Playing outside

[deerhart]

I have a 9yo and a 7yo (who is NOT responsible). They have been playing outside alone for about 2 years. They are generally together, but we let the 7yo play out in the yard by himself.

If they are going to be gone for a long time, I usually slip a cell phone to my 9yo so i can contact them at any time.

My 7yo has slipped out of the of house without us noticing. This happens because a) he didn't ask because he knew we would say no and b) he waited until all adults in the house were occupied and or in rooms far away from the door.

We lost him one day because he got sent to his room, I checked on him to make sure he was there, then went about doing housework. All was quiet from upstairs and so I thought he was napping, went up about 45 minutes later to wake him up to find him gone. Couldn't find him at all the normal spots in the neighborhood or at one of his friends home. Turns out he was at another friends home and had told that kid's parents we had given him permission to be there and knew where he was (ahh the 6yo brain).

We do live in a upper class neighborhood (or subdivision has homes starting at about 200k to 350k and we have multi million dollar homes pretty close by). I actually worry more about them getting picked on by neighborhood kids or hit by a car speeding down the road more then abduction. But I also know that about 90% of abductions are by a person the child knows and well MY kids don't know anyone!

 

[bwilcox]

The 1 in 610,000 statistic doesn't reassure me because it doesn't matter how unlikely abduction is if it just happens to be that your child is that 1.
My children play in our fenced backyard by themselves, with me checking out the window every 10 minutes or so. They only play in the front yard when supervised. The parents on our street are the same way with their kids, most who are older than mine.
I recommend that all parents check your states website that lists child sexual offenders. We found out this way that one lives a few houses down from us, and we live in a nice, suburban neighborhood.

 

[NotUrsula]

I grew up in the country and was always outside playing and running all over the place with my neighbors. Now I live in the city with my 4 kids and I am really paranoid about letting them out by themselves. I often think that if we were in the country they would be able to run outside whenever they wanted and I wouldn't have to worry about it.

For me I think it's just a matter of what I grew up with and am comfortable with. If I had grown up in the city I might be ok with them running around. My neighbor has tons of kids and they always are running around all over the place.

My concern is that they will be abducted, and honestly that can happen to any age child, anywhere - it could even happen to me, I guess. I completely trust my kids to stay on the sidewalks and to cross streets safely, and to stay near the house if I tell them too. I just can't get over the fear of abduction.

Possibly years ago people just didn't know about the abductions as much - no internet, maybe the news didn't report on it as much?

I also grew up in the country, and I'm a LOT more sanguine about letting my kids move around on their own in my city neighborhood than I would have been out in the rural area where I grew up. If you check the statistics for stranger abductions, you'll see that they are more common in rural areas than they are in cities (well, actually, they are not COMMON at all, but more of them happen in the country than in the city.) The reason for that is that in a city where lots of people are on the street all the time, there are a lot more potential witnesses.

As for your last statement; it's true. The numbers have not really changed very much; we just hear more now about each unusual case.

 

[Serling126]

I recommend that all parents check your states website that lists child sexual offenders. We found out this way that one lives a few houses down from us, and we live in a nice, suburban neighborhood.

Do you know of where online to go to check this info? I checked some website ages ago but could not find it again the last time I tried to check who had moved in to the area.

Thanks!

 

[kelleyrn2000]

the website is family watchdog, and you can search by state.

 

[Hannathy]

And remember that many, many of the so called sex with a child offenders are people who had consensual sex with another teen, not necessarily a real child.

That is the big problem with these lists, people panic because all the details aren't there and not all "crimes" are truly equal but they are on some of these lists.

 

[jodifla]

In our neighborhood, whole gangs of kids are out and about all summer. Down to the park, the lake, riding their bikes, etc. etc.

When my DS was 3 and 4, he wasn't outside unless I was outside. At 5, I watched him from our kitchen window (he normally plays out front). At 6, I still watched him, but would leave the window occasionally. At 7, I would continue my work around the house, but I had the windows open and could constantly hear him.

At 8, I'll likely handle it the same way...at 9, he'll probably get some more freedom.

I don't believe that kids are more at danger now then when we are growing up. The statistics just don't bear it out.

 

[Serling126]

the website is family watchdog, and you can search by state.

Thank you... I just checked the website, and there are 2 men who live less than 1/2 mile from our house who were convicted of offenses against children. Definitely NOT consensual cases between teenagers, either. Very scary!

 

[WantToGoNow]

My kids are 8 (about to turn 9 in a few weeks) and 6. They both allowed to play unsupervised in our yard (unfenced) - our windows/doors don't have good seals because I can hear every word from either yard. If it gets quiet, I take a look to see what's going on. My 6 y/o is allowed to go 2 houses in either direction of our house to play with her friends - as long as I know where she is. Her friends from across the street only play in our yard because dd is afraid of their dogs. Ds8 has a lot more freedom - he and his friends have been touring the neighborhood on bikes the last couple of years and like a pp, I often don't know where he is. We live in a neighborhood where there is rarely a fence and all the kids move from yard to yard - our sidewalks are in the back yards but most of the kids (including mine) ride their bikes in the street. Behind our row of houses is a cornfield/soy beans so there are no houses back there. We do have a registered sex offender 5 houses down - he's lived there for the past 2 years since he got out of prison and no one ever sees him.

