OT: Need Potty Training Advice-DD can "hold it" all day!

[Mommy2Abby]

I am hoping you all can give me some advice, and I'll try to be brief. We started working on potty training with DD who turned 3 at the end of March at Christmas time.

I thought all of the "signs" were there...she was staying dry for longer periods of time, would tell you when she went (or was going) and seemed interested in the potty, wanting to sit on it and talking about being a "big girl", not wearing diapers any more, etc.

To make a long story short, after a couple of accidents, DD figured out that she didn't like being wet, but instead of starting to go on the potty, she started holding it ALL DAY...and I mean 12 hours. She will stay dry all day long, and then as soon as she falls asleep at night, the floodgates open and we have a huge mess. Sometimes she wakes up, but sometimes she sleeps through it.

After a few days of this, we gave up, thinking maybe she wasn't ready. We have revisited it several times since then, but with the same results. She will sit on the potty voluntarily, and willingly wears underwear, but WILL NOT go in the potty. Now, even when she is wearing a diaper, she often stays dry all day or most of the day, and then we still have the same mess at night because the diaper can't hold it all.

I'm at a total loss as to what to do. I've tried increasing her liquid intake to see if I could get her to go, but she normally drinks 30+ ounces a day.

I don't want to make pottying a fight, but I'm also sick of washing bedding! Any suggestions?

 

[Jdougherty]

I'm in the middle of the potty dance too I feel your pain. My problem is getting DD to tell us when she needs to go...... Intersted in hearing any advice anyone has on potty training. Have you tried rewards? DD gets stickers and a favorite treat(M&Ms)

 

[zoemurr]

any fun things planned? What we did with DD (who was social and loved to go out) was we stayed home for a few days. I told her we weren't going anywhere until she started using the toilet. It took 3 days.


Even at 8/11 we use the bathroom every time we leave the house for any period ot time. I guess I would try to start that in your routine.

For what it's worth my 11yr old DD holds it all day too. She goes when she wakes up and then around 5pm when she gets home. I don't know how, and I hate it, but she's in middle school, and hasn't had an accident in years.

 

[Mkrop]

When potty training both of my boys the doctor told me to take them every two hours to the bathroom, like clockwork, I even set the timer. You take them in there at the 2 hour mark, and make them try for at least 5-10 minutes. My boys sat with a seat that had the guard on it. We taught them to stand later on. Sometimes they went, sometimes they didnt, but they got into the habit and they started going a lot. then they got to the point of telling me they needed to go.

DS12 was a bear to train and nothing was working until we tried the 2 hour method. I offered every incentive under the sun, he would hand them back to me (matchbox cars).

DS7 I started with the 2 hour method and he was trained much faster than his brother.

GL!

 

[Maggie'sMom]

I agree with the every two hours strategy. Take her and have her sit for a minimum amount of time, 10 minutes maybe. Read to her while she's sitting there. She might get distracted enough to let go. Once she is more used to going regularly, she will. And set up whatever reward works for her. When I was potty-training DD, she got one M&M for trying and four if she went. This was very early on and we graduated to other incentives as she progressed.

 

[Mommee]

DD went through this. First, take her to the doctor to rule out a UTI. If it hurts to go, of course she won't go. Holding it that long can increase the chances of getting one, too. And I'd increase her fluids even more, and avoid any battles of the will.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

My cousin used suckers to keep her kids on the pot while training. She kept dum-dums close at hand and every 90-120 minutes she'd have them sit. They'd get a sucker. If they got up, they lost it; she'd give it back if they stayed seated. If they used the toilet, they got to keep the sucker. It worked great for them and I'm going to use it on DD this summer. She's 1 1/2 but all the signs are there, sometimes she insists on sitting on the toilet but it's not regular. We are REALLY going to practice once I'm off work for the summer (I work at a high school). We've tried the sucker trick before and it worked really well, I'm just not home regularly enough to stick with it right now.

 

[kim532]

My son is scared of the potty, even though he uses it now, I know he is still skeptical of it. Just reward for every attempt whether there is success or not.


