people who are always late

[sunlver]

I know this has been discussed before, but why do people think their time is more valuable then others?? I am just one of those people who is pretty much on time99.9% of the time. This morning really set me off...I am over it now though(well until the next time)

Ok, I dogsit out of my house. I have some customers who like me to go to their house and pick up and return their dogs. I have no problem with this, I get paid extra for travel time. I have other customers who drop off at my house, since I am very close to the interstate it is very easy to drop off and head out of town.

Last night, one of my customers(who is also a friend from who adotped one of my fosters last summer)is always late..I mean ALWAYS..most time she will pick a time, and show up 30-60 minutes late.Most of the time I am at home anyways, but it still bugs me..She does not work, and her son is 16 , so no babies to take care of so to speak.

Last night she calls late and asks if I could take the dogs today, she is going out of town(last minute deal)and could she drop off in morning. I stated I am leaving the house by 9:30, have to go to girlscout thing to go to..She said no problem I will be there by 9am.. I said again, if that doesnt work, then it will be after 12:30..she says "no no no.. I will be there at 9am"...so we proceed to talk about other things..And, right before we hung up I say, ok I will see u at 9am, and she said Yes, see u at 9am...

Ok..now its 9:20 and she still isnt here..and she calls..sorry, running late, a bridge was opened had to wait(we have bridges around here that open for boats, so it is common). I say well I really need to leave here at 9:30, I have girls waiting for me at 9:45am for our 10am hayride to this historic house. Now in reality, the pick up point was less then a mile from my house, but still I had a time in mind I wanted to leave..So she says I wlll be there in 6 minutes..now 15 minutes past and I call and she gets to my house at 9:35am, and of course is apoligizing. I simply stated sternly I have a girlscout event, and girls are counting on me being there on time as I am the one who has to pay for it(Im co leader of troop, and leader couldnt make it)...But, I just couldnt leave right away. I have to let the new dogs outside with my dogs, get the sniffing and bathroom stuff over with, then come in and put dogs in crates(well the ones who need to be crated when left aone), and then leave. I got to the meeting place at 9:55, and its only 10 mintues late, but I am stressed..The hayrides leave every 20 mintues so it wouldnt been a big deal if we missed first one..

SO why are people like this??She is a person who never makes it to the adoption shows until about an hour after they start..She also fosters dogs too??She will say see u at 12(when adoption even starts)but never gets there to about 1:30..Now that is no big deal, people come and go as they please.

WHY is other peoples time more important then my time??Normally I am at home and I dont have a place to be..but today I did, and I told her 3 times on phone, why wouldnt she leave early knowing this ???

OK VENT OVER

 

[Jill in Chicago]

For the most part late people will never change.

There are many reasons for the lateness: attention, unorganized, truly no idea how long it takes to get somewhere....

My best friend is always late. I think what upsets me more is that she comes running in late, with this horribly pained look on her face and says over and over, "I am soooo sorry I'm late. I know I am always late....." We can spend 30 minutes with her apologizing.

I now bring a book. When the apologizing starts I say, "That's you and I love you." Then she'll say, "but I HATE being late," which is a lie. The last time she was late she was, "taking a nap, and I just couldn't get out of bed." What?!

My SIL is always late, and we would have to wait for dinner, wait to open gifts for holidays, wait, wait, wait. Well we stopped. One time we began dinner and didn't even realize she wasn't there until she swooped on in, and saw us all sitting down to eat. She was pissed that we didn't wait for her. We explained that our son had to leave to catch a plane, sorry, and kept on eating.

You can only control you. If you need the money you will have to put up with waiting. Period. She is in charge, and she knows it. If you don't need the money say 9:00 and mean it. When she calls at 9:20 do not pick up. Call her back around 10:00 and say, "Oh I am sooo sorry I couldn't pick up the phone. I had to give all my attention to the girl scouts. I'm in charge of them and responsible. I will be home at such and such a time. Can you make it over then?"

 

[Disney Doll]

I find it rude.
An occasional late is certainly just a part of life. Cars break down, "stuff" happens.

Constant lateness truly is either a control tactic ("Look, I control your time") or it is simple self-absorption ("I am more important that you, my time is more important that yours, of course you'll wait for me because I am so much more important").

Rude.

I don't cater to someone who is habitually late. If I make plans with them, ie "We're leaving at 10am", then I leave at 10am whether they are there or not. It's actually kind of amazing that a habitually late person can usually get themselves somewhere on time once they've been left a couple of times. They realize that I mean what I say when I say "I am leaving at 10am whether you are here or not".