 

[ShannonMB]

OP here, and let me say a big thanks to everyone who's replied so far! So many excellent points from everyone!! I agree with those who say that the world is probably no more dangerous than it ever was -- but that just leaves me questioning whether some of us are overly paranoid compared to our parents, or if our parents were nuts to let us out of the house, too!

I appreciate the heads up about freerangekids.com. I checked it out briefly at work, and I'll likely go back and read more. I cherish my memories of just hanging out with friends outside and want that for DD. And I do think a certain amount of trust and autonomy is a developmental necessity! But then I also agree with another poster that regardless of the statistics, if YOUR child is that one, your life is ruined forever! The highest stakes I can imagine.

As it is now, I do let DD go out and play, ride her bike around the block if she asks and checks back in right when she's back in the vicinity of our house. I also make her take a watch or phone and she checks in OFTEN. As you can see, I'm still torn about it every time!!

Thanks and keep the opinions coming, I'm getting a lot out of this!!

 

[Hannathy]

Thank you... I just checked the website, and there are 2 men who live less than 1/2 mile from our house who were convicted of offenses against children. Definitely NOT consensual cases between teenagers, either. Very scary!

And you are sure because if an 18 yr old has sex with a 17 yr old it is sex with a child.....

Think about it to have this many people charged with actual sex with a little child it would be a news story a day in every town and there just isn't that many. Statistics haven't changed just more 18 yr olds are being charged and then let off some criminal charges if the register as a sex offender.

 

[Serling126]

And you are sure because if an 18 yr old has sex with a 17 yr old it is sex with a child.....

Think about it to have this many people charged with actual sex with a little child it would be a news story a day in every town and there just isn't that many. Statistics haven't changed just more 18 yr olds are being charged and then let off some criminal charges if the register as a sex offender.

Yes, the give the actual crime(s) that these people were convicted of. One guy was 25 when he was convicted of sexual abuse of a minor under 14 years old, and the other one was 34 when he was convicted of rape of a child (did not list age of victim) These cases were definitely not an 18 year old sleeping with his 17 year old girlfriend!!

 

[MinnieGi]

I have a 9 & 5 yo and have eased up on my overprotective tendencies. I used to not let them out unless I was out there, but they are good about staying in our yard or our neighbor's where 9yo DD's bff lives. The kids go back and forth between the houses. If they want to go to another friends house they call first to make sure the friend is home and is allowed to play and them make arrangements to go there or friend comes to our house. I have no problem letting 9yo DD ride her bike or scooter to the back or our neighborhood where several other of her friends live. There are kids out at lots of houses and I know all of them and my neighbors and they are a nice bunch. DD also walks home from the bus by herself most days, some days ds and I meet her. Now next year when DS starts K I'll have to be up at the stop as they won't allow a K student off unless there is a parent/caregiver there. We seem to be the "Kool-Aid" house most days and the friends play alot in our yard which I like b/c then I can keep an eye and ear out - all is usually well unless someone needs a band-aid.

 

[bwilcox]

And you are sure because if an 18 yr old has sex with a 17 yr old it is sex with a child.....

Think about it to have this many people charged with actual sex with a little child it would be a news story a day in every town and there just isn't that many. Statistics haven't changed just more 18 yr olds are being charged and then let off some criminal charges if the register as a sex offender.

It says how old the victim was. Yes there are some that are 18 year olds with a 16 year old, and I'm not worried about those. It's the 35 year old man who abused a 6 year old (3 blocks down) that I'm more concerned with. And just by clicking on random ones, it seems like those 2 scenarios are about half and half in my town.

Also, regarding the fact that abduction doesn't happen more than in the past-we are just more aware of it: that's true. And I don't think that's a bad thing. When I was a child, it was not required by law to have small children in carseats. We have learned since then, however, that carseats are safer. We do have more information these days, and I think we should USE that information. That doesn't mean that I will raise my children in fear, but I will be more aware of their surroundings than maybe my parents were with me because I KNOW that abductions DO happen, even in nice neighborhoods like ours.

 

[5stljayhawks]

I am a stay at home dad for the third tour. My DD is 6 DS 4 and DD 2. At this stage we are still very protective. We are meeting theP's of the other kids.

There is a sniff test in business. If it stinks...... My wife and I run the same test with other parents. There have been some who have passed and others who have not.

When the DD is older age ???, screening p's may not be there.

I do let them all play in the back yard, watched through the window.

 

[Spoonful of Sugar]

I haven't read all the posts yet, so forgive me if this has already been suggested, but for anyone on here who wants to give their kids more freedom but is worried about it, I recommend the book "Free Range Kids." It's a fun read and will ease some of your fears, and I really took comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who wants to give my kids the freedom I had as a kid.