OT: Racist/Mentally Challenged Jokes - What are your opinions on them?

[WDWGirl91]

My whole family (mother, father, sister) tells/makes racist jokes, as well as jokes making fun of the mentally challenged. I tell them that it isn't right, not to mention ignorant, and they stated that it's "all right that we make them in the privacy of our own home as long as we don't say them out in public." My mother said she has no problems saying them in our house, even though her younger sister is mentally challeneged & handicapped. She stated that she "doesn't mean anything by it" and that she's "just joking" when she says them.

Personally, I don't think they should be said at all, regardless of whether you are out in public or not.

It bothers me even more so when my father tells them because he is racist, so what he saying is actually what he believes. For example, I helped my mother with the laundry and then my father asked me to make him food, and I said no because he was fully capable of doing it himself, and he said, "What? Am I black?" I just stood there, mouth agape. It's ridiculous and incredibly offensive. And because they know it bothers me, they always make sure to tell them when I'm around.

It seems as if I'm the only person who feels this way. I talked to my friends about it, but they just said that I need to "lighten up". They said it's "all in good fun" and that they "don't mean anything by it", so "it's okay to say them in private."

Am I being overly sensitive?

 

[Patti_C]

I don't believe that if you make racist jokes you don't mean anything by it. I have a very hard time with people who make remarks and jokes also. You are not alone when it comes to trying to cope with people who say things. I usually walk away from them to give them the message, I then tell them that I don't like to here that kind of stuff and DO NOT say it in my home.

 

[Nie0214]

If you feel uncomfortable with it, no matter what anyone says here, you'll still be uncomfortable. It's perfectly fine to find such things offensive.

 

[Strangeite]

No you are not being overly sensitive and your intuition is correct. Most people that make racist jokes and then try to "play" them off, do in fact have very racist beliefs but feel they are not socially acceptable. So they joke about it.

Do not let your family and friends pressure you into thinking that something is acceptable that your heart tells you is not.

 

[Strangeite]

I am not suggesting that you actually do this; BUT, if you really wanted them to stop and think about what it is they are saying. Carry a little book around with you and when they tell such a joke, pull the book and start writing it down. When they ask why? Tell them you aren't sure if they are correct about it not being racist, so you are going to ask your (insert appropriate teacher, priest, professor, etc) for a second opinion. They said it wasn't a big deal so they shouldn't be worried. Right?

 

[Goofy'slady]

If it really bothers you then you should have a sit down with your family and let them know how much it bothers you and see if they have a change of heart. Making jokes about someone's physical or mental handicap is not funny, I don't do it and I don't like being around others who do it, but I guess I'm a bit of a hipocrit because I have said things about my race that I know if said around some people they would either be offended about it or at least uncomfortable. Like your family we don't go around making jokes in public but amongst each other in a relaxed atmosphere comments (I wouldn't always call them jokes) have been made. I'm black, so I comment on things common to my culture; my husband is Asian and he makes comments about his race/culture. My BFF is bi-racial-black and Portuguese and she makes jokes about her family and culture. I guess it's all in how your raised. I would never tell someone to lighten up if something bothers you, you have every right to speak up and say what's on your mind.

T.

 

[Erin13178]

I have very strong feelings about making fun of others, whether it be racism, sexism, making fun of mentally handicapped, or even cracking jokes at the expense of other in regards to religion.

My dd is bi-racial (black and white) and I've dealt with straight up racism several times. Actually some of my friends have sent me forwards via text message, and if I don't agree with them, I just tell them that it's offensive to me and not to send me "those types of messages" again.

My philosophy is, you don't know who's dealing with what in life. Until you walk in those shoes, you have no clue.

Also another question I would like to pose to those who are racist is.....If you have a child who needs an organ transplant, and the match is someone of another race, would you rather your child die then to accept an organ from someone that is different then you?

Anyway, I could go on and on about racist remarks that have been made directly to me, but I'll stop now.