 

[HelenePA]

My brothers girl friend is TERRIBLE with being late... we've started to tell her the incorrect time to be here so she'll get here on time.. say if we have to leave at 11:30 to be somewhere we tell her 10am... most of the time then she'll be here by 11:30. We were doing a "family" outing with her and my brother. I was driving them. Dh had already left with the kids... Well I waited and waited and waited.. Called, text, facebooked her, nada didn't answer any of them! she didn't show up for 2 hours after dh had left and where he was going has NO cell service. I was PISSED off. I yelled from the moment she arrived until we got to where we were going.. she claims it runs in her family. Its very selfish if you ask me to have people wait that long for you... I try my best to get out the door on time (if not early!) with 4 kids.. its only her and my brother how long could it possibly take to get ready?

 

[ThisIsJason]

I have a friend who is ALWAYS late to everything. We have "real" time and then we have "his" time.

Lets say "real" time is 6:00PM. "His" time is 6:30-45PM. Never fails. He would be late for the end of the world.

 

[disykat]

I have a friend who seems to run on a different time framework. However, she is reliable because she KNOWS this about herself and if something is important she can get there on time. She's also smart enough to know that when she is late we know it means it just wasn't that important to her.

Obviously, everyone is late once in a while due to circumstances beyond their control. However, smart people recognize that if it happens all the time it is not something beyond their control - they are using it as a means of control!

 

[kwelch10377]

I have a friend who is ALWAYS late to everything. We have "real" time and then we have "his" time.

Lets say "real" time is 6:00PM. "His" time is 6:30-45PM. Never fails. He would be late for the end of the world.

This is my best friend. We use to always joke about it within our circle of friends, but now that we are getting older it is just not funny anymore and I call her out on it all the time, but it doesn't seem to matter.

 

[kaytieeldr]

WHY is other peoples time more important then my time??Normally I am at home and I dont have a place to be..but today I did, and I told her 3 times on phone, why wouldnt she leave early knowing this ???

OK VENT OVER

Why? Because they can. Several of my coworkers waltzed in late today; with some it's apparently habitual. I never notice, I'm in my own world .

I know you didn't ask for advice, but if you agree to accommodate this woman again, you need to be very specific: "I need to leave the house BY 9:30, which means YOU need to be here by 9 AM to let your dogs outside with my dogs, get the sniffing and bathroom stuff over with, then come in and put dogs in crates where necessary. If you're not here by 9 AM, I won't be able to keep your dogs while you're gone this time and you'll need to make other arrangements."

 

[bigbabyblues]

My MIL is always late, she doesn't apologize for it, she just does things on her time table. It left DH & I out of luck at Kings Island one time when we were dating--they had our tickets, were supposed to be there at 9:00 or 10:00, whatever time it opened; they got there after 12:30. (this was before cell phones). This is one reason I refuse to vacation with her. She is a great MIL, but I can't deal with the lateness. Neither can FIL evidently, they always go places in separate cars; he is always early.

Anyway, when it came time for our wedding, I told her what time it started and emphasized that I would NOT, under any circumstances, wait for her if she was late. She asked DH if he thought I would really do that, and he told her we were not waiting for her but if she didn't believe him, she could try it and see. She got there in time to get a picture with DH before he it started and get to her seat.

 

[Kimberly]

My father is always habitually late. Whenever he tells me he has plans to meet me somewhere... always add between 1 and 2 hours (it never fails). It really does annoy me a bit when they come visit. My parents could stay at my house here, and they would still be late to meet me while going out to eat because of my father! It really isn't that he's doing anything at all, he just loses the complete concept of time, and how long it actually takes to get somewhere (especially at the pace he drives at....).

Last time they visited me here, they didn't stay at my house because I was doing renovations. We made arrangements one time to eat dinner at their own hotel restaurant, reservations at 7 p.m. 7:30 arrives... they're not down. I call their room.. my mom says they'll be running a little late. I eventually ordered, ate my food alone still waiting for them. When they finally sat down, it was 8:30, and my dad apparently had "problems with the shower." Completely casual restaurant... they don't care if you have no shirt on. I still am a bit mad about this...

 

[emer95]

I am a reformed late person! I used to be late to everything- work, lunches with friends, church, you name it. Not super late, but anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes. I hated it and I know it annoyed the people waiting for me. It's just plain rude. Plus I always was panicked and had a sick feeling in my stomach as I was racing to the event. I was just a horrendous time manager.

So I decided to change. Two years ago I made a conscious effort to never, ever be late again and I have to say I am really doing a fantastic job. I start getting ready way earlier than I think I need to, and leave earlier than I think I need to. I now show up early to things which never happened before.

