OT: Need advice about swimming lessons

[TakeMe2Disney]

DS (20 months) and I have been to 2 swimming lessons and so far it's been horrible! Last summer my son was a fish. You couldn't get him out of the pool ever. All of sudden he seems terrified. He screams and cries, tells me he's all done and has a flat out melt down. I feel awful even thinking about taking him to one more class. I know it's good for him to start getting used to water now, but this last class was traumatic for both of us. I just finished crying for a half an hour before deciding to post on here.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Did anything seem to help ease the fear? Any suggestions to help would be greatly appreciated. I just don't want to keep going if both us are going to leave in tears. Thanks!

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Ok, so here's the update. DH went with us to class on Tuesday and went in the pool with DS. For about 10 minutes DS was not happy, wanted out and kept calling for me. However, the teacher in the class really worked to help get them both involved and DS started to kick his feet and splash his hands. It was a start.

Today I took him and wow! what a difference! He cried when we arrived at the pool, but as soon as we got in he started to do much better. He kicked, he laughed, he went on his back and kicked and he went under the water 3 times. Not only that, but he didn't swallow water!! He was giving the other kids high fives, telling them they did a good job and announcing "I did it" to anyone who would listen. Thank you for all the advice. It really helped me keep a calm approach to the situation and things are really looking up!

 

[d1sneyf4n]

Ok here is my 2 sense. I put both my kids thru ISR(Infant Swimming Rescue) and with my daughter she could have cared less what they were having her do and she was 18 months, I believe. My son on the other hand was not so happy. He was 20 months and miserable for a good deal of the lessons until he gained the confidence he needed to succeed. Because my daughter went thru this program and I saw other children being very upset about the process, I knew how to react with my son. He was crying and fussing and yelling for me but I knew he was fine. He was in no danger at all. I just kept a smile on my face and kept telling him he can do it. I was his biggest fan and did nothing but cheer him on. I know it is hard but you can not let your little one see you upset. They feed off your emotions and if they see you upset then they may think that there is actually something to be upset about. I know you said last year your little one was a fish but they older they get the more aware they are. This, right now is all new. I say give it a chance and make sure you are the cheering section. Good Luck.

 

[aidtrismommy]

I have the same problem with my son. It is fine now, but it started when he was 2.5 . He used to do fine in swimming until he was old enough for us to start letting go and he had to actually do more stuff on his own. He would scream and cry and refuse to get in. He hated every second of it. He would also hold on for dear life to whoever was holding him in the water. We just kept at it. I knew he was safe and okay the whole time. Little by little, I would let go just a little, and eventually he realized he was doing it on his own he was sooooo proud. Now things are fine, he can't swim alone or anything, but he can do it holding onto something . My advice, just keep going, know that he is okay and will get through it. Be positive and firm. Remind him constantly that it is okay and he is okay. It will get better.

 

[adventure_woman]

I would try to keep him in the lessons. Talk to him and see if he can tell you why he is scared. Maybe take a big bath w/ him in your own tub, and try to explain to him that it is just like swimming, but in a bigger area. Tell him mommy will NOT let him go.

One suggestion for the future is, don't STOP taking the lessons. My Dd has been in lessons since before she was a year old. She is now 2 1/2. Only during the summer do we stop, but ONLY because my mom has a pool and we are in it every day. I didn't stop during the winter, because I was afraid that she might develop a fear.

Good luck!

 

[RMulieri]

I have the same problem with My 5 YR OLD. She was a fish 2 summers ago, and had no fear. This past year she flipped everytime she went near the water.People must have thought I was torturing her. I am not stopping the lessons though.We keep talking and I stay where she can see me.I think it is a trust thing partially.I really need to keep up with it. I have a pool in my yard, and a boat we go on the lake with frequently in the summer, and being able to swim and know water safety is real important.

 

[oddBotkins]

My wife teaches swimming lessons. In the circumstance you just described she would ask the parent(s) if they mind "leaving". At least go some place where the child cannot see you. The parent's presence seems to keep the child in control of the situation. The trainer cannot gain the childs confidence and trust becuase the child. Good trainers will of course calm the child once the parent is "gone" and resume training.

 

[timzagain]

That happened to one of our DD's and it was another year and a half before we could convince to go to the pool again. She was fine at the beach but she'd totally freak out about swimming lessons. Much to my surprise, she eventually went on to competitive swimming! DH's niece did the same thing- screamed and fussed about swimming lessons when she was little and went on to dominate her age group for about 3 years in competitive swimming.

