Parents: When your child receives grades that are below....

[TimeforMe]

what he/she normally gets, how do you react/deal with it.

My son, who just turned 14, is in 8th grade and has always been an honor student, in gifted classes, and is just naturally very bright. He can also be, however, extremely difficult at times. In addition, he has had an awful year of sickness (mono, bad headaches, the flu) etc. and has missed more days this year than his combined years in middle school. He is also intense and seems outwardly kind of tough, but is extremely sensitive to criticism. Last marking period he brought home his first C(+) ever. This year's grades will determine his placement in high school as far as honors classes, etc. He's already been placed in a lower science class and I'm afraid will further hurt himself having missed so many days for his placement in other classes. All weekend I (admittedly) harped on him to do his schoolwork that he's missed. Needless to say, it turned into a power struggle with both of us (and DH) feeling horrible over the way we acted. I'm truly at my wit's end. My DD says we are over-reacting and that it's only because DS is not used to having to work at getting good grades that he's behaving this way.

Sorry this is so long. Just trying to give you guys some background. Anyone else have experience with this?

 

[mommytotwo]

When my stepson was with us, he was getting good grades the first quarter, and his grades started to get lower and lower. We wondered what was going on, so I spoke to the teach and found out that he was not behaving in class, not turning in all of his work, and so on. When he is at home doing his homework, I was here to help him and such, but in school, since he was in the fifth grade, he was more or less on his own and didn't handle responsiblity well.
Sounds like with your son being sick, it has alot to do with his grades getting lower. Is he able to get his caught up work sent home when he is sick so that he doesn't have a ton of work for him waiting at school?
Maybe you can talk to the counselor regarding his situation.

 

[grinningghost]

I encounter this sometimes too. DD is an honor student, and occasionally she comes home with a really ROTTEN grade. Usually in math, her worst subject. I try very hard to understand that the material is tough, so I usually give her the lecture about having to buckle down, yada, yada - then I let it go until the next test/report card.

As long as a pattern doesn't start forming, I give her the benefit of the doubt. Anyone can have a bad day, or even a bad month - but if you can see that he's trying his best, try to remember that he's human and bound to get some bad grades now and then.

Heck, I think of myself trying to keep up with some of the stuff they require of the kids now and I'm glad I'm not in school anymore.

 

[PhotobearSam]

You are describing my last year of junior high...

I was a student with 96% average and when I got to grade 10 I missed a few classes and started to fall behind.

I was not used to work for the grades I got because I was naturally bright but I found it discouraging to have difficulties I had never had before.

All I needed was a tutor to help bring my grades back up to where they needed to be and for my parents to take an interest.

Tell him you understand that he never had to work hard before but that does not mean he is less smart now.

Get him a tutor and listen...He's as disappointed as you are. Work together to find an answer you can both agree on. Nagging him won't help because he thinks he should just "Get it " without having to work much like in the past...

I hope this helps.

 

[Manda1219]

It can be VERY difficult to get back into the swing of things after an extended absense.
I had mono my sophomore year of highschool and missed 1 1/2 months. It was hard to keep up, and my grades weren't too bad, but I talked it over with my teachers and had notes from my doctor, so they helped me out a lot. I would suggest you do the same.
Unfortunatly in college, they're not always so forgiving. I have severe asthma, and am prone to lung infections. Last spring, I got very sick and missed several weeks of classes. While some teachers e-mailed me assignments, and let me e-mail them back completed, or postpone tests, not all were so nice. In fact, one teacher gave me a make up exam and took the doctors note as an excuse--I got 90-100's on homeworks and tests the rest of the term, and she gave me a D, citing how many days I had missed even though she told me she would excuse it due to the note!!!
My advice is for you to talk to your sons teachers to ensure that they understand the problem. Maybe he can get an extension on his makeup work to enable him to keep current with what's going on in class now? It can be difficult to get him back into studying mode, so try giving him breaks and letting him have some fun. Don't make it all about the work, or he'll resist further.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes I deal with this, although my 12yodd (7th grade) is only in honors science. She too did not not "have to" study to get passing grades. In fact she is quite capable of receiving all A's but never does it. So anyway things came to ahead this year.

She has lofty goals of becoming a Vet. Well in order to do this you MUST be paying attention to your grades. Anyway she "blew" some grades last year (C's didn't care, etc...), so I was paying attention to this year being "on top of her".

The result was a serious power struggle and both of us finally came to an agreement. She wanted me to lay off, she would ask for help if necessary, but she wants to be in charge.
I said fine, BUT she does get her assignment book signed daily. I look that over everyday.

She claims to be doing well for this quarter, we will see.

What I am saying to you is find a plan of action that both of you are in agreement with. That way when it is spelled out it makes it easier to deal with.

 

[sharbear]

I think I have your clone at my house. Except that she's a girl and oh boy those hormone's are kicking in.

