Parenting Books

[Mrs D]

Any recommendation on good parenting books for toddlers and pre-schoolers.
My DS4 is throwing me curve balls and I just don't have the skills to handle. Or perhaps, I'm unsure if I'm handling them the best way.

I've looked at Amazon, the library, but there are so many choices it gets overwhelming.

TIA!

 

[MyPeanut&Bug]

Not sure if they're up your alley as far as parenting style/your kids personalities/etc, but my favorites are:
Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen
Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson (there's a couple of these by the same author, I have the one published in 06)
Raising your spirited child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (IMO, an absolute must if your child falls into the "spirited" category!)

I always hesitate spending money on books that my library doesn't have b/c I hate buying books that end up not being useful or helpful. I own all 3 of these and absolutely think they were well worth buying.

 

[deerhart]

my recommendations would really depend on the curve balls your kid is throwing you. There are lots of very good books out there, but some are geared towards specific issues.

For example Raising a spirited child is aimed more towards hyperactive kids, kids with very high curiosity level etc where a book like The Explosive Child is aimed more towards kids who are defiant either due to control issues (as in they need to have more control over their life/choices) or personality or even disorder.

I've got two non NT kids (with lots and lots of alphabets to go along with them) and have been through most of the information . We can probably get you pointed in the right direction with a bit more information on what the actaul issues are.

 

[Mrs D]

my recommendations would really depend on the curve balls your kid is throwing you. There are lots of very good books out there, but some are geared towards specific issues.

For example Raising a spirited child is aimed more towards hyperactive kids, kids with very high curiosity level etc where a book like The Explosive Child is aimed more towards kids who are defiant either due to control issues (as in they need to have more control over their life/choices) or personality or even disorder.

I've got two non NT kids (with lots and lots of alphabets to go along with them) and have been through most of the information . We can probably get you pointed in the right direction with a bit more information on what the actaul issues are.

Ok, let me see if I can get some thoughts down. Here are a few things I'm noticing: DS wants to negotiate for what he wants - not just with me, teacher at Pre-K, swim teacher. In the recent past (like within the last year) he can have an explosive temper; if he doesn't get his way he gets so out of control there no talking to him, he just screaming & crying. He has gotten better with that but it's still there. Little things are setting him off - he wanted to walk through the snow on the way home from school. He had on regular shoes so I said let's go home get on your snow pants & boots then you can play in the snow. He was fine all the way to the end of the block then freaked out and almost laid down on the middle of the street in a fit. And the daily thing that gets to me is we're still dealing with day time wetting. He was 4 in August and has been potty training for a year now (Well, really a year and half but for 6 months he wasn't on board).

So, I've been dealing with various issues to various degrees for over a year now and I find I have limited amounts of patience. (OK gang, I'm getting real honest here so please don't flame me) I find I'm easily aggravated, am often annoyed with both kids for most of the day (DD is 2.5). This is not the way I pictured my life being. I am so worried I'm scarring them and not providing the boundaries they need, but some days I don't even know what the boundaries are! KWIM?

OK it's late and I'm rambling, but I appreciate any suggestions.

TIA!

 

[Desiree1972]

STEP
Systematic Training for Effective Parenting

Best book ever!!

 

[happymommy]

He sounds like my DS was! Turned out, he was so frustrated because he has ADHD (got diagnosed at 5.5). It was so much work for him to be good at school, that he'd just melt down when I picked him up. And, he wasn't a good sleeper or napper. I was worn out myself, and crabby a lot. When he was 3 and DD was 1, I finally got a night's sleep! Potty training was hard for him as well. He would do #1 at 3, but not #2 (still would get himself a pullup to do it in). Gross. I got so much grief from family that knew about it (just let me deal with it!). Finally we just had to deal with it at 4, took them away and had a hard week, but he got the picture. DD potty trained at 2, almost no accidents ever. What a difference!!!!

