OT-So frustrated and in need of advice

[JacobsMommy11002]

My six year old son is in kindergarten. He is a fabulous little boy, full of energy, very loving. But for the past few weeks he has been a royal PITA. I am nearly at the end of my rope. He is deliberately disobeying us. He's getting in trouble at school. They are having the same problems we are. It used to be you could ask him to stop, and he would. Now he doesn't. Time-outs don't work, his room is a really cool place. And our house is so open there is really no other place to send him. Taking things away isn't working. I don't know what to do with him. I feel like all I am doing lately is reprimanding him, and I hate it. I try to keep school seperate from home, and let the teachers work on behavior there. He came home the other day saying he doesn't get stars on his chart because he isn't good enough . It breaks my heart, I don't want him to feel that way, but I just don't know what to do! Any advice?

Ironically, right after I typed this he thought it would be a good idea to throw a Leapster at his sister. I should also manage that his Nana is out of town, and he desperately misses her, so I know that is part of it.

 

[disykat]

How discouraging! No magic answers here, but I would systematically start working through possible reasons and solutions.

Ask yourself all the health questions like sleep patterns, diet, etc. Have there been any changes? Does he have a consistant routine? Did he get a lot of attention for misbehaving sometime recently or could he be copying someone else who did?

Start working on the consequences. If his room is too fun, maybe it's too stimulating for him. Try moving some of that fun into storage in the garage until things improve. Or try focusing on every little positive thing he does and try just plain old ignoring the negative. Trying to get out of the "negative" cycle might help.

If you can figure out what any reasons or motives for his bad behaviors are, it will help extinguish them.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

That's a rough situation! I am friends with the pre-k teacher at my school, and her daughter is in kindergarten. she is having the same problems! i would suggest sitting down with the teacher and figuring out exactly what the behaviors are that are the problem and when they occur.

for example, her daughter was having problems listening during transitions (class to lunch, etc.) and they were able help the girl improve her behavior by giving 5 minute and 1 minute warnings before lunch and by making her the caboose in line (she loves it!). it gives her a little more time to line up since she's at the end. maybe meet with the teacher and pick the time during the day when the biggest behavior problems occur. ask your son why he does the undesired behavior...and make that one behavior his goal to change for the week. maybe have the teacher send a note home and have your son know that each day he improves his behavior during that one time of the day, he will be rewarded. (maybe something small??)

by picking one behavior at a time, maybe it will help your son focus and improve at school. just a suggestion, because i know it has been working for my friend.

whooo! sorry that was so long! good luck!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

This is going to sound bonkers but it does work. Go out of your way to praise him when he does something good. Even if it is holding the door open for you. Tell him that he was so nice and that makes you so proud etc. Then as this goes on when he does something bad you can say- Come on now, I know you are such a good boy, do you really think doing XXX is a good idea? Don't you think that might make xxx sad that you threw their toy or whatever? I know you would never want to make somebody feel sad so maybe we can figure out something else to do. Etc.
It lets them think about it and lets them make the choice. Sounds nutty but works. I also think this time of year is hard for kids in general. It is not quite warm enough for outside time but they have had enough of inside time. Hang in there. He will come around.

 

[CampbellScot]

my step son got VERY willful and mouthy once he entered kindergarten. We had to clamp down on him pretty hard to remind him that that sort of thing does NOT fly in our family. We remained very consistent with discipline and our behavior plan. We let him know that we were in daily contact with his teacher as well.

We also found that he is VERY sensitive to red dye. It's in everything...kids medicines being one of the biggest culprits. It can wreak havoc on children's systems. Once we cut out the red dye, his behavior and hyper activity decreased HUGELY. (He was drinking red gatorade daily at soccer...it made him NUTS. Seriously.) Also, kids allergy medication can cause major hyperactivity as well...which he was also taking.

I agree with the above poster about praising him every single time you catch him doing something good. ANYTHING...brushing his teeth, sitting quietly at the table...for even two seconds...anything at all. Kids this age can begin to identify themselves as "bad". I'd talk to the teacher about what he said about not getting stars. There has to be a balance between negative and positive feedback. He needs both but not too much of one or the other.

They grow out of this eventually...I HOPE!!!!

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

is there something going on you don't know of? when my dd was in kg she was being bullied and we did not know. The only thing she did was lash out in anger alot at home and we tried and tried to get her to stop, when the bullying was stopped she was back to normal. Hope things are better soon.

 

[graygables]

an empty bathtub (properly child-proofed, of course) is pretty boring. Just make sure that all bottles of "potions" are secured before plopping his hiney in it.

