OT-What to do w/ unruly 3 year old

[ninahbear]

My DS has been out of control lately. We got him a puppy before Easter because he has wanted a dog for some time. Well once we got the dog he realized it took attention away from him. Now he is just not listening at all. Timeouts don't seem to work. He acted the same way after his sister was born in June.

I just don't know what to do. I work FT so my mother is home with him and my DD all day and I don't want it to become too much for her.
I thought maybe putting him in daycare 2 days a week might help.

Any suggestions???

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

My DS has been out of control lately. We got him a puppy before Easter because he has wanted a dog for some time. Well once we got the dog he realized it took attention away from him. Now he is just not listening at all. Timeouts don't seem to work. He acted the same way after his sister was born in June.

I just don't know what to do. I work FT so my mother is home with him and my DD all day and I don't want it to become too much for her.
I thought maybe putting him in daycare 2 days a week might help.

Any suggestions???

Is he giving You a hard time or your Mom?? If he is mis-behaving for you I would make some time for him.. Not a lot but something new to the scedule like - "Little Billies Mommy time". It only has to be about 15 minutes and tell him that he must behave to get this extra time.. If he is misbehaving for your mom you need to talk to her. When my mom had my little ones I let her use her own methods (she would never hit or scream), but if she wanted to take away ice cream or do something she thought would work, that is what we did. I felt that she was the one there and she needed to handle the situation. Let her know she has your approval.. Time outs NEVER worked for us but spending a bit more "special time" did help. To tell you the truth at the time it was happpening I was "upset" that I had less mommy time, now I would pay my kids to spend time with me... It will be okay.

 

[moxiecola]

The thing with time-outs, they have to be done correctly and fully followed thru. "1-2-3 Magic" was recommeded to me years ago by my pediatrician. I read it and have been using this method since...still using it on my 11 year old. I have recommeded it to every one of my friends who has read it and found it works. There is even advice about teens and how to use it on them!
How old did you say he was? If it's 3 then that's the "magic" number. It's not 2. They always say "Terrible Two's" but it's not, it's 3. I have 4 kids and 3 was always THE WORST!!! They do get over it, it's a phase of pushing the limits and trying to establish independence.
Good Luck!

 

[Crisgw]

I just want to say that I sympathize. I have a rambunctious 3 year old son as well....we do timeouts and take away things he loves (toys/tv time/etc). The other day, he actually went pee-pee INTO the back of his tv set and it fried the tv....he really is almost like a real life Dennis the Menace .

Hang in there and be firm and consistent.

 

[eliza61]

My DS has been out of control lately. We got him a puppy before Easter because he has wanted a dog for some time. Well once we got the dog he realized it took attention away from him. Now he is just not listening at all. Timeouts don't seem to work. He acted the same way after his sister was born in June.

I just don't know what to do. I work FT so my mother is home with him and my DD all day and I don't want it to become too much for her.
I thought maybe putting him in daycare 2 days a week might help.

Any suggestions???

Aah, the joys of toddlers. I fully agree with the other posters. He's testing his limits. Perfectly normal, although really, really frustrating. Of course he's a little upset, he's not the center of the world, also very normal. Just be consistent. Tell him what will happen if he misbehaves and follow through with the punishment. This too will pass.

If it's any consolation, I now have teenagers and if they roll their eyes at me one more time I swear to God, I'm gonna kill 'em.

 

[TXTurtles]

Not a parent but a teacher who frequently works with this age group.

Sounds like he's angling for attention any way he can get it. Negative attention is still attention to a 3 year old. Since I only have so many reinforcements I can use, I use positive praise like crazy. Kid #1 is misbehaving? I turn to kid #2 and say "Wow, Jimmy, look how nice you're sitting! And you're listening SOOO well!" There's also the frequent reminder that I "Can't hear when someone is whining/talking out of turn/calling my name" (all of which are more applicable to the classroom rather than home setting but you get the idea). I say this NOT LOOKING at the winer/talker/caller. Usually there's a period where kid #1 gets MORE antsy, demanding, or just plain creative in their disruptions but after a while they realize that it just isn't working. However when kid #1 DOES sit as asked or listens or does anything even CLOSE to right behavior I praise them so much they hardly know what to do. It's not the ONLY way to correct bad behavior and there's certainly room for other things like time outs and discussions and stuff - but just letting you know that it's a method that's proven and, for this teacher with limited other options, it's been an absolute godsend.

