ot- Son's 1st time away at camp going very badly

[princessmom29]

IME, Scout Camp is run on a quasi-military pattern. Mild hazing rituals are not only tolerated, but encouraged as building courage. (Anyone do the Bobcat Blood thing? -- in our district, the older boys mix the "blood", and they relish making it as foul-tasting as humanly possible without actually being poisonous. The younger kids are told all sorts of ghoulish stories about how it's real blood, and many of them believe it until their parents tell them it's all a joke.)

DS spent 6 years in a troop sponsored by a Catholic Grade school. Officially, profanity was not supposed to be tolerated. Unofficially, at the Scout level they all swore like newly-minted Marines any time they were in a Scout-only environment with no women around. DS doesn't like profanity as he associates it with anger, so he didn't fit in in that respect. (DH and I try not to swear around the kids, but like many people, we sometimes slip when we are VERY upset about something. DS has never really been around casual profanity.)

Scouts can be like Lord of the Flies at times, really, in terms of mental cruelty. At the Scout level, the troops are completely run by the boys, and IME, the adults try very hard to stay out of their affairs as long as no one is being physically harmed. It's a male domain, and they tend to resent any opinions and interference by women into what they are doing. IME the taint of being a mama's boy is deadly in that environment.

The last straw for us with DS' former troop was that they were scheduled to be starting a weekend trip (DH was going, too), but right at the time they were supposed to arrive, a REALLY severe electrical storm was going to be passing right over the reservation (severe hail and 45 mph winds, with a lot of lightning.) DH decided that he did not think it would be safe for the boys to be in tents in that, and tried to talk the Scoutmaster into postponing until 3 am the next morning, which would still have them in camp and ready by reveille. When the Scoutmaster refused, DH decided that he and DS would not be going that night, but would join the troop in the morning after the storm passed. When they went out the next morning the reservation was in shambles and debris was everywhere; they had sustained a direct hit from the storm. They wandered around for two hours, but were unable to find the rest of the troop -- no one knew where they were, and they were not at their assigned site. The Scoutmaster's phone didn't answer, either. DH decided that it wasn't worth the aggravation, and they came home. At the next meeting, DS got demerits for not showing up at camp, AND as usual got called something that I can't say here on the DIS (closest I can come is to tell you that it is a rude term for a certain part of female anatomy.) We feel that lightning is NOT something to be treated cavalierly, so that situation on top of the harassment was enough to make us decide to allow DS to resign.

DS will be trying a new troop at a new school this year, and we are hoping that this group of boys will be a bit kinder, but we're not really counting on it. DS has Asperger's, and DH feels it is important for DS to try to stick with Scouts, because he doesn't play team sports, and DH feels that it is important for him to try to get a better understanding of the way all-male social groups operate. Personally I'm just trying to keep him from swearing off all Scouting until he's 14 and old enough to join Sea `Scouts -- DS *loves* boats and would really enjoy that program a lot more than traditional Scouting activities. (Also, Sea Scouts is co-ed.)

This is NOT,NOT,NOT what scouthing is meant to be, and if national found out I am sure this troop would be disbanded. This is totally and is all ways unacceptable and contrary to what scouting is about. Troops in our area are simply not allwed to behave this way. Our regional would have a fit!!!

 

[disneyandme]

So what happened at pick up?

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

IME, Scout Camp is run on a quasi-military pattern. Mild hazing rituals are not only tolerated, but encouraged as building courage. (Anyone do the Bobcat Blood thing? -- in our district, the older boys mix the "blood", and they relish making it as foul-tasting as humanly possible without actually being poisonous. The younger kids are told all sorts of ghoulish stories about how it's real blood, and many of them believe it until their parents tell them it's all a joke.)

DS spent 6 years in a troop sponsored by a Catholic Grade school. Officially, profanity was not supposed to be tolerated. Unofficially, at the Scout level they all swore like newly-minted Marines any time they were in a Scout-only environment with no women around. DS doesn't like profanity as he associates it with anger, so he didn't fit in in that respect. (DH and I try not to swear around the kids, but like many people, we sometimes slip when we are VERY upset about something. DS has never really been around casual profanity.)

