OT sorta..New Baby coming and need ideas

[EKW]

Blame it on the doctor...tell everyone that her doctor has said she is showing signs of stress, and, while they are minor right now, he has advised her to restrict socializing and other "overly exciting" activities until after the baby is born.

It may not be the truth, but I guarantee you, if you ask him/her to back you up, he/she will.

I had a friend who had always said she wanted to be there when I had my first child. When I was about 8 months pregnant she started e-mailing, telling me she was bringing her two young children and her husband (now ex...a horrific person all the way around) along. First, she said they'd all be staying at my house. She was expecting me to take them to a theme park the week before my son was due. Among her requests were lists of local attractions with their times and prices and lists of local restaurants. Her husband made some VERY inappropriate comments...saying he was coming to the hospital, too, and threatening to say crude and unacceptable things to the nurses.

I told my friend that I'd be glad to find her a list of local hotels, and would request tourist information for her, but that I'd be unable to show them around town and that neither her children nor her husband were welcome at the hospital while I was in labor.

That was pretty much the end of our friendship. I didn't much care.

I don't know that you can be that blunt with family, but I would make the story known to everyone AND tell the security and the nurses that nobody except the people on the approved visitor's list are to be admitted to see them at any time before OR after the baby is born. If they show up uninvited the security folks can take care of it!

 

[Nicolepa]

There is an easy way to avoid people in the delivery room. Don't tell anyone you are in labor! With my first we called my mom (who I am not that close with) to inform her. She drove right over and sat there all day. Now under normal circumstances I can only take a couple hours of her at a time.

So with my 2nd & 3rd the only ones who knew we were in labor were the ones watching the siblings. We called everyone after.

That being said, if people are staying with you that probably wouldn't work so well. But I'd have no problem telling them all they have lost their rockers if they think they are staying with me!

 

[Bildmouse]

Wait until they check airfare to GF or Fargo. From Chicago it's over $600 round trip. That alone might cut down on the number of people.

My son is in school in GF and the drive from NW Indiana is about 12 hours (we've done that a few times)! And then there's the lovely weather in ND. It's not unusual for snow before Halloween.

 

[dzorn]

Tell them if you weren't there for the conception no need to be there for the delivery.

The hospital will take the flack if needed but they really should lay down the law. This is comming from a former L & D secretary that go yelled at more than once.

Denise in MI

 

[micheleq]

You've come up with a great plan, with one flaw. The husband needs to do the talking to his family. As a daughter in law who has spoken out on more than one occasion, it will come better from the son rather than the daughter in law. Plus, he needs to stand up for his family (esp. his wife). If not, then his family will continue to make demands.

Sometimes people who are demanding are shocked into submission when their demands are met head on. When I was preggers with DD#1, DH & I were out to dinner with his parents. MIL declared, "I was in the delivery room for the first child of each of my children," (which I found out later was a lie). My response was clear and simple, "That's wonderful for you. I don't think I want anyone, even my mother, in the room with us." End of discussion. She was flabbergasted by my response. I wasn't going to let her bully her way into my birth plan.

Have them be honest (no we don't want anyone at the delivery) yet respectful.

Congrats on the pending arrival. It sounds like they are luck to have you as surrogate parents

 

[torinsmom]

How rude for someone to insist on being in the delivery room! My MIL wanted to be in there when DS was born, and she was pushing it with the nurses(she is also a nurse). I had to get ugly and tell her to GET OUT!

You can be blunt in a polite way when it comes to not wanting visitors. I had a note on my door after my son was born that said "Mom and baby are resting. Please feel free to call and find out when a good time to visit would be." That was after a few people dropped by and expected to be entertained AFTER ringing the bell and waking the baby up.

If they are still talking about coming in the next few months, I would send out an email or letter, letting them know that the parents would like time to bond with their new baby and get the older son adjusted before entertaining. Plan a party a month or so after the baby will be born and invite everyone to attend. Include the contact information for local hotels in the invitation.

 

[parkers*momma]

Blame it on the doctor...tell everyone that her doctor has said she is showing signs of stress, and, while they are minor right now, he has advised her to restrict socializing and other "overly exciting" activities until after the baby is born.

It may not be the truth, but I guarantee you, if you ask him/her to back you up, he/she will.

I had a friend who had always said she wanted to be there when I had my first child. When I was about 8 months pregnant she started e-mailing, telling me she was bringing her two young children and her husband (now ex...a horrific person all the way around) along. First, she said they'd all be staying at my house. She was expecting me to take them to a theme park the week before my son was due. Among her requests were lists of local attractions with their times and prices and lists of local restaurants. Her husband made some VERY inappropriate comments...saying he was coming to the hospital, too, and threatening to say crude and unacceptable things to the nurses.

