OT - Why are kids not opening presents at their birthday parties anymore?

[deva]

Anyone else seen this trend and been bothered by it? I know party time can be limited, but usually kids are pretty speedy ripping open the gifts and it is so nice for the "giver" to see the recipient open his/her gift. DS has been to a few parties where the gifts were put in a side room and not opened.

 

[badblackpug]

Just like you said time constraints. Also organization. When kids are tearing willy-nilly through gifts and tossing them and wrapping paper aside it is difficult to keep track of who gave what. I seem to be in the minority lately, but I still make them write thank you notes.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

My kids still write thank you notes, too. I'm surprised by how many kids/parents don't.

We haven't experienced the lack of gift opening at parties yet -- at the parties my kids attend, there's still the blazing-fast gift opening. It seems a little rude to me to not open them in front of the gift-giver, but that's just me.

Maybe, in addition to time-saving (although it seems to me that's one of the things you should make time for), it's to reduce problems? If the kids are really young, sometimes it's hard for the guests to not be the ones opening gifts, too, or they want to play with one of the toys but aren't allowed? Or to avoid that awkward moment when the birthday child announces, "Oh, I've already got three of these!"?

 

[mjkacmom]

At the 100+ birthday parties my children have attended, there have been no presents opened. Most our out of the home parties, with time restraints, and limited areas for present opening. It's nothing new.

 

[scrapple]

I think it is because the other kids might get jealous, or maybe rip open presents that are not theirs... or maybe parents just dont want other parents to see what other parents with more $$ were able to purchase.

That made no sense.. =)

 

[dizneechic]

I think it depends on the party and whats planned. Out of the home parties usually don't have the time factored in for opening gifts since the locations plan out the event start to finish. In home parties that are planned to the minute with hired entertainment seem to be the same way. In home casual parties kids seem to still open gifts, at least this has been in our experience.

 

[chellewashere]

I was told its not PC for a child to open gifts in front of other kids in case parents werent able to get a "good" gift or anohter child getting jealous. I dont get it my child still opens gifts and will continue to do so at her parties and I do thank you notes too...really is a dying tradition wouldnt Miss Manners be upset.

 

[Zeebs]

I understand why it doesn't happen but I do find it disappointing, my children are always so excited to take a gift, they want to see the child open it. (mainly to play with it we are still working on it is better to give than to receive lesson 3 year olds just don't get that one)

I too like to see the child open the gift as I usually put a lot of thought into said gift and I like to see faces, and be thanked for it. Given the lack of thank you notes (which we do).

I have a neice that never sends a thank you the other 7 do but not this one, I never even know if it has arrived in the post. That annoys me but not much I can do about it. Unless I guess I stop sending them and say it must have been lost in the post if anyone asks.

Kirsten

 

[JAM3]

My personal thoughts about why children do not open presents at parties is not a nice one so I will keep it to myself. I think children LOVE to open presents so time should be scheduled into a party for it. Most children love dollar store presents as much expensive ones. Other children also love to see their present opened and the smile it brings to their friends face. In my opinion it is a sad tradition that is being lost. We will always have DD open her presents at her parties for her enjoyment and the enjoyment of her friends!

 

[dmaz]

I actually love the fact that my children do not even ask to open the gifts at their parties. I feel it is not about what the person gives you but having them there to celebrate with you. Most of the time my kids don't open them until the next evening when we have time to savor the gifts.
From time to time someone has mentioned that they have bought something special. We then try to have our child open the gift quietly on the side so the person can see. I usually write thank you notes though it seems to be harder as the kids get older. In fact I am in the middle of writing them this morning for my youngest.

 

[Macduffy]

I KNOW! I'm just seeing this happen now and I while I can see the convenience and even sometimes need for it - it's sad that this tradition might be heading to the way side

For my sons 2nd birthday we had a "gift free" party - all invitees were told not to bring a gift as he had a family party and had already received lots of gifts and that he simply wanted to celebrate his day with friends and cake. Unfortunately some people brought gift so I obviously didn't have a present opening portion of the party as I did not want other parents to feel bad. I would never recommend those parties again for that very reason!

 

[waltskids]

All of the parties we have been to, children do not open their presents. Most of the parties are held at a location (Bounce U, Little Gym, etc.) so time constraints present a problem. At DS's 1st bday we had over 100 friends and family at a fire hall so with all the activities planned, we chose not to open them ( in addition we asked for 'no gifts' so we felt opening the gifts we had received would be in poor taste). I actually like not having to open gifts at a party, but to each his own.

 

[mjkacmom]

I actually love the fact that my children do not even ask to open the gifts at their parties. I feel it is not about what the person gives you but having them there to celebrate with you. Most of the time my kids don't open them until the next evening when we have time to savor the gifts.
From time to time someone has mentioned that they have bought something special. We then try to have our child open the gift quietly on the side so the person can see. I usually write thank you notes though it seems to be harder as the kids get older. In fact I am in the middle of writing them this morning for my youngest.

