Planning Trips with Adult Children

[DisneyStarWisher]

We are headed to HHI in June. The plans were to take the whole family, including DS22 (plus his GF) and DS20. Of course, I had to book 11 months out due to the high demand for summer at HHI. Now, DS20 is telling me that he may be spending the summer hundreds of miles away on an internship. It's a great opportunity for him. It just makes me sad that he might not be able to join us. I know that family vacations become harder as your kids get older. It's even harder when you have to book timeshares so far out. And even though he will be having a great experience, it makes me feel guilty that he would be missing out on a place he absolutely loves. There is no other time to reschedule the trip due to my work and the fact my DS22 is graduating and doesn't know about his future work schedule. For those of you who have adult kids, how to you get over these feelings? How do you plan trips? I'm really struggling with this.

 

[Deb & Bill]

The two of us enjoy our time together. Our son lives in Miami, but between work and grad school, he doesn't have much time off.

 

[montrealdisneylovers]

I have two girls, one 21 the other 24 and I have recently gone through these same feelings (still do). I think it’s a normal process.

What helps me is reminding myself to he thankful that they are healthy, happy girls living THEIR lives.

DH and I just had our first BLT trip without our girls. It was really strange at first and we spent some time reminiscing about our past family trips. Then we started doing what we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it and had a really good time! We now look forward to our future trips with whoever wants to join us. As I don’t know 11 months out who will be coming, I will continue to book one bedrooms for the time being.

Continue to make your vacation plans and embrace the fact that they will be different but still fun. There is nothing to feel guilty about. I think it’s important for our children to know that we will be ok without them and that they can freely live their lives.

 

[DisneyStarWisher]

Oh, maybe I should have prefaced my post by saying my DH and I already travel just the two of us. We take one trip together every year (either to HHI or to WDW) and then plan one with our family. I don't feel guilty at all about traveling without them! I love our trips when it's just the two of us. What I think I'll feel guilty about is doing a family trip with just one of them. But it wouldn't be fair on the one who can go to cancel or even to reschedule. It will just be weird with only one of my children.

 

[monorailmom]

We have been dealing with this the past couple of years. Our twins are now 23...working full time...one is even engaged!!! We have another daughter in college. She doesn't have the same school breaks as our son who is still in high school.

It's tough. I hate that we don't do Disney with our oldest girls anymore, but honestly, there really is no solution to that. They just don't have enough time off and have started taking trips to other places with their SO's. (though both have gone to Disney with them, just not us LOL! Which is perfectly okay.)

Our college age daughter comes with us for our trip in August since that is before her semester starts. Other than that, it's us with our high school age son.

It definitely takes some getting used to. Though, I will say, since he is the youngest of four, it's nice to spend one on one time with him that he maybe didn't get as much of when he was younger.

We do text with our girls while we're at Disney. They actually want pictures and updates of crowds and what we're doing and where we're eating. It still isn't the same, but we enjoy the time with our son, especially since he'll be a senior next year and it will be his last year of the "extra" trips.

My DH and I also take one trip a year just us, so we know that we have plenty of fun together at Disney without the kids. Actually, we honeymooned there too, so we knew that from the get go!

Try not to overthink it. Bring back your older child's favorite Disney snack if you can. (ours love the little mickey shaped cheese crackers) Enjoy the time with the kid who can still come with you.

 

[miTnosnhoJ]

I would just say that this is normal during the college years and right after. The best you can do is pick a time that works for them, knowing that their life may change in the interim.

The good news is that in a few years, they will be quite happy to vacation at Disney or DVC with you, especially once they have children of our own. The past three Springs, we have taken my daughters and their SO’s to VGF, and they love it. They are currently 31 and 28. We started with 5 of us in a 1 BR. Now we are up to 7 in a 2 BR. next year we will have 8 with 2 Grand children.

 

[Sharene0724]

We have 4 kids ranging from 21 to 2. It's really tough to get them all on a vacation together (well not the 2 year old lol, he is pretty much set). We try to get a special souvenir or maybe do a special dinner etc with any of the kiddo's that can't join us on a family vacation due to school or work. It's really all you can do. Don't feel guilty, just enjoy your time with your family that can go and know that they are doing some great things in their own life

 

[ILoveMyDVC]

Oh, maybe I should have prefaced my post by saying my DH and I already travel just the two of us. We take one trip together every year (either to HHI or to WDW) and then plan one with our family. I don't feel guilty at all about traveling without them! I love our trips when it's just the two of us. What I think I'll feel guilty about is doing a family trip with just one of them. But it wouldn't be fair on the one who can go to cancel or even to reschedule. It will just be weird with only one of my children.

