OT: Visiting Family, how often?

[snoopy5386]

We moved about 3-4 hours away from all of our family about 2 years ago. I feel like we are up there visiting ALL THE TIME. Most of the visiting is "expected" of us. We have some family who come here to visit us, but most do not, some for legitimate reasons (health) some for silly reasons. I'm looking to hear from others who live about the same distance from their families. Part of the problem is all parents are divorced and don't get along so we have 4 families and they all live within an hour drive of each other, so we are expected to visit them all most of the times we come up (ie 4 thanksgivings, 4 christmases, etc.)
We go up there for easter, thanksgiving and christmas, DD and I go without DH for at least 2 weeks in the summer, usually one other visit in the fall, various birthdays, mother's day, father's day, 4th of July, the list goes on. And then my dad has a chronic illness that lands him in the hospital 4-6 times a year so we go up then as well to help him out. With so many people to visit we are literally running from one house to the next each day or sometimes on the same day, ie lunch with one set of parents and dinner with another.
I am very curious to see what "the norm" is when it comes to visiting family.

 

[sohappy]

We leave 5 hrs from family (my parents, xh's parents, grandparents, etc). I go with the children every other month. XH has made 2 trips (1 without the kids) in 2 years. I always invite his parents over when I go. BUT, I will not drive all over the place. We drove 5 hours, you can drive the 10 minutes to see us. So we set up at my parents house and anyone who wants to see us comes over there. My parents come up maybe 4-5 times a year. My grandparents can't travel because they are too old and not in the best health.

I used to drive around to see everyone, but it gets old. I have had better, more relaxing trips since I put my foot down and said "if you want to see us, we will be at my parent's house".

 

[disykat]

We live 7 hours away. We go once in the summer for about 5 days and again between Christmas and New Years for about 5 days.

 

[RMulieri]

We live 3 hours from all our family.We do all the visiting .At least 2 times per month and all holidays.In fact this subject just came up the other day.I am absolutely ,positively done visiting until our family at least makes an effort to come out once.I have heard just about every excuse under the sun as to why they can't come visit.."it is too far" ," I hate long car rides" etc..but somehow Dh and I are supposed to enjoy the 3 + hours ( jersey TP traffic) with a 5 yr old in the car.

 

[sk!mom]

You should only visit as you want to.

I think you'll find as your child gets older that you'll start putting a stop to it. By school age, most kids have lots of weekend activities, birthday parties to attend and such. The older kids get the busier the weekends get for them.

 

[snoopy5386]

We live 3 hours from all our family.We do all the visiting .At least 2 times per month and all holidays.In fact this subject just came up the other day.I am absolutely ,positively done visiting until our family at least makes an effort to come out once.I have heard just about every excuse under the sun as to why they can't come visit.."it is too far" ," I hate long car rides" etc..but somehow Dh and I are supposed to enjoy the 3 + hours ( jersey TP traffic) with a 5 yr old in the car.

I hear that, we travel to Jersey too, from Maryland. I've heard all the excuses too, it is funny how the road doesn't run both ways huh? My mom comes to visit, but takes the train so I still have to drive 1.5 hour round trip to the train station to pick her up, and then all over again 2 or 3 days later, it is really annoying. She is just stubborn and won't drive here, but she has driven all over creation to do stuff for my sister. It is an easy, non-complicated ride, she has a brand new car, AAA, GPS, etc. It costs her at least 3x more to take the train than it does to drive, I just don't get it.....

She is also the one who gives me grief about not coming to her family's house for the actual day of thanksgiving or christmas. Sorry but I am not driving 4.5-5 hours on Thanksgiving or Christmas day to have dinner with you. Not happening, we'll see you the day after...

 

[kissy]

We do some visiting but most of the time family comes to us. Especially since we have 3 kids and most of the others in my family don't have any.

 

[Rebelmom67]

I live very close to my family and visit with them weekly. We also talk on the phone everyday. I would be very sad if I couldn't see my family frequently.

