Please help-A baby shower rant (long)

[Trish5768]

As you all know, my brother and his wife are expecting their first child in April. I'm thrilled to finally be an aunt.

Fast forward, my brother calls and tells me its my duty to throw a baby shower for my sister-in-law. I didn't really like how he put it to me, but I had thought about giving her one anyway because most of our side of the family is a bit elderly and would not travel 2 1/2 hours to where shes from to attend the shower her family is giving her.

Well DSIL, showed me the bedding she wants for my neice's bedroom, its beautiful but it is $750 and that does not include the accessories. She says she needs to buy this because of how thick the bumper pads are because she can't trust my brother not to bang the baby's head on the side of the crib. Well, I took offense to this because its one thing to want something this hideously priced but another to claim that my brother is a total goof and can't be trusted with his own child and therefore she must have it. By the way, shes not buying this her family is getting it for her, I keep getting what I feel are subtle hints that maybe his family is not doing enough. (keep in mind, that would be me and my other brother)

She also showed me the baby furniture shes getting, $1500 worth. Its very nice but her family is buying that as well and again-I'm told this about 3 times.

I'm to the point where I dont' think anything I buy or do for the shower or baby is going to be good enough and I don't know what to do. I'm not going to spend that much on bedding, my gosh, all the kid is going to do is pee, poop and throw up on it. The clothes she wants cost more than a pair of my jeans and the kid is going to grow out of them in a matter of weeks. I know how expensive it is to have a baby-I had three. I just dont' see her logic. Am I wrong? What should I do?

 

[Alexander]

Sounds like somebody needs to watch that commercial where the mom bought those expensive diapers and then switched to Luvs. Live and learn I think she said...

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, it sounds like your SIL thinks she is doing the best for her baby, but she really needs to "get real". Does she always buy herself very expensive things, is she the type who won't shop at Walmart? If so, then I don't think you have a chance of changing her ways. However, it's all because of baby, maybe her hormones are out of whack!

She can register for what ever she would like, it doesn't mean she is going to get it! It would be unfortunate for 10 family members to put in for the bedding and she not get any of the other things she really needs.

Good luck!

 

[jgmklmhem]

I would say throw her the shower if you want to...but get her the practical things she needs like burp clothes, diapers, feeding supplies, etc. I wouldn't even spend that much money on a bedding set for myself/DW much less a baby.

 

[disneymom3]

I would still do the shower, but I would in my heart be doing it for those members of the family who you say can't travel far. They would love to ooh and aah and share the excitement of a new baby and you would be providing that opportunity.

As for gifts, just blow it off. She is obviously one of "those" new moms and she will either learn her lesson or give herself an ulcer when baby projectile poops all over his very expensive bedroom furniture. Makes me LOL just thinking about it! Get her what you want to and can afford, and give her a gift receipt so she can return what she doesn't like. Hard to do, but try not to let it get to you and be the bigger person. You know better than she what her life is going to be like and hey, maybe you can write it off to pregnancy hormones. My sweet DH used to say to me,"I am just going to assume you are acting that way because you are pregnant and I am not going to be offended or hurt by that comment." I am a real b-word when pregnant, so maybe she is too?

 

[luv2nascar]

I'd throw her a shower but I would let her worry about the gifts
older people don't use baby registries as much as young people
so she'll get what she gets
if she isn't happy with the gifts she will be the one who looks greedy
good luck she ought to be a charmer once the baby comes

 

[Tasha+Scott]

I am not going to offer any advice other than buy what you want and don't worry about what your SIL thinks. It is the thought that counts and the fact that you are going to throw her a shower (which is NOT your responsibility, btw) shows that you care. I agree with getting the practical things like burp cloths, diapers, etc. Those are the things she will need that most likely she will not receive enough of.

As far as the $750 bedding...wow, I can't believe anyone spends that much on a cribbing set! I got mine on clearance for $15! I guess I am cheap...lol!

