Our 5yr son w/autism wandered off yesterday....

[AckermanPartyof6]

Hello Dis Friends,

One of the scariest moments of my life....Our 5yr son with autism wandered out of the house yesterday after his bath. I went to check on him after my husband had gotten him dressed and realized that he was not in the house. He let himself out the front door without any noise and proceeded to walk the neighborhood. When hubby and I realized he was gone, we both frantically got in our cars and began to scour the subdivision. Luckily a neighbor that was standing outside waved us down and told us his wife was following a lost boy. Five minutes later, we found him with the lady. Needless to say, we were beyond relieved and forever grateful to that family who kept him safe.

I am now dealing with the feeling of being an adequate parent. How could I let this happen? What if something awful would've happened? I wish I could share this with my friends, but don't think they would understand .

On a good note, we have opted to order keyless dual auto locks for the front and back door. We hope that this will prevent this from happening again.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest!

 

[rebeccaariel]

I'm so incredibly sorry that that happened to you! I can't even imagine how scary that must have been. The important thing is that he's home safe and sound, and the fact that you're doing everything you can to prevent a similar incident in the future illustrates what a good parent you truly are. Again, I'm very sorry that happened!

 

[Disneylvr]

What a scary moment for you and your husband! And I can completely relate. My DD hasn't gotten out of our house without us knowing but she very well could. 3 years ago we installed wireless alarms on all doors to the outside. If a door opens the alarm beeps. Not a LOUD beep but loud enough for us to hear it no matter where we are in the house. We also gave the nearest police precinct her picture and detail her disability (non-verbal, doesn't always follow directions or understand safety etc...) We also gave that information to the neighbors we trust. She has gotten away from us in stores, she is FAST, and a couple of times we didn't find her right away and that is when your heart starts racing and you panic...in the same way you were feeling. Now you are aware of what he might do and you are preparing for that. Lots of hugs to you from a mom that completely understands. Never think that you are an inadequate parent. Most parents do not face the challenges we do.

 

[Mariep26]

I am so sorry that happened to you. My son is not on the spectrum but does have an IEP for speech and developmental delay. He walked out of my friend's house while at a party. We had at least 20 adults looking for him and we ended up having to call the police. My son had walked a fair ways down the street and was playing in someone's driveway. They called the police just as we were calling the police. Scariest moment of my life. The police were great about it though. They said to always call if you are worried because if something bad did happen they would be able to deploy the right resources quicker (meaning if someone picked him up -- they could get K9s out etc.). The police officer gave me a huge hug.. made me feel a lot better.

 

[LisaBi]

I can relate. I had two really scary incidents when DS was younger. He has Down Syndrome. We had to call the police once. The other time a neighbor returned him (at 6:00 in the morning...he woke up real early and decided to go to school!). The house had an alarm, so we set it chime anytime a door is opened. Before he was tall enough/smart enough we installed latches on the doors way up high (that worked until he got taller and figured out he could drag a chair). Hide your car keys too. Once we woke up to hear the car starting. Our BR was above the garage.

 

[rewardsinlife]

I am so glad you found him safe! A tip for you until you get those locks...tie some bells to the door handle and they will ring away anytime someone goes in or out. my friend did this for her daughter( 22 y.o.) who is able to crawl around the house but doesn't have more than the mentality of an 8 mo. Old. She said it has saved her several times from going out the front door since she likes to turn knobs and can pull herself up as well using the door.

 

[PatMcDuck]

WOW, memories..... My son with Downs and Autism left his classroom at school when he was about 7, and was found by a passing driver in the STREET in front of the school, down a little ways. Speed limit on this road? 50 mph, at times lower limit in front of it, but many drivers keep at 50, since the lower speed limit is "when children are present"). This road has trucks too, tractor trailers. The teacher had one child in the office, the aide was helping the kids into their coats, and while helping another child with a zipper, my son just left..... The man who stopped, said Sean pulled away and resisted him, but he made Sean leave the road anyway. (he is non verbal for the most part). Police report was done, etc, teachers got him back inside. Scary. The man who stopped got some kind of citizenship award.