 

[SLP MOM]

I am a mother of a 3 1/2 year old daughter and a 2 1/2 year old son. I know what you are going through. I strongly encourage you to let brother take part in some sort of academic program. I am a speech-language pathologist, so I recommend it for socialization and academic growth above all, but also because it would be nice for brother to be able to go to "big boy school" while sister stays home. This will give him an opportunity to have some socialization and interaction that will be all his own. He may very well thrive with the opportunity to be a "big boy" and go to school a few days a week. Your mom may appreciate it too !

 

[bumbershoot]

The other day, he actually went pee-pee INTO the back of his tv set and it fried the tv....he really is almost like a real life Dennis the Menace .

Oh you poor thing.

With my 3 year old, the absolute complete utter lack of control we finally figured out was due to a reaction to corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, and corn syrup solids (and maybe just corn in general but no one wants to experiment and he has refused corn for a year now). He becomes a different person when he has those things. For us, bye bye Uncrustables at the zoo or Disneyland, bye bye Dole Whips at Disneyland, bye bye quite a bit of food and ice cream, etc. He eats almost all organic now b/c it's the safest...

Anyway, if your guy has had a diet change (more processed?) since Easter (is there Easter candy still around?), you might want to take note of the ingredients he's eating and how mealtimes relate to his mood changes.

Or maybe it's just him being 3. Even without the corn syrup related products, sometimes DS can be quite the handful (he just doesn't tend to attack me or spin in circles out of control). I think it goes with being 3.

 

[grlpwrd]

ninahbear, I can't tell if he is acting out because you work (was it sudden?) or because of the puppy (maybe it's like adding a new baby to the family to him?).

My 5th child is almost 3 and she is going thru this phase, too. Ugh , but this is what 3 year olds do. I also recommend 1-2-3 Magic. I have used this method for all of my children and they are well-adjusted people. Yes, be firm and consistent. They outgrow it.... eventually. lol

Remember, this, too, shall pass.

GL!

 

[Crisgw]

Oh you poor thing.

With my 3 year old, the absolute complete utter lack of control we finally figured out was due to a reaction to corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, and corn syrup solids (and maybe just corn in general but no one wants to experiment and he has refused corn for a year now). He becomes a different person when he has those things. For us, bye bye Uncrustables at the zoo or Disneyland, bye bye Dole Whips at Disneyland, bye bye quite a bit of food and ice cream, etc. He eats almost all organic now b/c it's the safest...

Anyway, if your guy has had a diet change (more processed?) since Easter (is there Easter candy still around?), you might want to take note of the ingredients he's eating and how mealtimes relate to his mood changes.

Or maybe it's just him being 3. Even without the corn syrup related products, sometimes DS can be quite the handful (he just doesn't tend to attack me or spin in circles out of control). I think it goes with being 3.

I do notice my DS (3) being much more "active" when he's had a great deal of sugar. We eat quite a bit of organic foods (mainly milks, cheeses, meat and produce) but I will admit to using the "quick and easy" foods regularly to try to cut prep time/etc.... Your post gave me food for thought!

 

[TheDizMom]

The thing with time-outs, they have to be done correctly and fully followed thru. "1-2-3 Magic" was recommeded to me years ago by my pediatrician. I read it and have been using this method since...still using it on my 11 year old. I have recommeded it to every one of my friends who has read it and found it works. There is even advice about teens and how to use it on them!
How old did you say he was? If it's 3 then that's the "magic" number. It's not 2. They always say "Terrible Two's" but it's not, it's 3. I have 4 kids and 3 was always THE WORST!!! They do get over it, it's a phase of pushing the limits and trying to establish independence.
Good Luck!