Scouts can be like Lord of the Flies at times, really, in terms of mental cruelty. At the Scout level, the troops are completely run by the boys, and IME, the adults try very hard to stay out of their affairs as long as no one is being physically harmed. It's a male domain, and they tend to resent any opinions and interference by women into what they are doing. IME the taint of being a mama's boy is deadly in that environment.

The last straw for us with DS' former troop was that they were scheduled to be starting a weekend trip (DH was going, too), but right at the time they were supposed to arrive, a REALLY severe electrical storm was going to be passing right over the reservation (severe hail and 45 mph winds, with a lot of lightning.) DH decided that he did not think it would be safe for the boys to be in tents in that, and tried to talk the Scoutmaster into postponing until 3 am the next morning, which would still have them in camp and ready by reveille. When the Scoutmaster refused, DH decided that he and DS would not be going that night, but would join the troop in the morning after the storm passed. When they went out the next morning the reservation was in shambles and debris was everywhere; they had sustained a direct hit from the storm. They wandered around for two hours, but were unable to find the rest of the troop -- no one knew where they were, and they were not at their assigned site. The Scoutmaster's phone didn't answer, either. DH decided that it wasn't worth the aggravation, and they came home. At the next meeting, DS got demerits for not showing up at camp, AND as usual got called something that I can't say here on the DIS (closest I can come is to tell you that it is a rude term for a certain part of female anatomy.) We feel that lightning is NOT something to be treated cavalierly, so that situation on top of the harassment was enough to make us decide to allow DS to resign.

DS will be trying a new troop at a new school this year, and we are hoping that this group of boys will be a bit kinder, but we're not really counting on it. DS has Asperger's, and DH feels it is important for DS to try to stick with Scouts, because he doesn't play team sports, and DH feels that it is important for him to try to get a better understanding of the way all-male social groups operate. Personally I'm just trying to keep him from swearing off all Scouting until he's 14 and old enough to join Sea `Scouts -- DS *loves* boats and would really enjoy that program a lot more than traditional Scouting activities. (Also, Sea Scouts is co-ed.)

Wow, I'm sorry to hear your story. I would not fool around with lightning either and don't blame your dh for leaving.
I have a nephew who also has Asperger's and his therapist suggested karate. He's been in Tae Kwon Do for several years and recently earned his black belt. Rather than traditional team sports that are competitive with others, karate you tend to compete with yourself, constantly improving & learning. It's been great for him. He is also a BS but I've never heard anything negative about it from SIL/BIL. I know they wouldn't put up with anything that might bring him down. They are pretty fiesty about sticking with things that will help with his Asperger's and self esteem.
Good luck.

 

[Sandy321]

This is NOT,NOT,NOT what scouthing is meant to be, and if national found out I am sure this troop would be disbanded. This is totally and is all ways unacceptable and contrary to what scouting is about. Troops in our area are simply not allwed to behave this way. Our regional would have a fit!!!

I'm from IL - and I 2nd this post.

SAFE SCOUTING! No way no how is any kind of "hazing" acceptable! DH was a Scoutmaster for 7 years, and continues to be part of adult training programs. I also went thru adult training (outdoor, woodbadge)

I too was wondering about the update -

I too have to 2nd the no phone rule for a reason! The one year I was in charge of the first year scouts, it was so hard for 2 of the boys - the one boy kept begging adults to call home for him - he would circle the office where the phone was - (due to a family emergency - mom couldnt babysit dd) DD finally coaxed that Scout into activities - he wasnt happy,(he was such a shy child, quiet, whined so often, it was truly sad - no one made fun of him, they all tried to help him!) but he went!! When his parents came to get him, they were surprised when he wanted to come back next year for 2 weeks! (he would call pleading for them to come get him!)

He became an Eagle Scout this year!!

GL to OP!

