Past/Present Parents of Teens - Help!

[grinningghost]

Tell me about your teen's first boyfriend/girlfriend. What age was it? How did it go? DD has her first "real" boyfriend. At least I think that's what you would call it, they're only freshmen, so it's nothing heavy - but I'm ready for any and all advice. Thanks.

 

[pumba]

making decisions......making choices of their friends and also boyfriends....remember these "trial runs" are getting her ready for college and away from you and family and eventually picking out their spouses.....all a learning process......just one step at a time.....ask if they want you to drop them somewhere....like the movies or a dance or a kids restaurant......being there is the best thing......the kids will let you know when they need the space of freedom and also will appreciate you more knowing that you are there for them.....have fun

 

[Cruisin]

My daughter who is now 16 had her first boyfriend at age 13yr 1m.
The boy was 18mths older than she was. They got along pretty good together most of the time. But there were some tears, arguments etc. along the way. She was going into 8th grade and he was going into 10th so there was quite a difference that way. Honestly I think if they would have met say about now they might have made a pretty good couple. They were together 15 months.
Her next boyfriend was the same age as her and they were together for 13 mths. They also had good and bad times.
The next one was also her age and they were together only 4 months.
She has been boyfriend free since the end of March and is quite enjoying it. She has a lot of offers to date but so far she doesn't really have an interest.
She always says that her relationship experiences taught her alot and made her stronger. I think she has been a much happier person around home since she has been boyfriend free.
My advise....let them spend a lot of time at your house, offer to drive them places and pick them up, stick around the house when they are together....in short, know as much as possible about what is going on without being intrusive. Encourage her to talk to you and try to ask non-threatening questions to feel her out about things that are going on.

 

[Cruisin]

Another rule I live by:

Treat every boy that comes through the door as if he is THE one, because you never know when he will come along.

 

[jsmith]

mom of two boys here-DS 18 went on one date with a girl in 9th grade-then they did not speak to each other again for about 2 years. He had his first real girlfriend in 11th grade-she lasted about 6 months but he dumped her two weeks before prom to go with the girl from 9th grade homecoming. They have been together ever since and have even managed to last out the first semester of college-which is a lot more impressive since he goes to Clemson University in South Carolina and she goes to the University of Wyoming-they will she each other for the first time in 4 months tomorrow-and we will see what happens.
DS-14 had a "real" girlfriend for about a year but has recently broken up with her because she got overly controling about him spending time with his other friends-he seemed relieved not to have to do things with someone all the time-I have heard she took it pretty badly.
Try to be patient and even if you really don't like him-don't make an issue out of it-it will end sooner if you just grin and bear it!

 

[ThinkTink1984]

Take it from a teen pov. I'm 19 and had "boyfriends" in jr. high...nothing to worry about. Freshman year boyfriend can be a little more serious, but i agree with the space issue. Just make sure you talk to her, but don't be pushy cuz its embarassing, trust me. Don't assume things; like if she is upset or any change in mood, don't go up and ask her if its because of him. The important thing is that she doesn't change for him. I wouldn't worry too much, in highschool the real relationships were senior year, there were few couples in my school that had stuck it out all four years and so on. So it shouldn't get too intense. Just don't treat her any differently, and if it doesnt work out....well thats gonna be a whole other post....i'm the queen of handling highschool heart ache, i am after all a member of the Dawson's Creek Generation!

But you should also be very excited for her, because if hes a good guy and she's happy, its a great feeling! Who doesn't miss the exciting and innocent feeling of new puppy love like that!? man now i'm jealous!

 

[Keli]

We didn't let our dd Ashli date or have a 'boyfriend' until she was 16 years old. But I have to admit she had someone all lined up waiting and had her first 'date' was on her 16th birthday. Actually it was pretty cool because it was a formal (sort of like prom) and she and her date were voted King and Queen of the formal.
I think Ashli ended up dating that fella about a year. She's had a couple of other boyfriends since then but she tends to date someone for a long time and then break up and not date anyone for several months and then she's ready to date again. She's been with Titus for quite a while now, I think longer than any previous bf's but he's been gone much of that time so we'll have to see what happens when he gets back.

 

[FOJMO]

My DD is 17, a senior in HS, and has NEVER dated nor had a boyfriend. Neither have any of her close friends in school. They are all very popular, but always do everything in groups.

She doesn't even want to go to the prom! Says it's a waste of money. She's just so anxious to get out of HS and on to college.

Sounds like me -- I never dated until the end of my senior year and just in time to go to the prom (which was a waste of time and money).