Another friend had a similar experience - for her, it took a change of instructors to get the child to come around.

It's better to take a break from the lessons for a while (maybe a few weeks, possibly a few months) than to force the issue and wind up with a child that fears/ hates the water. I've seen that happen quite often too.

My DD's "break" from swimming lessons wasn't totally water-free - I took her to the beach regularly, and she became very comfortable in the water, at her own pace.

 

[TakeMe2Disney]

Thank you for the responses. Just to clarify, these lessons are parent participation required. I'm with him the entire time in the pool. I don't let go of him. The class is a lot of songs and moving in a circle, etc. It's not really teaching him to swim, but more to get him used to being in the water and going under. It's just so weird that he swam at the CBR pool in December like it was nothing and now he's petrified to go near it(must be that Disney magic). I just wasn't expecting this phase to hit so quickly and with only this activity. Everything else, this boy is fearless!

 

[allyphoe]

My DD was never a big fan of the water, but she went from marginally OK with it to completely freaked out, with no apparent trigger. We tried parent in the water, different parent with her, parent out of the water but visible, parent in a different room, group lessons, private lessons, private lessons with a different teacher known to be good with fearful kids, unstructured fun time in the pool outside of lessons. Nothing worked. She was fine sitting on the steps in the shallow end, as long as no one splashed near her. Anything more watery than that, and she'd cry, get out of the pool, and refuse to participate. Eventually, the school requested we withdraw her.

She has no issue with the Disney pools, although she does still go to great lengths to keep water out of her face.

 

[brergnat]

I'm a firm believer that you cannot push a child into the water before they are ready.

A child is not READY to learn to swim (properly) until at LEAST age 3-4. Before that, they can learn very basic water safety (roll over, float, etc.) that can be useful if they happen to fall into a pool/lake, etc. but that is really only necessary if you happen to have a pool in your backyard, as an extra measure of precaution. Those lessons where the parents are involved are really a waste of money, I think. If you will have a pool available during the summer to use, you can do that stuff on your own!

I went through the same thing with my older son. He's almost 5 now, and JUST had his second "official" private swim lesson yesterday. He loves it, and he's doing really well. BUT, this is only because I waited THIS LONG to enroll him in lessons. We live in an apt. complex with a large jr. olympic sized pool, as well as a kiddie pool. We have been taking him into it since he was about 6 months old, so he has never been a stranger to the water.

He has autism, so he has gone through MANY phases with the pool. He has gone from love it, like it, scared of it, only want to use the kiddie pool, only want to sit on the steps, only want to sit on the edge, only want to swim with shoes on, only want to swim with a floatation vest, only will swim with arm floats, won't jump in from side, LOVES to jump in from side, won't put face in, LOVES to put face in, scared of goggles, LOVES goggles and looking underwater, etc. You can see how it's been.

Through all these phases, we've just done what makes him comfortable. There were times where he would cling to us like a monkey, and scream and cry if we tried to let him go. Then, the next day, it seemed, he would be off in the pool, paddling away exploring (with arm floats on). It's all about making it FUN and just going with your child.

If he's scared, let him be scared. Get out of the pool and try again another day. Forcing him to stay in, kicking and screaming, and obviously terrified, is going to just prolong his fear of the water.

If he were older, I'd perhaps also suggest private lessons, and "leaving" (going into an observation area where you can see him, but he can't see you). Obviously, this is not the case. He is still a baby! He is afraid, and that's okay. There should not be expectations to love the water at this age. It's a HUGE scary space that he cannot explore freely...it's to be expected! As toddlers get older and more independent, they develop fears, and it's totally normal!

I would hold off on the lessons for now. Wait until he's MUCH older to actually enroll him in swim lessons. Closer to 4 years old is when kids actually have the capacity to learn the muscle movements/breath control involved in learning the strokes and coordination involved in swimming successfully.

 

[aidtrismommy]

My son was also in the parent/child swim class that you explained. Same kind of thing, getting used to the water, singing songs as a group, putting each ear in the water to get accustomed to it, etc. Maybe you could have someone else take him and see what happens. My dad started to take my son because I thought it might be better for someone different to do it and to have a little "man time" (my sons father lives in another state) I think it worked out well. He might react a little differently with another adult taking him, he may be more receptive to it. Just an idea.

