Please help!!!--What would you do??????

[gratenana]

We are scheduled to go to WDW on Aug 10. Our trips have been booked since last Sept and we already have our vacation package.

Here's the deal there are 7 of us going 4 adults and 3 kids. The adults agreed to split the total cost of the trip 4 ways--ok--no problem yet.

We all paid a little here little there and the trip was paid in full in early June. WOO HOO!!!

Here's where our problem comes in....our DD has herself a new man she is living with and he wants her to cancel her trip so that he can have the money. GREAT right???

She calls us up Sat. night saying she might be backing out of the trip and wants her money back...I told her that would be difficult since we have 2 rooms with ticks and meals paid for tickets in hand.

She tells me I'll let you know on July 27 what I am doing. I told her she was crazy....how did she think me and her father were going to come up with the difference to cover this trip

My hubby and I talked...HERE'S WHERE WE NEED YOUR HELP....we decided that since she waited to the last minute (and I mean the last minute) that she is either going to go or just be out her share of the money.

I know it sounds very mean of us, but we are taking the 3 grandkids we have custody of and how are we suppose to tell them we can't go now...we can't come up with the 1200 to go ?????

Do you feel we should handle this differently, such as cancel the trip, cancel her part and give her money back and pray for a miracle, or just go and let her decide if she is going to go or be out her money?

The kids are 8, 4, and 1 so two of them are old enough to understand that we are supposed to be going to WDW in 3 weeks.

(by the way, the kids are her sisters kids).

God I am so upset right now at my daughter that I can not think straight.

PLEASE HELP TIA

 

[ms_mckenna]

Does she understand that even if you are to cancel the trip there will be cancellation fees and that most likely it will take a month or 2 for Disney to return the money to your account? I could be wrong but that was what I thought I had read here?
I also think that maybe you could tell her that you will give her the money back from her ticket and DDP minus the cancellation fees but the money she put toward the room she agreed to chip in and is basically SOL on it. I do not know what legally you would be allowed to and what you would not. I do think that the fact that she agreed to pay 1/4 of the trip says she knew she would be floating some of the costs for the kids. I hate to say it but I would probably play the guilt card and remind her the position that this puts you in and remind her that she is letting down her nieces/ nephews.

 

[DisneyBride'03]

Since you asked.....I will be blunt...and this is just my opinion from the information you provided

Not sure how old DD is...."new man"....see ya later....why does this new man have that much influence....to change her mind abt going on a trip to WDW with her family??
The above poster is correct about the cancellation fees....
I would not cancel the trip and break your grandkids heart due to their aunts "new" change of heart.....Tell her if she doesnt go...she doesnt get her money back....she made a commitment to the family....family will always be there...will the "new man"?????
Sounds like alot going on, with you having custody of your other DD's kids...etc...

Good Luck And I hope everything works out for your trip.

 

[shondad]

We are scheduled to go to WDW on Aug 10. Our trips have been booked since last Sept and we already have our vacation package.

Here's the deal there are 7 of us going 4 adults and 3 kids. The adults agreed to split the total cost of the trip 4 ways--ok--no problem yet.

We all paid a little here little there and the trip was paid in full in early June. WOO HOO!!!

Here's where our problem comes in....our DD has herself a new man she is living with and he wants her to cancel her trip so that he can have the money. GREAT right???

She calls us up Sat. night saying she might be backing out of the trip and wants her money back...I told her that would be difficult since we have 2 rooms with ticks and meals paid for tickets in hand.

She tells me I'll let you know on July 27 what I am doing. I told her she was crazy....how did she think me and her father were going to come up with the difference to cover this trip

My hubby and I talked...HERE'S WHERE WE NEED YOUR HELP....we decided that since she waited to the last minute (and I mean the last minute) that she is either going to go or just be out her share of the money.

I know it sounds very mean of us, but we are taking the 3 grandkids we have custody of and how are we suppose to tell them we can't go now...we can't come up with the 1200 to go ?????

Do you feel we should handle this differently, such as cancel the trip, cancel her part and give her money back and pray for a miracle, or just go and let her decide if she is going to go or be out her money?

The kids are 8, 4, and 1 so two of them are old enough to understand that we are supposed to be going to WDW in 3 weeks.

(by the way, the kids are her sisters kids).

God I am so upset right now at my daughter that I can not think straight.

PLEASE HELP TIA

Now that is so sad. I can most certainly understand your upset. In my opinion, I don't think you should cancel your trip at all. Pray steadfast and strong and calm down, then try to reason with her (maybe you have already, but it won't hurt to try again) and help her to see what kind of bind she has potentially put you in. You are making a sacrifice too by taking three kids that are someone else's (I know you said your grandkids, I am assuming your kids are grown. It seems like a daily sacrifice seeing as how you have custody of them). That if the shoe were on the other foot how would she feel if someone would do this to her.