Maybe it's a NJ thing, but opening gifts just isn't done here. We bring the gifts home from the party, and my kids open each gift slowly, and I write down who gave what, and make sure we include this information in the thank you note. I used to give thoughtful gifts, but to be honest, after 5 kids, I'm giving $20 gc's now!

 

[fauna74]

I see it all the time. In my mind, if there is no time for opening presents then it should be a gift-free party.

My daughter had a huge party 2 years ago and the invitation said "no gifts, please. But, if you would like to bring a new, unwrapped toy we will donate it to our local christmas toy drive" (her b-day is in Nov.). People's reactions ran the gamut from incredulous to happily surprised to outraged. Now, we live in an affluent area and my children, while not spoiled, have plenty of STUFF. Her party included her whole first grade class and a slew of neighbors. IT was her present.

 

[kacaju]

Maybe it's a NJ thing, but opening gifts just isn't done here. We bring the gifts home from the party, and my kids open each gift slowly, and I write down who gave what, and make sure we include this information in the thank you note. I used to give thoughtful gifts, but to be honest, after 5 kids, I'm giving $20 gc's now!

If you have the party out, no there is no gift opening.

I am in NJ and my 3 ALWAYS have/had home parties (they are 15, 13 and 9)
I ALWAYS let my girls open their presents at the party and in all those years I NEVER had any issues with it. I do *remind* the Birthday girl before the
Do not say *I already have this, I don't like this* when you open your presents.
You open them, thank the person and move on to the next present.
Maybe because I have girls and their parties were mostly all girl parties I never had problems?

Their favorite present opening games are a hot potato style, where we'd have all the girls sit in a circle, play music and pass the presents. When the music stops whichever gift my dd was holding was the one she opened.
The other game is to pick a month, whoever has a Birthday that month gives their Birthday girl her present to open. If there are more then one in any given month then you go by the date as well.

I do think it is sad that it is not done anymore... I can tell you more then once I had a kid leave one of our parties and ask if they could either have their party here or they were asing their mom to have a party just like this one!!

 

[lindsmom]

This phenomenon is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. My DD spends a LOT of thought and time picking out a special gift just for the birthday child (even if it ends up being a GC, she thinks about what kind of store the child would like). And she is ends up being genuinely disappointed that she can't see if the child is excited when opening.

I also think kids lose the opportunity to learn some self restraint - I know it's a pain for parents to keep their little ones from grabbing and "helping" during the opening, but it's good practice. Also the "skill", as a pp mentioned, of NOT mentioning "Oh, I already have one!" or "Ugh, Yuck!"

Lastly, I'm not seeing thank you notes like before. It's one thing if you're AT the party and the child says thank you to the gift giver. But if you bring a gift, and you never see the child open it, AND you never get a thank you, why bother at all with gifts? I'm hoping I can talk my DD into a gift free birthday one of these years - she also has too much stuff!

 

[jodifla]

I'm always happy when the DON'T open gifts at the parties. I'd rather the kids be having fun at an activity than standing around seeing who got the birthday child the best gift.

One of my worst memories ever is being at a wedding where they opened gifts! It took forever!

 

[rellabee]

In my area, there is a big difference between the "have's" and "have nots". I want all of the children to feel completely welcome at my kids birthday parties as they are coming to the party to all have fun together and celebrate. I noticed very early that there is a huge difference in the presents that the different parents buy to send to the party (ranging from $5 Candyland type games to $50 video games!). I don't want any child to feel like their gift wasn't appreciated or good enough. Plus, I don't want to contribute to having one child get picked over another to be invited to the next party because "Johnny gave Sam a real cool present, but Dan didn't so I'm going to invite Johnny to my party too". The real gift is having all of my kids friends together having fun.

 

[momma of 2]

wow I never realized this happened. My oldest child is entering k this year so we have had parties with the neighborhood kids but never we kids we don't know. Myself, personally, love watching kids just rip into the presents. I always have one person ready to write down gifts and who it came from. I can see the other end of things. once kids get into that "well so and so gave me this so they must like me better" thing. Being a kid who grew up in a home where we didn't have much or much to give, it was embarassing. but luckly for me my friends always understood.

I will probably continue the gift frenzy because to me that is a party-when wrapping paper goes flying and everyone has fun.

 

[surfgirl]

We bring them home and open 2 or 3 each day... that allows each present time to be individually played with and most importantly... we write those thank you's before any more presents are opened. Then we don't have a huge pile to be written. (I'm of the opinion that a real thank you should be written instead of a 'fill in the blank' with the peron's name and gift for our familiy. I don't care what I get, but I believe we should send real ones).

This has the effect of:
- stretching out the opening of gifts so the birthday lasts for more days : )
- each present gets individual attention and play time instead of being shoved aside immediately
- thank you's don't pile up.