With all children, it's important to find his "currency". If time outs, taking toys away, etc don't work, you have to find something that does (and every man has his price...) Computer time, TV time, video games, favorite toys, etc. I'm all for positive reinforcement, but there is also a place for disciplining bad behavior. I would start by making his room "uncool" taking away things he values. It's a power struggle and you have to win it now. It doesn't get any easier. (BTW, in middle/high school, taking doors off hinges was pretty effective at my house... )

 

[Not so Dumbo]

My DS has always been a challenge, but I noticed it getting worse in Kindergarten too. I think kindergarten is their first opportunity to see the way other kids behave and then try out pushing their limits too.
I had the same problem with not having an ideal place for a time out. I tried his bedroom, but he would tear down the wallpaper and throw his toys at his walls. Then I tried the stairs, but he wouldn't stay put, he'd be up and down the whole timeout. Then the ideal place dawned on me and I put him in the hallway. That way I can keep my eye on him and there is absolutely nothing in the hallway for him to play with.
Good luck, I know how challenging a child that age can be.

 

[WDWorBUST]

My dd is 4 and starts pre-K this fall....I have to admit I'm a little nervous about it. She wants to do whatever she sees other kids doing even if she knows it will get her in trouble. I have a very good friend who has a DD the same age who gets away with a whole lot more than we allow and it's always tough after a playdate together. Although in a warped way it is probably good for DD to find out now that our rules don't change. If you find something that works I would love to find out....I'm not quite sure what DD's "currency" is yet. We told her she couldn't go to the park today if she didn't take a nap (we'll let her skip naps occasionally on weekends but she was just so tired)....well she laid in bed for over an hour and no nap. My friend called to see if we still wanted to meet at the park this afternoon and we had to say no.....but it STUNK because I really wanted her to get to go play but I had to stick to my guns.

 

[3mickeymom]

Everyone, even adults go through bad spells, when we just are grumpy and out of sorts. Maybe just spend some extra time with your child- a long walk in the park, a game, a catch.Just some TLC, no rewards or reminders of bad behavior. Just relax and enjoy each others company. Hopefully, the behaviors will just be a phase that soon will pass. Keeping track of what your child is eating is a good suggestion. I have one friend whose daughter was miserable after eating orange crackers(like cheese-its or nips) It took her a long time to figure that one out!! It sounds like you are trying to work things out with your child and that is half the battle. Some people don't care when their child misbehaves or is disruptive, until it is out of control(like on Supernanny) You are being a good parent trying to figure it out. i wish you hugs and patience.

 

[bumbershoot]

"Time-outs don't work, his room is a really cool place."

A friend of mine loved giving her kids really great toys, and they had TVs, video game consoles, DVDs, everything in there.

However, it was all kept in an armoire that locked with a key, so when the kids had to go to their rooms for a punishment, the armoire was locked and she kept the key, so the room was actually quite boring and the punishment had a chance to work.

Along with red dyes, check out ingredients in his food (especially if there's a change with him being at school) for high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, and corn syrup solids. For instance, if he's eating Uncrustables every day, stop with those and go with normal PB&J, as those are chock full of corn product that's not real food. My son goes absolutely bonkers, violently bonkers, when he has those three ingredients, and things are much more peaceful in our home and in his head, now that we avoid them entirely.

 

[ninety-seven]

This may not at all apply to you, but my DS (6 in Kindergarten) started down this path around Halloween of last year. We didn't know what to do as he has been a very very good kid up until then. He got mouthy, pushy with his sibs and didn't want to play with any of the kids in the neighborhood. He lost video game privileges, TV time and time in his room.

It wasn't until we cut out all of the Tween shows on Disney and Nick that he started to settle in. We found out that he was starting to mimic the attitudes of the characters who were much older than him. He was a big HUGE Zack and Cody fan.

Three months after removing it from his viewing options, he is much better. It MAY have nothing to do with it, but it is an amazing coincidence.

97

 

[JacobsMommy11002]

Thank you all for the advice. He has been much better the last few days. We are, however, dogsitting. He is in love with this dog. Its going to be a sad day when Captain goes home next week. I am trying to eliminate the high fructose corn syrup for all of us, but it is hard. I am doing WW, sO i am hoping it will help me, too!

 

[tinkandpan]

My ds is in K this year and we certainly go through periods of "feeling his boundaries". I don't use time outs as they don't work - for him the currency is whatever he is into at the time period (legos, computer, ds or playdates). Also- to calm him down I will just make him sit in a chair in the kitchen silently rather than sending him away to a room of fun. I concur with what the others said about diet. We noticed that whatever was on Doritos was making my son INSANE so we cut those and all of those salty type corn products out of the diet. Limited sugars etc and the behavior was 100000 times better. Amazingly one day he was doing homework, writing his name just fine. He ate a bag of doritos (the small treat size) and literally couldn't sit still to write his name. I strongly suggest a food journal for you to see if you can link any behaviors to food. Good luck and just mean business!

 

[Omma]

I have a ds in kindergarten. I know EXACTLY where you are coming from.

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Love & Logic has saved our lives. We use the Love & Logic methods and our kids know EXACTLY what to expect and things run a lot smoother around here. In fact it makes parenting so consistent my youngest dd came in the room last week and said, "Mommy! He took my book. And I already know you are going to say, 'That's sad. What do you think you should do about that?!' So I'm going to go use my words and tell him I want it back." And off she went and I didn't say a WORD.

It teaches kids to problem solve and gives you responses to use every single time so you aren't caught off guard. No more power struggles around here and their rooms are even clean! We love it. Good luck & hang in there!