please ignore

[crisi]

And no we don't know your entire life, but you have posted enough that we can make some fairly safe assumptions. For instance:

You had a child at 17
(assumption: that child is the same child that is in your house now).
You bought a house at 25.
Your child was 11 last year (so she is either twelve now, or close to it).
So you are approximately 29 years old.
You have owned your home four years (approximately).

BTW, you've also given enough information that anyone here who wants can figure out your husband's salary.

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

snipped. . . OH and I did look hard for a message board regarding this subject and didn't find one.

I was not looking for "its not your fault" .... I was looking for ... here's what worked for me. That my dear friends... is something I see now is something some of you can't see.

I can definately help with this one.
This is what worked for us.

DH and I were in serious debt for our income. We were feeling really bogged down with the burden of the debt we carried but we didn't know of any way out. We had never been taught or given sound financial advice growing up and we started believing that debt was a "normal" way of life. After all, that's how our parents lived and friends of ours live heck, half of America lives. I hated living that way even if I was taught it was the "normal" way to live and that we'd always have a car payment and mortgage payment. . . Then I stumbled across Dave Ramsey, which you too said you've heard of. By following his advice we have managed to pay off about $13,000 to $14,000 in debt and most of that was credit card payments! Some of it was a car payment which is now paid for YAA! (that's a great feeling) and some were stray doctor bills.

I work best when I am held accountable for my progress so I belong to two message board groups like the dis which are strictly focused on getting out of debt and sound financial management.
One forum is found at Dave Ramsey's own website My Total Money Makeover where you can sign up with a free tour of the site. Don't pay for the membership if you are just wanting to use the forums as they are free. I had a membership there but I never used the other tools on the site so I let the membership go (it was just an added expense that we didn't need) and just use the free forums which are set up like the Disboards.
The second group I belong to is on Yahoo groups. It is called FinancialBootCamp .
Here is a description of this group:

THE most comprehensive and encouraging email list on personal finance! This *focused* group discusses books and strategies for goal-achieving in the realm of financial planning. This may include becoming debt-free, purchasing a home, accountability in marriage, retirement planning, increasing savings, encouraging thrift, protecting your assets, and more! We are also an online support group, encouraging one another and holding each other accountable in the areas of financial goals. If you would like to discuss Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace" or "More than Enough"; Amy Daczyzyn's "The Tightwad Gazette;" "The Millionaire Next Door" or "Your Money or Your Life," then please join us! Prospective members should know that the list is moderated from a Christian perspective, although recruits of all faiths are welcome.

Both groups are very focused and are not for the "faint of heart". If you post something on these boards about the problems you are having they will do all they can to point you in the right direction. They will give you good advice because most, I'd say 99% of the people, have been in debt or are climbing their way out of debt. They know what works because they've done it! They've been in the trenches. They will support you and encourage you as you work your way out of debt and out of financial woes but they won't tolerate excuses! I'm not saying that you are making excuses or will make excuses I'm just forwarding on a friendly word of advice should you decide to join their boards.

DH and I have been there. They say that personal finance is 80 percent behavior and 20 percent head knowledge. Our biggest problem was our behavior. Once we were given the knowledge of how money works it took a colosal effort to change our ways and habits. I, personally, had to get rid of my entitlement attitude. DH never had an entitlement attitude but I sure did. I still fight it almost daily even with things that may not even be money related. "I deserve to sit here on this couch and watch my show, I've worked hard all day. . . I deserve for you (DH) to make the bed for me today because I do it all week along with everything else around here. . . I deserve to go to Lancaster for the weekend (and spend money we don't have on gas, hotels and food) to get away because my grandfather just died and I've got to just get away from here and get away from the pain of the reminders. . ."
Sometimes getting out of debt requires sacrifice and that doesn't always mean specifically the money but sacrifice of our desires and what we may think we deserve ~but only for a short time, I promise~. This hasn't been easy for DH and I because there definately was no quick fix solution just hard determination that we were going to change our financial solution. I'm on here all the time getting Disney fixes because DH and I made up our mind that we were stopping all vacations until the debt was gone but the end is almost in sight. It hasn't been easy. There have been times when I would have loved to just escape to Disney as it is mine and DH "happy place". I know that sounds so cliche' but really it is. DH is self-employed and I can attest to how much harder you work when you work for yourself (becuase if you're not working no money is coming in). At Disney we can unwind there and reconnect there but oooohhh how terrific it will feel when we go in November for 10 glorious days (the longest we've ever gone for) not to owe anybody any money when we come home. We won't owe Chase, we won't owe Disney for our DVC purchase, we don't owe the bank for our car. . .

