Parents---How do you deal with sassy attitudes?

[PRINCESS VIJA]

My DD (5) has gotten really sassy lately. Partly because of a girl in her preschool class. But the class is over now, so she will have limited interaction with the girl. But in the mean time, she has that attitude. Stomps her feet and gives me the dirtiest looks imaginable as well as whiny, resistance. HELP???? Any suggestions?

 

[Rock'n Robin]

Well I get this from my 12 year old and she gets grounded from the computer and the phone, but with a 5 year old I think time out would be appropriate, as well as an explanation about always respecting mom and dad and how some kinds of talking are not respectful.
Robin M.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Robin, I have gone that way. I just wonder if there is another option? She is a strong willed child, but usually it has been channeled in a positive way, this is too much!

 

[FroggyinArk]

robin, we do that with our dd 12 too,, shes been with out so long i need to look up her number,,lol,,, she gets tv phonea nd comp taken aaway at least weekly,, definately looking for a better solutioin because by end of summer i'll likelky have murdered her best of luck

 

[antbritt]

Hummm......
I always old and tell my Kids that in no uncertain terms how someone else behaves is not necessarily how they should behave.
You should Hold your Child responsible for their actions Because if you let them think that thier poor behavior is someone elses fault now well..... might end up with a problem with responsibility later.


I had / have similiar situation with my DD ( almost 12) She has a friend that she met in Kindergarten who has ALWAYS been snotty to her mother. She is allowed to say whatever. ( Her mom used to actually tell me that she believed in letting her child be in control and make decisions) Yeah whe is in control allright!!

Anyway You should set up standards like for example: for every action there is a consequence. With your child being so yung it could just be something like for everytime you tak back to me or have a attitude with me you can't XXXXX for an hour.
You need to nip this now as it will only get harder later.

Explain to your child that every parent has different rules and maybe his friends mom has a differnt set of rules from you but that that does not mean your rules don't count.
Good Luck
Children thrive on Discipline it makes them feel safe an secure to know that someone is in control and looking out for them! ( they may not realize it but it is true)

 

[laurie31]

My dd also picked this up from school. The first thing I did was to make her aware that her behavior was disrespectful. Whether it's a look, a stomp, or the tone of her voice, I tell her that it's being disrespectful and we don't do that. (I started out saying we don't talk to adults that way, then I realized I didn't want her talking to ANYONE that way - rude is rude, and no one deserves to be treated rudely). She honestly didn't realize her sassy tone of voice was rude. She was just imitating what she'd heard. Now that she knows it's wrong, if she does it I stop her and warn her that she's being disrespectful. If she stops then, I let it go. If she continues, she loses TV privileges. That's what works for her. Time-out didn't work at all for my girls. You have to go with what works

Good luck!

Laurie

 

[slo]

Our 5yr old DD has been the same way .

When her attitude gets out of control I tell her to go to her room until she can talk to me with some respect. I tell her that she will not get her way when she acts like this and that it makes me sad when she speaks this way because I love her and I don't like being upset with somebody I love. She then quickly apologizes and promises to never do it again - then tomorrow comes and guess what......she does it again .

I believe children this age are at a real confusing time in there lives. In one hand they enjoy being catered to like a baby and in the other hand they want to be so grown up and make their own decisions.

I am just trying to ride this wave out and hope that it doesn't last forever. In the meantime, I will feel better that I am not the only person that has a DD that has an attitude that is very difficult to live with.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>Once my little ones could understand consequences, I enforced them -- the consequence depended on their naughtiness, sassiness, or downright disrespect.

Mine are 16 & 15 now, and except for a brief, unpleasant period when my dd turned 11, they don't sass me back, and are usually pretty respectful to me and other adults.

 

[Nancy]

Kids pick up the worst things don't they?

My girls all went through that faze. Whatever you decide to do make sure you stick to your gun.

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

well this may seem simple but we go to the word. I get out my bible and we study what God expects from us and how he would want us to behave. It doesn't cure it but it sure does cause great dialog. I've also noticed that the "fits" have gotten fewer and I can sometimes cut them off at the pass by just saying remember what the bible said etc etc. I will ground him from some of his toys or candy but the need for that is very rare.

 

[DisneyJules]

Just don't accept it. You're the adult and you have the right to tell her that speaking that way is inappropriate and you won't stand for it. Sounds too simple, it worked for us growing up, though I don't think I was every that sassy,ahaha I noticed with my half siblings, they talk back to my parents all the time, especially my stepmom because she lets them, she may get upset when they do talk back but she says things like I don't like it when you speak that way but never "you won't speak to me because I won't allow you to." I don't accept that kind of behavior from the kids and they have NEVER spoken to me the way they do to their mother. They have tested but if you keep on top of it, they'll learn real quick.
Laurie31, perfectly said.

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by PRINCESS VIJA
Stomps her feet and gives me the dirtiest looks imaginable as well as whiny, resistance.

My son is doing this now too----but he's THREE!!! The funny thing is sometimes he's faking it and can't help laughing after a few seconds. When he IS serious, I tell him very firmly, "You may not talk to me like that." If he doesn't stop then I tell him he can go to his room until he's ready to say "sorry". However, I'm thinking that he thinks that he can do "whatever" as long as he says "I'm sorry" afterward. So, I really don't know if it's helping or not.