But just as bad, my typical son went outside of our house to look for the cat. I let him out, intending him to look in OUR YARD only, he was about 5. I had a 7 year old, 3 year old, and a 1 year old at the time. A short time later, I get a call, lady, do you have a little boy named Kevin?? WHAT??? I freaked out! He said, I am a Terminex employee, and I have your son here...... and gave me directions. I was frantic, had to tell the 7 year old, SIT HERE with the 3 year old and baby, and do not move. I raced to DRIVE over to get Kevin, he was over 1/2 mile away, crossed over busy streets..... He thought he saw the cat, or heard her, so he kept walking. OMG. Still scares me to think of it. (I left the other 3 behind, I think because of the time it would take to strap all 3 into the car, I could not wait that long, I was too freaked out).

Many of us have these stories I bet.

 

[I Love Pluto]

You are a GOOD parent! Things happen. Mistakes are made. You will never know what possessed him to go out the door.

The mark of a good parent is recovering from the mistake. Will you just forget it, and figure it was a one-time thing that is no big deal -- or will you DO something about it so it never happens again?

You have made the choice to prevent this from ever happening again. YOU are a GOOD parent! Don't beat yourself up over this. Be thankful he is safe & back home with you.

 

[Earstou]

I know exactly how you feel, because I lost my ds when he was 6. We were attending a craft class at our hotel when I turned around to get supplies. When I turned back a moment later, he was no longer sitting beside his older sister (who also didn't see him disappear). I totally freaked out because there was a pool and the ocean not far from where we were. The hotel security was alerted and looking for him when my dh showed up with him. Turns out he decided he would rather be with dh so he left the building, crossed the courtyard and took the elevator to the top floor, then made some complicated turns to get to our room. We had only been to the room once, so I was surprised he knew where it was.
I know many good parents of neurotypical kids who have lost their children. It happens to the best of parents!
We too have had the door chime on our alarm system enabled so we knew when our doors open.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Been there, done that, have the police log from the newspaper to prove it. I truly believe our son is Houdini reincarnated. We have hooks at the tops of the doors, alarms, all of our windows are screwed shut so they only open from the top, and there is a margarine container stapled to the wall over the garage door button. After the last escape we learned that we need to keep the car doors locked in the garage AND keep the keys hidden. You are not a bad parent. The police officer that found our son was about to lecture me since he didn't know the situation. I smiled sweetly and cut him off. "Before you start (with my finger in his face) don't you even start because YOU DON'T KNOW! He's autistic and we've done everything we can think of to keep him in the house. We've worked with the county to get locks & alarms and he figures out ways around them. He may not speak much but he's probably more intelligent than the both of us. Are we done because I'd really like to go home & cry now?" The poor man actually took a step back lol. He radioed in that my son had autism & then he was all "It's ok maam, my supervisor just wants me to get your information. Do you have your ID?" Of course I didn't because I grabbed the 1st set of car keys to go searching & my purse was in the other car. I invited the officer to come to my house 2 blocks away to see it & all the locks & alarms but he said it wasn't necessary. He just took my name & SS#. The neighbors, who I have made sure all know that our sons are autistic and that they should grab them if they see them alone, were worried for us that Children's Services was going to be called. I said "Let them. Let them watch my kids for a day & they'll be giving me a mother-of-the-year award" I have all the documentation to prove we've been doing our best to put our house on lockdown. You definitely should think about getting locks and alarms for you windows, too. Better to have them & never need them than have that sick feeling when you realize there is a screen popped out & your little one is out exploring. Also, if they can open a door, they can open the car door & push the garage door button. Seriously, you have to be smarter than them and that's HARD!

 

[minkydog]

OP, try not to beat yourself up. We've all been there at least once, and for those who haven't, well, your day is coming...

My son Christian is severely mentally handicapped and autistic. Although his mental capacity is about 8-16months, he can walk and run faster than me or his dad. He is also non-verbal and has no fear of cars, strangers, or water. As close as we watch him, he has gotten away from home several times. One time he got out at 11pm and was walking up and down the street in front of our house in his PJs. Another time he walked a considerable way down the street and was found by a neighbor standing on a 5ft cliff over a very inviting creek. He got away from school twice and was found in the parking lot. Christian is fast and sneaky.

