Pregnancy and husband..PLEASE HELP!

[BELLE1109]

DH just turned 29 and I am 26, so I think we are in a similar boat age wise...
We sat down and made a list of things that are necessary for us before having kids... owning a home (check), paying off our credit cards (almost there), the ability for me to work only part-time (should be there in the next 2 years)

and a list of things we'd like to do before kids, but could easily give up...Greek cruise, Pats season tickets, etc.

While people say you'll never be 100% ready, I want to be as close as humanly possible in terms of finances. We'd also love to check some things off the dream list first. I think an honest conversation about his fears would go a long way.

good luck!!!

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

They've only been married for a year, they are still in their 20s, and OP is already pressuring her husband for kids, instead of just enjoying their marriage.

DH and I decided that we didn't want to be "older" parents. We had our kids when I was 25, him 27 and at 27/29.

It all depends on what their timeline is. There are those who are perfectly happy being married for several years before having kids, others want to start right away. Personally, we wouldn't have enjoyed our kid-free time as DH doesn't like to travel/go places. We would have stayed home, together all of the time.

I wouldn't trade anything to be where our life is now. It's not perfect, but it's ours and we do our best to make time for each other, especially now that we are on opposite shifts. There's a lot of give and take, and if they are willing to work through that - they'll be just fine.

 

[*Meagan*]

Please be prepared for the fact that your husband may never be ready. I know of one couple who never had children. Another couple who split over the issue, and a third who had the kids the husband left and now she is a single mother.

We have discussed. And we both want children. Maybe I want them a little more than him at the moment. Marriages don't agree with one another 100% of the time

I'll reiterate... there is A) no perfect time and B) you are NEVER 100% ready. It's just not possible.

What you guys should do is sit down and look over your numbers. Baby needs food, clothing, and shelter. Everything else is a bonus. If you can provide for baby in those ways, you're good.

You don't have to buy everything new either. There are several resale shops across the country that stock gently used items for you to purchase. I would recommend buying a new crib though... We inherited a crib for DS, I bought a new changing table at Goodwill for $20. Family members purchased our playyard (with a bassinette) and stroller and a lot of the consumable items to get us started. I bought a bouncy seat with gift cards I received at my shower. You can do it.

Do you guys have a good support system around (family/friends)? He needs to feel comfortable with the idea first and foremost. Do you have any male friends with kids?? Could they have a guy's night out to talk to one of them? Male-male convos achieve greater results than you guys talking through it sometimes, especially if he's got a good friend who is already in the situation.

Thank you!

Yeah, I think I overreacted there. That was a bit harsh. I apologize.

As for when will he be really ready?

Thank you and no problem.

They've only been married for a year, they are still in their 20s, and OP is already pressuring her husband for kids, instead of just enjoying their marriage.

If I were her husband, I would wonder if I was just a means to an end.

WOW. You are ridiculous!

When did I ever say I was pressuring my husband?

I have never give my husband an ultimatum, EVER! Nor would I. Also we do not want to be "older" parents. Half of his friends have been married since their early 20's. That is how this state works. Marriage and children at a young. I actually think we are the perfect ages for children. Not too young and not too old.

Marriage is a life long thing for us. And we are enjoying it! And I would enjoy it even more with children..as a family! Sorry you do not agree or under stand this.

I think you are totally out of line. I definitely do not need your input. Its simply rude and un-called for.

Thanks anyways.

 

[Buckalew11]

I said I was 29 when DD was born...I wish I'd have been a little younger and DH too. We weren't "old" by any means but if I was to do it all over again, I would not have waited--knowing now what I did not know then.

You all sound like you'll be fine to me. But as a hairdresser, I hear lots of "mommy" stories.

 

[*Meagan*]

I said I was 29 when DD was born...I wish I'd have been a little younger and DH too. We weren't "old" by any means but if I was to do it all over again, I would not have waited--knowing now what I did not know then.

You all sound like you'll be fine to me. But as a hairdresser, I hear lots of "mommy" stories.

Thank you very much! You were definitely not old. BY any means.. I do not mean 28+ is old. I just wanted to have a child by then.

LoL I tell my hairdresser everything!

 

[labdogs42]

Funny, in my marriage, I was the reluctant one and Dh was the one talking about babies sooner! I wanted to have some money put away, etc. and I wanted to travel a bit before we had any kids. So, I declared that I thought 30 would be a good age to start trying and no one should bug me about it until then (my mom was the one asking as soon as we got married, so i needed to get her off my back!). So, that's what we did. I went off the pill on my 30th birthday and we were pregnant by my 31st birthday! I'd ask him for some specifics, like when does he think he'll be ready?, what does he want to do before you have your first child -- is it a special vacation or having X amount of money in the bank? Maybe if he thinks about it, he might be more ready than he thought! Good luck! I'm a total over-analyzer, so I can understand your DH's hesitations! Having a child is totally scary, but totally worth it!

 

[*Meagan*]

Funny, in my marriage, I was the reluctant one and Dh was the one talking about babies sooner! I wanted to have some money put away, etc. and I wanted to travel a bit before we had any kids. So, I declared that I thought 30 would be a good age to start trying and no one should bug me about it until then (my mom was the one asking as soon as we got married, so i needed to get her off my back!). So, that's what we did. I went off the pill on my 30th birthday and we were pregnant by my 31st birthday!

LoL. I have heard this too!! I also have heard of marriages... DH being ready and DW not and then vice versa!

Thanks for your input!