Sorry to have rambled on there at the end I guess I got caught up in my own daydreaming. Mainly, I just wanted you to know about the other message boards.

HTH

 

[cruisnfamily]

I asked once but didn't get an answer....Do you have equity in your home?

Can you roll your debt into a 2nd mortage? NOT a Home Equity line but a Home Equity Loan. Fixed rate and payment over a fixed period of time not an open line.As I see it, based on what you've said, this could be a great avenue for you to explore. Obviously you don't want to downsize your home, cars or kids schooling(which I understand) but something's got to give. Either the income has to come up or the debts have to go down....the 2nd mortgage might be a way to do that.

Other than that, I've found all kinds of great suggestions on here for ways to save money here and there but then everybody says put the extra $ in your Disney fun. Well, when you're not making ends meet, don't put the money in your disney fund, put it in your grocery fund or your loan payment fund.

If you could give us some actual numbers(and I understand if you don't want to!) we could probably help you crunch them into some kind of budget.

Also, the single best terrific thing I ever did for us financially was to invest in Quicken. I track all income and expenses and it really helps me stay on track and see where exactly I'm at. It costs about $50 which may not be inyour budget right now but it's a really great investment when you can swing it.

Good luck with all of this and keep posting...I'd really be interested to hear your progress.

 

[peacefulgirl]

please ignore

 

[peacefulgirl]

please ignore

 

[tlbwriter]

And no we don't know your entire life, but you have posted enough that we can make some fairly safe assumptions. For instance:

You had a child at 17
(assumption: that child is the same child that is in your house now).
You bought a house at 25.
Your child was 11 last year (so she is either twelve now, or close to it).
So you are approximately 29 years old.
You have owned your home four years (approximately).

That child was her son, who is 19 now. Her daughter is her second child.

 

[MELSMICE]

Just wondering - how does someone get by when they have a $400 deficit per month? How do you actually put food on the table & fill your gas tank?

It seems to me (& this is just an assumption) that you didn't budget when making previous purchases & decisions (ie. cars, schools, activities, etc.) If you did then you wouldn't have the payments you have & wouldn't be $400 in the hole every month.

Didn't you say that you & your DH work opposite shifts? If that's the case then why don't you get rid of one car? You can drive each other to work or take public transportation. Cab fare may be less expensive than keeping a car on the road at this point.

Also, if your DD is only or 12 then there's no reason she can't switch to public school - it will not hurt her socially or emotionally at this point. My kids all go to public school & if you're an involved parent there is no reason your DD won't do well.

A car & private school would be 2 major things that I would cut from the budget.

Just a few suggestions - which I think you said you're looking for.

 

[peacefulgirl]

please ignore

 

[C.Ann]

So I'll ask you again........

I'm just totally confused now.. You say that you have already cut everything to the bare bones and you still can't make ends meet.. Yet whenever someone points out something else that you really could/should cut out, you are totally resistant to the idea.. So just what is it that you expect people to tell you?

The ONLY solution to this problem is to bring in more money, but you say that isn't possible..

So again - if you have already cut out everything that you are willing to cut out, you and your DH are unwilling or unable to bring in any additional income, what EXACTLY is it that you think anyone can say that WILL change the situation..?
--------------------------

The only posts you seem to repond to in a positive manner are the ones that say, "Well xxx% of tha Amercain population is in debt, so you're not alone.."
How does that prove helpful to you?