Precursor of things to come - as they are employed and have families - what is convenient for one may not be for the other. DS22 might not be able to go on a future trip that DD20 can go on. My first-world struggle is the phase my DS27 went/is going through that he doesn't want to go with us or his sister (25). BUT he might go, if his GF and/or his friends can go. I am already paying for DD and her fiance - I will pay for DS but I cannot also pay for GF and/or friends. We have paid for DS' friends/GFs over the years. First time DD is bringing someone and they are engaged.

In the end, equal doesn't mean the same. One DS goes this trip, the other goes next year - and, maybe, the stars will align and you get both in the future.

 

[BEASLYBOO]

My son was 2 when I bought in, at 21 soon to be 22 (in college & working) he’s a DVC expert. I’ve added him as an associate and soon will add him to the deed. Yes, our usage as changed but I have to tell you, though I knew it would happen, it hasn’t been sad or bad. We still do a few weekends, he and I, we both love Food & Wine. He also goes with his friends, yes without me but I’m happy he still enjoys it. It has given us great joy the last 19 years, and continues to do so. I do Food & Wine and Flower Show weekends with my best girlfriends, we book great places to eat, we book spa days. We still go to the parks but much less, we really enjoy the resorts more so now. I anticipate, God willing, the next phase/change of usage will be bringing the future grandchildren. I’ve never regretted my DVC purchase and I look forward to each stay, we have 6 upcoming reservations, some with and some without my son. And we have an understanding, when the time comes, scooter or wheelchair, I’m still going and he may have to do some pushing .

 

[DisneyStarWisher]

My son was 2 when I bought in, at 21 soon to be 22 (in college & working) he’s a DVC expert. I’ve added him as an associate and soon will add him to the deed. Yes, our usage as changed but I have to tell you, though I knew it would happen, it hasn’t been sad or bad. We still do a few weekends, he and I, we both love Food & Wine. He also goes with his friends, yes without me but I’m happy he still enjoys it. It has given us great joy the last 19 years, and continues to do so. I do Food & Wine and Flower Show weekends with my best girlfriends, we book great places to eat, we book spa days. We still go to the parks but much less, we really enjoy the resorts more so now. I anticipate, God willing, the next phase/change of usage will be bringing the future grandchildren. I’ve never regretted my DVC purchase.

Based on your signature, it does appear you do lots of weekends. We are about 11-1/2 hours from WDW and about 9-1/2 hours from HHI. Airfare to Orlando seems to be astronomical lately, and flying is not really feasible to HHI; therefore, weekend trips aren't very possible. That's what is upsetting. With the amount of points we have (and are planning on adding at BRV in the next couple of years), the only family trips we can do are WDW one year, HHI the next year, and a camping/weekend trip on the 3rd year. That means if someone misses a trip, it will be three years of waiting to go back. I wish I could alternate WDW/HHI each year, but that would mean extra points, and WDW is getting almost too expensive ticket-wise to take the whole family every other year. But at least if someone misses, it would mean they would be back before they know it.

 

[BEASLYBOO]

Based on your signature, it does appear you do lots of weekends.

Yes, the privilege of being a Florida resident. I used DVC at 1st as a safe and fun place for Spring Break and other school breaks. And no, with the cost of airfare, tickets, restaurants, it wouldn’t be possible, but being 2 1/2 hours away by car is easy and fantastic for long weekends.

 

[DisneyStarWisher]

Yes, the privilege of being a Florida resident. I used DVC at 1st as a safe and fun place for Spring Break and other school breaks. And no, with the cost of airfare, tickets, restaurants, it wouldn’t be possible, but being 2 1/2 hours away by car is easy and fantastic for long weekends.

I am jealous!

 

[DSLRuser]

birds have to leave the nest at some time. be happy he is doing it on his own in a situation you all agree is positive.....vs him living in your basement at 26 years old eating pizza and playing x-box all day

just means you did a good job as a parent. now you get to have fun in your "golden" years

 

[crisi]

If your parents are still with you and able - invite them. They are very likely to understand

I have spent more time with my mother since my kids got into their own lives - my kids are "almost adults" - my eighteen year old daughter is a Senior and heading off to college in the fall, my 19 year old son lives at home and goes to school - but we haven't gotten him to come along on a vacation in several years (he may end up living in the basement playing xbox and eating pizza).

