**OT: Need parenting advice messge board or forum

[teacups]

Can anyone recommend a really great place to post parenting type questions? I'm having a heck of a day and could use some advice from caring moms and dads.... Thanks.

 

[drivencrazy]

Why not post here? Lots of family's that I think would be willing to give you their input.

 

[teacups]

Thanks! I will then!

I have had a bunch of unhealthy issues creep up in my parenting. And I think I'm going bonkers a bit. I seem to find problems, or they seem to find me, and its always somethign to do with my kids.
1. My pediatricians nurse hung up on me and then lied to the doctor about it, so I got mad and left the office Ive been taking my kids to for 5 years rather than have to see this nurse again.
2. The doors to the school were not being locked like they are supposed to be. It's a safety concern and district policy is that they be locked... but the principle wsnt doing it and didnt care. I went over his head, complained and got it fixed.
3. The preschool where my son is/was going wont disipline the boys who get crazy with over-activity... until someone gets hurt. Which happened. So I pulled him out and am taking him to a new school.
4. The dentist (a new doctor for us) today told me his policy is that parent wait in the waiting room and not come inside when the child is being treated. My child is 4 and I wont have that. Now Im looking for a new dentist.

This has been just the past month and a half.

What the heck is wrong with me???????????????????????

 

[northriver]

babycenter.com is a great resource. I started going there when I was preggers and met a great group of friends. There are forums for any parenting issue you can imagine, as well as birth clubs that are based on the month and year your child was born - or maybe just the year for older children. I wan't able to use the site as much when I was on dial up - too slow loading. It also is the most unstable website I have ever used - way too many glitches and crashes - but I think/hope it has gotten better in recent months. But if you can get past that, there are some really wonderful people there! You'll find friends and support - oh and a place to vent!

For example, I did read there that LOTS of dentist examine the children alone. It is totally common! Alot of moms are not comfortable with the idea. Just so you know you are totally not alone there either!

 

[TupperMom]

Thanks! I will then!

I have had a bunch of unhealthy issues creep up in my parenting. And I think I'm going bonkers a bit. I seem to find problems, or they seem to find me, and its always somethign to do with my kids.
1. My pediatricians nurse hung up on me and then lied to the doctor about it, so I got mad and left the office Ive been taking my kids to for 5 years rather than have to see this nurse again.
2. The doors to the school were not being locked like they are supposed to be. It's a safety concern and district policy is that they be locked... but the principle wsnt doing it and didnt care. I went over his head, complained and got it fixed.
3. The preschool where my son is/was going wont disipline the boys who get crazy with over-activity... until someone gets hurt. Which happened. So I pulled him out and am taking him to a new school.
4. The dentist (a new doctor for us) today told me his policy is that parent wait in the waiting room and not come inside when the child is being treated. My child is 4 and I wont have that. Now Im looking for a new dentist.

This has been just the past month and a half.

What the heck is wrong with me???????????????????????

Okay, I am not an expert on parenting, but I do have five children - so I think I know a few things at least!

The only situation listed in your post where I think you may have overreacted is the pediatrician. If you were happy with the pediatrician, I would not have changed Dr's because the nurse hung up on you. Was there a reason she could have hung up on you - were you yelling or being unreasonable or anything like that? I'm not accusing you, but if there is no reason why she would have hung up on you, maybe she hung up by accident? I used to work in a busy office setting, and did hang up on customers in error serveral times. They usually called right back and I would apologize - some accepted the apology and some were still pissed off

You were perfectly in your right as a parent to insist that the doors to the school be locked if they are supposed to be. Our school district has one door open and they say everyone has to check into the office before proceeding through the school, but I don't feel that is adequate. I wish they had someone sitting out front like they did after 9/11. Anybody can walk into the school and be in the classrooms before they were stopped. Not likely, but ya never know.

As for the preschool, not sure of all the details, but again, you are the parent and you have to do what you can to protect your child.

As for the dentist, is he crazy? In this day and age he is setting himself up for a lawsuit in not letting the parents in there. What happens if the child says they were abused in his office? How would he prove otherwise. Not a smart policy for him. Get another dentist who is family friendly. The only time our dentist doesn't allow the parents in the room is during xrays, and then I am right outside the room and the door is open, so it's all safe.