 

[HGD24]

I don't like them either. I grew up in a very small town where anyone who was of a different skin color or who had mental or emotional issues was basically made an outcast. Racist and other jokes were very common. To this day when I go back to visit, I hear my now grown up nieces and nephews make negative comments about people who have moved into the town who are of a different race and it just gets my blood boiling!!! I know it's because of the jokes and comments they've heard all their lives. I've read them the riot act more than once, along with my brothers and sisters for saying and then allowing their kids to say such things. There's just no need for it. My family swears the town's acceptance of people has gotten better, but the proof that it hasn't, is in the comments that the younger generations are now making.

 

[SnowWhite607]

I come from the South where racism is seen as no big deal to some. I hate it. My parents use the "N" word all the time, not really in jokes but to talk about someone, usually someone who is a criminal (like they think white people cant commit crimes too?? )

My mother actually said "our neighbor is a black man....and he's a DOCTOR! I couldnt believe they were black, they keep their yard and house so nice and tidy!"

I hate it and I REALLY have to watch it when DD is over there. She goes to school with black kids, white kids, Hispanic kids, etc and she doesnt seem to see color. She knows her little friend ______ has brown skin and her other friend ____ has white skin but it doesnt really make a difference to her.

 

[SnowWhite607]

Oh and she was talking about a friend and how terrible she feels about her kids.

"One boy is in jail, one of the boys is gay and the daughter is shacking up with a N------". No, I am not kidding, She said this. In 2008.

 

[Erin13178]

Ok so here's one of my stories. A couple of years ago I was out with a girlfriend. Well she was hanging out with this guy. We all decided to go to a different bar/club where they play better dance music. So I asked him to go. He asked where we were going and I told him. His exact words to me was, "You mean go to the N***** bar." I said, ummm just so you know, you need to watch who you are saying what to, my child is bi-racial and I find that very offensive. He was shocked, apologized all over himself, and I know he felt like a total jerk, which he should've.

 

[Goofy'slady]

Ok so here's one of my stories. A couple of years ago I was out with a girlfriend. Well she was hanging out with this guy. We all decided to go to a different bar/club where they play better dance music. So I asked him to go. He asked where we were going and I told him. His exact words to me was, "You mean go to the N***** bar." I said, ummm just so you know, you need to watch who you are saying what to, my child is bi-racial and I find that very offensive. He was shocked, apologized all over himself, and I know he felt like a total jerk, which he should've.

I'm sorry something like that was said to you. If I were there I would never taken offense to his comment. First off I doubt he would have said that in the first place if I were there; people sometimes want you to think they're cool when they think another way entirely so he probably wouldn't have made his statement like that. Secondly even if he did I would let it slide. In order for people to hurt me personally I would have to believe what they're saying about me is true and since I know differently I let it roll off my back and they walk away looking like a fool. However, like I said I can take just about anything being said to me and not take offense but the moment you talk about my babies then it's on. I too have a bi-racial child and while no one has made any comments to my face I've had the dishonor of hearing all sorts of things said behind my back. I've even heard someone say "is she babysitting that little white girl?", again not made to my face but within ear shot and my response was "I wish that would mean I could give her back to her mommy and daddy at the end of the day; but since she's my little girl she comes home with me and my husband." The look on their faces was all the satisfaction I needed.

 

[adoptionmomma4]

I grew up and went to school in a pretty diverse city. I honestly didn’t think racism still exhausted to the degree that is does. It boggles my mind that people still think this way in 2008. I didn’t figure it out until we adopted our DD who is AA and we are white. We experienced racism from the first day we got her and continue to do so. The caseworker who was assigned to us after placement didn’t want to leave her with us because she felt she needed to be placed in an AA home where they could properly take care of her hair and skin (the caseworker was AA). After we had her though there was little they could do to take her with out a reason.

We have also faced it in many other situations such as a lady working at the mall said to me:
"Is your baby adopted or are you married to a black man?"

