Playing outside

[ShannonMB]

When I was a kid (a pretty long time ago!), my sister and I pretty much spent our lives outside playing unless we were at school. I'm sure other DISers my age remember those days!!

I have a DD whose 9 years old, and she LOVES being outside with her friends. We live in a middle class suburb/good school system/seemingly safe area, but I have been struggling with this for awhile now. She doesn't have a sibling to do the buddy system with, and sometimes I feel afraid when she's outside. I really try not to live my life in fear, and I want her to be out and active, riding bikes, roller skating, and just doing what kids do. Am I crazy to be nervous? I just read through the "4 year old in the bathroom thread", and it just makes me crazy that there are freaks out there who hurt kids.

Lily usually doesn't care to go out unless a friend comes over to get her, so 9 times out of 10 she is with another little girl when they're out. There are usually other kids out (lots of boys right near our house), too. Sometimes I wonder if it's even safe for her to walk the 5 houses home from the bus stop with the boys who live next door and across the street. Am I overprotective, or putting her in danger??

I really hope I get some opinions on this. Do your kids play outside? How old are they, and where are they allowed to go? Thanks for any and all opinions!

 

[PollyannaMom]

Kudos to you for wanting your DD to play! - Look up the Free Range Kids website. It's a great confidence boost to help you worry less.

 

[MollyAnna]

I think all moms struggle with this as their kids get older! I tend to give my kids quite a bit of freedom. I have found they are very capable and responsible, and are so proud of themselves for doing things on their own. I also love freerangekids.com. Good luck!

 

[emma'smom]

We let our kids play outside. They are 7 and 5. They play in the backyards all day long running up and down between the neighbors' yards. There aren't any fences and kids live in pretty much every home. When they do this, sometimes parents come out to play too and/or talk to other parents---but sometimes I just check out the window/patio door to see what they are doing.

The big thing this year is riding bikes on the cul-de-sac. This involves crossing the street for us. Dd7 (almost 8) is allowed to cross by herself, but her sister needs to be crossed. I will often walk them over and walk with dd5 while the kids are riding. However, a few times they've gone over when the other kids are out without me staying with them. One dad is often working in his yard and he keeps an eye out (not that he is in charge of my child, but he's a trustworthy guy and will intervene if there is an issue).

The ability for our kids to play outside and run in a "pack" =) of kids all summer is one of the main reasons we stay in our neighborhood. It's a development and the streets aren't very busy--- just cars from people who live in the development. Other than some teenagers who drive rather quickly, most folks are pretty careful about watching for kids when they drive in and out of our area, especially in the summer. Also, we live in a small town where the crime rate, overall, is relatively low.

None of this makes it completely safe, of course. Something COULD always happen. However, it makes it a bit safer--and I worry less. If I haven't seen my children breeze through in awhile, I call around (and vs. versa---I call other parents if the whole gaggle ends up at my house for an extended period of time).

In summer, its not uncommon to find neighbor children playing in our playroom while our kids are still outside. I keep a steady supply of popsicles and juice boxes on hand too.

When I was a kid, we used to play outside until dusk and then someone would yell for us to come into dinner. Then often we would be back outside catching fireflies until we couldn't see any longer.....and we lived in a big city on a major street. There were also far more incidents of crime in that neighborhood. However, as kids we also knew how to watch out for each other, not talk with strangers, and not to put ourselves in dangerous situations. My dm did warn us about some places we couldn't go (ie. a park where teenagers hung out and there were often broken bottles scattered about, etc).

However, we also used to take public buses to school and back by the time we were in 4th grade-- so we were fending for ourselves in the afternoon, much farther from home. Again, I don't recall ever feeling like I was in danger---but I do recall always catching the bus with a friend and sometimes purposely ignoring strangers who did try to talk with us (and most likely they weren't out to hurt us but were asking about bus numbers or were, most often, rowdy teenagers coming from the high schools, etc--but still, we were told to ignore strangers and we did and it was fine). My point is that we were taught safety precautions and were expected to apply them--and that kept us safe.

I'm sure my mother must have worried, and I'm not sure that I'd feel comfortable my kid's having the level of freedom I had. However, it did give me a sense of independence, confidence, and where-with-all that has served me well in a number of situations where I needed to be aware of my surroundings and take precautions in my adult life.

 

[Swimalie]

My son just turned 5 and I can relate to your worries since I don't know when I will ease up on those fears. We live in a nice, middle class neighborhood but we have a walking trail that non-neighborhood people think they can use and it comes out right near our house (in the middle of the neighborhood ). Due to that, I doubt I will let my son outside alone for quite a while (most likely we'll move away from here before he'll be left alone outside to play). We don't have a fence in the backyard. I will leave him outside if the older, teen neighbors are playing with him but only for a few minutes. So I can relate and I think you are justified in your concerns and are doing well in wanting to protect your daughter.

