Playdates and siblings

[disneymom3]

Aaargh. What to do? DD 10 has a friend over right now. She has been here for two hours and things are going great between the girls, but the little brothers are another story. I have had them watch a show, do some craft projects and a science experiment and just general play. They want to follow the girls and play with them, but I am doing my darndest to keep them off their backs. I know that 10yo girls do not want to play with 6 adn 4 yo brothers when they get together all the time.

However, is it THAT terrible? For instance the girls went to play in the basement and the boys went down there too, so immediately the girls came upstairs. Just now, the girls decided to go outside and the boys were done with their science activity and were getting ready to go outside too. You would have thought it was the breaking of a peace treaty or something. Crimeny! DD says to her brother, "You are just a follower!!!" (Very rude mean voice.) Now, we don't call names of any kind so she got in trouble for that and she also was informed that if her brothers want to play in the half acre backyard, I was pretty sure it could be managed without too much conflict.

What else do people do to keep these play dates going smoothly? We have several families we get together with that have kids of different ages and they all play together as a group a lot, but this one friend over thing is a pain in the neck!! And with some friends it works better than with others. This one and one other one act like it is the end of the world if the boys join them for anything. I hate it.

Thank goodness it is almost time for lunch and then I think we will go to the park.

 

[disykat]

I think you are doing the right thing keeping her brothers away and letting her have time with her friend. Since the boys are so much younger, maybe you can enlist the girls help and set up a "if you let them have their own space for 3 hours, we'll play a special game of tag" or something like that?

 

[slo]

disneymom3

I am in the exact same boat as you, and I don't know what to do either

I'm hoping responders to your thread can help me too

 

[disneymom3]

Well, the playdate is over now and we did survive. Went to the park which used up the last 45 min.

I am convinced there must be more feedback out there though! DD went to a friend's sleepover party a few weeks ago and her little brother hung around the whole party. DD actually did not complain, but I thought it was kind of odd. Guess it's not so bad if it's not your own little brother!

 

[horseshowmom]

Since you haven't gotten any other answers so far, I'll give you what little I have. Since I just had DD, I didn't have your problem myself, but I can tell you that my mother generally had my little brother play somewhere else when I had company, and I did the same if he had company.

Glad everything worked out for you though!

 

[va32h]

We have this problem too - 10yo daughter, 6yo son, 2yo daughter.

I do try reasoning with the older girls. I point out that part of the fun for younger siblings is being annoying, and if they just play along, and don't get upset, the little ones will get bored in a few minutes and move on to something else.

I also make deals - I will keep them out of your hair for one hour, then you let them play for one hour, then we all do something together for the rest of the time. (which pretty much sounds like what you did!)

Are both of the boys yours? If not, maybe you could trade. Tell the other mom that you'll take the girls if she'll take the boys and vice versa.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

This brings back memories! I used to try and do the kid trade--I'd invite a friend over for my boys if my DD could go to play with the older sister. I always got the boys, though, since I had two younger boys (and later had another one) and one DD. We were the noisy house. I'd also try to keep the little brother occupied, at least most of the time. My DD never seemed to want to be bothered with her brothers. Sad to say, but she never really developed much of a relationship with them and isn't real close to them even now that she's in college. It's a personality thing with her. I would do what I could with your DD to tr and encourage her to include her brothers at times, but also give her times where she doesn't have to include them (which is sounds like you are doing).

I now have a little of this with my 6yo. Jake wants to jump right into the activities (music, video games, driveway basketbal, etc) of the teen friends of my older kids. Jake really thinks that he's one of them. He blends in pretty well except his height gives him away.

 

[JVL1018]

My kids are only 2 years apart(not even) and whenever DD has a friend over, my son plays with them too.
Her friend she had over most last year was a little boy in her class, and he happened to have a sister my son's age, so the first time I dropped my daughter off for a palydate, the Mom asked Matthew to come in, too, which he was thrilled to do. I always invited both kids for playdates at my house too and all 4 of them were together with no problems.

If DS bugged her or her friends, I'd pull him away, but usually they all play together fine, she's never asked for him to go away, and neither have her friends. So I just assume that they'll all be playing together.

Too young yet for that stuff, I suppose.

 

[MinnieGi]

This happens here too. My 6yo DD doesn't always want her 2yo little brother hanging around when she has a friend over. I understand that. Its nice to have uninterrupted time with your friend. However DS wants nothing more than to be around the girls. I usually keep DS occupied for a specfic amount of time and tell DD that she and her friend can close the door to her room or the playroom and have not interference from little bro if near the end of the playdate they can include him. It usually always works out. At the end of the playdate DS is in his glory just being around the girls and the girls figure out its really not that bad having him around and they even incorporate him into their play and make him their "prince", "shopkeeper", "pirate" etc......

 

[disneymom3]

Thanks for all the answers. It really does help to hear that bascially everybody else goes through this as well. Both the boys do belong to me btw and generally are best of friends. I think it is hard for them to understand because we homeschool so the kids are home together and playing together all day and then when DDs friends come over they get ditched. Middle DS does the same thing a little bit when he has a friend over but DD usually ends up directing the play and then she is not left out.

I guess I am handling it better than I thought since just about everyone else is doing the same thing. That is good to know!