I so agree! There is no such thing as the terrible 2's it the terrible 3's. It's when they become more verbal and independent and are trying to see what they can get away with. Part of it is the change with the dog. Changes like that always bring on some issues until it becomes part of the routine. My best recommendation is to decide what you will do in certain instances and then make sure you are consistent with it, and that your mother follows through with it too, so there is no deviation from the consequences stand point. The good thing is he is three and so if you start the methods now and keep on using them they will work long term because there will be no question in his mind about what will happen when he does something wrong. Keep his routine as structured as possible and give him as much attention one on one as you can. I also think that at this age they need to see something tangible when they've had a good day to encourage them to keep on doing what you want them to do. When he has a good day then he gets to do something special like have an extra book at bedtime, ice cream for dessert, extra time with mom or dad, or just a sticker. This way they are getting praise and special treatment with the good and want to keep doing it so they get that special treat. I also think kids respond more to the positive reinforcement then the negative. Good luck and remember this to shall pass , until the next stage hits and you get to start all over again .

 

[nessz79]

Oh you poor thing.

With my 3 year old, the absolute complete utter lack of control we finally figured out was due to a reaction to corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, and corn syrup solids (and maybe just corn in general but no one wants to experiment and he has refused corn for a year now). He becomes a different person when he has those things. For us, bye bye Uncrustables at the zoo or Disneyland, bye bye Dole Whips at Disneyland, bye bye quite a bit of food and ice cream, etc. He eats almost all organic now b/c it's the safest...

Anyway, if your guy has had a diet change (more processed?) since Easter (is there Easter candy still around?), you might want to take note of the ingredients he's eating and how mealtimes relate to his mood changes.

Or maybe it's just him being 3. Even without the corn syrup related products, sometimes DS can be quite the handful (he just doesn't tend to attack me or spin in circles out of control). I think it goes with being 3.

Oh, good ideas! I have heard that corn syrup is responsible for all kinds of bad things, but I never thought of us.

I also have a very rambunctious 3.5 year old. Sometimes he's so good and sometimes...NOT!

 

[bumbershoot]

I do notice my DS (3) being much more "active" when he's had a great deal of sugar. We eat quite a bit of organic foods (mainly milks, cheeses, meat and produce) but I will admit to using the "quick and easy" foods regularly to try to cut prep time/etc.... Your post gave me food for thought!

For us sugar just causes a bit more energy. He can eat vast amounts of homemade cake or cookies and he's just fine. But give him a dum-dum with corn syrup in it and he's a dragon.

Oh, good ideas! I have heard that corn syrup is responsible for all kinds of bad things, but I never thought of us.

I discovered it, after wondering what on earth was wrong with my boy, after he had a dum-dum. He went from having a really great time at a park during a festival up the street from us, to flipping out, attacking me, scratching and hitting me, screaming with terror and fear in HIS eyes. And I still had to carry him home.

By the time he got home he had passed out (we were both crying as I carried him, and then he fell asleep), and while I was posting on another forum trying to figure it out, I realized that it wasn't "normal" sugar. Nowadays whenever he has a spike in hideous behaviour, it is absolutely inevitable that we'll look at the ingredients of something he has had that we haven't checked already, and some sort of corn syrup product will be in it.

It's worth checking out for anyone, if they think their little one is going beyond the norm of their age.

Figured out that hubby can't have it either. He nearly passes out when he has it; opposite reaction. And one of his co-workers gave it all up too, b/c his 5 year old has the passing out reaction...


Sorry to take this off on such a tangent, but like I just said, it's worth checking out!!!

 

[holly7347]

How old did you say he was? If it's 3 then that's the "magic" number. It's not 2. They always say "Terrible Two's" but it's not, it's 3. I have 4 kids and 3 was always THE WORST!!! They do get over it, it's a phase of pushing the limits and trying to establish independence.
Good Luck!

Amen to that. I've always said people that talk about terrible 2's have never had a 3 year old My newly turned 3 year old is just next to impossible to deal with lately. She wants what she wants and she wants it 10 minutes ago and heaven help you if you are the one keeping her from getting what she wants. We recently had a complete meltdown in Wal-mart that involved kicking displays, ripping at my shirt, and screaming her head off like a maniac. Not sure that preschool is the answer because DD started preschool last Sept one day a week and this is a new behavior. I really do think it is just the age more than the sister or the dog.

I have heard lots of good things about the 123 Magic book maybe that will help. I bought a copy but never got around to reading it. But now that the behaviors are getting worse I think it is time I pull out the book and give it a shot.

 

[stacy6552]

1-2-3 Magic. Read it and follow to the letter. Your child will probably spend the first day or so in time out but then its total magic. I swear. If it doesn't work, you're not doing it right.

