Planting the Seeds for a Non-Disney Person

[mmackeymouse]

So, a little bit about my boyfriend and relationship with him: he knows I am a Disney person. I don't want to say he's not a Disney person, because he knows all the songs, all the movies, all the quotes. He is just not a Disney person in the same way I am, and the same way many of you are. He has already told me before that he isn't a fan of amusement parks. Just knowing him, he is more of a woodsy guy, not really a beach and pool kind of guy.

That said, I think we all know those people who are not really the Disney World type who either fall in love with WDW or end up liking it in their own way. So I'm not too terribly worried. It just makes broaching the Disney trip topic a bit trickier.

On to the trip: my family (mom) has been planning this massive Disney vacation for Fall of 2020. She wants the whole family, the grandkids, everyone to go. And she and my Dad are footing the bill. (Says her. My sister and I have insisted on paying for certain things, which she has said no, but I think we'll figure something out) The plan is a huge splurge. Hoping for a 2BR at the Grand. Maybe DDP, so we can hit up several of the $50 a head buffets. This is definitely not a usual Disney trip for my family.

Anyway, my Mom wants me to invite my boyfriend. Now, there are some positives I can sell him on. It's an almost free trip to Disney World. He, like me, is a food guy. Loves food, loves trying new things, loves trying unique atmospheres. This has Disney written all over it. Now some of the concerns, not including his aforementioned vacation preferences: we'd have very little alone time, which doesn't really bother me (since it's my family) as much as it would probably bother him. There would be this awkward situation of either he has to sleep on the couch in the living room, or he shares a bed with me, as adults do, in the second bedroom with, more than likely, my parents. <-- only bc I couldn't find a cringe smiley.

Ultimately, my biggest issue, right now, is that we are a year and a half away. It feels incredibly presumptive to assume we are even still going to be together in a year and a half. I mean...vacation time would have to be planned and flights would need to be booked, so I know I have to give him a decent amount of notice; I just don't quite know where the line is. Maybe early next year? I think it will require a delicate touch and to plant the seeds over time. If I just blurt out, "Hey wanna go to Disney World with my family?" I can guarantee the answer will be a big fat no. It requires nuance.

Help me form a game plan! Any tips? Ideas? Anecdotal situations that worked for you?

 

[DeterminedOne]

I hope it’s not as tough a sell as you think it will be. Unless he’s just a complete grump - who has to be sold on a free trip?
Ok - that sounds negative, and I don’t mean to be. Look at it this way: It seems as if this trip is important to your Mom. So that means if it’s important to your Mom, then it’s important to you. Anything important to you should be important to him ...
The way he handles this is a test as to whether he’s the guy you want to marry. That’s really what dating is all about. He’s not a jerk if he doesn’t want to go, and for whatever reason. He’s only a jerk if he doesn’t support you in your decision to go without him. So to answer your question - I think you should broach the conversation by starting with what this trip means to your Mom.

 

[elaine amj]

Ummm...why not just ask him?
"My parents are planning this amazing massive family vacation to WDW in a year and a half. They'd like to invite you as well and are footing the bill. What do u think? Would you like to come? It would be so awesome to show you why I love Disney so much! FYI: we may end up having to share a room with my parents or sleep on the sofabed or something - are u cool with that?"

My mother hasn't been to Disney since she took me to Disneyland at 10 and Disney World at 14. She thinks we are nuts for wanting to go so much and shakes her head at me and my Disney obsession. And cannot understand why DH likes it too. But when I talked about taking her along next year, she was happy about it and is completely willing to tag along on a free trip.

If he says he'd sooner chew his arm off than go to Disney on a free trip, then he can either stay home or if you really want him there and want to push it, you can ask him to suck it up and go with a smile as a huge favor to you so you can all spend time together with your family.

If you are worried about the newness of the relationship, that was really on your mother because she has chosen to invite him to something a year and a half away knowing the risks. On the other hand, it is simple enough to say "no pressure on making a final decision until we have to book flights/make non-refundable deposits, etc". Basically until money is riding on whether he goes/doesn't go. If all your basic plans stay the same with/without him (including room size), then hold off on buying his park ticket and leave the final decision until it's time to buy his flight ticket (which can easily wait until 2 months out). So now u have given all of you over a year to chew on the idea.

Have fun! I wouldn't stress so much about it. Hopefully he takes this as an awesome opportunity to learn about what you love so much. If not, his loss. It is possible for you to like something and for your significant other not to care for it. But if is grumpy about it, that would be a red flag.

I have had to spend hours freezing my butt watching my DH play ice hockey. I quit going when we got married 18 years ago haha! But next month will have to spend a whole weekend watching him play in a tournament. He's told me how excited he is for our whole family to cheer him on - so we will all be there with bells and whistles and I will be his loudest cheerleader (even though I get utterly bored at games).