We also spend more time with friends who when our kids were younger, we didn't see so much since we were wrapped up in our kids lives.

And I agree, acknowledge that is is normal. Its hard when you are starting out to be able to commit to a vacation. Let him know you are thinking of him, send him a t-shirt from the trip, and get him to commit to spending a weekend with you when his schedule allows.

We haven't gotten my son on many vacations in the past few years (he has never been a Disney kid), but we just got back from the first Disney trip without our daughter since she was born - who had college classes to go to. And there were so many times we looked at each other and missed her - because she is a Disney kid and gets excited about it. But we got to share our excitment with her, and talk about the future trip she WILL be able to come with us on (although that might be a while).

 

[keishashadow]

We are headed to HHI in June. The plans were to take the whole family, including DS22 (plus his GF) and DS20. Of course, I had to book 11 months out due to the high demand for summer at HHI. Now, DS20 is telling me that he may be spending the summer hundreds of miles away on an internship. It's a great opportunity for him. It just makes me sad that he might not be able to join us. I know that family vacations become harder as your kids get older. It's even harder when you have to book timeshares so far out. And even though he will be having a great experience, it makes me feel guilty that he would be missing out on a place he absolutely loves. There is no other time to reschedule the trip due to my work and the fact my DS22 is graduating and doesn't know about his future work schedule. For those of you who have adult kids, how to you get over these feelings? How do you plan trips? I'm really struggling with this.

Congratulate yourselves on rearing a child who has the good sense to value an internship over a vacation!

This will happen moreso now that he’s in college and will be making his way in the world. You will wrap your head around it but I know exactly how you feel.

We find ourselves experiencing things as he & me that our kids loved and it’s bittersweet but lots of great memories that we cherish.

Oh, maybe I should have prefaced my post by saying my DH and I already travel just the two of us. We take one trip together every year (either to HHI or to WDW) and then plan one with our family. I don't feel guilty at all about traveling without them! I love our trips when it's just the two of us. What I think I'll feel guilty about is doing a family trip with just one of them. But it wouldn't be fair on the one who can go to cancel or even to reschedule. It will just be weird with only one of my children.

As kids age and have families of their own, they tend to come back eagerly into the WDW fold once they are settled into life...especially if mom & dad are offering free points lol.

I am enjoying taking my GD on trips to WDW now both with & without mom & dad

A bonus is they already know the 11 month booking window rules, easier to pin them down early. FYI, you may find yourself taking separate vacations with each child as well as larger gatherings.

Enjoy

 

[DisneyStarWisher]

It's not that I'm unhappy that he would choose an internship over a family vacation. I'm just wanting suggestions for planning from those who take adult children. My future plans include WDW over Thanksgiving Break 2019 (hopefully everyone can be off then) and then a short weekend trip maybe to Gatlinburg in 2020 (since DH and I are spending two weeks in Hawaii to celebrate our 30th anniversary and my retirement).

By the way, he chose against the internship. He said he might try it next summer. I understand why. He is away at college all year, and last year, he spent much of the summer in Ecuador and Galapagos Island on a study abroad. He is really craving some time at home. Of course, the summer after next, he is planning on spending from May to October hiking the Appalachian Trail. So not sure he will want to be away next summer either. But he is an adult and can choose for himself.

 

[miTnosnhoJ]

It's not that I'm unhappy that he would choose an internship over a family vacation. I'm just wanting suggestions for planning from those who take adult children. My future plans include WDW over Thanksgiving Break 2019 (hopefully everyone can be off then) and then a short weekend trip maybe to Gatlinburg in 2020 (since DH and I are spending two weeks in Hawaii to celebrate our 30th anniversary and my retirement).

By the way, he chose against the internship. He said he might try it next summer. I understand why. He is away at college all year, and last year, he spent much of the summer in Ecuador and Galapagos Island on a study abroad. He is really craving some time at home. Of course, the summer after next, he is planning on spending from May to October hiking the Appalachian Trail. So not sure he will want to be away next summer either. But he is an adult and can choose for himself.

One thing I do is to let the adult children pick the week we go. This year, I am going to share the points chart with them. Because we normally go in the spring, but they will have a six month old then, and they need to trade off going in the summer.

 

[sjrec]

The first couple trips without them are hard-school schedules, work schedules. Family vacations don’t seem the same when part of the family is missing. But before you know it, you’ll be booking 2br villas and wondering where to put the pack and play!