 

[lindsmom]

My family is about 2.5 hours away; we generally see them between twice and four times a year. Every xmas eve (before DD was about 2 years old they had us for xmas day too - they were furious the year we wanted her to be at home for christmas morning - go figure), and alternate Easter or Thanksgiving, then we try to fit in one more visit during the year, plus we see them when they come here to Cape Cod during the summer.

I find it enough quality time. And like a PP mentioned, as you have more children and / or they get older, you'll find you have less opportunities to visit with them. I recommend weaning them off the frequent visits, or you all may end up resenting each other (you resenting them for "having" to go up there, and they resenting you if suddenly you're not visiting as often as you used to).

Always remember to do what's best for YOUR (dh and kids) family first. That's a tough concept at first, but it will be better for you in the long run.

 

[dougsmom98]

We only go down to see my parents once each year for 2-3 days and then we plan two vacations with them. One vacation is a beach vacation - we rent a beach house, and the other is a Disney vacation - we rent a villa. With four kids, we are so busy that we don't have time to visit too often - even during the holidays.

 

[set1208]

You're the one at fault for moving away so you are being punished and have to do all the driving....(JOKING)!!

My family moved from MA to CT over 20 years ago and I swear, they still hardly ever come down but we are always driving up there for visits. I think a lot of it has to so with the fact that there are so many more of them in MA that it just makes sense for us to go to them.

I have to say though, that my sister in law whom I totally despise always wants to come to our house. Go figure!

 

[snoopy5386]

I live very close to my family and visit with them weekly. We also talk on the phone everyday. I would be very sad if I couldn't see my family frequently.

I do love my family and enjoy visiting them. It just gets very hectic with a 2 year old and either staying in one place and running from house to house every day, spending at least 2 hours a day in the car or packing everything up every 2nd day to move on and sleep over at the next person's house. Not to mention a 2 year old not sleeping well, getting fed tons of junk food (ex. at my dad's I go to the bathroom, come back and DD is two thirds of the way through a hershey bar at 9 pm!)

It makes it hard because we are the 1st ever to really move away. But my DH got a fantastic job opportunity here and we took it. We'd love to live in NJ but there is no way we could afford it with me being a SAHM and that is more important to me.

 

[lorac4disney]

For a time, we lived 6 hours away from our families. Both of our parents were divorced from each other. As harsh as it may sound, I opted not to see my mother. She is not my biological mother and our relationship was strained at best for a very long time.

I'd call Mom for a holiday phone visit. We'd usually visit with my father first who is elderly. We then briefly visited DH's father (DH is adopted) with whom he never got along. We then would go to his mother's house for another brief stop. Then we would spend the rest of our time with DH's grandparents with whom I adored.

After a couple of years of this, I was tired from the ordeal. I put my foot down after having to be hospitalized after having a seizure and collapsing from exhaustion the following day at work.

We reached a compromise. Holidays would be spent at our home with our children. We were a family now. Our only exception was Christmas Eve. We'd visit one place per year, bottom line. If they wanted to see us (our families lived within minutes of each other even though we were out of state), they would have to congregate in one location. It made for some odd and unique visits. My most memorable was when his split family came to my father's house to see us as it was Dad's turn for us to visit.

In the end, it worked out. Set your limits on what you are able to do. It's amazing how love overcomes obstacles and families can set aside their differences to do what it takes to be together.

 

[Principessa1284]

Well, for me it's a bit different. I moved 1200 miles away from my family about 2 years ago, and have gone back to visit about 4 or 5 times total. Normally they come and visit me.. but there's a catch. I live in Orlando and my family has always been a bit Disney crazy. So it usually goes something like "Hey we're coming down to Disney!! Meet us for dinner somewhere between tuesday and saturday!!" My parents were down with my brother and his gf 3 weeks ago, my cousin and his wife were down last week, my aunt & uncle are down in 2 weeks, my cousin and her friend are here now, and my friend and her fiance come in a month!

I can never find a good date to go home anyway because someone is always here!