Our house #1 is under control but #2 is a battle that is still going strong.

 

[mykidslovesdisney]

DD7 had wetting issues during Kindergarten. We saw a urologist. Every thing was okay physically. What worked the best was getting her a watch that would beep every 2 hours to remind her to use the bathroom. It is the watch telling her to go vs mom/dad telling her.


It goes off 3 times during school. The teacher has been really great with it. The other kids started to make a fuss each time the alarm sounded but the teacher squashed it quickly. The dr did recommend an online store for watch that would vibrate vs beeping. More discreet but it was $70!! w/ bad reviews. The first watch we got was a kids timex that we had to manually reset each time it went off-- too hard for her to do herself. We stopped at the timex outlet and picked up a woman's sport watch w/ the 3 alarms. Works like a charm. She uses it all the time-- it works great at Disney bc we will go before getting on a ride.


For a younger child. I would try the watch. They do sell one that looks like a potty seat for younger children. I think it was under $20. that might put the control back to you dd. It is the alarm telling her to go not you. KWIM?? I always used M&M's as a treat for using the potty too

I am now facing PT my almost 3 yr old DS. I am not sure where to start. I have done this 3 times before but he hasn't shown much interest in the potty. I think when I run out of diaper it will be time to get going.

good luck!

 

[Hannathy]

She wouldn't like me! We would be having a couple very boring days at home sitting on the potty. I would let her go until after lunch and if she hadn't gone then she would be sitting on the potty until she did. I seriously don't understand why things like this are tolerated. I am the most flexible, non stressing mom on the block BUT I don't tolerate just plain foolishness and not going to the bathroom is just that IMO. Some things are just expected and nothing less is tolerated. You behave in public, you use the bathroom, you behave in school, etc. My DS started not saying what he wanted when you asked him at like McDonalds when he was about 3, We would ask and he would just look at you, well it was getting real old, real fast so I told him either you answer or you don't get anything until you do. Only took one time to order and sit down for him to realize he hadn't got any food. Guess what he proceeded to tell us what he wanted and we went and got it.Next time simply reminding him what would happen was all it took.

I would not put diapers on her during the day at all.
Will she use the reg. toilet instead of the potty?

 

[squirrel]

I would explain to her that it's not good for her body to hold it all day. Get some stickers or M&M's and tell her she will get one each time she sits and goes.

It sounds like she is ready, just keep trying. This is something in her life she can control. Make sure she is getting opertunities to make choices (picking out her clothes, book before bed, etc).

 

[Mommy2Abby]

Thanks for the replies everyone! The watch sounds like a good idea. I think I will look in to that. When we first started trying, I would set the kitchen timer for 30 minutes and have her sit on the potty every 30 minutes. She will happily sit for 10 or 15 minutes at a time. We bought a few toys that are "potty toys" that she is only allowed to play with when she is sitting, so she looks forward to that, but nothing ever happens.

She will sit on either the big toilet or the little potty chair, it doesn't seem to make a difference, and I don't get the sense that she's afraid. She tells me she has to go, but then when we go in and sit, nothing happens and after 10 minutes or so she'll say she "doesn't have to go right now". And since she's not having accidents, there's really no negative consequence for not going.

She has a peanut allergy (and absolutely NO sweet tooth--sometimes I wonder whose kid she is ) so candy isn't a great reward for her. We've tried stickers but those don't seem to motivate either.

To the poster who said you would just make her sit on the potty all day...I've basically tried that. She doesn't complain about sitting, she just doesn't go. I also have a 10 month old at home, so sitting with her in the bathroom all day every day isn't really an option.

I will also try to be sure she gets to make more decisions about other things in her life like what she is going to wear or what to have for a snack before bed. I don't know if it's the age or what, but EVERYTHING has become a negotiation with her in the last few weeks. She's starting to drive me nuts!

 

[Hannathy]

Forgot to ask this in my post But what does she say when you ask her why she won't go during the day? How does she answer that question?

If she were mine she better have a darn good reason and be able to defend it.