 

[mmackeymouse]

Thanks, friends, for your insightful replies. Maybe I am overthinking it a bit on the timing and what not.

I hope it’s not as tough a sell as you think it will be. Unless he’s just a complete grump - who has to be sold on a free trip?
Ok - that sounds negative, and I don’t mean to be. Look at it this way: It seems as if this trip is important to your Mom. So that means if it’s important to your Mom, then it’s important to you. Anything important to you should be important to him ...
The way he handles this is a test as to whether he’s the guy you want to marry. That’s really what dating is all about. He’s not a jerk if he doesn’t want to go, and for whatever reason. He’s only a jerk if he doesn’t support you in your decision to go without him. So to answer your question - I think you should broach the conversation by starting with what this trip means to your Mom.

Agreed. But, when I really think about it, I can see the other side of it. A bit.

I am a traveler, so I can think of very few places I would turn down a basically free vacation. But, for the sake of argument, I can see how if it's a place I just plain don't want to go...it wouldn't matter if it were free. Please no one get mad, but let's say I was offered a free vacation to Flint, Michigan. And, to compare apples to apples, I would be in Flint all the time; we'll call it the Flint Bubble. Almost all expenses paid, I just had to get there. I am not sure even a week of lodging and food would convince me to go.

So, add to the fact that you are spending A LOT of time around people you either may not care for or may be uncomfortable around. You are having to use a chunk of vacation days that maybe you would have wanted to save for your own family trip or a visit somewhere else. I can understand why even a free vacation may not appeal to him. I hope it does. But I also realize it might be a tougher sell than one might think.

Ummm...why not just ask him?
"My parents are planning this amazing massive family vacation to WDW in a year and a half. They'd like to invite you as well and are footing the bill. What do u think? Would you like to come? It would be so awesome to show you why I love Disney so much! FYI: we may end up having to share a room with my parents or sleep on the sofabed or something - are u cool with that?"

My mother hasn't been to Disney since she took me to Disneyland at 10 and Disney World at 14. She thinks we are nuts for wanting to go so much and shakes her head at me and my Disney obsession. And cannot understand why DH likes it too. But when I talked about taking her along next year, she was happy about it and is completely willing to tag along on a free trip.

If he says he'd sooner chew his arm off than go to Disney on a free trip, then he can either stay home or if you really want him there and want to push it, you can ask him to suck it up and go with a smile as a huge favor to you so you can all spend time together with your family.

If you are worried about the newness of the relationship, that was really on your mother because she has chosen to invite him to something a year and a half away knowing the risks. On the other hand, it is simple enough to say "no pressure on making a final decision until we have to book flights/make non-refundable deposits, etc". Basically until money is riding on whether he goes/doesn't go. If all your basic plans stay the same with/without him (including room size), then hold off on buying his park ticket and leave the final decision until it's time to buy his flight ticket (which can easily wait until 2 months out). So now u have given all of you over a year to chew on the idea.

Have fun! I wouldn't stress so much about it. Hopefully he takes this as an awesome opportunity to learn about what you love so much. If not, his loss. It is possible for you to like something and for your significant other not to care for it. But if is grumpy about it, that would be a red flag.

I have had to spend hours freezing my butt watching my DH play ice hockey. I quit going when we got married 18 years ago haha! But next month will have to spend a whole weekend watching him play in a tournament. He's told me how excited he is for our whole family to cheer him on - so we will all be there with bells and whistles and I will be his loudest cheerleader (even though I get utterly bored at games).

The relationship is actually not all that new. We've been together a year, so it makes sense that my mom has invited him. It still feels incredibly pre-mature to me to be thinking that far ahead. Heck, to me, 6 months ahead feels like the limit. I'm also a bit superstitious and don't want to jinx anything. Also, and this might sound silly...but I feel like if I say something to him now, the answer will almost certainly be no, whereas if I wait a few months, maybe he will have more time to be more comfortable with my family and maybe a better chance at getting a yes. Now, even if he says no now, I can always circle back in a year and see if he changes his mind.

Your hockey thing with you and your hubs made me chuckle, as I can only imagine it. I think it's sweet. Have a great time in a few weeks! I am very aware that it's possible to like different things. I feel like I do and have done a lot of things that are his cup of tea, and it hasn't really been the same way back to me. Like, I said, he is a woodsy guy, and we have done the cabin thing and gone hiking many, many times. Now, to be fair, with our location, woodsy options are much more readily available within driving distance than a tropical paradise. I just hope all these little rugged getaways we've had will build some credit in my favor.