When we went to WDW the last time, we had him in a large transport chair complete with 5-point harness. Of course, we had to get him out of his chair once in awhile. I was not confident of our ability to keep a close eye on him in the crowds so I took a sharpie and wrote our names and cell phone numbers ON HIS ARMS! I'm sure somebody took offense but frankly I don't care. Let them come walk a mile or two in my shoes.

The point is, these kids are curious and very smart about the things they're interested in. Christian's big thing is doors--he will open and close doors for hours if we let him. He doesn't mean to get away--he doesn't think "I want to run away." He just opens a door ("Yay!") then somehow finds himself iin the street. "Yay! I get to go for a walk!" Even better if there is running water somewhere.

Several years ago, after a particularly scary event when he was caught running full tilt toward a 5 lane highway I bought him a MedicAlert necklace. I had our cell phone number engraved on it. Anyone who meets Christian would know instantly that he is very handicapped. He can't answer to his name or show anyone where he lives. We watch him constantly and it truly takes a village. But sometimes despite all the surveillance we have a failure and he gets out the house. I can't casigate myself because I know I am doing my dead level best. I just have to hope and pray he doesn't get hurt or stolen.

Here's a hug. We'll hope it never happens again, but if it does just understand that you're doing your best and that's all you can do.

 

[dja14]

When our son was 2 1/2 he got out many times. We'd add a lock, he'd find a way around it. The first time he got out we had to call the police, my husband found him a busy street and 3 blocks over, trying to get into a house like ours. The second time he got out very early in a cold winter morning (frostbite on one ear for that one) We kept adding locks. The he learned to take the webbing and screen out of his bedroom window (neighbor came home and knocked on the door "um, your son is taking his screen out") We finally found a motion sensor at Radio Shack and at least it went off every time he went near a door or window he could escape from.

We were good parents and you are too, it just is impossible to watch every second of every day, to be on all the time. Good news is he finally outgrew it and I know another family with an autistic child and he has almost outgrown this too. All we can do is try to keep them as safe as we can. I hope your son will outgrown it too

 

[afnaechiquita]

Hello Dis Friends,

One of the scariest moments of my life....Our 5yr son with autism wandered out of the house yesterday after his bath. I went to check on him after my husband had gotten him dressed and realized that he was not in the house. He let himself out the front door without any noise and proceeded to walk the neighborhood. When hubby and I realized he was gone, we both frantically got in our cars and began to scour the subdivision. Luckily a neighbor that was standing outside waved us down and told us his wife was following a lost boy. Five minutes later, we found him with the lady. Needless to say, we were beyond relieved and forever grateful to that family who kept him safe.

I am now dealing with the feeling of being an adequate parent. How could I let this happen? What if something awful would've happened? I wish I could share this with my friends, but don't think they would understand .

On a good note, we have opted to order keyless dual auto locks for the front and back door. We hope that this will prevent this from happening again.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest!

As you can see from the many responses, this is common behavior. You are not a bad parent in any way. My brother wandered off down the road when we lived in the country, with nothing but woods surrounding the house. We were so, so lucky that he only wandered to the closest neighbor. (I remember that time more than any other time, because some lady showed up at the door trying to sell some books and she didn't understand that now was not the time to be selling anything to my family!)

It may also be a good idea to install some cheap door alarms that you can set so that if a door is opened and it's not by you/DH, you'll know immediately.

We sing this song to my brother, The Wanderer! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5m6lymJy57E

 

[Luv Bunnies]

We worried about wandering when our DS w/autism was 3 or 4 and tall enough to reach the lock on the front door. Our solution was to install a sliding lock at the top of the door. He couldn't reach it even if he was resourceful enough to stand on a chair.

Be careful of deadbolts locks that require a key to unlock from the inside. We had one on the front door of a townhouse that we sold several years ago. The home inspector recommended we remove it because you can unwittingly lock yourself in the house during an emergency, such as a fire. He said there have been cases where people couldn't find the key in time to get the door open. An extra lock placed high up is a safer alternative for keeping kids inside. Just a thought.