 

[Mommy2Abby]

She either says she didn't have to go or she doesn't want to go when I ask why she didn't go. If I ask why she doesn't want to go, she says she just doesn't. Not sure what you would consider an acceptable answer, but she's only 3, I'm not expecting an in depth biological or psychological analysis of the problem at hand.

I have asked if she's afraid, but she says no...and truly, it doesn't seem like she is. She sits on the potty, she flushes, she never complains or cries...she just doesn't go.

Interestingly enough, even after 12 hours of not going, I never see her doing the "potty dance" to indicate that she has to go. In all this time that we have been doing this, I've never once seen any outward indication that she has to go, so sometimes, I kind of believe her when she says she doesn't have to

 

[Mkrop]

Also when you take her in every 2 hours (I think 30minutes is too often) run the water in the sink for a minute, it may help.

I never bought into this until after my mom was catherized and then she had to go on her own. She kept trying and they could not get her to go, so finally the nurse sent her in there and turned the faucet on and the floodgates opened (She shoot me if she knew I was sharing this oh well)

 

[perfectparanoia]

Get ready for an overshare. (Though we are talking about potty training so seems like that's okay.)

When I was little, I would wet the bed every night and pee very infrequently during the day (and I was constantly drinking, still do). I also had very little warning when I needed to pee.

Turns out, I had a medical issue. The natural sensor that I needed to go pee didn't work right.

Holding it that long is not something that a little one would want to do if they could really feel it. Especially since she is not ever doing the pee-pee dance, I would have her checked. I had a minor surgery and everything is just fine (okay maybe a little MORE sensitive than I would like but whatever).

(It's either that, or she is severly dehydrated, not going for 12 hours should be super painful. Just give it a whirl, even if you don't drink anything, it will be painful by that time for you, as a grownup.)

 

[barnaby1]

any fun things planned? What we did with DD (who was social and loved to go out) was we stayed home for a few days. I told her we weren't going anywhere until she started using the toilet. It took 3 days.

I quite like this idea. I was going to suggest M&Ms but I notice you say she doesn't do chocolate.
Make sure she doesn't have a UTI as well.
Besides running water putting her hand in a bowl of warm water is quite effect.
Other than that just try spelling it out for her. At 3 she will understand. Put her on the potty at 1 or 2 particular times throughout the day (before lunch, before bath etc) and increase them as she starts to wee. You haven't said whether she has BM in the toilet or not.
Definitely no nappies during the day though and if nothing worked (and any physical reason was ruled out) you could try putting her in pants at night only as well. The feeling of being soaking wet may just make her think going during the day is not such a bad idea (but this is a bit of a last resort).

 

[squirrel]

I forgot about the faucet. That trick usually works.

When I said make sure she has choices through out the day. I mean give her two things like do you want a banana or an apple for snack. Don't say what do you want for snack-it's too big of a choice and will probably cause more problems as she would pick something you don't want her to have. Same with the clothes give her two choices-otherwise she will pick summer clothes in the winter.

 

[Mrs D]

My gut feeling is this is a control thing.

I'm still working with DS4.5 on potty training. Based on another thread I bought a Timex Iron Man watch from Walmart ($38) women's watch. It has 3 alarms as well as a timer. I began by setting the timer every 1 hour. After he got that down we increased by 15 minutes up to 2 hours. By that time he got pretty good at going more frequently. The watch eliminates my nagging and gives him the control. His Pre K teacher is now sharing our success with other parents!

We still use stickers for each time they go potty (DD almost 3 is now potty trained), but the sticker isn't the reward - it's just the marker to the reward. If they need more encouragement then there is a small reward for each row filled, if they are doing well then they get a little bigger reward for a filled chart. We don't eat a lot of sugar cereals so a bowl of fruit loops is a great reward for a completed row. Lightening McQueen cars & Disney princess dolls are out big rewards. Or books too.

For charts I print the countdown calendars from the Creative DISigns. I really like Bayou Mickey's!

 

[Mandychelle79]

My dd was the queen at holding her pee. I would sit on the potty and pour warm water over her girl parts and it worked every time.