While I know that having someone special in your life is sooo important, of course, so is family and those precious little kids. There should be no reason to disappoint them like that, needlessly, unless it is because of life or health, otherwise your daughter's 'new' man should find another way. Besides, I'd wonder what he would do if faced with this situation, would he just back out and give her the money? And certainly (not to pass judgment or anything, but,) what kind of man asks his 'new' lady for money like that? And that kind of money no less. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if this had come up a month ago, before you made the final payment.

God Bless and I hope everything works out. I know there are more important things to worry about, but God answers prayers, large and small. I know I'd be stressing too.

 

[cervonime]

I do not think it is your place to refund her money at this late date. The trip is paid for and everyone is excited about the trip.......except DD. I would let her know that it is to late to cancel and have her money refunded. Then I would look forward to having a wonderful time at WDW with the grand kids. If DD decides to go, fine. If not she will be out the money and he new boyfriend will get nothing.....Oh Well.

 

[gratenana]

thanks everyone for the input!!!

My DD (21), called again last night and started again. I threw the heavy (very heavy) guilt trip and come right out and asked her, if she wanted that money back so bad was she willing to live with the fact that we had to cancel the trip. I then asked her if that is what she wanted. She said no.

My husband said, in very loud terms, we were not cancelling the trip and he didn't want to hear those words again. He said he would rather have her upset at us for not cancelling her part of the trip then to have the rest of us (6 total) go without something that we have waited so long for.

As for my DD bf, in my opinion he is nothing but a user, he is the type who expects everyone to give to him, and not cheap stuff either. Just 3 weeks ago my daughter dumped her whole check to buy him a $900 dollar necklace.

I'm sorry that was not more important than my grandkids in my eyes.

I am at the point that I just listen to her and not say anything. If she is in the van when we leave, great, if not, oh well she lost out, ( on the opportunity of WDW and her money).

I'm not sure what is going on this was supposed to be her first time and she seemed very excited, but you know how 21 yr olds can be "SHE SAYS SHE'S IN LOVE AND HE LOVES HER"



Thanks again everyone.

It has really helped talking about it because part of me felt guilty about what we were talking about doing and felt it was wrong to not cancel her ticket but than the other part of me was angry at her for putting us into this situation so close to our departure date.

 

[MEK]

You absolutely should not refund the money to your daughter. She should have been well aware that the deadline for trip cancellations had passed

You are doing the right thing. I hope that your daughter does decide to go because she probably needs to get away from her "loser" boyfriend. You may (at some point in the future) gently remind her that if he loves as much as he says he does, he would never ask her to cancel a family trip so he could take part in the monetary refunds.

I hope you have a wonderful, magical trip!

 

[kikiq]

gratenana, you are just that a GREAT nana.

DO NOT I repeat DO NOT cancel this trip, and do not refund your dd any money if she decides not to go. I speak from experience, enabling your children to back out of commitment is lethal to your mental health. My oldest DD is 23 and had some financial issues, we had to bite the bullet not to enable her to back out to teach her financial commitment.

We've not experienced the "loser" BF but hopefully you can play the family card and she will remember how much she was looking toward to this trip with the kids. If she's not in the van, I'll stay the extra days and help with the kids and enjoy the dining plan<G>(we're leaving aug 13, let me know<G>)

But on a more serious note, I'm sorry if I overstep my bounds here...next time, have your dh talk with her kindly and with love, let him be the one to let her know how much it means to all of you that she go with you. Sometimes our DDs don't always hear mom but when dad says the very same thing with love in his voice, they suddenly hear it for the first time.

Enjoy your trip, might see you in the parks...we're the couple with anniversary pins walking slowly and holding hands<G>

 

[DisneyBride'03]

gratenana.....I hope everything works out...maybe have DH talk to DD..I remember how I was at 21...ugh...now 40 and look back at myself and say what the he** was I thinking???!!!
The bf irritates me and this is just based on the info you supplied! lol
I hope your DD goes....why should she miss out cause she is temporarily "infatuated" with this guy..(sorry if I overstepped)...
I really hope she goes.....dont get me started on her paycheck/necklace story...I will pray for her

 

[rie'smom]

gratenana, you and your husband have made the right choice!!!! Good for you.

 

[gratenana]

DD came over last night, boy things with her are worse than we thought, (another whole story).

But anyway, as of last night, with begging pleading (and having the DGD4 beg and give the puppy eyes) she said she is going.