 

[crazyforgoofy]

I'd throw her a shower but I would let her worry about the gifts
older people don't use baby registries as much as young people
so she'll get what she gets
if she isn't happy with the gifts she will be the one who looks greedy
good luck she ought to be a charmer once the baby comes

Can you hear the music? A-A-men, a-a-a-men, A-A-MEN, A-men, amen! :thewave:

 

[Beth76]

$750 for baby bedding? Yeah, I'd much rather have my baby sleeping on--what is it italian silk?---than go to college. I'm having a hard time shelling out $500 for king-sized bedding for my own room.

Ignore the comments. Or if you want, let her know that the baby won't know or care what he/she's sleeping on. If she wants to waste her money, then let her. You're right, whatever you get probably won't be good enough. But, you're not getting it for her, you're getting it for the baby. It would be nice for you to throw a shower for the women in your family that won't be able to attend the other one. Just keep in mind that you're throwing it for them not for her.

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

The rule when i grew up was that family could Not host a shower since it is asking for gifts, only a friend could host a shower.
But some families have different rules. SIL is trying to make you play by her family rules, you can just explain your family's rules., ie. all shower presents are $20.00 or under or practical or whatever. Maybe she'll get someone else to host! Sometimes these showers are catered. Could get expensive just hosting.

 

[kasar]

Even though she WANTS all that expensive stuff, she's still gonna need a tub, a few bottles and some onesies! Maybe that's where you come in?

 

[jennyl772003]

Hmmmm....

Maybe she will get a real spitter-upper like I had. After she changes the sheets for the 5th time in one night, I am sure she would rethink her choice of bedding...

And as for the crib bumper, they say they can be unsafe, and that it's best for baby not to even use them... At least that's what I've heard

 

[suzannews]

I would host the shower but I would have wanted to been asked, not told. That gets on my nerves! As far as the gifts go, she'll probably return everything anyways so don't sweat it. I usually buy diapers, wipes, powder, shampoo, etc, things the baby will need regardless of what clothes they are wearing and what bedding they are sleeping on.

 

[Deesknee]

I threw a baby shower for my niece -my departed brothers daughter. Her mom and my brother were divorced when my niece was about 3. We had a very very small shower I think6 or 7 of us. I have no sisters but a very close SIL so we with my DD13's help did it. cheap baby bottles (small ones are best) with Pink white and blue jelly beans or m&ms. blue and pink ribbons with little plastic rattles were a big hit as favors. 3 of us pitched in and bought her and future hubby and baby a video camara, as I was informed by her mother and her that she got EVERYTHING she could use and wanted at THEIR baby shower. My niece, I think, was very dissappointed. I know however, that my brother was looking down very happy at the attempt I made. I have a 16mnth old baby. I am in my 40's and have 3 teens. I was not in a financial position to buy all the things I wanted for my other babies, I do tend to spoil this one with some expensive clothes, I also shop regularly at Walmart, Target, Kmart, Dollar Store, as well as Childrens place, Gap, Macys,Filenes, Lord & Taylor. However, my niece never wants any hand me downs.....unless I mention it was expensive or I bought it somewhere she knows is "in".
My advise, do it for the others who will appreciate your efforts. Elderly woman love baby showers. You may find a few months from now your Sil will thank you for all the neccesities she recieved at the shower you gave her.

Good luck

Sorry for the long post, but you hit a cord.

 

[Brandon79]

The rule when i grew up was that family could Not host a shower since it is asking for gifts, only a friend could host a shower.


yep--that's the rule, not only for baby showers but for ANY shower. reason i know this is that my entire family had to endure this being discussed (repeatedly) a few years back when a cousin got married & showers were being given. someone in the family wanted to host a shower & my grandmother went nuts!

 

[Feralpeg]

Throw her a diaper shower and take all of the options out of it. I had one. It was great. All I got was diapers. People gave me huge bags in various sizes. I didn't have to buy a diaper until DD was over a year old. You could add bibs or blankets to it if you want. Put it on the invitation, but don't tell your SIL until she gets there. Ha!What's she going to do about it?

Seriously, IMHO she's over the top. Showers are a way for people to help welcome a new baby. What is given is up to the giver. Your SIL is out of line.

If she says anything more about your brother, just tell her it is her problem. She married him. LOL!

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, since "her" family has gotten her all the ridiculous expensive stuff, then it's up to you guys to get the practical stuff.

