Parents of multiples...have you ever done separate birthdays?

[lemondog]

My 6yo twins are already planning their 7th birthday (which isn't until February but you know how kids are, haha).

They are DRASTICALLY different children and of course want the complete opposite of each other. They have always had to share their cake, their party, etc. I kind of hate, though, that they are forced to "compromise" on their birthday party just because they happened to share a womb. I mean, their older sister gets to pick her birthday parties all by herself, so why shouldn't they?

I am just wondering about the feasibility of it all. They are in separate classes in school, but they do have mutual friends who I hate to have to invite to both parties, but at the same time it wouldn't be fair to only invite them to one twin's party and not the other.

Such decisions! Oh, and FWIW we do SMALL gatherings, like maybe a few friends over to play, or we'll go roller skating or something. Thoughts...ideas?

 

[golfgal]

Yes, pretty much as soon as they started school they started doing different things for their birthdays. We generally did one party one day and the other the next or DH would take DS and I would take DD. One year DD had a scrapbooking party and DS had a bowling party. In 3rd grade we did do a joint party at the ice rink. They will probably have a joint party for their 16th birthday coming up in March. If your kids want separate parties I see no reason not to have them but I wouldn't go out of my way to have separate parties if they don't want them.

 

[flipturngirl]

Couldn't one girl pick one aspect of the party and the other girl pick the other? I think that if they have mutual friends that you should have one party. If the girls want there own cake.. you could do two mini cakes for each of them. Or you could do a hat type drawing and both ideas go in and which ever you pick out goes. I do not think that two birthday parties would be good. It would cause tension with the other sibling. Have you always done everything conjoined? Or seperate. I know that they are two individual people but they have to understand that sometimes you have to learn to share things.

 

[design_mom]

I do not have multiples, but my son is friends with triplets. (Well, the two boys really. The third is a sister who has her own group of friends.)

The triplets compromise on the venue (they all do it at the same place and at the same time), but other than that, each child gets to choose his/her theme. They have three (smallish) cakes, each with that child's chosen flavor and decorations. They have some cups/plates in each theme, etc. Guests can pick which one they want or have a small piece of each. It's a little hodge-podgeish (one year my son had a Ninja Turtle plate with a Mario napkin and a princess cup -- but it's all fun), but it's a lot of fun and the kids seem to have a blast.

 

[mtemm]

my twins are 6 and have always had shared birthday parties, but am thinking their 7th will be different. they have always wanted birthday parties together (same venue, but each chooses their theme...some match, like we've done mickey/minnie, some don't, like trucks/princesses. however my daughter (b/g twins) is already talking about maybe doing a tea party or something very girly next year (march).

we shall see! I definitely don't see a problem with it at all. it probably helps that they are b/g so no real issues with mutual friends.

eta, I have always insisted they each get to choose their own cake. yep, I make two. my birthday cake was important to me as a child, so I guess that just carries over.

 

[kidzmom3]

twins in our family each have their own party. Different days and different activities. If they have mutual friends they are invited to both. The invitee was going to have to give 2 gifts anyway, so they actually make out by getting to go to 2 parties.

 

[pigletgirl]

I could see doing that if they were boy/girl. Even if they are in different classes I bet they still hang with the same group of people. You could make their birthday a whole day of activities and have each girl choose their certain thing that they really want to do. When its time to open presents/have cake they can have their own special time. You could even do 2 seperate cakes too.

Its such a hard balance because they really are 2 different people, but they are the same age and its expensive to do 2 different parties each year!

Luckily you have some time to figure this out!

 

[bekkiz]

First of all, have you read One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I've Learned About Everyone's Struggle to Be Singular by Abigail Pogrebin ? If not, you should. It has made me think long and hard about my responsibility as a parent of twins. Giving twins a separate identity and independence is really, really important.

This is my feeling, you have two kids who share a birthday, but they are two different people. Who cares if some friends are invited to two parties and some only to one? If your kids are asking for their own parties, it seems to me that you should go that route.

Another option, and I don't know your kids, so I don't know how it would go over, is you could alternate who gets a party and who gets a special outing. For example, birthday #7, twin A gets a whole party and twin B gets to pick one or two friends for a movie or mini-golf or something. Then, the next year, it switches. I have friends who do this for their twins, and it seems to work pretty well, but their kids are pretty mature.

 

[TwinsinCA]

My daughters always share parties because they don't really have any friends that are not friends with both of them. And I can't really expect people to take time out to go to both parties. Then what if one kid has 8 kids at her party and the other has 2. I just saw too many ways for one to get hurt. So they have joint parties. They have never said they wished they had their own. But the last couple years we skipped a party completely and spent the day at DL.

However, they have ALWAYS had their own cakes. Even if that means we have a lot left over, I think that is something they each deserve to have.