 

[Lstar311]

My son is 22 months old and we went through a similar thing in his music class. I found that repition helped the most. I would sing the songs at home a lot and play the CD and make it really fun and a big deal. Could you do the same thing at home w/ the songs? What if you had him sing them with you in the bathtub to "practice/show off" for daddy or another adult? Teach his stuffed animals the songs? Just keep incorporating the songs into your daily life, boring I know! If it was my son and he really hated it, I'd still go but probably stay out of the water/on the steps until he asked to go in or agreed to it, I don't think I'd force him in the water. Good luck, I really hope it works out for you!

 

[mom2meiko]

my husband runs an aquatics dept so i asked his opinion on this. he says that large pools especially during lesson times can be really loud and confusing.

he suggests giving him some time to enjoy the water in a quieter environment - maybe in the bathtub or something until he really starts to love it and then try reintroducing him to the pool as he's ready.

i'm not an expert but as a mom i'd say it's not worth forcing him into the water. the last thing you want to do is create an environment that will make him hate the water.

good luck!

 

[d1sneyf4n]

I'm a firm believer that you cannot push a child into the water before they are ready.

A child is not READY to learn to swim (properly) until at LEAST age 3-4. Before that, they can learn very basic water safety (roll over, float, etc.) that can be useful if they happen to fall into a pool/lake, etc. but that is really only necessary if you happen to have a pool in your backyard, as an extra measure of precaution. Those lessons where the parents are involved are really a waste of money, I think. If you will have a pool available during the summer to use, you can do that stuff on your own!

I went through the same thing with my older son. He's almost 5 now, and JUST had his second "official" private swim lesson yesterday. He loves it, and he's doing really well. BUT, this is only because I waited THIS LONG to enroll him in lessons. We live in an apt. complex with a large jr. olympic sized pool, as well as a kiddie pool. We have been taking him into it since he was about 6 months old, so he has never been a stranger to the water.

He has autism, so he has gone through MANY phases with the pool. He has gone from love it, like it, scared of it, only want to use the kiddie pool, only want to sit on the steps, only want to sit on the edge, only want to swim with shoes on, only want to swim with a floatation vest, only will swim with arm floats, won't jump in from side, LOVES to jump in from side, won't put face in, LOVES to put face in, scared of goggles, LOVES goggles and looking underwater, etc. You can see how it's been.

Through all these phases, we've just done what makes him comfortable. There were times where he would cling to us like a monkey, and scream and cry if we tried to let him go. Then, the next day, it seemed, he would be off in the pool, paddling away exploring (with arm floats on). It's all about making it FUN and just going with your child.

If he's scared, let him be scared. Get out of the pool and try again another day. Forcing him to stay in, kicking and screaming, and obviously terrified, is going to just prolong his fear of the water.

If he were older, I'd perhaps also suggest private lessons, and "leaving" (going into an observation area where you can see him, but he can't see you). Obviously, this is not the case. He is still a baby! He is afraid, and that's okay. There should not be expectations to love the water at this age. It's a HUGE scary space that he cannot explore freely...it's to be expected! As toddlers get older and more independent, they develop fears, and it's totally normal!

I would hold off on the lessons for now. Wait until he's MUCH older to actually enroll him in swim lessons. Closer to 4 years old is when kids actually have the capacity to learn the muscle movements/breath control involved in learning the strokes and coordination involved in swimming successfully.

I am not trying t start any type of argument here but I just wanted to inform all that a child can drown in 2 feet of water very easily. You mention that the safety a child can learn at a young age is only good if you have a pool/pond.........well a child/infant/toddler can drown in the toilet or even the bath tub. Both of my children have went thru the IRS program that teaches water safety but the only sure fire way to prevent a drowning is for an adult to be supervising while in the water. And just as an FYI both my children who went thru the program before they were 2 could swim around the pool with great confidence. But with that said, not all children are the same. Sorry if I offended anyone.

 

[bearlyanne]

Is the temp of the pool dramtically different than what he was in last summer? If so, maybe you can change programs to a different warmer pool. It made a BIG difference in our classes.