 

[mjkacmom]

4? I let dd7 and dd9 walk to school alone a few times this year when ds7 was home sick (he's the only reason I take them - impulse control - my ds11 was walking to school in 2nd, when my oldest was in 4th). They play outside all of the time, and have been for years. Just the other day, the 3 youngest asked to walk around the block, and I said no. I think that, because dd9 is short, I'm too overprotective. When my older 2 were 9, I would've let them walk around the block!

 

[DeniseinNS]

I am super overprotective when it comes to my kids being outside. They are 8and 4 and are allowed to play in our fenced backyard unsupervised. We only let them play out front or ride their bikes if an adult is with them. My 8 year old daughter is allowed to walk to her friends houses which are 5 houses down and the other right accross the street if she is going there to play or asking a friend to come to our house and play.
There are alot of weirdos out there and it scares me but the way I see it is better to be safe then have something happen that I would never forgive myself for if I were not supervising them.

 

[dizneechic]

I am super overprotective when it comes to my kids being outside. They are 8and 4 and are allowed to play in our fenced backyard unsupervised. We only let them play out front or ride their bikes if an adult is with them. My 8 year old daughter is allowed to walk to her friends houses which are 5 houses down and the other right accross the street if she is going there to play or asking a friend to come to our house and play.

This sounds just like us. No problem playing in the back anytime since it's fenced and private. We live in a middle/higher end neighborhood on a private cul-de-sac, mostly of SAHM's, and the kids can only be out front if we or other parents are out supervising. I will also let any of my kids walk to a neighbors house alone, but we call the neighbor and I walk out to the driveway and watch as they walk and the other parent meets them outside (we do the same for the walk home). No one is allowed in anyone elses house though until the parents are notified, we don't do the running in and out of homes thing. I still walk my kids to/from the bus stop on our street corner every day - even though they have permission to get off the bus alone if I am not there.

 

[rodeo65]

I am super overprotective when it comes to my kids being outside. They are 8and 4 and are allowed to play in our fenced backyard unsupervised. We only let them play out front or ride their bikes if an adult is with them. My 8 year old daughter is allowed to walk to her friends houses which are 5 houses down and the other right accross the street if she is going there to play or asking a friend to come to our house and play.
There are alot of weirdos out there and it scares me but the way I see it is better to be safe then have something happen that I would never forgive myself for if I were not supervising them.

This is exactly how we handle our 7 & 8 yr olds. The 8 yr old has impulse and attentional issues, and is also extremely trusting however much I've tried to streetproof him, so I need to have eyes on them unless they are in our own fenced backyard. Even then, I check on them regularly. In our neighborhood, there is always one or two (or 7 or 8) parents who congregate outside anyway for our own social interaction so we're keeping an eye on all of them while they move from yard to yard and out to ride their bikes. We all have the same general boundary for bike riding and they are happy to stick around the neighborhood as long as they get to play together.

The week before March break DS decided he was going to tell me something he "hadn't told me yet, and did I want to know?" Ummmm, yeah, I do.

The school my kids attend is about a 20 minute bus ride away and the campus is directly beside a college campus. DS told me he had a new "best friend". This best friend attends the college next door. His new best friend suggested a play date. A playdate

What is a college student wanting with my eight year old? DS is so trusting that if that MAN had said one day, "Don't bother with the bus, I'll give you a lift home", he'd go without hesitation. Scared me to death, so I guess I'm overprotective. I spoke to the principal as well as the head of the transportation department and the area is being more carefully supervised. This contact was happening while waiting for the bus after school. DS completely believed that college aged "friend" was interested in playing Pokemon with him and was so upset with me when I told him that it wasn't going to happen. So could this guy have just been a nice 20 year old who loves kids and might have been a great babysitter? Sure, could have been, but since I don't know him and he approached my kid, I'll err on the hypercautious mommy side and make sure my son is safe.

OP, You know your own child and her awareness and how clear she is on what she needs to be careful of. You also know your own comfort level. With that in mind, you need to make a decision on what amount of freedom and at what point that is safe and realistic for your family. What your neighbors, or her friends "get to do" is irrelevant. All kids mature at their own pace and have differing degrees of awareness of personal safety. With my DD7 all anyone would need is a dog or cat and she'd be off chasing them, forget about any stranger cautions I've given. Overprotective, I may be, but so were my parents and I'm confident and IMHO turned out fine.

 

[Serling126]

This is a major issue in our neighborhood.. we live in the suburbs, but very near the city and while it's an "ok" area, it is certainly not super nice. I will NOT let my girls (ages 6 and 4) play in the front by themselves. They can play in our fenced backyard alone, that's no problem, but you have no idea who could be driving by in the front.