People stare at us all of the time. My DS has big blue eyes and almost white hair and Katie is the polar opposite. So we get a lot of looks. I mostly just smile. When someone asks me if Katie is adopted I say, "I do have adopted children I just don't remember which ones” BTW- they all are, but it is no one's business.

Anyway- to the OP. I am sorry your family makes you feel this way. I would just keep telling them how you feel and hopefully some of it will sink in.

 

[proteus]

I grew up mostly abroad before I came back to the USA after stints in Europe and Asia. Starting college here I went through culture shock. Up until then I didn't differentiate between races, you simply asked people where they were from and it was interesting to learn about other cultures.

My first day at a small town outside the college campus and I saw a sign that said "whites only", this was in 1976!

Personally speaking I think we would be a lot better off if we stopped reporting everything based on ethnic identity. Nixon started this process and I believe it is divisive. As soon as you categorize you create distinctions and the problems follow right after that. They did a study on a college dorm where they made half the students wear uniforms, in a very short time the uniformed students acted differently than their peers in regular clothes.

 

[ChrisandDon'sMommy]

The next time they tell you that it's not wrong invite them to tell the jokes outside of their home. If they say no, then reply with "I guess it's not okay or right, huh?"

Ignorance is ignorance. They know better, but choose not to.

 

[brockash]

I totally agree with you. I would just refuse to be around them when they're like that, not to mention the effect it has on any/all kids in the family. That's just one thing that I can't deal with. My husband used to be very bad about telling or listening to those kinds of jokes, and I'm telling you it used to make me dislike him more and more to the point that I really didn't want to ever be around him. He has since learned that it's just not acceptable ever. Even if it is "in the privacy of their home" it still has an effect, and I know I wouldn't be able to be around that, and you shouldn't have to be either if you don't want to be. Honestly, is there a way for you to not be around them at all? I mean I know they're your family, but if they're rude enough to say those things, and then on top of that say it more in front of you, I'd try to stay away from them. Not sure if you live with them, but I'd try to get out, nothing good comes out of things like that, and no you're not being "overly sensitive." You're being an educated human being who doesn't see a need to be ignorant, and hurt society. I truly feel ignorance is one of our biggest problems as society.

 

[Munchkin'sMommy]

I recently interviewed at a local company in the city where I live. While making small talk with the store manager (she was doing the interview) she made a gay joke. At first I ignored her because I thought by ignoring her and not commenting, she would get the hint and shut up. She didn't. She made the same crack again and I got up and left. It is one thing to make offensive comments to people you know and that is not even acceptable really but to make an offensive comment to someome you just met literally five minutes ago, it is appalling, unprofessional and just plain rude. She actually seemed shocked when I got up and left. I need a job but I don't have to put up that crap. Its vile and disgusting and if I ever heard my son say racist jokes or comments I would have a VERY serious discussion with him that he would remember the rest of his life.

It amazes me that in 2009 people are still so ignorant. Like we say in the south "they just were not raised right my their mamas."

 

[tonilea]

It amazes me that in 2009 people are still so ignorant. Like we say in the south "they just were not raised right my their mamas."

Got a time machine? Sorry, I just couldn't help myself.

Jokes of any sort that make others uncomfortable just show poor manners.

 

[NEDisneyFans]

Am I being overly sensitive?

No, you are not being "overly sensitive" -- you are simply setting boundaries with some friends and/or family members who seem to have different values than you.

While it can be pointless to try to change someone who refuses to see anything wrong with his/her behavior, it is still important to speak up if only to show that not "everyone" believes/acts/talks that way. Especially if there are children/younger people around!

If it is "okay" at home, it would be "okay" anywhere, right?

Good luck

 

[tonilea]

If it is "okay" at home, it would be "okay" anywhere, right?

I think there will always be different standards of behavior at home and in public. At least I hope so. I just can't imagine the belching and farting that might take place if okay at home equals okay anywhere.