OT - Sending kids to Pre-School

[SharpMomOfTwo]

OK, I just found out that DD3 got into the township pre-school. Now, this is a very hard thing to do, simply because they take all the special needs kids first, and also because we live in a very large town and everyone puts their kids in this lottery. I'm very happy that she got in (we can't afford a private one) because she really needs the socialization, and I know she will love the crafts they do etc, but now that the excitement is over, I find myself crying! My baby is going to school! I know, I know, everyone has to go to school and grow up at some point, but I'm just so scared for her. I know the first few days are going to be really hard - she doesn't like to be away from her family or people she knows well, and whenever we have play dates... shes not the best at sharing. Now, I know NO KIDS share well, even the most socialized... just tell me that I'm freeking out for nothing...
Please share your stories of how your kids, and you as parents, handled your kids going to pre-school/kindergarden

TIA - Sarah

 

[tinkandpan]

I think the most important step is not to let her see you are upset. We talked up preschool with my older ds (younger dd couldn't wait to go off to school lke big brother). Before school started, we took a drive to the school and saw it, if at all possible you can see if you can use the playground one day during the summertime. First day of school - i wouldn't make such a huge deal about it. Make it part of your routine. Do NOT prolong your goodbyes. If they are really insecure- you might want to stick a little something from home in their bag etc.... The kids I have seen handle it the worst are the ones whose moms are handling it rough so if you have those tears, PLEASE wait until you are in the hallway or out the door to give into the urge.
Good luck- wait until you have to send them off to K!

 

[thegrimdwarf]

I agree with the prior poster - put on your game face, so she feels safe and secure with the new arrangement. It'll be great for both of you.

 

[tiggger1]

My dd freaked out during her open house. She cried and tried to climb up me. She didnt want to go for the first day and cried for a few minutes. The teachers made me leave and she was fine within minutes. She did cry at drop off for about a week.. There is a girl in her class now, that still cries everyday at drop off...

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Oh no no, I'm not that kind of Mom, I know first hand what freeking out and crying in front of my child can do to her.
I was OK with it when I thought it was only 3 days a week, its just that now that I've found out its 5 days a week (2.5 hours a day).... I don't know, I think kids her age need a bit of a break - especially in the first week or two. I'm sure after the first week or so I'll start to relax and really enjoy my time alone with DD19m. I have 5 months to get used to the idea anyway!!

 

[Keara'sMom]

I understand where you're coming from, although that seems a world away to me now, since my only dd is 11! When she was 2 1/2, we sent her to a two-morning per week preschool. After I dropped her off, I sat in the car and bawled my eyes out, and I couldn't wait to go pick her up when the morning was finished. Well, when I got there, my dd looked at me incredulously and said, "Is preschool over already???!!" It really helped me to know that she had a great time.

The next time I cried over something like this was when I put her on the bus for kindergarten, and I believe I'll get incredibly teary at the end of this school year, as it's her last in the elementary school, and they do a beautiful "moving up" ceremony for the fifth graders. Each milestone has been bittersweet for me, perhaps because I only have one child, although I think it's pretty common to have a tough time watching your baby grow up little by little.

I was told, on dd's first day of preschool, to take some time for myself (get a coffee, go shopping, etc.) and that helped.

Take care!

 

[Piper]

Be honest about the time she will spend there. Do a social story about her day......You will eat breakfast, go to school, play with your friends, then I will come get you and we will have lunch, etc.

Read books about starting school--any children's librarian can help you find lots and lots.

Do not under any circumstances say in front of her that you will miss her (even to other people while she is within hearing distance.) This will make her feel guilty about relaxing and having fun in school.

Don't talk about how much you "hated school" as a child, about how mean and unfair your teachers were, etc. I know this seems like common sense, but you'd be surprised how many people say these things in front of their children and then act so surprised when the child is upset.

Also, be very positive and matter of fact when you leave her--if she cries, acknowledge that she feels a little sad or scared, but reassure her that she will feel better soon--and then leave---do not linger, hold on to her, come back and peek in the door of the room, etc.

I speak from years and years of experience as both a Pre-K teacher, a parent and grandparent.

 

[mom2aredhead]

I agree about the game face. She will probably cry. Maybe not on the first day, because she may not realize you'll be gone the whole time. But the second day and after...be prepared. Until about Halloween.
The trick is to be happy and light about the whole thing...don't say "bye", tell her you'll see her soon. The ones that I see that go on and on are the kids with the parents that refuse to leave. Quick kiss, see you later, out the door...trust the people you are leaving her with to be able to handle her crying. If you don't, she shouldn't be there at all.
My son used to cry all the time (for daycare - younger than pre-k) but he would cry just long enough for me to get out the door and and out his sight. Within about 1 minute of me being gone, he would stop. I know this because when he first started, I would go out the door and wait to hear how long he kept it going. Clearly it was for my benefit only.

Congrats though - I read earlier that you were anxious about her getting in.

And not to go too off topic, but how was the walk this past weekend?

 

[SmallWorld71]

I know how you feel. My last baby is off to kindergarten in the fall. I feel so old!
I have a little story to share. I teach 1st grade at the same school DS9 goes to and DD will go to in the fall. When DS entered K a few years back, I was a special education teacher there. Anyway....
On the 1st day of school, I was helping the K teachers get the kids off the bus and find the right teacher. Off came DS, and as I looked at my baby standing there so serious with the backpack half his size, I felt tears in my eyes. I quickly grabbed my sunglasses and put them on. The whole time, I kept my voice cheerful and a big smile on my face, but under my glasses my eyes were red and swollen. Definitely a time of mixed emotions.