 

[SmallWorld71]

Here's my 2 cents:

I have three children (13,10,6) who all are good swimmers and love to swim! We live 4 houses from the ocean and swim regularly in pools as well. ALL of them (especially the oldest) went through a stage around your son's age where they really didn't want to be COMPLETELY IN the water, didn't like having their hair washed because of water in their faces etc... They were all very happy in the water at that age as long as it was on THEIR TERMS which meant the beach and the kiddie pools where they could control how wet they were getting. My BTDT suggestion would be to temporarily lay off the swimming lessons and work on bringing the joy of water back to you and your DS. You have plenty of time for him to actually learn how to swim. And while I completely agree with PP who mentioned that a child could drown in a bathtub, at this age, it is good supervision not swimming ability that will keep a child safe.

 

[brergnat]

And while I completely agree with PP who mentioned that a child could drown in a bathtub, at this age, it is good supervision not swimming ability that will keep a child safe.

Thank you. I was just going to post this.

Of course a child can drown in 2 inches of water in a bathtub...or in a toilet or bucket. BUT, if a toddler falls head first into a bucket or toilet, NO amount of "swim training" or IRS program certification will save them...that's simple physics of weight distribution...they will NOT be able to get out, their heads are too heavy. That is where parent responsibility/supervision comes in.

My point was that these classes (parent & me) are designed to get your baby accustomed to the water. They are NOT swim lessons. If your baby hates it, it's time to stop and try again later.

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

DS (20 months) and I have been to 2 swimming lessons and so far it's been horrible! Last summer my son was a fish. You couldn't get him out of the pool ever. All of sudden he seems terrified. He screams and cries, tells me he's all done and has a flat out melt down. I feel awful even thinking about taking him to one more class. I know it's good for him to start getting used to water now, but this last class was traumatic for both of us. I just finished crying for a half an hour before deciding to post on here.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Did anything seem to help ease the fear? Any suggestions to help would be greatly appreciated. I just don't want to keep going if both us are going to leave in tears. Thanks!

I am going to disagree with most of the posters so far, but I would NOT keep him in this class. The only purpose of swimming classes for toddlers this age should be something fun to do with the parent or another caregiver, it's not really a 'swimming lesson'. If it's not fun anymore, for either of you, I would not keep pushing it. Give it a break for a few months and try again if you want, but if you keep pushing him, you could end up doing more harm than good.

I am a former American Red Cross Water Safety Instructor and over the years I taught literally hundreds of children in swimming lessons. I have seen very negative consequences when parents try to force children to participate in these types of classes.

 

[TakeMe2Disney]

I guess I should have been more specific. The "classes" we are going to are not to teach him how to swim on his own. They are more just like play classes in the pool. I'm with him the entire time and holding him. I don't ever let him go, nor would I at this age. I wouldn't let him anywhere near water by himself.

Thanks for all the suggestions. We've decided to try having my husband take him to the next group and if he really hates it still then we'll just stop. Hopefully he'll be happier swimming in our pool this summer, but I'm not going to push the issue. He's a pretty darn fearless kid and I'd like to make sure not too push him in to having one.

 

[PA Princess]

OP sounds like you have a reasonable plan for the future for your child.

I am a former lifeguard, swim instructor, and coach. We have four kids (ages 4, 8, 13, and 14) and we live at pools all year round because all but the youngest swim competitively. I have spent a lot of time with kids and pools.

Couple of thoughts...

I think the issue with your son is honestly more of a developmental stage than a problem with the water. In December, he did not have the mental faculties to be afraid of the pool...you were there, it seemed pleasant, and all was good.

At 20 months he is developing cognitive skills that allow a higher order of thinking. Something along the lines of...my feet are not touching a solid surface, and I might fall, I am afraid! etc.

Many kids around 2 developed fears of things they have never feared before. I think when you have a fearless child, it especially catches you off guard and as parents we may be more concerned than we need be (in other words - been there and done that ).

Our second son was a fearless boy as a toddler, but out of no where at about 20 months he developed an awful fear of the machine that moves the background at portrait studios - he was terrified!

We tried several ways around this fear, but in the end it was exactly what my mom and ped said would happen - he out grew the fear as his thinking skills increased. So for a year or two we selected one background for all photo shots and never had him in the room when the machine moved.

Also, wanted to add like another that even though mine all swim like fish now (well not the 4 year old just yet) they all at one point or another had some fear of the water. Fear is healthy - tells us there is danger. Having a healthy fear of water as a young child is not a bad thing all together.