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with you, though it does seem that you are being put to the test on all sides lately. Good luck because it will go on for the rest of their childhood!

 

[rt2dz]

The only thing I can say is that is pretty standard for pediatric dentists. Usually, they allow the parent to sit in the corner of the room for the first visit and after that it is a dental assistant and the dentist only because kids generally handle the whole thing way better if the parent is in the waiting room v. the dental room. The child is never left alone and there is usually two adults to make sure everything is safe and on the up and up.

But, if it does make you uncomfortable, even if with just that dentist, find another dentist. Family dentists are less likely to have those policies. They are also less likely to be set up to put the child at ease (kid music, toys, tv, etc).

 

[Parla]

To me it just sounds like you are like the rest of us. Just doing your best to be a good parent. You do seem to be getting some extra tests recently but it seems like you are handling them and seeking out advice to see if there is a better way never hurts (of course on the internet I've found you need some thick skin).

The only one I felt qualified to comment on because of "been there done that" was the dentist. When my son was three he had four cavities! I know, I'm horrible! Everyone I ever talked to said breast feeding wouldn't do that but the dentist we ended up with swears that breast feeding over a year will do that. I'm still not sure about any facts on that one but we needed to find a dentist because mine and DH's didn't feel comfortable doing it since he wouldn't sit still for her. She gave us the info on basically the only pediatric dentist on this side of town. I happened to remember the name being the one that our pediatrician recommended to us a bit earlier. When I called they also said no way to parents coming back and then said they had a board they could strap little ones to that squirmed too much. I thought they were nuts and immediately called our dentist back. She had no idea that they had that rule and gave me the info for the dentist her nephews have used their entire lives. He is on the other side of town and a 40 minute drive but when I called his office the people were so nice and asked how old my son was. When I said 3 they said they would never dream of having a parent wait outside for someone so young. They even let the younger ones sit on the parents lap. The doctor looked at his teeth (he proved to be a challenging patient) and sent us home with one of the rubber nose covers for the laughing gas so DS could play with it and get used to it. He also gave us a prescription for some medicine that would calm him before we got there. DS ended up laughing through the whole procedure and telling the dentist how great he was. Where is the dang camcorder when you need it! The dentist said that he doesn't like pediatric dentists that refuse to allow parents and makes use of the boards (DS had never even been with a babysitter at that point) because he believes that's how you create people that are deathly afraid of dentists.

Sorry to ramble but the real kicker to this one is EVERYONE I know on this side of town uses the dentist I refused to go to. So of course sometimes I think "I" must be the crazy one but the kids love their dentist so much. Now I'm just afraid he will retire before they are over the need of him.

A 40 minute drive twice a year is well worth my peace of mind.

 

[wdwfamilyinIL]

As a mother of three, I think you handled everything great. I have changed a doctor's office because of a staff member, and I don't regret it. While I may have loved that doctor, it wasn't worth it to me to deal with unhonesty. In reference to your case, what would happed if you needed that nurse for something, she proved that you can't trust her. Great doctor or not, I say you did the right thing.
While I do agree with you on the dentist, I would like to offer my personal experience. When I was younger, 7 or so, I was taken to a dentist to have a tooth pulled. His office had this same policy, no parents in the room. He had a great rep, so my mom had no problem with that policy. He pulled the tooth, even though it was abcessed, and that I cried for him to stop. When my mom tried to come back, they stoped her and said they had everything under control. Over 20 years later, I am afraid of the dentist. I make myself go because I know I have too, but my nerves are shot. I was mentally scared because of this, and in no situation would I ever allow my children to go through the same situation. Sometimes your gut feeling is there for a reason, and I think its great that you listen to it. I know that there are several situations that turn out fine, but knowing I was on the other end....well what more can I say.
It's easy to see that you look out for your children, and that makes a great parent. I have had similar problems with schools also, and it's nice to see that I am not the only one that complains about the needed security.