Now just going to cross our fingers and do lots of praying it stays that way (she could have just been saying that to shut us up.

Thanks again everyone!!!!!!

If she isn't in the van on the 10th, we will still be going and she will not be getting any refunds (actual her bf wont be getting--he told her to call AAA yesterday and get her money....lol. Even if there was a refund it would come in my name)

 

[Catrinabeach]

There is no way I would give her her money back. I would agree to give her back anything Disney refunds for canceling her portion of the trip. If they give a 50.00 refund that's all she gets. As for the tickets that are already purchased and in your hand. well give her hers and tell her to do as she likes with it. If she can sell it and get some money back good for her but it isn't up to you to do. She's an adult who made an adult decision to go on the trip. Disney has cancellation policies. Why should you have to foot the bill for her actions.

 

[DizzyKitten]

Hi, I just wanted to say that I fully believe you and you DH are doing the right thing. That bf sounds like a real prize! I have to wonder why he is in such a tizzy over this money that was spent before he came along(correct me if I'm wrong)? What does he want THIS money for? She's spending her paychecks on him, why does he need THIS?
Maybe he just doesn't want her to go. Probably thinks she'll run into a halfway decent guy there and want to date him instead.

I can sort of sympathize, my mother is going with us and she is horrible about paying her bills-ANY bills. She's made payments but I've already said that if she doesn't finish paying by the 45 day mark, I'm taking her off the ressie! It's called tough love and it sounds like your DD needs some right now.
Keep your head up!

 

[jparc]

My hubby and I talked...HERE'S WHERE WE NEED YOUR HELP....we decided that since she waited to the last minute (and I mean the last minute) that she is either going to go or just be out her share of the money.


Do you feel we should handle this differently, such as cancel the trip, cancel her part and give her money back and pray for a miracle, or just go and let her decide if she is going to go or be out her money?


God I am so upset right now at my daughter that I can not think straight.

PLEASE HELP TIA

Cancel her part of the trip! Whatever her refund is from Disney is what she gets. If it's nothing - TOUGH!

I think your are handling it right! I'm having a hard time thinking straight after reading your post !

 

[MEK]

I'm sorry, but the more I read about this BF, the more I know he is an a-- for:

1. Not encouraging your DD to go on this trip

2. Demanding that she get her $ back, and .....

3. Thinking that calling the AAA agent will allow her to cancel without penalty.

Only 3 more weeks until your trip. Stay strong! Here's wishing you some pixie dust

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

gratenana, you ARE indeed a GREAT Nana!!!

I totally believe you are doing the right thing in not refunding the money, not only because of the money etc. but for the fact that it sounds as if your dd needs to put a bit of space between herself and her 'controlling' fellow. I would be very careful not to criticize him in anyway as that will just make the whole thing more 'romantic' but let her be reminded about how a supportive and loving family is during your trip.

What the one person said about having your husband deal with her might indeed work. Something about the mother/daughter dynamic. Too close sometimes.

I most sincerely hope things work out for your daughter. Being married or involved with a controlling(read insecure) person does not a relationship make and it is better to find out in the beginning than decades later when it is far too late.

Your grandkids are lucky to have someone so loving in their life and I hope the trip is extra special for you all!!

Slightly Goofy

 

[ms_mckenna]

I am glad that you have decided not to refund her money. I wish you guys a very blessed trip with or without DD. Sending lots of pixie dust your way. :

 

[gratenana]

Thanks everyone for helping me see that I should not feel guilty.

We are bringing the suitcases in this weekend--and we're starting to pack. The kids are bouncing off the wall. They keep asking if Auntie is coming, I just tell them we'll have to see.

I sure hope she does, she really needs to get away from her life right now.

Thanks again everyone.

 

[Princess_Jessica]

although i am young i still no that your daughter is being sucked in by a sucker! ( sorry if thats to blunt) but i have a sister who is also your daughters age i know how girls get sucked up into guys like that.

if your daughter doesnt come tell her she is S.O.L. and that loser is to. thats what my parents would tell my sister and say well if you dont wanna come dont your missing out and your bf is to with his money. we arent gonna cancle this trip just for you so that your bf can get some extra cash. hope to see you there if not i will see you when i get back.!

^ and thats what my parents would say!

so have fun!!!! and let the worries slip away!!! Disney is Magical so sprinkle some Pixie dust!!!

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

Jessica, if all young women were as smart as you the young men of the world would be much improved. WTG, girl!!!

Guys who wanna use and abuse girls will run like heck from you. They are not men enough to deal and they know it.

Sounds like you have some pretty smart parents and you are wise enough to listen to them.

SG/Linda