 

[foltzy]

I'm right there with you. I have a 3 year old who will be starting preschool this fall. When we did her enrollment we left her in the class with the other students (Most she'll be with in classes next year) and she was fine. I think I'm more worried than she is. She'll go to school 2 days be home on Wednesdays and go 2 more days (I honestly think it's kind of odd to have a day off in the middle of the week but hey maybe it'll work out for the best). I have a 1 year old as well and can't wait for some time alone with him but I'll miss my little girl. I know it'll be fine but I'm so not ready for it yet. Of course as bad as I'm taking it I think my husband is taking it worse. That's daddy's little girl after all.

 

[crash2000]

you''ll be fine, and so will your daughter...

my daughter looked back at us, saw all the cool toys, and new friends and walked on in... she hates going home at the end of the day.. more fun at daycare for her.

 

[MindyLuvsMickey]

My son is just finishing up his first year of preschool.

The early weeks were not easy. He cried the first week but only for a short time after I left. By his second week, he was fine.

Now he cries when he doesn't have school.

We are so thankful for all that DS's preschool teachers have done for him. My husband and I have made sure that he has all of the academic background that a little one of his age should have, but we couldn't give him the social things.

My only advise, as a parent and a teacher, is to kiss your little one, let her know that you will be back for her and leave . . . no matter how hard it is and how much she cries. The teachers are prepared to handle it and she will be FINE.

My son was attached to my hip prior to this experience. We've never spent more than a few hours apart. Preschool has been such a positive experience for both of us.

Good Luck and Best Wishes!

 

[Aliceacc]

My kids all went to a Cooperative Nursery school; my youngest graduates in a few weeks and heads off for Kindergarten.

My oldest, predictably, had the hardest time. At our school, they believe in letting go gradually, so the parents are welcome in the classrooms for as long as it takes the kids to be comfortable without them. School started on 9/11 (boy, I'll never forget Brian's first day of school.) and it was almost Halloween before I could drop him off and just leave.

I served on the parents board and my girls were much more comfortable with school because they were always there. On her very first day, my daughter turned to me, said "You can go now mom" and started to play.

As hard as it is, you KNOW that this is the right thing for your daughter. You've done your homework, you know it's a good school. And you know that she, like hundreds of thousands of other 3 year olds, will eventually transition to Pre-K this autumn.

So paste on a smile, drop her off, and let her think you have all the confidence in the world. She'll do great, just wait and see!

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Thanks guys for all you had to say. I know she will be fine - its mostly me!! - after the first week. I just hope she doesn't cry to hard.... shes a puker!!!! Maybe I'll pack extra clothes with her!

 

[lucigo]

My son started the school preK program when he was 3 also. Here it is from 8am to 1:30 pm five days a week! The first year I pulled him out 2 afternoons a week to take him to private speech and OT but this year he goes the whole time. Its a big adjustment, but its really good for them.

Be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better. The first day for us was fine. The 2nd was ok... the 3rd day he started crying as soon as we pulled into the parking lot and it was a pitiful OMG you are NOT leaving me again kinda cry. That was the day I wondered if I could do it. But luckily it has gotten better and he has thrived in his class.

He just had his kindergarten screening and he passed with flying colors.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

8am to 1.30pm - OMG thats a long time!!! I know a few towns over from me its a full day - 8am-2pm, but I don't know if its every day (though I think it is). Its a poorer town, so they give it away free to everyone (not like here where they only take like 15-20 kids - we were just very very lucky) so the moms can go back to work. I know to expect the worse, though DD just told me that shes excited for school, and that she wants to do it "by myself." I guess thats a good sign.... we will see what happens when the time comes though!

 

[workinmomof2]

My boys started in a local park district program called all by myself. If was for 1 1/2 hours a day. You could pick between 1, 2 or 3 days to send them. I chose one day a week to start. The teacher is exceptional and so is her aid. They both were tentative at first but after the first 2 weeks they would just walk in the room. Some of the kids did cry. It is best for the parent just to walk away. I have watched some of the kids cry until they could not see their parent anymore and than just stop crying instantly. Others have a rougher time of it. My oldest son once told me that one little girl cried for the entire time. Each kid is different. You will just have to see how your child is. My kids love it. I think it is great because they do things there we will not do at home like painting. My oldest is now 4 in the 3 year old preschool. He has a late bday. He has a best friend and I am amazed at the things he learns. Relax and enjoy all of the artwork that they bring home and are extremely proud of.

 

[zoemurr]

I teach a 3 year old class that meets 2 days a week. This year, on the first day, we had 6 kids that were SCREAMING!! It was terrible. (It was a short day, and the parents were right outside in another room if we needed to get them..) I could not believe how many parents handed over their terrified child and basically said, "Have fun, they have never been without me before."

AAAHHHH!!!

Please, please, please.. over the summer find some cute little program through the library or rec center where you drop them off for 20-30 minutes to they get used to the separation. It will make school much easier for all of you.. and maybe me.

 

[katybugsmom]

I am a 4K teacher and I agree with the thread above. If you don't have a summer reading program she can attend maybe she can stay with aunts or uncles or family friends for a few afternoons a week, etc. She will gain confidence knowing she is perfectly safe and happy with other people besides yourself. Everyone has given you great advice! For those first few days you will have to put on your "game face" and exit as soon as possible. The longer you linger the worse it will be for both of you. I am a mother myself and we tell all of our parents that if their child doesn't stop crying in a reasonable amount of time we will certainly call them. I wouldn't want my child staying somewhere where they are absolutely miserable!!!! I have been teaching for 19 years and in all those years I've only had two children that ended up dropping out because they simply weren't ready to be away from home and in a school setting! We get the children up and moving and active as soon as possible so most that are crying stop in less than five minutes.
I wish you the best for you and your daughter!