 

[mom2rb]

I am lucky. My boys and my nephew all have birthdays in August. My dad throws a HUGH party for all three of them at his house. My little brothers' birthdays are one month apart. My dad always threw them a big combination party too. He tells his grandkids the same thing he told my brothers, "You can have your own very small party or one giant one".

 

[mom2rb]

However, they have ALWAYS had their own cakes. Even if that means we have a lot left over, I think that is something they each deserve to have.

One of mine wants cake or donuts, the other wants homemade apple pie. They both get what they want.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I don't have multiples, I have an only child, but it wouldn't bother me if my son was invited to two birthday parties for a set of twins. I'd want to know before the first that the second was coming so that I didn't bring two presents to the first and then be confused about what to do with the second.

My son has close friends who are 2 years and a week apart. He's in the middle and went to both birthday parties. I think he was the only one invited to both. It didn't bother me.

A bigger issue might be if you invite someone to party #1 who likes girl #2 but isn't invited. Either the child would think you were very odd, or they'd figure out that there was another party they weren't invited to, and might get their feelings hurt. That probably wouldn't stop me though.

If the costs aren't prohibitive, I think you should do what your kids want.

 

[kacaju]

two of my daughters have friends who are multiples. I would not mind if they got separate invites for two different parties. To me, it would be no different then if each of the friends were from different families. My only request would be to make it clear that the party was for only one child.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

They are two different people, with different interests. Our birthdays are one of the few times when we get to feel really special, and I think a child who has a twin loses out on some of that. If the kids want to share a party, that's fine, but I certainly believe that they should have the option, just like other kids, to have their own if they want.

Although I don't have multiples, one of my good friends has twins, and I'd have no problem with my kids going to two separate parties. Yes, it costs more, but how many of us with two singletons tell our kids that they have to share their party to save money? If costs are an issue, then I would just set a budget for each party that you can afford, and work with that.

Why not plan one birthday for the weekend before the birthday, and one for the weekend after. This would space them out a bit, and give you the time to plan and organize something special and unique for each of them.

I think it's great that you are considering doing this.

 

[mjkacmom]

I didn't do birthday parties this year, because they are in separate classrooms, have a lot of kids they consider good friends (plus friends in another class), and I really didn't want to pay for 50 kids, plus deal with 50 gifts. We had a pool party this summer instead. However, if they wanted a small birthday party, I would do 2 - why should their siblings get parties for themselves, and not them? My friend has triplets, and as soon as they wanted their own parties, they got them (she had them in 3 different classes as soon as one asked).

 

[huey duey & luey]

I do not have multiples, but my son is friends with triplets. (Well, the two boys really. The third is a sister who has her own group of friends.)

The triplets compromise on the venue (they all do it at the same place and at the same time), but other than that, each child gets to choose his/her theme. They have three (smallish) cakes, each with that child's chosen flavor and decorations. They have some cups/plates in each theme, etc. Guests can pick which one they want or have a small piece of each. It's a little hodge-podgeish (one year my son had a Ninja Turtle plate with a Mario napkin and a princess cup -- but it's all fun), but it's a lot of fun and the kids seem to have a blast.

this is how I have done it as well. Each child gets to invite a certain number of guests, and the guest actually receives and invite in just the one child's name not all 3. I have thought about doing small sep parties and at some time in the near future will probably have to

 

[Pooh Crew]

I have boy/girl/girl triplets, but we've never done separate parties. Each gets his/her own cake, theme, etc. but they always prefer one big party with everyone. If mine ever wanted separate parties, I'd do it, but honestly their birthday is the only time they get to be "triplets" and I think they like it! I'd go with whatever the kids want to do.

 

[mjkacmom]

IIts such a hard balance because they really are 2 different people, but they are the same age and its expensive to do 2 different parties each year!
!

LOL - I always thought how great is was to get away with only having 4 parties a year, having 5 kids! Since my twins shared a party, they sometimes had it at a more expensive venue, because I got a 2 for 1 deal. I was grateful to save some money, but since they're boy/girl, knew it wouldn't last forever.

 

[aprilgail2]

However, they have ALWAYS had their own cakes. Even if that means we have a lot left over, I think that is something they each deserve to have.

I grew up having to share a birthday with my brother - we are not even twins but our birthdays are only 2 days apart but different years....I HATED it... every other year I got to choose the cake...on his years it was ALWAYS strawberry shortcake--I hated whipped cream and strawberries so basically I didnt get a birthday cake every other year.

 

[Pinkpony]

We've been fortunate that our identical twin boys (17) have never been into the "birthday party" scene.

But we have always bent over backwards to keep them from feeling they're only perceived as a set in every other respect. So if they had been into birthday parties, yes, I would have definitely let them have their own party, even if it meant two in one day. Treat them as siblings. I wouldn't have let either of them make the choices for their older brother's parties (who was into birthday parties ), so the same goes for each other's parties too.

My only exception: I'm contemplating having them use the same graduation invitation when they graduate in '11. They'll be 18 1/2, so I think they will be secure in their "identities" by then.