 

[Oceana]

Discipline all depends on what kind of parent you choose to be. Personally I would rather my son's school not discipline him without me... but my kid is 3 1/2 and attending his first school just now so we may be in 2 different age groups

as for the dentist... my kid my way. Too many doctors and dentists are accused of child abuse and molestation for my comfort. If I am unable to attend my kid... we find another dentist

 

[MrsBanks]

1. My pediatricians nurse hung up on me . . . don't know the whole story but maybe the office was busy and she became distracted and disconnected you? If you like the doctor, go back (we all make mistakes)
2. The doors to the school were not being locked . . . I would have a huge problem with this too, I'd go right to the top to insure it NEVER happens again
3. The preschool . . . if you disagree with their policies, obviously a new school is what is needed
4. The dentist . . . there is no bleeping way that would happen - I'm in Jersey and I recall a dentist here (West New York I think) that was accused of breaking children's bones during the exams and claiming it was accidental (parent's were never in the exam room)

What the heck is wrong with me???????????????????????

see my "expert" answers above

BTW There is nothing wrong with trying to protect our children.

 

[2Monkeys]

Just to add another .02 to the dentist thing -

When I was a kid, I had to have braces and was at the dentist alot. Ours also had the 'no parent' policy. When kids would get upset, the dentist would put his hand over the kids mouth and tell them to shut up - he even did it to my sister once. Why we never told my mom, I"m not sure; maybe we were scared. Anyway, years later we found out that the dentist was arrested for cocaine possession/use. Explains alot...

My point is, that I would NEVER EVER EVER allow my child to go into a dentist or doctor's office without me. I had a hard enough time when my DD had to have surgery & I couldn't go in the OR!! One of my DD's doctors told me one time to always go with my 'mother's instinct' b/c he had never known that to be wrong. Go with your gut!!!

 

[jiminy]

Personally I would rather my son's school not discipline him without me... but my kid is 3 1/2 and attending his first school just now so we may be in 2 different age groups

Really? You would expect to be there when he is disciplined? I'm just curious, what kind of discipline are we talking about here. I wouldn't expect to be called in just for a timeout.

 

[CrzyforPiglet]

I think you've just hit a round of bad luck and hopefully it is all behind you now!

I also wanted to add that we changed our pediatrician b/c of the office staff. They weren't rude but made several scheduling errors - wrong doctor, wrong date, etc. and we also had problems with them not returning calls. I loved our ped but we just couldn't handle the staff anymore. We now have a new doctor that we love just as much and her office staff are amazing! Follow your instinct and you'll find more times than not you're probably right.

 

[kribit]

You know the saying...Feast or Famine. I think all these things just came at the same time. Hopefully, going forward will be better.

Do you have pediatric dentists in your area? We just took our children to a dentist who specializes in pediatrics only, and they were wonderful. My kids LOVED, yes I said LOVED the dentist. DH and I were both able to sit there while their teeth were being cleaned and the the dentist (who goes by his first name) came in to have a conversation with our kids. I so wish we had this type of dentist when we were little. I agree...I wouldn't let my child be seen without me sitting there (4 is still very young, especially where it CAN be scary).

 

[loveysbydesign]

The forums at mommysavers.com are awesome. They're very active and well organized and the moms on there have some great advice! Check it out!

 

[Oceana]

Really? You would expect to be there when he is disciplined? I'm just curious, what kind of discipline are we talking about here. I wouldn't expect to be called in just for a timeout.

Oh no go ahead place him in a time out... I guess I assume when we are talking "disipline" we mean more than a time out or talking to my kid about his behaviour

also

discipline for repeated activity where someone gets hurt and enough trouble to pull my kid out of the school... is prob serious enough that I should be involved. The OPs comment was the "preschool wouldnt disipline boys who get crazy with over activity... until someone gets hurt" this sounds liek a recurring issue. Anything beyond time out or something for a repeated behavior should be done WITH me

 

[jiminy]

Gotcha. That makes sense. If a teacher had to repeatedly discipline my child for something, then we should both be involved in a plan to change that behavior.

 

[Disneyforus]

Can anyone recommend a really great place to post parenting type questions? I'm having a heck of a day and could use some advice from caring moms and dads.... Thanks.

Ivillage.com is great, they have every imagineable forum for just about anything related to parenting. I have used them for the last 10 yearrs.

 

[devotedchristian]

I also recommend:

http://mothering.com/

http://parents.com/

Between these 2 sites and Babycenter.com, I feel so "not alone" in my quest of Motherhood.

 

[Monkeyfeet]

mothering.com