I told my friend that I'd be glad to find her a list of local hotels, and would request tourist information for her, but that I'd be unable to show them around town and that neither her children nor her husband were welcome at the hospital while I was in labor.

That was pretty much the end of our friendship. I didn't much care.

I don't know that you can be that blunt with family, but I would make the story known to everyone AND tell the security and the nurses that nobody except the people on the approved visitor's list are to be admitted to see them at any time before OR after the baby is born. If they show up uninvited the security folks can take care of it!

Amazing even with my biological children...I don't go unless they ask us to meet them at the hospital. That's such a private moment for the new mom and dad, I can't imagine barging in on that.

Wait until they check airfare to GF or Fargo. From Chicago it's over $600 round trip. That alone might cut down on the number of people.

My son is in school in GF and the drive from NW Indiana is about 12 hours (we've done that a few times)! And then there's the lovely weather in ND. It's not unusual for snow before Halloween.

WOW! That's were our son is! Small World! We are in NW Ohio and it is definitely a killer of a drive. I'm coming up with about $350 out of Detroit right now.

It was so funny when we found out he was being sent there as when he lived with us, he would complain about taking the trash out in the winter. The boy HATED Snow! The first good snow fall they had, they sent us pics. OHHH MY GOODNESS! Snow?!?! It was so high in their back yard that their dog could walk over the fence! All I'm hoping is I can get in and out before the big snow storms come. I don't do THAT much snow.

 

[ltl engine]

You are so great to be saving this poor woman (and she must be saved)!!!! When I had my first son my MIL offered to stop by the day after we got out of the hospital with dinner. I was very grateful since I had a C-section. MIL came with uncooked food and 10 of my husband's relatives. I was not so grateful then. DS was really cranky the whole time they were here and I kept escaping to the baby's room with DS for quiet time they finally got the hint & left after 3 HOURS!!! Definitely an exhausting experience---as some helpful advice MIL told me as she was leaving "don't worry you will get better at this"........The next day I had the pleasure of discovering that my MIL had re-arranged everything in my kitchen "to make more sense" so I could not find anything from bowls to pots (who really puts their pots on the top shelf of the high cabinets--when you are 5'2"???)

With DS2 no one came to visit for 2 weeks.......I gladly cooked & stocked the freezer myself & intend to do the same with #3 on the way....it is just too stressful if you are not totally comfortable with whomever is in your home. Thankfully she has you to rely on

SAVE THIS WOMAN!!!!

 

[ceecee]

Sounds like a good plan, except that they want to come to see the new baby, not the pregnant mom. They probably won't go for helping set up a nursery and then leave before the baby comes. I personally wouldn't worry about it, I bet when it gets close things will come up and they won't be able to make it anyway.

 

[miprender]

Hello Parkersmom... great to see you on here. DH and I were just talking about how wonderful last year was using the double stroller and all the wonderful work you did running the swap. We leave tomorrow for Disney and ended up buying a double stroller like the one we had last year. We just loved it.

Congrats on being a Godmother again. Your family is growing and growing.

But back to your question, I agree with others saying the Doctor won't allow that many people in. And does the FIL want to be there when the birth is going on?YUCK. I was lucky that I had 3 Csections so only DH was allowed in. I wouldn't want all those people with me. And actually when my third was born I felt so lousy after the surgery I really didn't want anyone to visit because I was in so much pain.

 

[Maddie2]

It looks like you have quite a bit of good advice on how to persuade the family not to come to ND. Flights to ND are pricey - they could fly to MPLS for less and then rent a car - but don't tell them that! Driving would just be too stressful - especially since it sound like they don't all get along.

The new little mama may need to enlist her doctor in all of this so that that rather large extended family doesn't descend upon them. Wow. Just wow. Can't even imagine having that many ppl around so soon, so close. I can't imagine that base housing (or nearby) is very large either. As much as they don't want to break down any family harmony progress that has been made, the father certainly needs to put his foot down on this.

Am I understanding correctly that the new little family is planning a trip to Ohio in November or December anyway? Perhaps the extended family could help plan a meet the baby party - or if they are of a certain faith, perhaps a baptism/christening/dedication? As you mentioned, as party would be a great thing for all of them to focus on, all while they give birth in ND and have a few weeks of peace without the crowds.

Bless you for being their advocate when they seem to need you so much!