The problem is that there are so many parents who let their kids (as young as age 4!!!) run around without supervision. They don't even look both ways before running in the road, and I have seen many many near-misses... I cannot believe that somebody has not been hit by a car yet. I have pointed this out to the sets of parents in question, and they say, "oh if they are in the road, its ok for you to tell them to get back on the sidewalk" Ummmm.... sorry but that is YOUR job, not mine. The one parent of the 4 year old has said "I am usually outside sitting on the steps when he is playing in the front", but I have only seen her out once or twice.

My girls want to go outside and play with these "friends" and I feel bad that I cannot just let them go out unsupervised, but its a two-fold safety issue: I do not want them to pick up the bad habits of running in the road, and I am wary of predators who might come along and try to get the kids to come along with them.

I watched a 20/20 or Dateline special several years ago where they (with the parents' permission) tested children by having a reporter pose as a stranger and go up to the kids saying their dog was lost, can the kids help, etc... All these kids were previously taught "stranger danger" but ALL of the children went with the reporter!!! That report has stuck in my mind ever since I saw it.

 

[Hannathy]

Yes by 9 my kids had been playing outdoors and walking to school by themselves for years! At 9 I wouldn't see my DS for hours at a time in the summer when he was with his friends, and he is 11. I don't get the paranoia. Unless you live in an inner city/really terrible neighborhood it is no more dangerous now than it was years ago, in fact it can be argued it is safer.

They ride their bikes all over our neighborhood. Kids have to learn to be independent it doesn't happen overnight, they have to practice and have experience before it actually is needed in a situation.

 

[kelleyrn2000]

Count me in as an overprotective mom. I was the victim of an attempted kidnapping as a kid, walking home from school with an older neighbor girl. We escaped but I had nightmares for about 6 years.

My 7yo was playing outside in our front driveway last summer. I can see her from my front windows pretty easily, so I thought it would be fine. Well, she came in and told me a guy in a blue truck pulled in and asked if her dad was home (we don't know anyone with a blue truck). He apparently left pretty quickly, and I never saw or heard anything. A few days later there were reports of attempted child abduction involving a truck...scared me to death!!

My kids do play outside but they have specific rules about where in the yard they can play, and if a car pulls in our drive to come inside immediately.

 

[Swimalie]

This is a major issue in our neighborhood.. we live in the suburbs, but very near the city and while it's an "ok" area, it is certainly not super nice. I will NOT let my girls (ages 6 and 4) play in the front by themselves. They can play in our fenced backyard alone, that's no problem, but you have no idea who could be driving by in the front.

The problem is that there are so many parents who let their kids (as young as age 4!!!) run around without supervision. They don't even look both ways before running in the road, and I have seen many many near-misses... I cannot believe that somebody has not been hit by a car yet. I have pointed this out to the sets of parents in question, and they say, "oh if they are in the road, its ok for you to tell them to get back on the sidewalk" Ummmm.... sorry but that is YOUR job, not mine. The one parent of the 4 year old has said "I am usually outside sitting on the steps when he is playing in the front", but I have only seen her out once or twice.

There is a family in our neighborhood that lets their 6 year old run off around our neighborhood and go see who is home to play with - alone. One night they were franticly searching for her. She had gone to someone's house and had called home but didn't know that the phone lines at her house were not working so the call didn't go through. Her parents assumed she was with her older sister but when she came home and didn't have the 6 year old, they waited an hour to go look for her. AN HOUR! It was dark out and they couldn't find her. When they did find her with my friend/neighbor and me and she was fine, they got mad at my friend for having her there. Um... not my friend's responsibility that their girl is wandering around at 6. Needless to say, that girl is not allowed over my friend's house alone anymore.Luckily the girl was okay but it could have turned out badly and reinforces my concern for my son.

 

[cogero]

I live in Queens, NY in a very good neighboorhood. I still walk my 3rd grader to school and pick her up. She can play in our yard anytime she wants. She can also go in the front of the house and read or play no problem.

I do not let her go to friends houses alone and do not let her walk around alone. I hear to many horror stories so yes I am neurotic like that.

I actually just started letting her go from the car up to dance class by herself. We are also going to start letting her walk to karate herself since it is 2 blocks away but she will have to text us to let us know she is there. I am more worried of someone snatching her than anything else.

That being said we are sending her alone to visit my aunt in Arkansas in the summer and I am sure they will be outside for hours on end and I am okay with that since it isn't NYC

 

[Sortin]

I grew up in the country and was always outside playing and running all over the place with my neighbors. Now I live in the city with my 4 kids and I am really paranoid about letting them out by themselves. I often think that if we were in the country they would be able to run outside whenever they wanted and I wouldn't have to worry about it.