 

[mommytoone]

If it's any consolation, I now have teenagers and if they roll their eyes at me one more time I swear to God, I'm gonna kill 'em. [/QUOTE]

I have a DD7 and she rolls her eyes at me all the time, I can't wait for the teenage years. She was a good toddler, not acting out, or throwing tantrums. Now that she is 7 I want to ring her neck

 

[moxiecola]

1-2-3 Magic. Read it and follow to the letter. Your child will probably spend the first day or so in time out but then its total magic. I swear. If it doesn't work, you're not doing it right.

I second that, every word. The hard part is the beginning but once your kids know you mean business and you won't be backing down they except it and life becomes SO much easier. 1-2-3 Magic can even stop a tantraum in it's tracks once you learn the technique and do it right. Seriously my 2 older boys I very rarely have to count now and I believe it's because they have been conditioned at a young age by this method....not to pat myself on the back but they really are not a behavior issue ever. Nip it in the bud young and save yourself a huge headache in the future!

 

[nessz79]

Amen to that. I've always said people that talk about terrible 2's have never had a 3 year old My newly turned 3 year old is just next to impossible to deal with lately. She wants what she wants and she wants it 10 minutes ago and heaven help you if you are the one keeping her from getting what she wants. We recently had a complete meltdown in Wal-mart that involved kicking displays, ripping at my shirt, and screaming her head off like a maniac. Not sure that preschool is the answer because DD started preschool last Sept one day a week and this is a new behavior. I really do think it is just the age more than the sister or the dog.

Both my kids were different with ages and "terribleness". My oldest had the terrible 2's BAD and then when he turned 3 he just snapped right out of it and was an angel (still is)...it was like he could suddenly reason and express himself so he no longer had to have tantrums.

On the other hand, my youngest was a complete angel up until 2.5. Bam, the terrible tantrums start. He's 3.5 now and better than 2.5, but I know that I can't reason with him the way I could reason with my oldest. He wants what he wants now as mentioned above. He's still rather physical in expressing himself, even though he can carry on a conversation just fine.

So it seems like different kids have different ages where they go through this.

 

[jenrose66]

I am a mother of a 3 1/2 year old daughter and a 2 1/2 year old son. I know what you are going through. I strongly encourage you to let brother take part in some sort of academic program. I am a speech-language pathologist, so I recommend it for socialization and academic growth above all, but also because it would be nice for brother to be able to go to "big boy school" while sister stays home. This will give him an opportunity to have some socialization and interaction that will be all his own. He may very well thrive with the opportunity to be a "big boy" and go to school a few days a week. Your mom may appreciate it too !

Sorry I don't want to hijack the thread but I saw that you are a speech pathologist. My son is 21 months old. He is not talking. He points, he says mama, look it, and for everything else he says guh. He understands everything, he follows directions, he communicates and babbles, he uses lots of expression, but he just doesn't talk. He throws a lot of tantrums and he's getting very frustrated, my Dr. isn't really doing much about it, she told me to get his hearing tested (I did and it's fine). I'm not really sure what to do. I have him scheduled for a speech evaluation next week.

I have also signed him up for a mommy and me playgroup at the ymca. We have no kids in our neighborhood or our family that are his age. His youngest cousin is still 4 years old. My husband and I talk to him all the time, we read together everyday too, but I'm thinking maybe if he sees the other kids, he'll want to talk like they do.

I'm starting to get worried, only because in the last few months he's just gotten very frustrated with himself. It's like if I don't understand on the first guess what he's pointing at he throws himself on the ground and cries.

Ok, thanks for letting me get that off my chest

 

[PADISFAM]

I know this may sound stupid, but does anyone try the 'SuperNanny' tricks? We started watching her about 2-3 yrs ago & what a HUGE difference. The biggest thing that we do is getting down to their level (not correcting them from 'up above') & looking them in the eye. BIG, BIG difference, I can't say enough about it. Of course 'follow through' is a very close second, but getting to their level is often times enough to 'nip things in the bud'. Consistency is 3rd in line-- if they know they can go to Dad & get what they what (or visa versa) they will. 4th would be pay attention to what you are saying 'no' to. B/C when they 'pitch a fit' & we give in........guess what they will do EVERY time we tell them 'no'. Make sure it is really a 'no' answer......
good luck w/ the little cherub