If you're sincerely interested in having people tell you what to do - or tell you what they have done - you need to LISTEN to what they're saying and act accordingly..

My suggestions would be:

Get rid of the cable.. "Reception" is not a valid excuse when you are coming up $400 a month short..

Get rid of one phone or the other.. Two phones are a luxury when you are $400 a month short..

Take your DD out of private school.. Private school is a luxury when you are $400 a month short..

If none of the above helps you to close that gap in your money that is coming in and money that is going out, someone needs to get a second job..

If someone doesn't get a second job, then you are going to have to sell your house - end of story..

No one here is being cruel - they're being REALISTIC - and there's a BIG difference..

You'll feel a whole lot better about your life once you choose to get serious and do what needs to be done..

 

[peacefulgirl]

please ignore

 

[peacefulgirl]

please ignore

 

[C.Ann]

Congrat's on your success!!!!!!
This is exactly the stuff I am looking for. Thanks for it all!!

------------

And do you honestly think that the people on those message boards are going to tell you anything different than what folks here have told you?

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

That feeling of "deserving" treats is a bear trap.
Had a friend i rarely see now because she makes such poor financial decisions that it is painful to be around her.
She was losing her house (3 months without paying the mortgage) but still renting movies, eating out, buying new clothes.
The Housing assistance people bailed her out because they figure it is cheaper to prevent homelessness than fix it.

Her house is now in ex name because he could qualify for refinancing and she couldn't.
She spent over 100 k in house equity in 3 years because she was starting her own business doing what she loves. She "can't" work for anybody else.

The year before that she received a 150 k insurance settlement. All gone.
She doesn't know how to manage her money and doesn't want to learn.

And i bet she is going to feel sorry for herself when she is 65 and has nothing. None of it will be HER fault.

 

[mickey'sbud]

I've been keeping up with this thread....can't stand it anymore....so I'm posting too.

In life we have to make "wise choices". However, not all of our choices are wise and we may not know we did not make the "best" choices until after the fact. We "don't" make bad choices because we "want to." But, we find ourselves in circumstances that we would prefer not to be in sometimes, and we learn what not to do in the future. And, yes, sometimes we make the same unwise choice again.....that's LIFE! I'm sure we all agree on that.

First of all you seem to be very intelligent. You are on the right path, because you want to make a change in the way things are for you and your family. THAT is a "WISE CHOICE." You are well on your way. You can do it!

The one thing I have learned over my struggles in life, be it financial or otherwise, is that what is important to one person may not be important to another person. We tend to spend or put our money on what is important to us. It depends on your situation and your personal ideas of what is "important" to you. Some parents have to sacrifice so their children can go to private school due to the bad local public school situation. But, my point is we will not all perceive "what" is important the same way.

And to the group, yeah, we can figure out alot about the OP, so what???....we still don't know her personal circumstances, we don't walk in her shoes, even though we may have walked a similar path. It is easy to tell someone what to do, perhaps easier than being encouraging... I feel the OP has been beaten up enough....let's just be helpful from here out without sarcasm.

AND YES, all of your suggestions are "helpful" and I know everyone is trying to be helpful....just try not to be so abrasive!

One final thing to the OP, you know what to do. You have gathered ALL the information needed. As you know, there is no magic silver bullet to wipe it out. Believe in yourself and do it to the best of your ability. It will take time and you know that...so good luck and stay encouraged and believing in God and yourself that you will over come this.

For everyone, I have my flame suit on --- I'm ready

 

[Nini]

I too have been overwhelmed many times over financial shortage issues! I have begun to explore "income streams" for me and my family. I do own my own business (wedding & event planner) and have tax id # so I can sell certain relatable products. I am currently writing a booklet for my wedding planning services aimed at Budget Conscious Brides and will have my copyright in place very soon. I will also be creating other items to sell via my website.

What this means is that my "planner" income is one potential "income stream" and every other item I sell is another "income stream". Basically, I prefer income streams to require as little of my personal time as possible. This way, I can be free to create new products and services.

