Parenthood

[Philagoofy]

So, should Haddie's parents let her continue seeing Alex? Is Kristina justified in how she feels? Or is it only her mother's situation that is influencing her? Do they really have anything to be worried about, more so than if she were dating a guy her own age? Who wasn't an alcoholic? Who didn't have his own apartment?

 

[plutotek]

Given that it's JUST a TV show, they should just do what the script tells them.

 

[wenrob]

You know, having a teen daughter I'm so torn on this. That situation is one I wouldn't want my DD to be in. As they said, to many adult things for a kid to deal with. The problem is the relationship was already formed when they found it out so to say "absolutely not" is of course going to push her towards him. I would hope, in that kind of situation I would agree to some kind of compromise since he's proven to be a decent guy. Supervised visits in my home, group dates etc. I would hope I could do that... honestly it gives me palpitations thinking about it though. I remember what I was doing as a teen.

Now they're all backed into a corner. On one hand I'd want my kid home. On the other there is no way in hell I'd give in just to get her to come home. Though she probably would not have made it out the door in the first place. I get where Grandma is coming from, she wants to protect her but she DID cross a line. I'm 99% certain my Dad/Stepmom would never do that to me. They worship the ground my kids walk on but no way would they involve themselves in what is a parent/kid conflict.

 

[KristaTX]

The parents should compromise and let her see him, but she needs to be willing to follow some strict guidelines that they set. Maybe for the first few weeks they can only spend time together at their house (with the parents present) and at the shelter with other people around. Once they get to know him better and see how the relationship develops, they should let them go on dates in public places but promise not to be alone at his place. Then after that, I'm not sure. I wish she was 17 and almost 18, instead of just 16.

 

[tlmdisney]

The parents should compromise and let her see him, but she needs to be willing to follow some strict guidelines that they set. Maybe for the first few weeks they can only spend time together at their house (with the parents present) and at the shelter with other people around. Once they get to know him better and see how the relationship develops, they should let them go on dates in public places but promise not to be alone at his place. Then after that, I'm not sure. I wish she was 17 and almost 18, instead of just 16.

This is what I think as well. They are in a positon to have some control over the relationship for example they can not hang out at his apartment and a strict curfew on date and still look like the good guys. I have two DDs 12 and 9 I am not sure what I would do if this happened with my own DDs though.

 

[mommy2allyandaveri]

The parents should compromise and let her see him, but she needs to be willing to follow some strict guidelines that they set. Maybe for the first few weeks they can only spend time together at their house (with the parents present) and at the shelter with other people around. Once they get to know him better and see how the relationship develops, they should let them go on dates in public places but promise not to be alone at his place. Then after that, I'm not sure. I wish she was 17 and almost 18, instead of just 16.

Agreed. The "you will not see him" is clearly not going to work out for the parents. Just makes her try harder and be more sneaky to get her way and see him.

 

[Hutchy]

I think Christina picked the wrong hill to die on so to speak in this situation. Now that we know about her mom I can understand more why she feels like she does but she is overreacting. If they had decided to supervise them and have strict rules I think things would have worked out a lot better. On the other hand if I had talked back to my parents like that at 16 I'd probably still be picking myself up off the floor and it's been 10 yrs.

I feel bad for the Grandmother, she's raised her kids and they turned out ok I think she knows what's she's doing and Christina needs to lighten up on her and maybe listen to what she has to say.

And last, I started dating my husband when we were 16, still together 10 yrs later and married for almost 7 so I might not be the best one to ask about not getting serious at such a young age! lol

 

[wenrob]

I think Christina picked the wrong hill to die on so to speak in this situation. Now that we know about her mom I can understand more why she feels like she does but she is overreacting. If they had decided to supervise them and have strict rules I think things would have worked out a lot better. On the other hand if I had talked back to my parents like that at 16 I'd probably still be picking myself up off the floor and it's been 10 yrs.

I feel bad for the Grandmother, she's raised her kids and they turned out ok I think she knows what's she's doing and Christina needs to lighten up on her and maybe listen to what she has to say.

And last, I started dating my husband when we were 16, still together 10 yrs later and married for almost 7 so I might not be the best one to ask about not getting serious at such a young age! lol

But the guy she wants to see is 19, a man not 16, has his own place and is an alcoholic. I'm telling you when have a teen that makes a big difference in the way you think about it. I was going with a 19 year old at age 14 and when I think about it now- Honestly 16 is not that much better IMHO.

I mentioned in my previous post if the relationship had already been established I'd do my level best to try and compromise but how many 19 year olds do you know would be willing to hang out with their girlfriend's Mom & Dad or go on group dates? I'm betting not many.

Two of Grandmas kids turned out okay, two are kind of big mess. I feel bad the way Christine was talking to her but she's way, way, way out of line. As a parent to an adult there are lines you simply do not cross and parenting is one of them.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Personally, I think Kristina is wrong. I grew up with a mother who had the same mentality for the same reasons, pregnant and married at an early age, and her mother also.

My mother pushed me away by dictacting who I could see and who I couldn't. I did many things that I am sure I would not have even though of if she just trusted me.

I think it is great that Haddie has a safe haven to go to. All kids would be lucky to have that, and I personally think Kristina owes her an apology.

It is true, ban something from a teenager, and or don't make some sort of concessions and the pot boils.

The above are my beliefs and DH's.

