planning cheap halloween theme birthday party-help

[pixxi]

We are saving to go to Disney in Feb for the Princess runs we have 5 people going and have a lot to save.

My 12 year old daughter has never had a b-day party and is obsessive over having one. Many years we went to Disney with free dining over her b-day so no need for a party.

She doesn't have a lot of friends, she was adopted from China, has cleft lip and palate, has a genetic syndrome and she is high functioning autism. She thinks she has a lot of friends but in reality she doesn't, a lot of "friend" refuse to give her their phone number but she doesn't think anything of it. When I asked her to make a list of friends she would want to invite she had to pull out her yearbook.

We are going to have a party with a Halloween theme. I don't really want to have a sleep over but would think about it. What do 12 year old girls do/want to do for a party. My daughter still plays with action figures alone for fun, she isn't into girly things. I want this to be a good time for her and also her friends. The neighbor girl who she plays with the most outside said she might not come even before being invited.

She went to 1 party where they rented a limo, went to one of the jump and play places...way to much$$$.

What ideas do you guys have for a party for this age bracket and also so I don't pull my hair out! I don't want her first party to be lame but want it to maybe open doors for her with friendships too. We have an outdoor movie screen but think it might to too cold for that in a couple of weeks. When I did parties for kids in the past, I buy way to much stuff and they fly through all the game & projects I have then we have to scramble for things to do.

Help!

 

[Lvsdisney]

For a Halloween themed party, I would do it in the evening. Have a costume contest so people come dressed. I went to a party when I was younger where the mother told us a scary story and passed around bowls full of icky stuff; eye balls (peeled grapes), brains (spaghetti mixed with vegetable oil) etc etc. She turned off rhe lights and held a flash light to her chin and then passed the bowls around. 12 year old girls tend to be girlier than not. Think makeup, hair etc. I don't know how you could incorporate that to a Halloween theme, though. Sorry!

Side note: my mom's friend has an adopted daughter from China and she has a group that she is involved with that is all kids from China. I know they get together to celebrate the Chinese New Year among other things. She said she wanted her daughter to know her heritage and meet other kids like her. Not sure if there is something like through your adoption agency, but it could open the door to friends that way as well.

Eta: I would contact your daughters teacher to see if there are some genuine friends she could invite. Middle school is an awful time and kids can be very mean, and I would hate for your daughter to get excited and no one show up because the true friends weren't invited.

 

[J'aime Paris]

Eta: I would contact your daughters teacher to see if there are some genuine friends she could invite. Middle school is an awful time and kids can be very mean, and I would hate for your daughter to get excited and no one show up because the true friends weren't invited.

100%THIS!
I worked at a middle school, and 12 year old girls can be brutal!

 

[TwoMisfits]

Right, I might not do a "party" but invite 2 close friends and go to a haunted hayride (or a regular hayride) and then have apple cider and make smores at the bonfire after...

Or, I'd do dinner and a movie the same way...my daughter will have her 4th party this year that way - Murder on the Orient Express and her favorite cuisine with 4 girls (herself, her tween sis, and her 2 best friends)...the girls love it, I love it b/c I know who's coming (since I talk to their moms), and I don't have to have a "party save cost" like you get for renting things out - tickets are prereservable for theaters and reservations are premade for restaurants...

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

My birthday is a few days after Halloween. When I was 11 or 12, I had a Halloween themed party. The start of the party was co-ed and everyone was requested to come in costume. We had pizza, ice cream and cake. We had some silly games, like bobbing for apples and a piñata with lots of good candy and probably some other activities (can't remember). Then after the main party, the girls all stayed over for a sleepover. We rented some scary movies, had popcorn and stayed up most of the night. It was nothing fancy but overall a good time.

If she doesn't have a big group of friends, I think a small group activity, as @TwoMisfits suggested, might be a better way to go. It will be easier for you and probably more fun for her.

 

[MomToOne]

Side note: my mom's friend has an adopted daughter from China and she has a group that she is involved with that is all kids from China. I know they get together to celebrate the Chinese New Year among other things. She said she wanted her daughter to know her heritage and meet other kids like her. Not sure if there is something like through your adoption agency, but it could open the door to friends that way as well.

The organization you are probably thinking of is Families with Children from China. It is not tied to a specific adoption agency. There isn't really a central organization, just a bunch of local chapters. I suspect the OP knows about it - it's hard to miss it in the Chinese adoption community - but it can't hurt to mention it!

(I participated in a lot of events in the city where we lived when I first adopted DD but once we moved, I found it hard to establish relationships in the new local chapter - people had sort of formed friendships already and didn't seem interested in getting to know the new kid/Mom. Oh well. Hopefully other chapters are better!)

 

[MomToOne]

I don't want her first party to be lame but want it to maybe open doors for her with friendships too.

I think you are putting too much pressure on the party. Just focus on entertaining, don't worry about fixing the friendship problem (this is coming from a fellow adoptive parent whose child has some challenges - not as significant as yours, but the issues get in the way of forming close, lasting friendships none the last). If friendships are meant to be, they will happen.

How about doing something like a bowling party? The kids could still dress up for Halloween, and it's usually a reasonably priced activity. The kids stay occupied the whole time, without you having to drive things. Provide a few pizzas, some sodas and a cake, and you're done! If you want to go crazy, you can give out awards for best costume, etc. It's also an activity that adapts to smaller or larger groups easily.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

For an activity would the girls enjoy decorating a pumpkin? The dollar tree always has foam craft pumpkins and tons of craft supplies, the kids could paint/glitter/bedazzle them to their hearts content while chatting. Maybe do it outside around a fire pit, then do smores after ward. When it gets dark, do a spooky story and maybe let them have a game of truth or dare.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

double post

 

[neatokimmo]

My dd is a couple of years younger. Movie outings and trampoline places are very popular. It gives you a set time for a party and an activity the entire time.

I wish you were closer, our adoption group is huge and the kids are great.

 

[RangerPooh]

Have you considered purchasing small/medium sized pumpkins and have them carve them.

 

[moniqueand2]

Is there an apple orchard or corn maze or anywhere you could schedule a hayride? Maybe try a place like that and invite 2-3 good friends only.

 

[kymom99]

For my son's birthdays we always did a couple close friends. He is shy and wasn't friends with a lot of kids although he got along with most everyone. We went bowling, played putt putt, played lazer tag. I never paid for a party at those places. Just went and paid for the kids to play. Then went to eat after.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

Fewer kids and a trip to the pumpkin patch! Mazes, hayrack rides, no pressure on you for activities. Take a cake. Maybe call their parents in advance since you will want to know they can definitely show up.
Edited to add: caramel apples! Cider!

 

[ajwolfe]

Going to echo the idea of just picking a couple kids and taking them out for a day of fun. I have boys, but always thought a mani/pedi day would be fun if I had girls to take.