By the way, I was a sahm and since my dd3 attends preschool, I have taken a pt job (0ffice work) which provides me with approx. $600.00 additional income per month for just 15 hours of work weekly!!!

As my dh only gets a paycheck on the 1st and 15th, it can be difficult financially making it through those weeks with no paycheck. That is why I have taken the pt job.

Life is definately getting easier with each step I take!!!

Keep your head up and eyes open to the possibilities and opportunities that life has to offer you!!!

 

[dvcgirl]

ok see what I mean, child one info wrong, my age is wrong and how long I have owned the house I bought at 25 is wrong. not safe assumptions and this is why I say, just give ideas and thats all.

If anyone wants to figure his salary it would be an asumption too.

First of all PG...why so defensive? You asked for help, not once, but twice and people have offered suggestions. One of those suggestions was that you re-think expensive Disney trips when you're about at least a grand in the hole each month. That's a pretty straight-forward way to save money I'd think.

Secondly, figuring out your salary would not be an assumption at all if you told the truth in a previous thread. It's simple math. You indicated in a post last September 25th that you were cutting back both of your 401Ks from 10% to 6% of your salaries (which is what your company matched). You indicated that the savings from that cut would be $100 a week. Your total savings would be $4800 a year, and that represents 4% of your income. Based on that it's very simple to figure out what your double income is. If you don't want that kind of information out there, be careful of what you are sharing...

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

That feeling of "deserving" treats is a bear trap.
Had a friend i rarely see now because she makes such poor financial decisions that it is painful to be around her.
She was losing her house (3 months without paying the mortgage) but still renting movies, eating out, buying new clothes.
The Housing assistance people bailed her out because they figure it is cheaper to prevent homelessness than fix it.

Her house is now in ex name because he could qualify for refinancing and she couldn't.
She spent over 100 k in house equity in 3 years because she was starting her own business doing what she loves. She "can't" work for anybody else.

The year before that she received a 150 k insurance settlement. All gone.
She doesn't know how to manage her money and doesn't want to learn.

And i bet she is going to feel sorry for herself when she is 65 and has nothing. None of it will be HER fault.

"That feeling of "deserving" treats is a bear trap."
Ain't that the truth!!

I've got a family member just like that! They're getting ready to lose their house but yet they are always going out to eat, renting movies, going away!! This family member even made the comment to DH and I awhile ago that if they didn't have their CC's they couldn't survive, now the CC's have been frozen and are going into collections (which for the record would scare me to death) and this person is still going away! I guess it's an escape thing for them. This person won't pay the house payment or anything else to get it out of the rears but this person will keep going away! Soon they'll be back living with their parents . Sometimes, the "only human" side of me says, "Well if they can do it in the situation they're in then why are DH and I doing this to ourselves and never going anywhere or getting the time away we 'deserve'?" And then I remind myself, "Patience! This is only temporary and you will be WAAAYYYYY better off in the long run!"
It's not easy for me and I have to have these types of conversations with myself quite often but I'll keep talking to myself if that's what it takes until we're where we need to be.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

ok see what I mean, child one info wrong, my age is wrong and how long I have owned the house I bought at 25 is wrong. not safe assumptions and this is why I say, just give ideas and thats all.

If anyone wants to figure his salary it would be an asumption too.

In exhuberance you posted on Sept's thread your 401K contributions and what trimming them netted you extra per week. There's a percentage formula out there---and you have given all but one variable--the salary--which can be calculated.

You cannot be helped if you made stuff up. If the stuff you said was precisely true--you and your hubby net six-figures...and what that means is that you are not impoverished--but you are way above your means--way above.

You aren't trimming to try to go on a trip of a lifetime--you are trimming to make ends meet. You don't make enough money is hogwash--everybody makes enough money--it is what they choose to do with it.

I had some sympathy until I realized you make more than my family does. We don't have cable--we do go on vacations--but we can still put food on the table.

Mortage--car--food--utilities. Those are your priorities. Then comes debt. Then comes the allowances, savings, and trips and private school. You can't feed your family and pay the bills (private school and extras like that are really not considered bills)--then you don't get the extra stuff--plain and simple.