For me I think it's just a matter of what I grew up with and am comfortable with. If I had grown up in the city I might be ok with them running around. My neighbor has tons of kids and they always are running around all over the place.

My concern is that they will be abducted, and honestly that can happen to any age child, anywhere - it could even happen to me, I guess. I completely trust my kids to stay on the sidewalks and to cross streets safely, and to stay near the house if I tell them too. I just can't get over the fear of abduction.

Possibly years ago people just didn't know about the abductions as much - no internet, maybe the news didn't report on it as much?

 

[Hannathy]

There is a family in our neighborhood that lets their 6 year old run off around our neighborhood and go see who is home to play with - alone. One night they were franticly searching for her. She had gone to someone's house and had called home but didn't know that the phone lines at her house were not working so the call didn't go through. Her parents assumed she was with her older sister but when she came home and didn't have the 6 year old, they waited an hour to go look for her. AN HOUR! It was dark out and they couldn't find her. When they did find her with my friend/neighbor and me and she was fine, they got mad at my friend for having her there. Um... not my friend's responsibility that their girl is wandering around at 6. Needless to say, that girl is not allowed over my friend's house alone anymore.Luckily the girl was okay but it could have turned out badly and reinforces my concern for my son.

How does this re-confirm your concern for your son?
Don't get this statement. The girl was fine, nothing happened to her. She didn't do what she was supposed to do and learned a valuable lesson. My kids know when it gets dark they are to be home or to let me know. She didn't let her folks know for sure. If kids end up at my house and they have been there awhile I will say "do your folks know you are here" and have them call if they aren't sure. I'm sure this young lady will never go somewhere without letting her parents know so she learned a valuable lesson.

 

[mjkacmom]

My girls want to go outside and play with these "friends" and I feel bad that I cannot just let them go out unsupervised, but its a two-fold safety issue: I do not want them to pick up the bad habits of running in the road, and I am wary of predators who might come along and try to get the kids to come along with them.
.

My kids have been playing on our front yard without adult supervision for years, and are allowed to cross the street themselves around the age of 5 (after coming in and asking permission - the little ones have friends across the street). Although I really don't worry about them being abducted (chances are SO small, 1 in 610000, less likely than having your child die in a plane crash, and we go over what to do if a car ever pulls over), I do worry about the street. A car goes up our street about once every 5 minutes, yet when my kids cross, they'll stand there for about 20 seconds, looking back and forth. I'm also very paranoid about them running into the street after a ball, so I've told them a million times "let it go, and come get me."

 

[Sortin]

My kids have been playing on our front yard without adult supervision for years, and are allowed to cross the street themselves around the age of 5 (after coming in and asking permission - the little ones have friends across the street). Although I really don't worry about them being abducted (chances are SO small, 1 in 610000, less likely than having your child die in a plane crash, and we go over what to do if a car ever pulls over), I do worry about the street. A car goes up our street about once every 5 minutes, yet when my kids cross, they'll stand there for about 20 seconds, looking back and forth. I'm also very paranoid about them running into the street after a ball, so I've told them a million times "let it go, and come get me."

I know this isn't my thread - but it really fits me. From reading your post with the statistics of abductions I wonder if I was better educated about abductions I might be less fearful. I'll have to do some research - hopefully I can find data that is specific to my area too since we live in not such a great area.

 

[Swimalie]

How does this re-confirm your concern for your son?
Don't get this statement. The girl was fine, nothing happened to her. She didn't do what she was supposed to do and learned a valuable lesson. My kids know when it gets dark they are to be home or to let me know. She didn't let her folks know for sure. If kids end up at my house and they have been there awhile I will say "do your folks know you are here" and have them call if they aren't sure. I'm sure this young lady will never go somewhere without letting her parents know so she learned a valuable lesson.

It reinforces that he will not go places alone yet (he's only 5 and too young in my opinion anyway). The little girl was asked if she called her mom. She told my friend that she did. She didn't tell the truth. She got a disconnected message and didn't call the mom's cell phone. The mom didn't know where she was and this girl didn't tell my friend that. I hope the girl learned a lesson but the parents really did as well. They waited an hour before looking for their daughter when it was already dark out and she was alone for all they knew.

 

[1tricky1]

wow great topic!!
my dd 7 always want to play outside and as an only child im so nervous. i cant be with her all the time.
we have a fenced yard and shell jump on the trampoline, or up in her tree fort. i still poke my head out every 5 mins to ask if shes ok.
ill let her play out front with the door open so i can hear anything. she knows to come in if someone comes close to the house
i live in a city of 34000, older pretty safe neighborhood but not alot of kids.
do we have weirdos-- probably
am i paranoid -- probably but i will still try and let her have some freedom but under my watchful eye.
she just learnt to ride her bike so shell be venturing around the block soon. yikes

vicky