Please Tell Me if I'm Overreacting...

[Chattyaholic]

Last night we celebrated my DS's 30th birthday. He and his DW invited us (myself and my DH), our DD and her DH, and another couple they are friends with. The plan was to go to dinner, then a couple bars. DH couldn't go to dinner with us because he was planting corn, but met up with us at the first bar. About 9:30 we went to the second bar and they had a band so we had a few drinks, danced, it was fun. Then about 11:30 DS and his DW and the other couple stood up and said they were going to Lansing, apparently to a "strip club" and DS didn't feel comfortable going there with his mother and sister, which is understandable. I felt hurt though, because I took the night off work and so did my DD's DH. I felt they should have chosen another place to go where we ALL would have been welcome and felt comfortable going. As it was they left, and the fun stopped so we went home. I talked to my DD this morning and she felt it was rude of them too. I feel that if you're going to invite someone to a "night out on the town" they should be invited to participate in ALL of it, not just the first half. So, do I have the right to feel hurt or am I making too much of it?

Also, I had gotten him a birthday balloon arrangement and they didn't even take it with them. I thought they should have taken it. Even if DS didn't really want it, they could have taken it home for the kids to play with and I wouldn't have had to see it get left behind. So that bothered me too.

I know I will "get over it" and life will go on. But if the shoe were on the other foot and I invited someone to celebrate my birthday, I wouldn't ditch them to go somewhere they wouldn't be comfortable. I would choose a place where we could ALL go and have fun. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive, I don't know... Tell me what you think, please.

 

[sweet angel]

I think it was rude. I also think it was rude to leave the balloons behind.

 

[Christine]

I don't think you are overreacting at all. You are right that if someone is going to invite you out for a celebration, then they should just abruptly end it like that and leave you hanging.

The balloon thing was pretty bad too.

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

I would have been upset too. I don't think you are overreacting. I mean, come on, THAT was the ONLY night they could go to that strip club? If going there was so important, then they should have made those plans for a different night.

I know I'd have been upset, but I am not sure if I would make a big deal out of it.

Your DS's wife is a very understanding one. No way would we be spending my husbands birthday at a strip club.

 

[DVCLiz]

It disturbs me to think that anyone would even acknowledge the existence of strip clubs in front of his mother....but frankly, I think it's weird that you are socializing with them in that way in the first place. I just don't know many people who could party down with their mom and dad!! Not bad weird, just trying to imagine myself in that position with my mom and dad, who would NEVER have gone to a bar with us in the first place.

Maybe the moral is...have a family celebration separate from the party with friends.

Sorry you had your feelings hurt.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Feeling hurt is not a "right"...it is an emotion. That would be a NORMAL reaction to what you have described. Cannot fix normal.

Being angry at your son for telling you to buzz off, is another story. He was jerk, end of story.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I would have been upset too. I don't think you are overreacting. I mean, come on, THAT was the ONLY night they could go to that strip club? If going there was so important, then they should have made those plans for a different night.

I know I'd have been upset, but I am not sure if I would make a big deal out of it.

Your DS's wife is a very understanding one. No way would we be spending my husbands birthday at a strip club.

Really, all the replies pretty much sum up my opinion too, Chatty. Your son and his wife were real clods, in so many respects.

 

[ktink]

I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt. That would have upset me as well. I think they should have made arrangements to do their thing on another night. I think it's good that ya'll have a close relationship that you can go out and do things, after all everyone is an adult here. But I think they should have been more considerate.

 

[kristen821]

I agree it was very rude, but he still loves you. Maybe you can mention next time he is going to ditch you for a strip club he needs to warn you before you take off work.

 

[ilovepcot]

I'd feel the same way as you.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I agree that your son acted poorly. Plain and simple. To go off and leave you and the others is boorish and to leave the balloons is rude.

 

[Fan2CSkr]

I would be upset also. The evening sounded so enjoyable until that moment. He should have saved the strip club for another night. Dont be upset about the balloons though, I'm sure it was an oversight leaving them behind.

 

[salmoneous]

All I know is my Mom would be thrilled with dinner and then two bars afterwards. I think there are ton of mom's who would be as well. Although I can't say you were "wrong" to feel slightled, you could focus on how nice it is that you have such a great and close relationship with your son.

 

[Chattyaholic]

Thanks everyone for the support and hugs, I appreciate it.

Yes, we do have a close relationship, we've been through a lot with him and have always stood by him. He and his wife (he just re-married in October) and their children live right next door to us and I know most people would HATE living next to their parents/in-laws but it's fine for us. In fact MY in-laws lived in the same house next door to us for many years and we got along just fine. I enjoy having them living close by, and we don't interfere in their lives and vice versa. But we "hang out" together as often as possible, go camping with them in the summer, to the NASCAR races, have a campfire in the yard, go out to eat, etc. so it really isn't strange for us to go to a bar together. We don't do it often, maybe a couple times a year so it's not like we're drunkards or anything like that.

And in my son's defense, I do have to say the strip club was actually his wife's idea. I don't understand why she would want to take him there, I know I wouldn't want to take MY DH there. But I agree with others that they should have done THAT another night, instead of leaving the rest of us and going off on their own.

I probably won't say anything to him, it really won't do any good now. And he really is a good son, most of the time.

 

[Chattyaholic]

All I know is my Mom would be thrilled with dinner and then two bars afterwards. I think there are ton of mom's who would be as well. Although I can't say you were "wrong" to feel slightled, you could focus on how nice it is that you have such a great and close relationship with your son.

That's exactly the reason I'm not going to say anything to him about how I felt. And part of how I felt might have been due to "a few Margaritas" too

 

[robinb]

I would be more upset that he, at the ripe old age of 30, had not yet outgrown strip clubs.

As to your original question, I don't think you are overreacting at all.

 

[ticktock]

I would be more upset that he, at the ripe old age of 30, had not yet outgrown strip clubs.

I totally agree with this. I also would be worried about that new daughter in law. Sounds like she's leading your son down a bad path. What a freak!

 

[DawnCt1]

I agree with you. They were rude and insensitive and when you are feeling less upset about it, I would discuss it with him.

 

[Chattyaholic]

I totally agree with this. I also would be worried about that new daughter in law. Sounds like she's leading your son down a bad path. What a freak!

No, really, she's very sweet and we love her very much. She is much better than DS's previous girlfriend was and we are HAPPY for him. She takes good care of him (even made him go to the doctor for a check-up and a sleep study because of his snoring), and treats his children like her own. She's very frugal with his money and knows how to stretch a dollar to its limit. She keeps a clean home for him, is a good cook, I could go on but please understand that she's not a bad person.

And in DS's defense, he's not a "regular strip-club go-er". He's only been to one a couple other times in his life.

 

[Saffron]

I know I would have been hurt, but I have to say something.

I think it's wonderful that you have such a close relationship with your son and his new wife that they feel they can be open and honest with you. I know at the ripe old age of 48, if for some reason I felt like taking my SO to a strip club after a night out with his parents (wouldn't happen in a million years ), I would have just said I was tired, the party's over and pretended to go home, then sneeked out the back door when you were all tucked inside your house. LOL!

I'm glad you all had a great time up until that point and that it's not that big of a deal for you today.