 

[NJFabFour]

OP here with our conclusion for those interested. . . .
Got to camp at 8 this a.m. (an hour before pick-up but a few other parents were beginning to arrive). DS looked quite haggard and worn but so did most of the boys. I told DH that he had such a "defeated" look about him but he explained that it was the exhaustion which I'm sure it was. As expected, the other adults all stated that he "was fine" all week but explained that he had some rough periods and exhibited a lot of "frustration." Some felt that he would have been better without the cell phone (but I stubbornly stick to my belief that some connection between him and us was beneficial! ) but others said it wasn't a problem.

When I asked what he liked about camp, he replied, "um, I don't know, nothing much." When I asked what was the worst aspect of camp, he rattled off a long list! When I asked him if he was happy that he stuck it out or if he wished we had come to get him, he replied that it was a little of both, that he sort of wished he could have gone home but was sort of happy he made it. We had about a two hour drive home and this kid who never sleeps in the car slept nearly the whole way! And he made up for what little he ate all week when we stopped at Subway. . . having never seen DS eat more than about half of even the few meals he actually likes, DH and I nearly fell out of the booth as we watched DS down every bite of an entire foot-long sub! It wasn't until he'd been home about 2 hours that he was finally smiling again!

However, now an "experienced" camper, we asked if he thought he'd ever be up for this again, and apparently he is, BUT only because he won't "have to do that stupid Dan Beard program" (which is a rigorous, highly-structured introductory program for all the first-year campers that apparently brought misery to all of its participants) and only IF he packs "tons of water bottles, extra blankets, and food" (yeah, I know, I know, the food may still be a problem! )

On a side-note to the pp's who mentioned teasing and razzing for boys who coulndn't hack it, I have to say that I was quite impressed with this troop . . . there was a boy whose dad decided that they should leave because the dad did not wish to follow the rules and did not think he should have to follow the program (preferring instead to take his son wherever he wished to do whatever they wished). While everyone was very aware of this (as we were told by DS and several of the dads there), there seemed to be no ill-will toward the boy and no one criticized them for leaving (aside from the criticism for the boy's dad not wanting to follow the program) and, although it was mentioned, it was not discussed any more afterward.

Thanks for all the replies everyone! It helped to give me some distraction during a very stressful week! (I might be ready to face this again in a year, but don't hold your breath! )

 

[ireland_nicole]

I'm the sister of an Eagle Scout, the daughter of a seriously Scouting Dad, and have had the unusual privilege of working for a summer at : Boy Scout Camp. I actually worked w/ the first year campers and was part of the team that took them on their first overnight "wilderness" campout, the whole fishing, cooking over the fire, etc. stuff...

I was also a bit of a "mom" for the little guys.

Anyway, I completely agree that the extreme behaviors exhibited by some troops is completely against everything that scouting is about. I thankfully have never witnessed anything like it, and continue to look forward to my little man starting cub scouts this coming school year.

OP, I'm glad y'all made it through the week. I'm sure he'll be able to gain perspective after some sleep.

 

[fdimarco]

I agree with duckybelle. If my son called after 3.5 days and still did not enjoy it I would be right there. I never force my kids to do anything they don't like, I let them try it and see if it is for them or not.

 

[SageFemme]

I'm glad you had him stick through it. I wish that my mom would have made me do things that I didn't want to do (I'm an only child and was spoiled) when I was young because now it is easy for me to give up on things. Doing this will help him when he gets older...it may not seem like it now, but he he will look back in retrospect when he is a mature adult and be grateful for being challenged to do things he didn't want to do at the time.

 

[Manda]

I'm the sister of an Eagle Scout, the daughter of a seriously Scouting Dad, and have had the unusual privilege of working for a summer at : Boy Scout Camp.

I actually worked at a Boy Scout camp for two summers myself. It was an interesting experience, LOL.

 

[ireland_nicole]

I actually worked at a Boy Scout camp for two summers myself. It was an interesting experience, LOL.

I have asked my parents in retrospect what the heck they were thinking. At least it was very "educational."