I agree that I'd throw the shower for all the elderly relatives so they'll be able to ooh and ahh, I'd get her what I wanted for a gift, give her a gift receipt for it, and let it go. Perhaps she's hormonal, perhaps she's unrealistic...whatever. In a few months, at 3AM when the baby's screaming, she's not going to be any happier looking at a $750 crib set than she would be looking at $50 crib set!!!

 

[DWhittles]

LOL, I'm cracking up at this thread beacuse none of my son's furniture matches and when I went shopping with my friend, she FREAKED that I wasn't getting a set for his room.
I have another friend who coordiantes her daughters pacifiers with her outfits.
Yet another mommy refuses to hang her daughters birth announcement that her sister in law framed for her beacuse it doesn't match her daughters room.
First time mommies are STRANGE ANIMALS. Don't forget, they have 9 months to plan the PERFECT space for this little person and when you find that "perfect" bedding, price is no object, untill you see how much poop and pee and spitup goes along with having a baby...
She will learn. Don't worry.
No need to indulge her and break your piggybank too. Get her something sweet for the baby something Fisher Price (I ALWAYS ALWAYS go with the Fisher Price Aquarium that attaches to the crib. All babies LOVE it)
Diana

 

[Tasha+Scott]

LOL, I'm cracking up at this thread beacuse none of my son's furniture matches and when I went shopping with my friend, she FREAKED that I wasn't getting a set for his room.
I have another friend who coordiantes her daughters pacifiers with her outfits.
Yet another mommy refuses to hang her daughters birth announcement that her sister in law framed for her beacuse it doesn't match her daughters room.
First time mommies are STRANGE ANIMALS. Don't forget, they have 9 months to plan the PERFECT space for this little person and when you find that "perfect" bedding, price is no object, untill you see how much poop and pee and spitup goes along with having a baby...
She will learn. Don't worry.
No need to indulge her and break your piggybank too. Get her something sweet for the baby something Fisher Price (I ALWAYS ALWAYS go with the Fisher Price Aquarium that attaches to the crib. All babies LOVE it)
Diana

Well, then I guess you will be proud of me and maybe consider me normal...lol! I am a first time mommy and I think it is ridiculous to go that over the top. I have been given several hand-me-down pieces of furniture and not all of it matches. But who cares? I don't. I am thankful for having the help and not spending all of the money myself. Maybe I am not as picky since I have 5 younger siblings and have learned something from it...who knows?

 

[chrissie123]

Hmmm
First time Mum eh, Everything has to be perfect....$750.00 ON BEDDING that`s extravagant....All i can say is that my niece was exactly the same...Dad`s` family as bought this , that & the other but i hav`nt had half as much from MY family (that`s us)...She had an absolutely adorable little baby girl (Ellie) but do you know the sweet little thing never smiles she is so, so solemn, she`s nearly 2 & all we ever hear is,Oh look at that you spilled down your top, or you`ve spilled on your trousers... Whatever... she`s only a baby.....My other Niece is totally the opposite i don`t think we`ve ever seen her little girl(Missy) fully dressed, her items of clothing are nappy, vest & socks, she runs around she plays she has fun, if the floors have been cleaned & she has an accident...Mum gets a mop, if she spills her food/drink it`s ok...She is the happiest little girl i know & her Mum & Dad hav`nt got 2 pennies to rub together... I don`t` think that, that little one as had $750 spent on her in all her 2years here....But SHE`S HAPPY...

 

[DWhittles]

Well, then I guess you will be proud of me and maybe consider me normal...lol! I am a first time mommy and I think it is ridiculous to go that over the top. I have been given several hand-me-down pieces of furniture and not all of it matches. But who cares? I don't. I am thankful for having the help and not spending all of the money myself. Maybe I am not as picky since I have 5 younger siblings and have learned something from it...who knows?

I do! It sounds like we are similar in our ideals. I grew up in a house where nothing matched, my mother was (and still is) an avid antiques hunter and flea market fan and her style is eclectic at best.
I've taken that on and my house is the same way right down to my son's room. A changing table is a changing table and so what if the bumper doesn't really match the sheets? My little guy doesn't care at all!