So we are capable of change!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

My brothers girl friend is TERRIBLE with being late... we've started to tell her the incorrect time to be here so she'll get here on time.. say if we have to leave at 11:30 to be somewhere we tell her 10am... most of the time then she'll be here by 11:30. We were doing a "family" outing with her and my brother. I was driving them. Dh had already left with the kids... Well I waited and waited and waited.. Called, text, facebooked her, nada didn't answer any of them! she didn't show up for 2 hours after dh had left and where he was going has NO cell service. I was PISSED off. I yelled from the moment she arrived until we got to where we were going.. she claims it runs in her family. Its very selfish if you ask me to have people wait that long for you... I try my best to get out the door on time (if not early!) with 4 kids.. its only her and my brother how long could it possibly take to get ready?

Wow, I'm late all the time but 2 hours. I'd have left without her.

I have a friend who is ALWAYS late to everything. We have "real" time and then we have "his" time.

Lets say "real" time is 6:00PM. "His" time is 6:30-45PM. Never fails. He would be late for the end of the world.

I have my own time. I've determined this past year that my inner clock runs at 11 minutes after the hour. No lie, every time I'm arriving somewhere or just glance at the clock it's 11 minutes after.

I also tell DH that we need to be somewhere at 6:30 if we really need to be there at 7. He's always getting ready to go when we should be walking out the door.

 

[smartkim]

My SIL is ALWAYS late. Actually, she just arrives when it's convenient for her and I can't stand it!! When we get together for Christmas, we can always count on starting supper at least an hour later than our planned timeframe and what makes me even madder is that she and her family come in and start picking up food and eating after we've been there for an hour waiting on them! UUGGGHHH!!!

 

[aprilgail2]

Its selfish, rude and self centered. I had a friend that was late all the time, to me it was reason enough to end the friendship, I couldn't put up with that rude selfish behavior, no one likethat is worth being friends with IMO. If they care only about themselves then its not someone I care to be around.

 

[HelenePA]

Wow, I'm late all the time but 2 hours. I'd have left without her.

I was actually in the car and on my way when I saw them pass me going to my house.. I just kept thinking oh they'll be here as soon as I leave. I was right I should have left an hour earlier

 

[*JoGo*]

Since the birth of my second child, I am almost always late. He's 7 years old.

First it was getting used to getting 2 kids ready. Now, he's just difficult. If he does not want to leave the house, it is awful getting him out the door. We've left with him half-dressed for school. He's walked to the car in his bare feet. We've tried getting him up earlier. We've tried rewards for getting up and ready. We've bribed. Threatened. Yelled.

I'm amazed we get to school before noon.

 

[arminnie]

For the most part late people will never change.

My best friend from grad school was always so late. We made up departure times, etc.

Well into her 30s she started showing up on time. We live in different cities (thousands of miles apart) so it took me awhile to notice it. When I asked her about her reformation she told me about someone who always made her wait - she was furious, but she was smart enough to realize that this is what she had been doing to others. So she changed. It's been several years now, but she really did change.

You can be late all you want as long as you don't expect others to be inconvenienced. I will leave someone who doesn't show up on time. Their problem, not mine.

 

[scrapbookworm]

A fellow GS leader is almost always late for any given field trip. She's also told me a few times she was coming by my house to drop off something, get a check signed, etc and then didn't show up. Funny thing is, when others are late or do the no-show (like today, 1/3 of the people who registered for an event didn't come- only 2 called ahead of time with an illness excuse), she gets soooo mad about it. I came 'this' close to calling her out on the no-show thing a few weeks ago. However, I had told her that I wasn't going anywhere, so it wasn't like she holding me up. Instead, I've decided that the next time she does that, I'm going to call her that evening and say "hey, where are you? I thought you were coming by? I've been waiting on you." I think that would be more effective than the terse email I almost sent her.

 

[DWGal210]

I have an aunt & uncle who are always late, never fail. It's at the point where if we want there there at 11:00, we tell them be there at 10:00.

One Thanksgiving about 15 years ago, they were told dinner was at Noon & could they please bring mashed potatoes. They showed up at 2:00 with the potatoes still in the bag, not even peeled or anything. I thought my grandma was going to lose it.

Since then, they only are asked to bring appetizers or desserts to Thanksgiving, something that isn't part of the main meal.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i TOTALLY agree with you OP!! i think it is SO RUDE when people are constantly late!


i have a DBIL and DSIL who are ALWAYS late no matter what! if we'd invite them to our house for something, they'd show up a half hour after i told them to be there.

and just a few months ago there was a family dinner and they were a half hour late. it's not like they live further away or anything, they live just near where DH and I live. i don't get it!