OT: What age is too old to have a baby?

[ChisJo]

Heres some background:
When I was 17, I got pregnant. I decided that the best thing for the baby, his father and me was to place him for adoption. Although it was a difficult decision, I have never regretted it. He is happy, healthy, and has amazing parents that support him and have always been there. He is in both of his biological parents lives, and knows all of our families as well. It was a great decision on my end, and I am very proud of him.

When I had him, I made a promise, to both him and myself. To not have another baby until the time was right. I wanted my son to be proud of me and to understand that I gave him up so that we could both have successful lives.

Fast forward 16 years. I am now 33. I have been successful in my life. I have graduated university, work in a successful career, travelled the world, and am financially comfortable. I am married now for 2 years. My husband is 41. He has a 16 year old son from a previous marriage that we get for 4 weeks out of the year (he lives in a different province). I love his son like he is my own, but he's not. I don't have any itch to have a child, and don't know if that itch will ever really come. My biological son is still in my life. We talk often on facebook and I see him 2 times a year.

However, I know that one day, I will regret if I don't have another child of my own. My husband thinks that it just isn't the right time. I agree. We think that in 2-3 years, we will be ready to try. I'm ok with that, but then I look at my age. I will be 35-36 (or older should we choose to wait a couple of years more). My husband will be in his mid-40's, with a son who we be graduated from high school.

Are we crazy? Do you think that waiting to my mid-late 30's, and my husbands age is waiting too long? Please understand that there are reasons beyond our control why we have to wait at least 2 years. Are there others out there who can give me their experiences, both positive and negative?

 

[sjsjbrook]

I had my son when I was 39, he was my 4th.

I have many highschool friend that are having their first babies at 40 and second ones at 42.

So no worries being over 35 is no longer a high risk pregnancy.

My one friend was told it would take her a while to get pregnant and so they started trying before they got married and first try so was pregnant.


Don't stress out about it.

 

[Sprockie]

I had my kids at 34 and 38 (DH is 5 years older). I love being an older parent. It's often not quite as easy to get pregnant when you're older, and we had a tough time, but were finally blessed with a healthy girl and boy.
We were well established in our careers, financially stable and had taken some nice trips together and spent 7 years married without kids. I am now able to be a stay at home Mom, which I love and cherish every minute. Had we had our kids younger, we wouldn't have had that luxury.

 

[canadianjovigirl]

I was done having kids by the time i was 30, other than our adopted son and just turned 40 and really couldnt imagine starting over again with a baby even though alot of my friends mid to late 30's have little ones or are having little ones. I really dont think there is a magic age - what ever works for you.

And from an adoptive mom - thank you for your unselfish choice and so very glad it all worked out for you.

 

[Tower]

Our youngest is 4 (others are 10 and 8) I'm 46 and DW will be as well in November. We are loving it! (and they keep us young!)

 

[jelo]

Heres some background:
When I was 17, I got pregnant. I decided that the best thing for the baby, his father and me was to place him for adoption. Although it was a difficult decision, I have never regretted it. He is happy, healthy, and has amazing parents that support him and have always been there. He is in both of his biological parents lives, and knows all of our families as well. It was a great decision on my end, and I am very proud of him.

When I had him, I made a promise, to both him and myself. To not have another baby until the time was right. I wanted my son to be proud of me and to understand that I gave him up so that we could both have successful lives.

Fast forward 16 years. I am now 33. I have been successful in my life. I have graduated university, work in a successful career, travelled the world, and am financially comfortable. I am married now for 2 years. My husband is 41. He has a 16 year old son from a previous marriage that we get for 4 weeks out of the year (he lives in a different province). I love his son like he is my own, but he's not. I don't have any itch to have a child, and don't know if that itch will ever really come. My biological son is still in my life. We talk often on facebook and I see him 2 times a year.

However, I know that one day, I will regret if I don't have another child of my own. My husband thinks that it just isn't the right time. I agree. We think that in 2-3 years, we will be ready to try. I'm ok with that, but then I look at my age. I will be 35-36 (or older should we choose to wait a couple of years more). My husband will be in his mid-40's, with a son who we be graduated from high school.

Are we crazy? Do you think that waiting to my mid-late 30's, and my husbands age is waiting too long? Please understand that there are reasons beyond our control why we have to wait at least 2 years. Are there others out there who can give me their experiences, both positive and negative?

Well, coming from a happy Mom of two who struggled years and years with infertility.....
I say go to your Dr. get a hystiosphictogram(sp?) bloodwork etc... Have him tell you that you are healthy and have time to wait.
Each woman ages differantly, you may be fit and healthy but your eggs are not. Before making that decision, get checked out then you'll know you did everything possible to have a child later as you plan.
Just my 2 cents... Good Luck!

 

[Sue M]

Well, here's my 2 cents! First in importance is to start your family when you're ready.
We had our first child when I was 33. Second one at 37. I did have problems concieving the second one, had a few misscarriages, and a tubal pregnancy.
I almost misscarried my daughter at 3 mo. and had to be in hosptial and 1 month bed rest. So, this is just my experience, it was difficult having a baby in my later 30's, and noticed difference in my energy with the second. Possibly because I already had a young one at home, so didn't have the luxury of naps!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Alderbrook]

I had my first at 30 & my 2nd at 35. No regrets, even though, fertility speaking, I'm over the hill LOL.

My GF & her DH accidently got pregnant at 34 (they never wanted kids) & now she wants another child but she's now 37 & having trouble getting pregnant, more than likely due to her age her OB says. So remember your clock is ticking. I don't think there's an age that makes you too old, but your body may not cooperate the older you get.

