Other Parent trouble with Wish Trip

[holly.c]

Sorry this is going to be long.
I have been divoriced since my wish child was two she is turning 7 in a week. I was given sole legal custody, he was given court supervised visitation once a week. There was a restraining order put in place during the divorice and for a year after. He never set up the visits. I notified him through his mother each time she had surgery and hospitilizations. He never called me back so has no idea all her problems/conditions understands that two of the are life threatening conditions. I take the kids to see her and keep in contact with her. I offered several times to leave for a while so that he could see her and later on after the order expired I had her let him know in case he wanted to be there. Even when on life support he did not show up. He did not see any of the kids until I reached out and begged him to call or visit with them because the were getting older and upset that he has nothing to do with them. They have seen him three times since I did that a year and half ago. Each time I took them to his moms for a few hours. The last time she called me to pick them up early because he showed up and had been drinking.
I received a message from his girlfriend yesterday saying that they were very upset that I am using her for family trips. Last year she got to go to a camp for kids with life threatening conditions, the whole family did. So he feels that he should get to go on this trip with her. And all the rest was crap about how I'm using her and she doesn't seem sick to him and is fine since surgery ( he doesn't have a clue what our baby has had and will have to deal with). I am not even responding to them I have nothing to say.
My only question is that they threatened to go to the organization and ask for him to go and if he can't tell them he doesn't think she should get a wish. Will they listen to him if they do? Should I mention to them that he might or just wait and see if it's another empty threat and attempt to make me feel bad?

 

[seashell7290]

I believe the fact that you have sole custody with proof, you should be fine. In this situation, you can fill out a form saying you are a single parent and the other parent has no say in the matter. Also if you have worries that he is a threat to your child, you can tell the wish organization. I can't say this is for every organization, but this is how it has worked as long as I have volunteered for make a wish.

 

[PlutoPony]

Sorry you are dealing with this
Does he really know which wish granting organization you are connected to? If not, I'd make sure that info doesn't get conveyed to him - by kids, other family members, etc.
Isn't your doctor involved with giving the information to the wish organization about the medical condition of the child? And isn't that the info used to determine qualification?
Unless someone has falsified info about your daughter, I'd think this to be an empty threat. Especially if he doesn't have legal standing / custody.
I'm not familiar enough with wish organization to give advise on how to proceed, but hope someone else is

Wishing you a wonderful trip!

 

[SueM in MN]

I know Make a Wish requires documentation that certifies the child's condition from an MD involved in the child's care. I'm not positive, but quite sure other Wish Granting organizations do also.

I agree with the other posters. We're not lawyers, but it sounds like you should be fine since you have sole custody. I think seashell7290 gave good advice. I'm sure you're not the only family this has happened eith.

I'm sorry that your child's wish trip has to have this cloud over it. Hope everything works out and you all have a wonderful trip.

 

[holly.c]

Yes the doctor fills out paperwork and documentation so I'm not worried about that part. Since he has court supervised visits only he can't go with her. I just worry that he may be able to prevent her from getting a wish since he is her parent also and I'm not sure if I should tell them he may be calling or just wait and see if he does. He has threatened to try and cause problems for different things in the past but then never did but he has in some cases. So I guess there is a fifty fifty chance of him actually calling.

 

[holly.c]

I believe the fact that you have sole custody with proof, you should be fine. In this situation, you can fill out a form saying you are a single parent and the other parent has no say in the matter. Also if you have worries that he is a threat to your child, you can tell the wish organization. I can't say this is for every organization, but this is how it has worked as long as I have volunteered for make a wish.

Yes I have my divorice paperwork. Do you think I should let them know he may be doing this or wait and see if he does?

 

[Betty Rohrer]

tell wish group as soon as possible and be prepared to show court paper work. if there is any chance he could show up while on trip I would take a copy with me to show GKTW when you check in

 

[seashell7290]

Yes I have my divorice paperwork. Do you think I should let them know he may be doing this or wait and see if he does?

I would alert the organization as soon as you meet with them. Keep a copy of all of your paper work at all times. It's important to let them know your concerns about the safety of your child; not just you don't want him to go on the trip. You shouldn't need his signature for any part of the process. If someone tells you different, I would contact a higher up.

 

[LATJLP]

Make a Wish vets the children, so the organization has already verified that your daughter is eligible. So ex going and saying she isn't might make them double check but then will make him look like the uncaring parent that he is. You have sole legal custody so that means that you have the right to make any and all decisions about her, socially, school, medically, etc. If you still have an attorney, you may want to ask them about the specific laws in your state....in some states sole legal and unused visitation can mean that you can say no to him participating in certain events. Of course if your daughter wants him along you may have to suck it up for her sake....but it may be eye-opening to him to her true medical status.

You may want to give your MAW worker a heads up about the issue so that they aren't blind sided when/if he bothers to contact them. Sounds to me like they just want a free vacation.....now who's using the child? Talk it over with your worker and they should have some advice how to handle it...sadly I'm guessing you are not the first divorced parent who has a problem like this.

I hope that you are able to get through all this and that the kids and you all have a wonderful trip!

 

[HarleenQ]

I would let the organization know and show any paperwork they need. That way if he calls they are prepared.

I'd also text the gf back only "my child and her medical history are none of your business. Do not contact me again." At least you'll have in writing your request for no contact and you could later, if necessary, use that to get another RO on her and/or both of them if she keeps harassing you.

There's plenty of girlfriends that think now that they're in the mans life they'll fight their battles, so I wouldn't jump to the conclusion he wouldn't at least contact these places even if it's just to make her happy and look important.

 

[TheRustyScupper]

I have been a Board Member of a MAW chapter, and do not remember granting trips to non-custodial parents.

 

[where_else]

Sorry to hear of your troubles, we also had the same type of situation and yes my ex did tell the make a wish people no our son could not go on a Disney trip. We had taken our older son to Disney through Give Kids the World, when we were still married. We did have joint custody but he told MAW he would refuse to grant permission.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

What a sad situation. Your ex sounds extremely toxic. I'm not sure why you want your kids to have a relationship with him.

 

[holly.c]

I was able to provide copies of paperwork showing I had sole custody and she was allowed to have her wish trip.

What a sad situation. Your ex sounds extremely toxic. I'm not sure why you want your kids to have a relationship with him.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

What a sad situation. Your ex sounds extremely toxic. I'm not sure why you want your kids to have a relationship with him.

not the MAW part but have some what the same situation with step grandson. you cant decide you dont want kids to have contact if he wants. have to have legal reason. our vacations that we want him to go on must be during summer as his mother can refuse to allow him to miss school for vacation. been there done that the child is the one that looses

 

[TheRustyScupper]

Regarding such a parent . . . "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything" . . .

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So, I didn't.