People Really Bug Me! (Venting)

[4luvofthemouse]

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[DVCGirl49]

Sorry to hear that you are getting so much grief about all of this!

We also just got over a very frustrating week in the wedding planning world too. I'm sorry to say that unfortunately when it comes to weddings, there are always people who think that they HAVE to say something about every decision you make....wether they are actively trying to make you mad or just think they are helping, they end up making you stressed out and irritated .

I've gotten some good advice this past week, that I pretty much knew already, but didn't really listen til a good friend told me again. So maybe it will help you....

Your wedding is for you and DF. Yes it would be nice to try and make decisions that will make everyone happy, but there will always be SOMEONE who is unhappy. Ultimately it is going to be you and DF who will be looking at your wedding pictures everyday on your walls years from now...not your guests. If you decide to change something about your hair/dress/boquet/table decorations/whatever to please someone else and it's not what YOU want....you don't want to be looking at those pictures years from now and think "I hated those flowers (table decor, etc), I wish I got the other ones".

I think that she had a very valid point. Since she pointed that out, I have made a concerted effort to keep it in mind when people start complaining about stuff. When people have given unsolicited complaints I've started simply replying "Thank you. I appreciate your concern." Then just not let whatever it was they were complaining about bother me. They feel validated that they said whatever it is and that I said I heard them.

When people have said that some element of someone else's wedding is something that I should use/have, I've started just politely but firmly replying "Yes, Susie Q did have those (flowers) because that was what SHE wanted for HER special day".

HTH and that it gets better!

 

[Namsupak]

So sorry to hear that your future in-laws are being difficult to say the least. That day is all about you and your DF and if she doesn't like it then tell her she can have a vow renewal and plan it to her liking. I hope things get better for you and that you can keep your chin up. Sending some pixie dust your way

 

[PrincessBride07]

I think most everyone on this board has some sort of problem with people commenting on their weddings. You do just have to take it all in stride. I really believe that people think they are trying to help us out by giving their "suggestions", but it always comes across badly. Just remember what the previous posters said. It is your day, and you are the one that will be looking at the pictures for the rest of your life. Make is what you want.

You did give me a great visual when you were talking about not enough pictures in the invites/save the dates. I pictured you sending out an instruction manual kinda like the airline emergency manuals with those silly pictures on it. Yours would be have a person in one frame picking up a phone. THe next frame dialing. The next frame.....etc.

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

I feel so bad for you....you seem really frustrated

I hope it gets better for you

Family can make the sanest person....crazy

If you want cylinder vases w/cranberries, roses & greens....go for it...its your wedding & i think it sounds real pretty.

as for the save the dates.....think of it this way....you sent them the info....if they chose to use it ...great...otherwise let them learn the hard way...you did what you could/had to do...dont let their disorganization affect you

the rsvp date shouldnt be a big deal either....what about allthose people who NEVER rsvp & still show up!!....just remain calm & dont let things work you up to badly

your always welcome to vent here, cause god i know it feels good to get it off your chest sometimes

GL

 

[bexareaglecheryl]

As I approach my 25th wedding anniversary in August I have become more forthcoming and assertive. I think that you need to get it in your head that you don't have to ask their permission or their advice. Cut out the ,"I was thinking... or maybe we should.."** or maybe even filling them in on anything that doesn't pertain to them directly or their pocketbook. Are they paying for your wedding? Am I an oldie or is the bride's family not more primarily responsible for the wedding plans and preparations? Your future SIL's had their weddings, right? And at that time they got to plan the wedding, this time is your time.

This is a super stressful time. Your future in-laws don't seem to know the meaning of "don't sweat the small stuff".. they make every thing a big deal. Just remember that the tone you set now may follow you into the marriage. Bossing and pushing you now gives them future permission to keep it coming and it is so hard to make some folks happy. Assure yourself that in your heart you love them, but you're not going to let their pettiness rule how you feel about yourself, your husband and how you live your life. To me these were hard won victories just in my own mind and heart. My children are 19 and 16 and I swore to myself in 1989 ,when my MIL passed away, that my future dear daughter in law and son in law would never proclaim what my husband and I did "Our lives are so much easier now that she is gone!" How sad to depart your life on earth and leave that sentiment behind! Some folks just don't get what life and love are truly about.

All my best to you and may your marriage be a happy covenant.


**This reminds me of an article I read when my DD was small telling parents not to end commands to your children with "OK?". Such as, "Little Tommy, please put your toys away now, ok?" This is akin to asking their permission and you are telling them to do something. Ask instead "Little Tommy, please put your toys away now. Do you understand? "It worked great for me.

 

[princessdisneybelle]

I would just like to say I am really sorry you are going through all of this. I did too. In the end hardly anyone came to the parks with us. So all my planning was wasted. I canceled so many ADR's it was crazy. In the end I planned things for me and Chris and said "if you would like to join us, this is where we will be". It's just too hard to worry about everyone else. Keep your chin up and try to stay calm.

 

[4luvofthemouse]

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[TamTab]

I'm sorry to hear of all you troubles. Just remember this day is for you and everyone here at DIS are here for you. Everything will be ok.