 

[bigmama67]

I had my DS at 35 and my DD at 41. No regrets whatsoever and they were both fine, healthy, full-term babies. No issues getting pregnant either time, too. (I realize how fortunate we are!)

I say go for it! Just know that you won't have as much energy as you did at 17...but you know the drill! I can't imagine life without either of my babes.

I might even go for a third but DH would kill me (he is now over 40 so he says HE'S too old!)

 

[ccgirl]

Heres some background:
When I was 17, I got pregnant. I decided that the best thing for the baby, his father and me was to place him for adoption. Although it was a difficult decision, I have never regretted it. He is happy, healthy, and has amazing parents that support him and have always been there. He is in both of his biological parents lives, and knows all of our families as well. It was a great decision on my end, and I am very proud of him.

When I had him, I made a promise, to both him and myself. To not have another baby until the time was right. I wanted my son to be proud of me and to understand that I gave him up so that we could both have successful lives.

Fast forward 16 years. I am now 33. I have been successful in my life. I have graduated university, work in a successful career, travelled the world, and am financially comfortable. I am married now for 2 years. My husband is 41. He has a 16 year old son from a previous marriage that we get for 4 weeks out of the year (he lives in a different province). I love his son like he is my own, but he's not. I don't have any itch to have a child, and don't know if that itch will ever really come. My biological son is still in my life. We talk often on facebook and I see him 2 times a year.

However, I know that one day, I will regret if I don't have another child of my own. My husband thinks that it just isn't the right time. I agree. We think that in 2-3 years, we will be ready to try. I'm ok with that, but then I look at my age. I will be 35-36 (or older should we choose to wait a couple of years more). My husband will be in his mid-40's, with a son who we be graduated from high school.

Are we crazy? Do you think that waiting to my mid-late 30's, and my husbands age is waiting too long? Please understand that there are reasons beyond our control why we have to wait at least 2 years. Are there others out there who can give me their experiences, both positive and negative?

I will just share my experience. I didn't get married until I was 29. I had my DD at 32 and my DS at 38. I never thought either was too old. I found I was both emotionally and financially more ready than I was younger. I have not regretted it ever.

 

[kwannabee]

I just think that no matter your age its your pre-pregnancy health that matters...take your folic acid, eat well, no smoking, treat those little eggies like gold nuggets, and you should be fine! Your follicles and eggies are as old as you are, but if they are healthy and you take care of yourself then i think you have TONS of time! When i was around 18 my doctor told me id never be able to get pregnant, but as i got older we kept trying...starting at 27 there was alot of fertility treatments and alot of heartache, but so much joy too it was all worth it...with my youngest son i was 37...and i was the baby myself at the doctors office...there were women who were much much older then me, 35 is no longer the cut off!

My best friends mom was 49 when she had her! When you're ready, try reading a book called Taking Charge of your Fertility...the author is Toni something...sorry ic cant remember her last name...but whatever you decide good luck!

 

[roxysmum123]

I can speak from the childs point of view. I'm the first born in my family, but my parents were married for 13 years before they had me. Nothing medical or anything like that, just busy climbing the corporate ladder and enjoying life together. SO my mom was...33.5 I believe when she had me.
A few down sides to having "older" parents.
1, my parents were always older than my friends parents which made me think for a period of time this automatically made them "uncool" in my opinion..... and now I just know they're uncool because it's the way they are I love them but they're nerds, lol
2, my parents never were the coach of the soccer team, nor did they rush out to be the organizer of any baseball tournaments. BUT they did drive me to every activity I wanted to do and cheered me on like champs

The biggest up side has been that because my parents waited until they were quite financially secure to have me and my sister, we have never wanted for anything. Life was not handed to us, but at the same time there were very few struggles growing up. We were always able to take family vacations, do the extra curricular activities we wanted to do, and my parents were in a position to pay for us to go to college which is a HUGE blessing.

Do I plan on waiting that long to have children? Probably not, but if I'm not in the right position to have children until I'm in the mid to late 30's range then I know my kids will not suffer for it.

 

[ccgirl]

I can speak from the childs point of view. I'm the first born in my family, but my parents were married for 13 years before they had me. Nothing medical or anything like that, just busy climbing the corporate ladder and enjoying life together. SO my mom was...33.5 I believe when she had me.
A few down sides to having "older" parents.
1, my parents were always older than my friends parents which made me think for a period of time this automatically made them "uncool" in my opinion..... and now I just know they're uncool because it's the way they are I love them but they're nerds, lol
2, my parents never were the coach of the soccer team, nor did they rush out to be the organizer of any baseball tournaments. BUT they did drive me to every activity I wanted to do and cheered me on like champs

The biggest up side has been that because my parents waited until they were quite financially secure to have me and my sister, we have never wanted for anything. Life was not handed to us, but at the same time there were very few struggles growing up. We were always able to take family vacations, do the extra curricular activities we wanted to do, and my parents were in a position to pay for us to go to college which is a HUGE blessing.

Do I plan on waiting that long to have children? Probably not, but if I'm not in the right position to have children until I'm in the mid to late 30's range then I know my kids will not suffer for it.

THanks for sharing your experience. I don't think it's so our of the "norm" now as it was when you were born to have kids "later" in life.

As far as coaching, I coach soccer, and help with Brownies, and just about every school event she has. My DH is going to do T Ball. I think coaching doesn't have anything to do with age but is more an individual parent thing. If there are 20 children on the team and 1 coach, that means there are 19 children whose parent does not coach. Like you, my children do not know what it is like to struggle (Thank God). I had too much of that growing up and knew I didn't want that for my children. I truly have the belief that age is a state of mind.