I used to try reading books, but decided to just try to see what works for us. Definitely consistency (he needs routines) and then when he got a bit older we stopped watching tv, just videos. That way, he didn't see commercials for stuff that he always wanted (he wanted and still does EVERYTHING, has no idea that you need to save money). After a couple of years, I let them watch tv again, but only Friday through Sunday (they are older now so have homework).

Now, my son has a definite disability, although most of the time you can't tell. So I do take him to the psychiatrist occasionally and the pediatrician every 3 months due to his meds. I also am going to get a male therapist to help him adjust to puberty, as it's harder for him to communicate with other kids sometimes. He used an ADHD coach for a short time, but she was a female, and he needs a male figure at this age.

Since your son is young, he may just be testing the waters of his independence. He may be tired after a long day and just not want to listen. I don't know, but it is hard I do know that. Maybe talk to the pediatrician with your concerns! Sometimes they are the best folks to get advice from. It could be something that is bothering your son, anything from sleep issues to blood sugar, who knows? Maybe attention deficit? My son had tantrums way more often, worse, and older than other kids his age. It was the ADHD. Not that they were daily, but yes, he did have them! It was so hard!

Definitely I'd make an appointment to talk with the pediatrician alone - if nothing, you'll have a compassionate impartial listener.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I agree to tak to your child's doctor and his teachers as they know you and your child better than a book. For books, I suggest going to the library( alone), and really checking out a few. There are so many different approaches to raising a child and the writers approache may or may not work for your family at all.

Once you have a plan, then the big step is to stick to it. Sounds like he is a smart, strong willed little guy and one you will really have to pick the battles to prevent you from going crazy!!!!!

good luck!!!

 

[bedillamouse]

Ok, let me see if I can get some thoughts down. Here are a few things I'm noticing: DS wants to negotiate for what he wants - not just with me, teacher at Pre-K, swim teacher. In the recent past (like within the last year) he can have an explosive temper; if he doesn't get his way he gets so out of control there no talking to him, he just screaming & crying. He has gotten better with that but it's still there. Little things are setting him off - he wanted to walk through the snow on the way home from school. He had on regular shoes so I said let's go home get on your snow pants & boots then you can play in the snow. He was fine all the way to the end of the block then freaked out and almost laid down on the middle of the street in a fit. And the daily thing that gets to me is we're still dealing with day time wetting. He was 4 in August and has been potty training for a year now (Well, really a year and half but for 6 months he wasn't on board).

So, I've been dealing with various issues to various degrees for over a year now and I find I have limited amounts of patience. (OK gang, I'm getting real honest here so please don't flame me) I find I'm easily aggravated, am often annoyed with both kids for most of the day (DD is 2.5). This is not the way I pictured my life being. I am so worried I'm scarring them and not providing the boundaries they need, but some days I don't even know what the boundaries are! KWIM?

OK it's late and I'm rambling, but I appreciate any suggestions.

TIA!

I haven't read the rest of the posts but just wanted to stop and say OMG! I so understand where you are at right now! My DD3 is the same way! I am to the point of pulling out my hair. And Patience????ha I'm not sure what that means anymore....my older DD5 is also getting the brunt of my frustrations. It hurts me when I feel like I'm failing as a parent by loosing my patience. My ped said just don't give in no matter what or you're setting yourself up but wow.....I told my DH I want to run away. Of course I want to run away just for a little bit but sigh....It's hard to battle everyday.
to you cuz I know how you feel.

Oh and the 3 year old is still fully in diapers....she can go and has gone by herself when she felt the need but refuses to try all the time. She "LIKES" her diaper....my doctor says not to force the issue but it's getting old fast!

 

[disneyaway]

I know how you feel-- DD3 has been like this and it is driving us batty. I second Positive discipline and raising your spirited child. Some of the tools in there have been very helpful

There are also a series of books called raising your 1 year old, 2 year old, etc -- up to, I think 6 years. They are written a while ago and some it is outdated. But he describes the development of kids really well, and that has been a huge help for me in dealing with DD3. I got them at half price books

 

[clutter]

One of the best ever parenting books, for most situations, is "How to Talk so your kids will listen, and listen so your kids will talk." It's a pretty quick read, but there are some communication strategies to reduce frustration.

