probably be a little more 'curious' when cleaning his room or doing the laundry.

Now .... keep in mind I have a one year old son. But it wasn't THAT long ago that I was in high school!

Your son may be only one but I think your suggestions are quite good and very well thought out.