OT- two new little angels

[LoveMyDisneyCats]

It is here that I announced that I was expecting before I could "officially" announce to my neighbors, friends, coworkers, etc. It was here that I expressed my shock, fear, and excitement when we found out it was twins. And it's here today that I feel is one of the places I can sadly tell that my baby boys were lost.

I am not in a place yet that I can face people for fear that they'll see my still pregnant looking belly and tell me congratulations. And I can't bear the thought of breaking into tears in public if someone offers their condolences. But I need and want to talk about it and I felt like I could just type, and cry, and pause to wipe the tears, and then type some more here. I know there's other DIS moms and dads out there that have been through this and if you have any words of wisdom or special ways of coping, I'd be honored to hear your thoughts. I've searched for websites dealing with this, but didn't really come across what I was looking for...if anyone knows of any good resources, I would really appreciate it.

I am just so sad, there's not really any other words to describe it. I delivered and held my baby boys and lost them- all in one day. They were only 20 weeks gestation, 7 and 8 inches long, and less than a pound each, but they were my boys... we had just picked names, we had just started to buy baby boy clothes, we had dreams for their futures, we had just started making plans for when they arrived, we had first disney vacations planned, and then we just lost them.

That's pretty much it....I just needed to let a little bit out tonight...

 

[Disney_Angel]

I am so sorry. When you are ready to speak to others about your loss it is completely normal and healthy to affirm their life and passing. They are your children. I wish I had some deep words of wisdom to help you but alas I do not. I can offer you this. I have been where you are and I understand the pain. ((( hugs )))

 

[5 for WDW]

I am so very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.

 

[JeanfromBNA]

Oh, my, my, my. I am so very sorry for your loss.

 

[peytonsmomie]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You're going to hear a lot of platitudes over the next few months that won't help much, and may actually be inadvertently painful. Try to remember that people mean well, and mean no hurt when they jam their foot into their mouth with unintentionally thoughtless comments.

One very important thing to do is to select a few friends who you trust, perhaps a family member, and a co-worker, who can discreetly let your circle of acquaintances know of your loss. That way you can be spared the constant retelling of the distressing circumstances.

Give yourself time to grieve your loss. Allow your husband and daughters to grieve as well. This is a time when as a family you should turn to eachother and love a little harder than ever before. Such an inexplicable loss like this is breath-stealing in its intensity and each individual will heal from it at their own pace. Be open to counseling, whether through a church, EAP, or support group.

 

[nikkers]

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

 

[mom_of_3_70737]

I am so so sorry for your loss. We lost twins at 16 weeks gestation and it was heartbreaking for me. No one else really understood what I was feeling. In my case though, I wasn't carrying just twins, it was origionally triplets. I lots 2 of the three. My DD then only had a 60/40 chance of surviving until term. Thankfully she was a fighter and still is today. I hate that you are experiencing this and having to go through all of the pain. Take as long as you need to heal emotionally, that is your right and talk about it when you are ready. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Kaler131]

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.

 

[tammy1210]

I am so sorry for you. You and your family are in my prayers tonight. I experienced 2 m/c prior to having my ds, and it was horrible each time. It's hard to say what got me through - I know it was very uncomfortable for other people - some just didn't know what to say, and said nothing - but the ones that I appreciated the most were the ones who sent me cards/notes, or who just said, "I'm sorry - please tell me if I can do anything for you". I also found a support board online of other mom's dealing with loss as well - that did help a lot, because they were at so many different stages of grief - I wish I could remember what site to tell you, but I can't right now. Again, I am so sorry for your losses.

 

[52plan4]

Oh my, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!
I have friends that have gone through a very similar situation, quite a while back now. They have talked about a book that was given to them that provided much comfort to them, I can't remember the name of it, but I will call them tomorrow and post back here when I have it.Please check back!

 

[Mickeyherewecome123]

Oh my, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. you and your family are in my prayers.
And YES those baby boys are your babies. They always will be.

My sister was pregnant wiht B/G twins. She lost her daughter at 36 weeks, there was a kink in her umbilical cord. She was stillborn, her brother, my sisters twin baby boy was born that day with no complications. She said it was the most difficult thing going through labor knowing that your baby is going to be born not breathing. It was a bitter/sweet moment for her. Having one healthy baby and one baby that was going right to heaven to play in Jesus' playground.