 

[rt2dz]

The only parenting book I've ever found really, really useful (and not just something here or there) was Boundries with Kids by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. I want to say there is a preschool edition out now, but I first read it when my oldest was in preschool and had no problem applying it to my kids when little. Warning: It is by Christian based authors, although it is more geared towards parenting than religion.

 

[deerhart]

Ok, let me see if I can get some thoughts down. Here are a few things I'm noticing: DS wants to negotiate for what he wants - not just with me, teacher at Pre-K, swim teacher. In the recent past (like within the last year) he can have an explosive temper; if he doesn't get his way he gets so out of control there no talking to him, he just screaming & crying. He has gotten better with that but it's still there. Little things are setting him off - he wanted to walk through the snow on the way home from school. He had on regular shoes so I said let's go home get on your snow pants & boots then you can play in the snow. He was fine all the way to the end of the block then freaked out and almost laid down on the middle of the street in a fit. And the daily thing that gets to me is we're still dealing with day time wetting. He was 4 in August and has been potty training for a year now (Well, really a year and half but for 6 months he wasn't on board).

So, I've been dealing with various issues to various degrees for over a year now and I find I have limited amounts of patience. (OK gang, I'm getting real honest here so please don't flame me) I find I'm easily aggravated, am often annoyed with both kids for most of the day (DD is 2.5). This is not the way I pictured my life being. I am so worried I'm scarring them and not providing the boundaries they need, but some days I don't even know what the boundaries are! KWIM?

OK it's late and I'm rambling, but I appreciate any suggestions.

TIA!

Sounds to me like you've got an independant child who wants more control in your life... BTDT with BOTH kids.

The Explosive Child will give you some great ideas. It focuses on a couple of things (and when we hit behavior therapy at age 4 the therapist repeated these ideas over and over)

1) pick your battles: you have to fight out those things that are extremely important. At our house safety and school tend to be those we don't back down ever issues

2) The child needs to learn by consequences. If he wants to walk through the snow with his regular shoes on let him! You tell him well okay but you don't have snow boots on and your shoes will get all wet and your feet will get cold. When it happens, you can remind him that it was HIS choice, and that it wouldn't have happened if he had chosen different shoes. WIth my kids it was usually the clothes they wanted to wear.. shorts in winter, winter jacket in summer etc.. (though in the winter I usually brought a pair of pants along to slide over those shorts) but I let them learn it through the consequence. Get hot in that winter jacket in July sorry YOU carry it you chose to bring it! Same with the toy you brought into the store, I'm not keeping track of it when you've gotten bored after I asked you to leave it in the car.

3) Offer choices. If you tell a child that wants control to do something they have two options: comply or say no. Most parents forget that the child has the CHOICE to disobey. Almost all children do not want to disobey but they do want the choice on whether they do something or not. By offering choices, you give the child the opportunity to make a choice BUT you control the choices. For example, You can clean your room now or you can clean your room in 15 minutes.. There isn't a NO answer there and kids his age won't jump to the idea that they can just say no to cleaning the room. With my kids once they make the choice I can hold it to them with well remember this is the option YOU choose and YOU promised you would do it. We even use the option of do this or go to your room (go to bed or some other bad consequence) and it works.

We knew our oldest was really needing some control over his life and the no's were coming out automatically when in the middle of disagreeing with what I wanted him to do I asked him if he wanted a bowl of ice cream and the first word out of his mouth was no (and he LOVED ice cream and wanted it 24/7) and then when it hit him what I said he quickly changed it to a big yes.

 

[indimom]

It's a bit older, but I've also used "How to Behave So Your Children Will Too." Some of it is aimed at older children, but you can take the information and pair it down to your sons level. I think I may have seen a "So Your Toddler Will Too" version of the same book once too, but I could be wrong.