 

[mtblujeans]

My grandson is 3. He was born premature and he is strong-willed and has a "stimulation problem" (I don't know how to describe it better than that.) He gets over stimulated and things can get pretty rocky. My daughter tries to punish him when he gets like that. Since I am grandma, and more fun, I tell him he is being silly and try to make light of it. He usually comes out of it pretty good. Then I give him a hug. There are so many things that are going on with kids between 3 and 6 - all of them normal - they are testing adults around them, trying their playmates, etc. They are "finding their way". Some indepenance is OK. Perhaps let little ones know that. "It's good that you want to be your own person, but try to respect others while you are doing so". You may not find any one thing that will work, but patience is the key.

 

[tiggerlover]

All I can tell you is what we have done over the last couple years with my soon to be 8 year old son. First off, we crouch down on his level so we are eye to eye, I usually hold both of his hands while I am looking at him so he can't squirm away and I tell him that it is not acceptable to speak to people like that, that I want him to treat people the way he would like to be treated. Then we have explained to him that all his actions have consequences. We made a consequence chart listing the behavior that is unacceptable and then listing a consequence for each unacceptable behavior. Now sometimes DS will forget and we will have to say "is it time to go look at the consequence chart?" and usually that is enough to stop him. I have to say in the beginning those reminders were many and there were many times we had to follow through, but in the end it was worth it.

Good luck.

 

[mtblujeans]

That is good advice, too. My sons are teenagers and we really emphasize consequences right now. We tell them they make their own path, but, there are good consequences and bad consequences for each of their decisions. That is a good point!

 

[mom2boys]

Just don't accept it. You're the adult and you have the right to tell her that speaking that way is inappropriate and you won't stand for it.[?QUOTE]

...emphasize consequences right now. We tell them they make their own path, but, there are good consequences and bad consequences for each of their decisions.

Lots of good advice here. We are going through this with 8yr old DS. He has a mouth that won't quit. (I just don't know where he gets that ). If he back talks or is disrespectful, he is immediately punished. I send him to his room for 10 minutes, when he sighs loudly at his punishment, I add five more minutes, then he starts "but..." +5, "no body understands..." +5 more minutes. It is not unusual for him to rack up 30-40 minutes. That will keep his mouth under control for a couple of weeks. He can't stand it when all the neighbor kids & his brother are outside playing & he's in his room because of his mouth. Oh well. He made his choices.
We are also having this problem at school - not with his regular teachers but specials & room monitors. I made him write an apology to the car rider room monitor for backtalking her. (She was extremely appreciative.) He now has a chart to be checked each day by each of his teachers indicating how his behavior (including his mouth) was. The options are "needs improvement/incident(s) occurred"; "acceptable" & "examplary". He runs the range. I left a voice mail for each of the teachers explaining that I am concerned about his mouth & his ability to control it. I also requested that they let me know the details of anything incidents or "needs improvement". He tends to have more trouble in the less structured situations. HIs homeroom teacher thanked me for implementing this "so late in the year". The closer the kids get to the end of the year, the more the behavior deteriorates. BTW - he has come home 3 of the 4 days with an exemplary from 1 of the teachers. Yesterday was the 1st "needs improvement" for his mouth since we started. (He & another kid had a disagreement on the playground & both resorted to name-calling.)

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I do think that you handle things differently with a five year old than a twelve year old. I've had the same problem with my kindergartener. The things they learn at school! She is my fifth child, so it's not like I haven't been through this before, just not so young! BTW I never really had a problem with my sons backtalking, only the girls. With my daughter, it works better if I tell her how much she hurt my feelings and that I really don't want to speak to her for awhile. Her conscience gets to hurt and she'll almost stand on her head to try to make up. I don't do it for very long, but then I tell her that unless she speaks nicely to people they won't want to speak to her at all. It usually works for quite awhile, until she hears something else at school to try out. Have faith it does get better. My oldest daughter went through a somewhat rebellious attitude in her teens (nothing earth shattering - just hated me!). NOw she's 27, married and has two children (3 and 1). She tells me all the time how happy she is that she had boys because girls are too sassy. SHe's also very close to me and knows that everything I did was for her own good.

 

[swanmom]

It's good that you are confronting this now and not letting it slide. We are still dealing with this with my ten-year-old DD.
This morning, she walked into the kitchen and loudly informed me that I needed to be ready to take her to school at 8:10 because she wanted to arrive early. When I suggested to her that she should not 'demand' but should ask politely 'Can we please leave around 8:10", she began to roll her eyes, fold her arms across her chest and sigh exasperatedly. (Those of you with girls in this age range can picture that pose I'm sure ) When she wasn't able to get that under control, she was told "Our family depends on each other and works together. If you are disrespectful or impatient with others, you will lose their help." So, she had to do everything little thing by herself this morning.......................feed the cat, make her own breakfast, make her school lunch, organize her stuff, etc. etc. ..............things that I usually provide some help with. She also had to get her dad to take her to school because she lost the chance to ride with me. Of course, she had to really rush to get everything done and just barely made it to school on time. You can bet that through a lot of tears and moaning, she got the message that you get more with cooperation than a smart mouth!

 

[jrydberg]

I have a 5 year old daughter who occasionally picks up an attitude. Personally, I take her hand and, without saying a word, I slowly walk her upstairs to her room and put her on her bed. I calmly tell her to stay on the bed and not play with any toys.

After a few minutes, I come back in and ask her why I brought her to her room. If she doesn't answer or shrugs her shoulders, I walk back out and say that she won't be getting up until she can tell me why she's there. After doing this a few times, she will now apologize to me when this happens.

IMO, a 5 year old telling you why she's in trouble goes a long way towards not repeating that behavior. She knows it isn't appropriate. She just needs to be reminded of that.

 

[Lanshark]

Figure out an age appropriate consequence and enforce it. It will only get worse if allowed to continue unchecked. It's never too early to learn the concept of actions having consequences; both good and bad.