 

[5lilfish]

The parents should compromise and let her see him, but she needs to be willing to follow some strict guidelines that they set. Maybe for the first few weeks they can only spend time together at their house (with the parents present) and at the shelter with other people around. Once they get to know him better and see how the relationship develops, they should let them go on dates in public places but promise not to be alone at his place. Then after that, I'm not sure. I wish she was 17 and almost 18, instead of just 16.

This is how I feel too. I would not try and stop the relationship. I would try to keep the relationship on terms that i would ne comfortable with.

I was 17 when I started dating my DH. He is 10 yrs older than I am. There is no way that my parents could have stopped me from feeling what I was feeling. Thankfully, they did not try. They trusted me and we just talked about everything. They were not thrilled (at the time) but they were not ridiculous in what they expected from us. That was 19 yrs ago. We have been married for over 14 yrs and we have 5 kids. My parents and DH get along great. We do things together socially and even vacation together quite often.

Jess

 

[RNMOM]

I do agree that this boy is too old and perhaps sophisticated (?worldy) for Haddie. She is a mature girl and has had to put up with a lot having Max for a brother. Her parents really went off the deep end too fast. I would have suggested having the kid over for family meals and evenings and probably they would have gotten tired of each other eventually. Now they have no way to monitor her. Hopefully Alex will realize how much this can harm his recovery and will choose to distance himself. Now he has this girl glued to him.

Christina needs some therapy and time away from Max.

 

[PollyannaMom]

So, should Haddie's parents let her continue seeing Alex? Is Kristina justified in how she feels? Or is it only her mother's situation that is influencing her? Do they really have anything to be worried about, more so than if she were dating a guy her own age? Who wasn't an alcoholic? Who didn't have his own apartment?

Yes, they should have let her continue seeing Alex. They should have explained to her calmly and rationally their concerns about him being older and having his own apartment, and that they were not yet comfortable with her spending time there. They should have invited him over frequently, and allowed them to see each other at work and on simple dates. I think she would have accepted the "no apartment" condition if they had not tried to ban the relationship all together, and were actively trying to get to know Alex.

I think it's a natural instinct for Christina to be nervous about her daughter, especially in light of her own mother's situation, but I don't think it's always true that every guy three years older is evil and every guy her own age is good. It's also natural that the alcohol thing worries her, but he's been very open about it, and maybe there is something to be said for the guy having already made his mistakes and learned from them? Either way, I think these worries warrant caution rather than banning.

I sympathize with Camille because I think she probably made the same mistake with (Lauren Graham's character). - Didn't she run off with someone her parents didn't like...? I think we'll find out that Camille is reacting to fear, just as Christina is - but for her it's the fear that if Hattie feels no one understands it will push her right where they don't want her to be.


(Of course, if everyone on TV followed our perfect advice from the DISboard, the shows would be pretty boring. So I guess they have to make mistakes, or we wouldn't keep watching.)

 

[jodifla]

I think they were wrong. They should let her see him under strict guidelines. Mainly at their house, while they are there.

 

[mjkacmom]

But the guy she wants to see is 19, a man not 16, has his own place and is an alcoholic. I'm telling you when have a teen that makes a big difference in the way you think about it. I was going with a 19 year old at age 14 and when I think about it now- Honestly 16 is not that much better IMHO.

I mentioned in my previous post if the relationship had already been established I'd do my level best to try and compromise but how many 19 year olds do you know would be willing to hang out with their girlfriend's Mom & Dad or go on group dates? I'm betting not many.

Two of Grandmas kids turned out okay, two are kind of big mess. I feel bad the way Christine was talking to her but she's way, way, way out of line. As a parent to an adult there are lines you simply do not cross and parenting is one of them.

Well, I have a teen, and I would allow this relationship to continue, with set rules in place. I think I'd rather have my 16 year old be in a relationship with someone who has screwed up, and rectified the situation, and seems to be a good person, than a 16 year old boy who likes to party and just wants to get into her pants (I remember 16 year old boys being way more dangerous than 19 year olds). Girls are also usually more mature than boys, and in the show, they both seem to be on the same level. She would not be allowed at his apartment, even though I do realize that if teens want to have sex, they will find a way.

 

[Disneyluvr]

OK so I missed the part where Christine talked about her mom. What happened?

 

[cglaura]

OK so I missed the part where Christine talked about her mom. What happened?

Her mom met her dad when she was 16/17 and ran away with him, and the dad treated the mom like **** the entire marriage. So she is afraid the same thing will happen to Haddie. She realizes this comparison is irrational but is scared for her daughter.

 

[Philagoofy]

OK so I missed the part where Christine talked about her mom. What happened?

At the end of the last episode, Kristina said that her 16 year old mom ran away with her dad & she was miserable every day of her life. She fears that her daughter will be hurt also.

 

[5lilfish]

What about Grandma? Is she doing the right thing? I know that I would be pissed if one of my kids ran away and Grandma let them stay. How would you feel if your child did not like your rules so Grandma let your child move in. You can't run away to Grandma's house because you don't like the rules back home. My parents would drive my kids home and tell them that they need to work it out with Mom/Dad. There might be 2 exceptiong...1) abuse/neglect and (2) They honestly felt, with all their heart, that the child might run away and disappear if they did not take them in.

My opinion has nothing to do with whether the parents are right/wrong. As I said earlier, I do not agree with the parents in this case....but they are her parents and Grandma needs to butt-out...even if her heart is in the right place. This is none of her business.

Jess

 

[KristaTX]

Does anyone else here watch "Lie to Me"? The actor who plays Alex seems to have a developing role on that show, too. I wonder if that means his time on "Parenthood" is limited?

 

[briannesmom]

Does anyone know what Haddie is short for?