I was glad to get out in the working world with some adults.

 

[Bon Bon]

Oh, these are trying times with teenaged girls! I just sent one off into the world and have another who is a senior this year. They both "dated" freshman year but not seriously. Thank goodness, because those boys did not treat them very nicely. I'm glad it worked out that way early for them though so they could find out what they don't want in a relationship. My oldest DD, 19, is still solo, just moved to Florida, and she stands her ground. She's gone on dates but if the guy doesn't treat her with respect, he's history (I wish I had been that strong when I was her age!). My middle DD, who will be 18 in Feb. has dated the same boy for 2 years now. He adores her and vice versa. I wasn't for my daughters getting too serious this young, but this boy is really something. He is part of our family now. Whenever he brings her home, he comes into the house and makes sure to make some contact with us. If it is a later curfew on a weekend, he knocks on our bedroom door and comes to sit on the edge of our bed to touch base with us. We love him to pieces. Ok. Sorry to ramble. My advice? Don't be overbearing if you find you don't like him. Simple questions to her if you see she's not being respected "are you comfortable with being treated this way"?. Or if she realizes herself it's not healthy and calls it off, tell her how proud you are that she made a really tough decision to call it off and put herself first. If it works out good, keep talking to her and keep in the loop. Down the road, others issues will arrise where she'll need Mom's advise and ears and it sure is nice when they come to you without being scared to! Best wishes to you on your new journey in this phase of your daughter's life. P.S. invite her friends over a lot, my house is always full of kids, we invite them over prom night, graduation night etc. for a bonfire and food. They know they can't drink here but we make it fun for them anyway. This way you'll know exactly what's going on and your daughter will be much happier and content.

 

[Melora]

Sarah (the artist) has had a boyfriend now for almost a year. Ive had to endure the monthly "its our Anniversary" chants".

I don't have alot of advice... This is my first experience with teen romance. My husband does not like the boy but its kind of a DAD thing. After one of their first dates Sarah came home with a hickey... Dh has had his qualms ever since. They really seem to care about each other and do not fight. I know most HS relationships do not last, but if they do I would not mind. Hes a very smart boy and wants to be a docter, which is just what Sarah needs if shes going to try to be an artist..someone to support her!!!

 

[Feralpeg]

DD is 15. I may be old fashioned, but she is not allowed to date anyone who is more than 1 year older. She is not allowed to go on a car date until she is 16. She has had a couple of dates to school dances, but nothing long lasting. That's fine by me. She has plenty of time to grow up. She would rather concentrate on her first love "acting" at this time.

 

[grinningghost]

Wow. Everyone has been so helpful. It's always good to have someone with more parenting experience to lean on. You guys are the best.

 

[LadyAurora]

My parents didn't want me to date until I was 16. However, my first date was when I was 15, to the Homecoming Dance with a senior. Mom and Dad decided it was OK for me to go out in a group. Well, we went out in a group, but the group split up pretty quick.
Not only that, but my first kiss what before that, a boy came over to where I was babysitting.
Now is when you hope you have done a good job teaching your daughter your values, and hope they hold strong in her heart!
Mom and Dad, while what they don't know about those years won't hurt them, gave me a good background of morals to base my decisions on and they held strong.

 

[Cruisin]

LadyAurora, that just goes to prove that parents may make rules about how old their kids have to be to date, and who they are allowed to date, BUT they don't always know for sure what their kids are doing.
If you put too many restrictions on them, then sometimes they just go behind your back and do what you don't want them to do.

 

[phisigprincess]

After (more or less) just living through those years I can definately offer some advice. I had my first "real" boyfriend my sophomore year of HS. It was "cool" to have a BF to go to dances, parties, etc. with. Since he was from another school district, my dad made him come over so my parents could meet him. I think that helped reassure him that he was ok. Besides, dad's pretty scary (6'4", body builder, and teacher (with the "teacher voice" LOL) so that helped. It's nice just to have someone around to learn about dating with.

Just make sure not to push her into anything. My sister had a friend whose mom was convinced every guy her DD brought home was THE ONE. She would even bake them "Happy Anniversary" cakes. It put mad pressure on her daughter to find some guy to marry and here she is 19 years old without an education engaged to be married before she's 20. It's crazy.

As long as you're there for her and have a shoulder to cry on when she needs it, everything will be great. I think it's really important to date people who'll help you grow as a person so that when you really do find THE ONE you'll know (and hey, maybe he'll even take you to WDW for your birthday/christmas present! ) Good luck with everything!