Again I am so sorry for your loss. Keep us posted.

Fran

 

[RMulieri]

I am so sorry for your loss

 

[tonilea]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my twins six weeks apart back in December and January at six weeks and twelve weeks. We don't know the sex on the first baby lost, but the second was the little girl I have longed for. I can't imagine how much more difficult it must be to have been so much further along.

I wish I had some valuable advice for you, but the tears still come. Less often, not as hard, nor as long, but they still come. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Would it help to make a memorial to remember them by? My brother's wife miscarried twins last year at 38 weeks! Both were still born. =( What helped them most was having a service for the children and making a memorial in their family to always remember those children. Really, you are in my prayers. Take time and heal sweetie. Take the time. You are right when you say their are 2 new angels watching over your family now.

 

[MommaSnowwhite]

I am feeling your pain. I found out yesterday that I lost my baby. I was 11 weeks and just starting to dream. I have found comfort in friends and family that have gone through such a loss.

 

[Charleyann]

My heart goes out to you and your family. God Bless and keep you strong!

Charleyann

 

[momo3hods]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[kellyg403]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dd, Kayla, at 26 weeks. She was beautiful and would be 15 this year. I miss her every day of my life. I know that it took awhile for me to be able to face the world. I would stand around wondering how the world could move on when I was in that much pain. About 3 months into the greiving process I did start on some medication and I finally went to a support group. I met some of the nicest women there...one who is still my best friend today. Her son, Jacob, was stillborn. She and I discuss quite frequently how lucky we are to have found each other. The world does go on, people are not sure what to say to you..not out of being unkind but trying to not to hurt or upset you. With her I can say my dd's name and she can say her son's name and it doesn't feel like they are gone from us at that moment. We both had other children at home like you do, so wallowing was not an option no matter how much we wanted to.

I guess my best suggestion or the one that really was most helpful to me is to eventually seek help without fear. Whether it be medication, support group or therapist. At a certain point, you will need to talk it out and let it out. Speak your boy's names..they were people, your children no matter what gestational age. My children are well aware of their sister and we spoke about her here in my home. My son has her name tatooed on his arm, my second dd married on Kayla's b-day, and my 3rd dd also has angel wings tatooed on her shoulder. I am not much of a tatoo person but it was a symbol they wanted to carry with them. I guess, what I am saying, is never fear looking foolish to other people in this situation.

If you ever need anything, please p.m. Even just to talk! I am a great listener and don't mind tears.

Kelly

 

[Wendybird55]

I am so sorry for you loss. I know how you feel. I lost 4 preganancies and unfortunately I also know there is little I can say to comfort you.

It is a hard experience to share with others as they never know exactly what to say or how to act around you. Or they say something like "maybe it was for the best" "it was G-d's will" "it may be a blessing if they were sick". They think this is comforting, but I didn't find it so. How can losing a baby be "meant to be" or a blessing or anything other by tragic. Also there are times you want to talk about it, but others may not be as responsive because again, they don't know what to say.

It will take time to heal. I found myself crying at the drop of a hat. Or being very quiet and withdrawn. I lost my first pregnancy 4 years agao and the lastest a year ago. The losses become a part of you. You will always hold your 2 little angels in your heart and there are going to be times you will remember them and your heart will ache. Like any great loss, you will never totally get over it, but you will be able to, in time, get on with your life.

I have my precious son who makes me so happy and I am extrememly grateful to have him. However, his birth did not erase my other losses. I love him sooo much and he brightens every day of my life and gives me purpose, but I still remember my angels and they will always be a part of me.

You and your husband should just hold eachother tight as you weather thru this storm. No one should tell you how you should feel and you take all the time you need to mourn your loss.

As I said, I know there is very little I can do to comfort you. Just know that I understand and because of that my heart is aching with you....

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

I am so very sorry. If you need anything we are here. I lost my son 4 yrs ago, I feel your pain. I wish I could hug you and tell you it will be alright, but only time will ease your pain. I am a member of SHARE you can find them at national share office . com Be gentle to yourself, do not make any plans for the future, take all the time you need. Some people will tell you to take life one day at a time. I have been down your road and I remember one day was too much to ask of me, I said... so I said I breathe in and I breathe out and I made it through another moment.


http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/