You cannot get out of debt if you keep spending the money that should go towards debt and I really don't understand why you cannot see that.

I cannot coddle you and say poor baby when you are spending money in areas you shouldn't.

You are praising those who are coddling you and upset with those who are just telling it to you straight. Call Dr. Phil and see what he says--I'll bet he'll agree with those of us you are unhappy with at the moment.

Good luck to you PG.

 

[dvcgirl]

I've been keeping up with this thread....can't stand it anymore....so I'm posting too.

In life we have to make "wise choices". However, not all of our choices are wise and we may not know we did not make the "best" choices until after the fact. We "don't" make bad choices because we "want to." But, we find ourselves in circumstances that we would prefer not to be in sometimes, and we learn what not to do in the future. And, yes, sometimes we make the same unwise choice again.....that's LIFE! I'm sure we all agree on that.

First of all you seem to be very intelligent. You are on the right path, because you want to make a change in the way things are for you and your family. THAT is a "WISE CHOICE." You are well on your way. You can do it!

The one thing I have learned over my struggles in life, be it financial or otherwise, is that what is important to one person may not be important to another person. We tend to spend or put our money on what is important to us. It depends on your situation and your personal ideas of what is "important" to you. Some parents have to sacrifice so their children can go to private school due to the bad local public school situation. But, my point is we will not all perceive "what" is important the same way.

And to the group, yeah, we can figure out alot about the OP, so what???....we still don't know her personal circumstances, we don't walk in her shoes, even though we may have walked a similar path. It is easy to tell someone what to do, perhaps easier than being encouraging... I feel the OP has been beaten up enough....let's just be helpful from here out without sarcasm.

AND YES, all of your suggestions are "helpful" and I know everyone is trying to be helpful....just try not to be so abrasive!

One final thing to the OP, you know what to do. You have gathered ALL the information needed. As you know, there is no magic silver bullet to wipe it out. Believe in yourself and do it to the best of your ability. It will take time and you know that...so good luck and stay encouraged and believing in God and yourself that you will over come this.

For everyone, I have my flame suit on --- I'm ready

I don't think you need that suit....you didn't say anything flame-worthy



I really don't think that anyone has been abrasive at all. A few of the posters in this thread gave all this same advice 9 months ago. I don't think there's been sarcasm though...maybe some eye rolling, but not sarcasm. It's just kind of difficult to feel real sympathy for one who says she made serious cutbacks in her life last year, then took two trips to Disney and is now worse off than she was a year ago. This is why I can't emphasize enough how important it is for anyone in this position to seek professional credit counseling.

I can understand why the OP wants to handle this herself and not seek professional help. Because, is she can't handle the gentle advice given in here, well, I shudder to think how she'd fare with a financial planner. I'd venture to say that it would not be pretty.

Well, that's for sure...there is no magic bullet. Keeping an upbeat attitude is helpful too, but I've read an awful lot of "oh, I can't do that" or "no way we can cut that" "I refuse to sacrifice this" and that whole "I can't" attitude conflicts with the exuberance to ammend the situation.

 

[CarolA]

I have to be honest.... I think we are ALL wasting our time.

Peaceful Girl wants to be told that a miracle will occur and she will be debt free and be able to go to Disney etc...

I don't get it and to be honest it's hard to feel sorry for her. If she had TRULY done everything she said she was doing last time, do we really think she would be in this position now? I have read lots of you on the Dave Ramsey and other programs post in the past. In every case except this one there is forward progress and some folks have even posted that they are now debt free. Here we seem to be going from bad to worse.

A few things are going to happen and none of them are good.

If you can't put food on the table someone will probably find out and could potentially call the local DHS. Feeding the child is considered vital in thier world.

If you can't pay the bills, one of your creditors will eventually fall through the shell game you have going on. They will start the house of cards crumbling....


I wish we could help, but helpful advice is rebutted. None of us are in a posi;tion to send her money to pay off the debt so I am out of options!