OT: Toddlers and Timeout

[flying_babyb]

SO for you who think TO was wrong in this situation, what would you do? How do you handle a violently out of controll child?

I work in a daycare where we do use time out. Heck in the baby room (1 year olds mosty) we use a form of time out. We have two areas divided by a fence. For throwing toys and so such the child gets put on the oppsite side(with a few toys) and are not allowed back on the other side for 4 minutes. It has actully been EFFECTIVE and worked! With the twos, yes, we use time out. They are taken to the bench, sat down, and the teacher talks to them about why there choice was not so good, while making sure the child knows there behaviour was bad, not them. This policy has also been effective.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

OKay, I just have to get this off my chest. I am a sahm that makes some add'l income by running a licensed daycare at home. I just took on a 17 mos old 3 days a week cause the mother was a friend of one of my full-timers. Now I have a contract that states I use TO and in fact am required by law to have a disciplinary policy. I discussed this with the mother ahead of time.

I am very lenient I always give the children a warning and usually they only get a TO for something really bad. Well. 2 weeks ago she came to pick the child up and asked how was he? Well, I said he had been really rough with the other children (hitting,pulling hair and throwing toys at them) and I had to use TO. Well, I could tell she was not happy. I explained that when I give him a warning he laughs and continues to do it even if the child is begining to cry at this point. So, the next week she calls and tells me that she has done some research and finds that he is too young to put in TO and shw would rather I tell him no. I explained that this does not work and he only goes in to TO when harming another child (not even when trying to climb on the kitchen table or attempting to play with the stove which apparently he does at home) She then tells me that she would prefer that instead of using TO I call her instead .

She later calls me back and cancels for the day and tells me she will call later well, here it is the next week and no show and no call. So, I call her cause I have a ton of her stuff and no call back.

I am just so upset cause she acts as if I am truly doing something wrong. She has also spent hours at my house just talking to me so I really dumbfounded that she would be so disrespectful. Am I overreacting?

I don't feel you did anything wrong. His behavior isn't fair to you or the other kids. She probably did you a favor by not bringing him back, a child like that can be exhausting. A time out is pretty much removing him from the situation and redirecting him.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

Again I would like to mention the child was only put in TO when harming other children and I don't mean he slapped a child and then walked away. Things like throwing cars at a child or dragging another by her hair to the point I'm trying to pry his fingers away. I have a responsibility to the other children in my care. I should also mention that the little girl that he is most aggressive with is a family friend and the mother has stated that the little girl was rough with him when he was smaller and now the little boy is "getting his own back".

I shoudd also mention that I am not upset that she pulled him in fact relieved. I could not do anything with the other children because he is so out of control. Banging the window w/toys,throwing things at the t.v., attempting t play with the stove, trying to crawl on the kitchen table. I was constantly lifting him and redirecting his attention elsewhere. And every diaper change was a tantrum complete with kicking and screaming. This is apparently everyday behavior according to his mother.

I am upset by the way that she has done so. I have even called her because she has quite a few things here that I would like to be picked up and she is not returning my calls.

I have three kids and have been around a lot of kids, and in my opinion this does not seem normal at all. Either there is an underlying problem with the child, or he is on his way to becoming a spoiled brat. I am guessing the mom hasn't called you back because she is totally overwhelmed. Can you imagine living with that on a day to day basis? I would go crazy!! He needs structure and discipline. I didn't start time-outs until my kids were two, but I don't think you are doing a true TO where they sit by themselves. You have stated you sat with him for a minute and talked with him about what he did wrong. Everything you did seems perfectly acceptable to me! Best of luck with the situation.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I agree that there seems to be more going on with this kid. I also would like to point out that the OP didn't really use TO. She did remove him from the situation and sat with him in a quiet area to explain why he needs to stop. She didn't use TO as in making him sit by himself for 1 minute etc.

 

[workinmomof2]

We started time outs with our kids around age 1. A minute per age. They knew may not have understood the full meaning of the timeout, but they realized that they were doing something wrong. I don't feel you did anything wrong. As a possible mother of the other children you watch I applaud you. I wouldn't want my child to be abused by another child. I think you are frustrated with the mother for her lack of communication with you. I understand that, but don't let it get to you.

 

[Miz Diz]

My Pediatrician told me time out is fine at as young as 1. My children did not understand at that age. My DD is now 2.5 and just now at the point that I can give her TO. TO depends on the child. As far as experts like Dr Sears giving advice - every child is different and for every 1 expert who says one thing, there's another who contradicts that. Some even contradict themselves. Look at Dr Spoc - first he says spank your kids, then he says don't spank your kids, I think his most current lit says to spank again.

The mom knew the policy in advance. If the child were as bad as OP says, I would have asked that they quit coming anyway. Why should all the kids suffer b/c one kid can't keep his hands off them?

 

[SnowWhite12]

To the OP, I totally think you were in the right. I think time out works great for many young kids. I am a Masters Clinical Social Worker, Licensed School Social Worker, and have worked forever with kids in many settings (esp. with the behavior problems). We started putting DD2 in TO before age 1, so she could get the hang of it early. She understood what it was from the get-go, and hates it. Does everything she can to avoid it (and all it is is sitting alone in the middle of the room for 2 minutes--one minute at age one.) But I know every child is different. It may not work for the very stubborn ones, unless you are very consistent with it. That mom should have been thrilled that you used TO as opposed to spanking or screaming at the child.

 

[MaryKLady]

To the OP, I totally think you were in the right. I think time out works great for many young kids. I am a Masters Clinical Social Worker, Licensed School Social Worker, and have worked forever with kids in many settings (esp. with the behavior problems). We started putting DD2 in TO before age 1, so she could get the hang of it early. She understood what it was from the get-go, and hates it. Does everything she can to avoid it (and all it is is sitting alone in the middle of the room for 2 minutes--one minute at age one.) But I know every child is different. It may not work for the very stubborn ones, unless you are very consistent with it. That mom should have been thrilled that you used TO as opposed to spanking or screaming at the child.

I agree. I've been using TO for my DD 4 for as long as I can remember. My DH was spanked and didn't think TO would work. He sees now how it can work. I think it is a much calmer and controlled way of discipline. Some parents aren't comfortable with anyone else discplining their children, no matter what.

 

[NemoMOm]

I too, have used TO very effectively with DS. I started at about 15-16 mos and after about a week he understood. I do not have a TO chair I sit them on the sofa so I can sit with them and talk to them. It has been great and not only worked fo my child but the others in my care as well. As a result the kids are great! They know the rules, which are not many but standard, no harming othe children, no taking toys away etc.

I have to tell you I had a real concern about this little boy. It is not that he is a bad kid it's just that he needs limits set.I have a newborn starting in the fall. I was worried about him throwing things and hitting the baby as well. The tuck he threw at my DS left a bruise on his head.





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