 

[AJKMOM]

We have lost DS with autism at WDW when he was much younger(Wonders of Life pavilion). Lost him at SeaWorld in Aurora, OH on the childrens slid area. Lost him at Chuck E Cheese where he was sitting on the lap of a complete stranger watching her play a video game. Someday you will look back and maybe smile a little and realize these things happen, it doesn't make you a bad parent. There are things you can put on your door that don't have to be ordered, like flip locks or hooks that can be attached higher than he can reach. We actually took DS doorknob off his bedroom and turned it around so we could lock him in his bedroom.

Luckily, he is alomst 24 and we haven't lost him since he grew to 5'10".

 

[minkydog]

We have lost DS with autism at WDW when he was much younger(Wonders of Life pavilion). Lost him at SeaWorld in Aurora, OH on the childrens slid area. Lost him at Chuck E Cheese where he was sitting on the lap of a complete stranger watching her play a video game. Someday you will look back and maybe smile a little and realize these things happen, it doesn't make you a bad parent. There are things you can put on your door that don't have to be ordered, like flip locks or hooks that can be attached higher than he can reach. We actually took DS doorknob off his bedroom and turned it around so we could lock him in his bedroom.

Luckily, he is alomst 24 and we haven't lost him since he grew to 5'10".

I know what you mean. Christian is 17 yrs old now--he's 6'1" and still growing. It's like walking around with the Eiffel Tower on your arm.

About teh bedroom door--we had a big problem with Christian getting up and wandering the house at night. One night he got up at 1am and played the piano! Another time he apparently got up and opened the freezer. We found the ice cream melted on the floor and the freezer door wide open. Lucky for us, he didn't get out the front door. We tried locking him in the bedroom but he pulled the lock out of the frame! So we installed a heavy duty hook & eye on the outside of his door. He could pull that all he wanted but he never could get the door open. We locked his windows and chiild proofed his room so he could be comfortable and safe. That way, when he got out of bed he had his toys to play with and he would happily entertain himself until he either got sleepy and went back to bed or one of us got up with him.

 

[PatMcDuck]

OK, I might get slammed here, but we reversed the locks on my son's door, so we could lock him in. This sounds horrible, but we were worried. While I would think this was a BAD idea for the most part, (how could he get out in an emergency??) I let myself off the hook when I realized that he would never evacuate himself anyway.... even if you called for him, he might not come out. if there WAS a fire or something, he would have to be brought out by someone.

Oddly, we no longer really worry about him escaping, but he ALWAYS locks himself in his room. I mean, if he is in there, with it unlocked, playing, he will get up and LOCK himself in. Part of that OCD crossover I guess.

Worst time was when I was in there WITH him, and he jumped up, and locked us BOTH in. And, you guessed it, the tub was filling, no one else was home. I had to quickly McGuiver a coat hanger to jimmy the lock to get out...... Good times.

 

[dja14]

What you really need is a local friend, a good friend with an autistic child. Then when they do stuff like this the other mom feels for you and really understands. They also laugh with you a lot because lots of funny things happen too, especially when you look back it is a lot funnier. I have a friend like that and she really understands what it is to go through.

Be careful of the hook and eye locks on the outside doors though, from experience I can tell you they don't need a chair, just a broom handle. The slider ones are better I think.

We also locked ours in his bedroom when he was little, had to or I couldn't sleep knowing he was going to find a new way to escape, or turn the stove on or something. We were a little worried but had a small house and figured we wouldn't leave with out the kids anyway. Yeah, it is not the best but sometimes you have to do the best you can and hope for the best.

 

[AckermanPartyof6]

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and tips!

 

[Kristibo42]

Glad everything turned out good.
We lost my non verbal autistic niece with almost 30 people around. We were at my moms house which is right next to a river on one side and railroad tracks on the other. She was about 8 at the time. Thankfully we found her just sitting and playing with an old ball she found in a ditch on the other side of the tracks. She was only gone for about 30 minutes but it seamed like hours. I do have to say that the police and fire department were there within minutes. And already had people coming to help search. It was pretty scary.