My DD is having the same problems, her grades are going on a downward slide. She's 14 and in the 8th grade also. Her science teacher just sent home a note telling us that she's not recommending her for Honors Science. We already knew that she was going to have to repeat Spainish I. And she's getting a C in Geography.

It's been a long quarter. My DD does well on all the homework and is doing poorly on the tests. The hard thing is that they don't allow tests to come home and so it is hard to determine what she is doing poorly on. She can't watch TV or talk on the phone until her grades come up. It's been really hard for us because I am not used to dealing with this with her. (Her 16yo brother on the other hand has a problem with the homework but does well on the tests!)

After some sleuthing we found out that she is hurrying through her work and not checking it. Making too many little mistakes and forgetting to include elements. I think that things have been so easy for her before and now she has to work at things and it's hard.

I hope that things will improve this quarter. I don't know what I will do if they continue like this.

 

[TimeforMe]

Thanks for all the replies. Each and every one of you gave me something to think about. It also helps immensely knowing I'm not alone in this.

Well, after things came to a head last night, I could tell today that all of us felt bad and want it to get better. I e-mailed all his teachers just to clue them in and to ask for suggestions and for them to let me know if anything in particular is going on at school--in the classroom and out. I also spoke to his guidance counselor on the phone who had a few suggestions. One of them being that spring is around the corner and he may have a more positive outlook once the good weather arrives. We'll see.

I picked him up from school a few minutes ago because he had voluntarily stayed after for math. Coincidentally, he brought home all his progress reports with all the work listed that he was missing and he independently put a plan together himself. All these things are very encouraging and I feel much better than I did this morning.

Thanks for all your support. We parents of teens and pre-teens need all the help we can get.

 

[shortbun]

I would get my DS a tutor and fast. By the time 8th grade hits,
if they fall behind, it murder catching up and might seem like
an unsurmountable obstacle to him. Give him hope and stay
hopeful yourself. He's still a kid, if you push him too hard, he might shut down. Stay positive, tell him everyone needs help
from time to time and you are getting him some. Make sure the
tutor is someone he relates to. Set limits for outside activity and
rest; need to keep him healthy and at a reasonable activity level
for him to be able to catch up. BTW, one C+ would not be a
disaster in our household although at this point DS is an honor
student. Your son's age might be contributing to his issues as
well. Good luck. Stay in the positive and try to focus on each
day as it comes instead of projecting doom and gloom!

 

[Kallison]

I work with 7th graders, I think these kids get burned out. There is so much pressure to perform. Don't push too hard if you can help it. Also are your honors classes weighted? Ours are not, many teachers actually encourage the kids not to take honors, it can hurt their college chances. EVen though transcripts state that honors classes in our district are not weighted, most admissions don't take that into account. A 3.0 with all honors courses may get overlooked for a 3.8 without honors. If that makes sense??

 

[Kallison]

oh and most teachers I know frown upon prolonged use of tutors. Too many parents and kids are using them as a crutch for bringing up their grades, they get too dependent on being fed the information and not thinking for themselves.

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

Sickness can make your grades drop dramatically.

I was put on medical leave the 2nd week of this second semester because of unexpected surgery. Thank goodness spring break came along because the week off and the sickness afterwards destroyed the first half of my semester.

I wouldn't be incredibly worried unless you feel that the grades are dropping for other reasons than sickness.

Don't put so much pressure on him because being sick and having pressure on you makes it harder to get better.

 

[Chuck-PA]

We went through this last year with our son while in 8th grade.

Apparently the pressure of ending 8th grade and leaving all of his friends from grade school to move on to high school had affected him. Plus the pressure of tracking, trying to figure where everyone from his class would be placed and where he wanted to be not where he should be placed. He was not doing well in any subject. He too had many absences due to illnesses and did finally catch up but it did not help, it was too late in the year.
Did you look into any teasing going on? A friend of ours, has an 8th grade son this year, his grades slipped this year too, but his was because he was being teased and didnt want anyone to know for fear the bullies would retaliate against him even more.

We did not send him to the high school where all his grade school classmates went and he is pulling in second honors with all new friends.

 

[rbuzzotta]

I have been harping on DD (7th grade)about science. It was one of her better subjects until this year. WE have had numerous meeting with the teacher and principal about this class.

This past weekend I was sent home her exams (he usually keeps them and doesn't give them back). After demanding I see the exams, I am happy to report that I don't think a senior in high school could do well on these!! I have brought this to the attnetion of the principal who is WONDERFUL and she examined his grade book. More than half of the classes were failing and then another half of the remaining had low D's and rest C's!! She told him that was absurd and said he was setting the kids up for failure!! He is now to change his exam format to reflect that of a 7th grader and give them back to the kids once corrected!!

YOu have to be an advocate for your child!! I am extremely lucky to have such a caring and compassionate Principal in my DD's middle school!!